Feeling Frustrated and in Limbo

[Kadwil]

Hello

I have been keeping quiet of late, just trying to focus on other things other than TTC. But I have to say that as next Tuesday approaches (AF is due) I am feeling anxious, nervous, scared, impatient, hopeful... and lonely? After my m/c in Dec 06 I went 12 months without AF. When she finally returned I was really relaxed and just concentrating with getting on with life. Since the return of AF I have found I am back to square one, as much as I don't want to admit it. I really want to test now, as a BFP might show up - but I have wasted so much money on tests already and I don't want another let-down. I just don't want to do this any more. My house is a mess, I don't want to talk to DH because he just worries about me worrying, and I don't want to worry him with my worry... (did you follow that? lol). Please magic bubhub people, magically make my worries go away...:gloomy:

[kittykatz]

Poor Kadwill :hugs::hugs:. I really understand what you are going through, so don't think your alone, we are always here for you.

I was extremely depressed a couple of weeks ago - in fact i couldn't even get out of bed for 2 days because i couldn't stop crying and my stomach felt like it was tied in knots.

The feeling you get month after month after month of BFN is soul destroying. And of course there is always someone around you falling pregnant.

Something that has really started helping me is acupuncture and particularly chinese herbs. I think the big plus with me is the acupuncture is very relaxing and gives me something to look forward to each week/fortnight. The herbs she has me on are for fertility, but really help keep my moods in order. The week i was really depressed was the week she was on holidays and i ran out of the herbs and had to go cold turkey for a week. The day i got more i was back to my happy self again.

I've also noticed fish oil capsules help, and exercise.

I guess i 'm saying nothing can really take away the frustration and hurt of TTC, but if you can find a way to take care of your emotions, and make sure you have things to look forward to until you get your BFP (which will happen) at least thats going to help with the journey?

:fingerscrossed: the TTC journey will end soon for you.

[macca27975]

kadwil - :hugs:I know what you mean, what you have written has been me for the last 3 mths. I second what kittykatz has said. When you have such a strong desire and for some unknown reason we haven't been able to make that dream come as yet and the disappointment month after month gets to much sometimes, you do feel like you have done something wrong or there is something wrong with you and there are so many friends or family members getting what you want month after month and you do ask the why's and how comes. You get to the point where you wrap yourself up as you can't deal with it anymore, but in saying that there is light at the end of the tunnel and you still hold onto that dream and you look forward to trying again the next month, yes you have your downer when AF arrives, but you go at it again, you track your cycle and watch every sign and you hope and pray that this month will be your BFP, it is like we run on auto pilot :)

Natural products are wonderful and I have read that acupuncture really does help. I have also started to see a psycologist, as the stress from this and life style stresses get to me and it is great to talk to someone outside the family and learn techniques to deal with those stresses better, and talking to my DH has been wonderful. I was the same, I wouldn't open up to DH, I didn't want him to worry as at times that caused me more stress, but he came to the first few appointments at the psycologist and now we talk about everything and he is wonderful and such a great support, I try not to download on him with all my worries and concerns, but when I feel like I really need a chat and some reassurance he is my rock, so give it a go, your DH might just surprise you.

:ecomcity: Sorry I go on a bit, but this is something that I am struggling with at the moment as well, but we are doing an assisted cycle and each blood test I get anxious, but I push through it and hope and pray that maybe this might be our month, but I am trying to keep grounded and not get my hopes up, but I think I am running on auto pilot :)

I wish you all the very best and I hope this help and know bubhub is a wonderful place for advise and chat or a vent, the ladies on here have been wonderful for me and I have read the things they have said to others and it gives me hope. Miracles happen everyday and I have seen so many on here and I still do believe 2007 have heaps of BFP's to give and heres hoping one of those are for us :) Take care

[Kadwil]

Hello,
Thanks so much for your responses. I feel like a bit of a whinger when I read your stories! I'm so sorry that things aren't happening, you both must be very strong women. Macca your DH sounds wonderful, and if my DH knew I wasn't using him as his first sounding board he would probably be upset, so I will endeavour to be more honest with him about how obsessed I really am! Kittykatz, you poor girl, not being able to get out of bed. I'm glad your accupuncturist came back!

I feel better ATM, we are going camping this weekend with my son's scout group, and frankly I am grateful for the distraction.

I did go to the accupuncturist once for an introductory session where we talked about the benefits of accupuncture, but didn't go back because of two reasons - 1st, we didn't have the money at the time, and 2nd, I was positive I was going to be pg soon anyway, so I didn't need to. ha ha, famous last words. If I am not pg this month, I will make an appointment.

OK then, best be getting some beauty sleep (even though my DH insists I don't need it Valentine.)

Thanks,
Kay