Should I Bother

[supa_star323]

DS dad and I split up about a month and a half ago and ever since I have had to chase him up to come and see DS and organise everything. I am just starting to feel like I can't be bothered cause if he really wanted to see DS then he would be the one organising it... Just wondering if anyone has any suggestions...

[OneBabyBoy]

No, don't bother. That is not your responsibility. When your DS asks where dad is let him call your ex and he can explain to your DS himself.

[Freya]

Give up, I did. I chased for way too long....There is no point.

[Eggflip]

To start I have been a single mummy to my first child ( my 2 have different daddys)

If you are only in the early stages of a breakup he is probably just enjoying his new found freedom and single life, dont ride him off completly cos one day your DS might want to know him and MOST guys grow up eventually, it may take a while though.

Maybe you could talk to him about having a set day with him or what about his parents could you take your DS to see them instead? My DS's dad has alot more to do with DS now he is 3 and can play footy and go fishing and stuff like that as he is much easier to relate to than a baby.

[daddaddad]

I'm with the rest. You'll burn out trying to make others fit in, even if it is what for the best. He may be distant because he is still a little emotionally raw. I used to dread visiting, knowing that there would be another fight or something

Early on in can be difficult for us Dads to visit and see that the world is turning perfectly well without us.

Leave the door open (figure of speech) but set the boundaries you need to maintain your routine.

The grandparents idea is a great one, if you can.

[Kari_Adel]

Please don't bother... been there, done that, regret it!

My DS's dad had no interest in him when we seperated 6 months after his birth. He didn't initiate contact with him, I had to.. and I was desperate to. Due to my own personal issues re my own father not being around, I clung onto my ex, took my DS to his home for visits, made sure his grandparents were involved.. etc etc.

Well, my efforts eventually succeeded, and DS's dad and family started showing interest in him once he was a toddler. That interest turned into a lot of interest... I have to answer to them all, all the time. They question my parenting. :no: Yet they allow a pre-schooler to play violent video games (incl Grand Theft Auto and Halo 3), give him medication without my knowledge (only last week he was given something that was labelled unsafe for children under 12yo - DS is barely 4yo), shave his head... and most recently are dictating to me which school I ought to send him too.. 1 hour away from our home. I struggle with parenting my DS, as two homes = two sets of rules, and we're back to the drawing board with manners, eating habits, sleeping and bedtime etc each time he comes home from his weekly visit. :mad:

So.. my advice to you is, don't force it. If your child's father is sincerely interested, he'll be in touch. Don't chase him, you may regret having this person in your life (who clearly doesn't have his child as a priority).

Good luck, :hugs: remember your own health and sanity is paramount, and this will be worth more for your :baby: in the long run rather than a stressed mum fighting with a half-wit dad.

[Mahjong]

No, I wouldn't bother. There is only so much chasing you can do.

[Hokey Pokey]

I have been in exacrly your shoes with my first born daughter. It took me a good few years to realise that I needed to just give up. And he still has not bothered but you do learn to move on and realise that there is nothing you can do and nothing that you should be doing either. These so called "fathers" should be keeping the contact without the need of us having to keep tabs.

[Mummy2hayley06]

i wouldnt bother hunny... There have been times that DP and i have split for a few weeks over something stupid and he wouldnt even bother calling to see how his DD was... It hurt me even more when i chased him down to only have not want to talk to me and hang up... it use to break my heart to hear DD calling out for daddy and he didnt want to see or talk to her. He eventually grew up and realised that there was more important things in his life than what he was doing.... We are since back together though.. But I agree with what someone else said he is probably just finding the beginning of being so called "free" again. There will come a day when he will miss him and want to get in contact with him. I would just keep yourself open but dont chase him, the more u chase him the more emotional you could become, espically with the break up only been new.
Take care, im sure ur a great mum, single or not.

[chook07]

been there done that. i tried to organize without legal advice for him to have bub in during the day. i went to the selicitors and now my x has bub twice a week. try talking to a selicitor and see that he gets visitation even if its a couple of hours and his parents or urs until u can trust him to ur bub a whole day and maybe even be able to go over night. dont let him win just tell the selicitor what u want and try and make sure it goes. thats my personal opinion.
good luck:hugs:

[Issey]

maybe i am different because i am trying to force the issue with my ex. maybe for the wrong reasons cos i really need a break, so i have been forcing it upon the ex to have DS once a fortnight. i figure it is ex DH's responsibility to spend time with his son and to realise his parenting role. i am expecting tho that ex DH will eventually dissapear from the scene as it is all too hard for him. i don't know what the best thing to do is, what is good for you and your child :hugs: