Matthew's birth- my vbac

[kadownie]

Hi all,

this is very long- sorry- I ramble a bit!

I thought that while I have some time I would sit down and share Matthew's birth...hope I get it all down before he or the twins wake up.

I'll start at the beginning... my twins were born by emergency c-section after being induced at 38 weeks- maybe sometime soon I will write up their birth story- but after their birth I really struggled with what had happened and my response to birth etc...won't really go into it now- but basically suffered with a lot of anxiety and maybe even PTSD...

fast forward a couple of years and I'm pregnant again. While I was really hoping to have another baby at some stage, I really didn't feel ready for another baby just yet- but what do you do. My DH wasn't thrilled either...anyway.

Now I know this isn't very natural- but I needed to know if I was having twins- as well as get my dates in order- so I had a scan..which came back with me being 6 weeks preg (I still think I was at least 7 weeks..) and one baby. So that was good. I contacted the Mater immediately and self referred to the Midwifery Group Practice- I'm a little involved with the Mater and so I knew that's what I wanted- I also asked for a particular midwife who I had felt a connection with on meeting her at an earlier time. I was very happy to have confirmed that I'd been accepted despite my
'vbac status'- I did really want a homebirth- but DH wasn't really keen and I just didn't need the fight- I knew that I'd be well looked after at the Mater (helps when you have family that work there..) and I knew that having my own midwife and doula would help me to be in the best environment for me to birth.

I found this pregnancy quite stressful- mainly because I knew it would be quite awful to go through labour and then possibly end up needing a c-section. In the end I came to the conclusion that I had done all I could- and that I just needed to trust my body and go with it. The chance of rupture was very minimal- and there wasn't really anything I could do to stop a rupture if it was going to happen. Of course I discussed with my midwife all the 'I won't have continuous monitoring, iv blah blah blah..) and we worked all of that out and it was all fine. I was a bit apprehensive that maybe in labour a doctor would come and put pressure on me- but after talking with my mw about those fears- I felt quite reassured (I know now though that I would have told a doctor where to go...I was very bossy in labour..)

Anyway- labour. I was 41 weeks. Got up nice and early and went for a swim- it was a lovely day and I really enjoyed being in the cool water and streching out. My mw came over mid morning to do my antenatal check, and to do the induction discussion...mainly for my DH benefit as I wasn't prepared to do really anything until after 42 weeks- other than a scan and EFM- and then only something if it was medically indicated..I had decided though that I would accept a s&s- So my mw performed that lovely task- she informed me that she didn't think I'd birth today- as my cervix still had a way to efface and it was quite rigid at the back. She said I was 1cm but she could stretch me to 3cm. I was really disappointed as I had imagined she'd examine me and tell me that I was 4cm- and that it would happen really soon. so I moped around for the rest of the day. I did have a heavy feeling for a couple of hours, but no contractions or braxton hicks all day.

The evening came and I was feeling really foul- snapping at DH and at the kids- in the end DH took the kids out to his Mum's for a bath (really weird behaviour for him) I was grateful to spend some time on my own. I had some quiet time and took the oppourtunity to do some emotional cleansing. I listened to some music and had a big sob...then I spent a bit of time journalling about how I was feeling about birthing and becoming a mum again- basically what came out was that I didn't want to birth or become a Mum again...I felt really bad for feeling that way but decided it was better to acknowledge how I was feeling rather than trap it inside and let it fester- I now know that I was just a bit scared of all the changes and whether I could handle it..

Then I decided that I would try and do something to maybe help labour along-again- not completely natural or trusting my body- i used some EPO on my cervix and gave myself an enema- though I felt ok about it at the time- now I kind of feel that I shouldn't have done that as really I wasn't trusting my body or baby to birth in it's own time (same with the s&s)- however I felt (and still do) that the thought of having to deal with the hospy again wasn't something I wanted to do- too much effort..

anyway- I decided I should lie down and have a rest- as the kids would be back and that's why they went out in the first place. At 7:40pm I had my first contraction- I knew it was for real- don't know why cause it wasn't much different to the BH I'd been having for a few weeks. 7:50 another one, 8pm another one- I then decided that I needed to burn my relaxation cd onto my mp3 player- in case I needed it for the labour. 8:12 another one- 8:18- another one- ****- they're getting closer- I got up and called Mark's Mum to make sure they were on their way home so I could get the kids in bed and then relax.

I sat on the birth ball and talked to Mark's Mum- yes, he was on his way home. She chatted on about stuff- suggesting tomorrow that we go down to the foreshore for a walk...my contractions were still coming, I could still talk through them but preferred not to- had probably 5 while we talked. Mark thankfully then turned up. He made a comment about playing golf the next day- I looked at him and informed him that I don't think he would be able to play. He said later that he knew when he walked in that I was in labour- had this look about me (which he remembered from when I was in labour with the twins.)

[kadownie]

The twins of course wanted me to read them a story..I tried to encourage them to pick a short one- no- the nursery ryhme book Mum- so we sit down on our bed to read- I figured that reading etc would slow things down a bit- or stop ctxns if it wasn't the real thing. Bed time can be pretty stressful at times- I have never sung the book so quickly. Half way through I had a real bitey ctxn and decided it would be better if I got on my hands and knees- the kids thought this was kind of weird- but funny. So I'm singing 'hey diddle diddle' wiggling my bum in the air- kind of funny to look back on. I think I asked Mark at this time to call my Mum and let her know I was in early labour.

When I'd finished reading and singing I asked Mark to put the kids to bed as I was starting to feel like I needed to lie down or something- biggest tantrum ever from the kids- ok- don't need that now so I'll do the question time, prayers and blessing. So I'm standing by the bed rocking my hips asking the kids all about their day (very quickly), saying their prayers and giving them their blessing. I remember Ellie asking me at one point what I was doing- I told her I just had a pain in my tummy and that it helped to rock..(we had read 'Hello baby' a lot- so I think she knew what that meant.) They settled well and so I went off to call my doula and mw.

I called my doula- no answer at her house- I didn't leave a msg but called her mobile instead- no answer so I left her a message telling her I was in early labour and that I'd call her when I needed her. I think it was around 9pm- I then called my MW and told her what was happening- she asked me the usual questions- I told her my ctxns were kind of close but they weren't all that long. I had a couple while we talked on the phone and was able to talk through them fine- though they weren't comfy. She suggested I take a panadol and have a shower and go to bed as it may slow down- and just call her back when or if I needed to.

this is where it starts to get hazy. I'm not sure if what I write now is the beginning of transition or if things are even in order. I remember thinking things were getting too fast too quickly- and that there was no time in between my ctxns..I suddenly realized I hadn't eaten all day and that I needed to eat something as it's important to eat and drink in labour (all of my doula stuff kept popping into my head.) I'm not sure but I think I had a quick shower at this point (the hot water was lovely..) but realized that things were still happening quickly- so I should lie down- that slows labour down- at some point Mark decided it would be a good time to go through my labour bag- so he knew where everything was- so we did that. I remember asking him (bossing him) to hurry up with my toast- I need to eat in labour!! And then I started turning on all the lights- cause that will slow things down.

I remember standing at the bench starting to freak out a bit as my labour with the twins got fast really quickly and I just didn't handle it well. So I got a bit scared of the prospect of hours of intense labour. Then I must have realized that things weren't going to slow down- so I best get in the shower. I went to get back into the shower or maybe turn it on and I had this 'oh my god- I'm going to poo- I'm not doing that in the shower' so I got on the toilet- feeling a bit stressed I think. Then I started growling and grunting- can't say I found that fun- but I realized at that point that my labour wasn't going to be hours- and that I was transitional and that helped me to relax a little. I remember thinking I was pushing

Ellie then started calling out for me- oh gosh- sorry love- Dad will have to help you cause I can't. I really wanted to get in the shower but couldn't get off the toilet- I remember demanding for water and ice to drink and telling Mark he needed to get the shower on for me- in the hope that I could get off the toilet to get in..I was nude- and realized that I needed some clothes to go to hospy in- and tried telling Mark what I wanted and where they were- I had decided to go into hospy in my gym clothes- as I had done aerobics throughout my pregnancy (body combat) to help me remember that I was a strong woman- he managed to find my t-shirt..

I remember telling Mark to call my doula back- oh gosh- she was going to miss it. And then asking where the hell my mother was...I think it was about 9:45 when she turned up. She said she got out of the car and could hear me on the toilet (my mum is a midwife) and she thought to herself- oh gosh- Kylie is such a drama queen- if she's carrying on now she's never going to do this (thanks Mum for the confidence..) Mum comes in- Mark informs her I'm nude on the toilet. I've no idea what Ellie is doing but she's still awake. Mum takes one look at me at tells Mark to call the ambulance and my MW. Mark kind of suggests that he'll drive me in- I inform him quite loudly that there's no way I could hop in the car- just call the ambulance. I remember Mum talking to my MW- 'yes, that is Kylie howling- she's ready to have the baby- you'd better get into the hospital now- she's coming in by ambulance.

I'm crying by this time- it hurts, help me Jesus- I'm having the baby on the toilet. Mum tells me I need to get off the toilet- no- I'm not moving- eventually she gets me into our bedroom- she says she just wants to have a look and see where I'm up to and that she can't do it in the toilet. So somehow I get to our bed, put one knee up on the bed and my waters break everywhere..that wasn't in my plan- (I didn't realize I was fully dilated). I start howling about what a stupid idea this was, why didn't I just have another section, why would anyone want a natural birth etc etc. Mum informs me that I'm just a bit transitional- I tell her that I know that!! I'm still yelling for ice- and now for hot towels. Then I start pooing- oh gosh- I was horrified. I'm apologizing to my mother- she's cool with it- I'm yelling at Mark to get the baby wipes, crying with embarrassment at having my Mother wipe my bottom (at least it wasn't Mark). Then I hear Mark on the phone to the ambulance- they must have been asking stupid questions as I remember yelling out- 'can't they hear that I'm just about to have a baby!!!"

I think Mum must have managed to get me to lie on my side on our bed- and the ambulance turn up- I have no idea what the time is- maybe 10:15 as Mum says they took forever to get me into the ambulance- partly cause they wanted to bring the bed thing up to our room- and they had to completely rearrange the house to get it inside- and also because they were trying to take my blood pressure and do other stuff- Mum was telling them not to bother- we needed to go cause I was going to have the baby.. I don't know what they were doing- Mum said they were a bit clueless. I just remember them talking to me through a contraction and I yelled at them for doing that. He kept telling me I needed to get on the stretcher- and I told him I would when I was ready..eventually (it was probably only 10 mins) I got to the stretcher and we got going- not before me having a contraction or two on the way to the ambulance and grabbing whatever I could to stop them from moving me...I remember yelling for Mark to get the camera and where it was (you would think he would have...)

As I was being wheeled out I saw Ellie sitting on the lounge- I very calmly told her I was fine, the baby was coming and I would see her soon. She seemed fine and accepting. Mum said after I left she just went to bed no questions asked.

We get into the ambulance- and they went the wrong way- I remember the driver asking which way- and I yelled out 'don't you know where you're going?' They went the wrong way (we live 5 mins to the hospy but it took them at least 10 to get there..no idea where they went cause I had my hand over my face..) I know I abused the ambulance man- poor love. He was trying so hard to be nice.

ok- so we're in the ambulance. I ask for water- they don't want to give me anything to eat or drink- well, that didn't go down to well with me- don't remember what I said but I promptly got given a drink of water. The ambo guy tells me not to worry- it'll all be over soon and I can have a nice rest- I snarl back at him telling him he obviously doesn't have children!! I demand for my back and hip to be rubbed- I get this little reassuring pat (don't they know anything about pressure!!). Then he starts to tell me- ' now Mrs Downie- I don't think you'll be having this baby here- but if it does come we'll pull over, open the doors and you'll have to get on your back so we can deliver the baby' I yelled back that there was no way in hell I was giving birth on my back- ok- that was fine, I wouldn't have to hop on my back. I'm not sure that the ambo's enjoyed taking me in. At this stage a song came back to me that I had learned at 'The Art of Mindful Birthing'- I am a brave woman- I told myself out loud how strong and brave I was- it felt good to say that to myself.

[kadownie]

We finally get to the Mater at about 10:50..- I felt so relieved. As soon as the lift doors opened my midwife was there- reassuring me that I was ok- I was so embarressed moaning, groaning and grunting through the waiting room.. I'm sure the whole hospital could hear me. I had my hand over my head- it was there until after bub was born.. Also another MW I knew was there- she basically did the doula thing with hot towels and pressure on my back- oh I love her!

into birth suite we go- somehow -I think I crawled- I got onto the bed- and there I stayed. I can't believe I birthed lying on my side- but I knew that that was where I needed to be. I had tremendous pain every contraction in my left hip (bub was slightly posterior- and instinctivley I knew that lying there would help him turn- also I had read in my doula studies about turning an op baby, though I didn't know he was a bit op until after birth-) the hip that I needed to lie on- I remember thinking how mean women must think I am when I ask them to move in labour- and finally after some coaxing I tried my other side- only because I remembered it's good to try suggestions in labour (doula Kylie coming out again) no- not working- moved back. I remember demanding more pressure, more hot towels, more this, more that- I wasn't shy in my requests. My mw kept suggesting that I stand up- no way! I remember saying how much easier it is to be a doula then give birth.. I felt like I had been in pain forever.. I asked how long it was going to take (my midwife had done a VE not long after we arrived- what was great is I didn't need to get on my back- or anything bub's head was right there.) At some stage some my mw had put a bean bag between my legs- that was great- I don't know if I asked for a pillow- I knew from watching the pink kit that I was most open on my side with my leg up a bit.. My midwife suggested that with each ctxn I could give a little push and that would help baby come quicker- I remember barking back telling her my body knew how to birth- I didn't need to push..then I had some involuntary pushes- oh my goodness- I'm not sure what I thought it would feel like- but I hated the sensation.. I guess I've heard people describe how great 2nd stage is.. I don't really relate to that..I did give a few nugdes towards the end but basically I let me body do it's thing.

At this time between ctxns I could feel that my mind had become a little clearer. I thought - I could ask for gas now- but I don't need it- it just makes my nauseous- oh my goodness, I am going to do it- I'm so strong, I'm really proud of myself.... I had done hypnobirthing with my doula- however I had not been able to use much of the breathing...everything happened way too fast- but I did manage to do 'horsey lips' once my throat hurt too much from growling..that helped a lot for me.

When bubs head finally crowned I fought the involuntary sensation and think I even asked for someone to push him in- gosh that's a sensation I will never forget- ouch! I screamed out 'Can someone please put a hot washer on my peri!!' that felt so good- how I love Maree- the other mw helping! I start asking if bubs head is flexed...(what the??) yes, it's fine Kylie. I could feel that his head was right there- I thought- I should touch it- I know I wanted to when I was pregnant, but I didn't feel like I had enough energy to do it- but I did! didn't feel too much about it at the time- but now I'm really pleased I made the effort for some reason..

then his head was out- and he starts telling us his story- crying. Maree exclaims- 'oh- it's definately a girl'. It felt like forever that he was there- I started to panic and started asking if he was stuck- it felt like there was lots of stuff going on down there- no- he's not stuck- and out he came- put straight onto my tummy -with heaps of towels and stuff. I remember after a minute or so lifting the towels to see what he was- a little boy- funny- I thought I was having a girl- though for the last week I had been calling him a him...






I was completely exhausted. I was saying to the midwife that I can't believe women birth and then say they could do it all again- cause I never ever wanted to do that again..how do people describe that as estatic?? I guess having such a quick labour the endorphin levels weren't all that high..never really got into the labour land.. I also had quite a bad virus the week following birth- so maybe that's why everything happened so fast and I was so exhausted- my body knew it needed to birth before the virus hit hard.. Maree commented that she'd never seen a woman give birth so fully in her neocortex (conscious brain.) He was born at 11:49- my labour had been just over 4hours- 2 of which I had been fully dilated. I think I went into a bit of shock. My mw knew that I wanted skin to skin- and delayed cord clamping- but I didn't want to hold bub- which was weird. But I knew I needed to for him and also I needed to birth my placenta. After what seemed like forever (it was only about 30 mins) I decided that it was all good- we could cut the cord- it had stopped pulsating. Matthew still hadn't stopped crying I don't think- he cried for a long while. I birthed my placenta and the MW showed it all to me and then got it organized for me to take home!

When Matt settled down he had a really good breastfeed! I still wasn't really keen on holding him- I felt so tired and weak- but I knew that I would regret it if I didn't. I'm glad I made the effort (sounds weird typing that- but that's how I felt..) I think maybe that was the virus as well- for a while I felt a bit sad as I had expected to have a birth high- not for me..but now I'm feeling really good and proud of myself and ready to do it all over again!


So different to my last birth! I read through all of my birth wishes the other night- and every one of them happened without me having to ask my midwife for any of it in labour- it was so great having my own midwife!! I will never birth without one!

So that's my vbac! Before I had Matthew I didn't believe that women laboured and didn't worry about their scar- but I didn't worry or think about it at all- at one stage I complained about being in agony- and my mw asked me where- I barked back that it wasn't my scar- and that was the only time it was mentioned. wpuld have been a different story if I hadn't had that continuity of care..

anyway- I could prattle on forever but I won't.

[ikis84]

Wow :D Thanks for sharing that with us!

So, do you think you will plan the next one for home?

[shed]

I sat here absolutely enthralled by your story! You were amazing, absolutely amazing!!

Congratulations!

[JAG]

Thanks for that. I am 39+6 and am planning a VBAC. Found your story inspirational. Hope I am as strong as you.

[TeamAwesome]

Congratulations on your new baby! and on getting your vbac! What a fantastic birth story!

[~Emmylou~]

Woohoo Kylie! What an awesome story! :yelclap:

LMAO at that brave ambo telling you that you'd have to birth on your back :laughing:

[tru]

Well done on a fabulous birth. I laughed at the bit about you wiggling on all fours while singing the nursery rhymes :D

Congratulations!

[kadownie]

Thanks...

ikis:- not sure about birthing at home next time- I feel quite strongly about 2 things- my DH being comfy and happy, and I like to have midwifery care- so if DH is on board with a HB I think I'd go for it. I'll definatley be completely prepared for birthing at home next time (if there is one) in case bubby shoots out!!

JAG- hope all goes well- my advice- stay at home as long as possible- go in in roaring labour!! Trust your body and surround yourself with positive affirmations!

[reAllytee]

Well done !

Great story !

[mumofKieran]

What a wonderful, inspiring birth story:yelclap: