View Full Version : Judged by breastfeeding moms
Hi bottlefeeders
I actually breastfeed but while in public i bottle feed my baby expressed breastmilk as i dont feel comfortable breastfeeding in public.
I have noticed when i bottle feed my baby, i sometimes get disapproving / dirty looks from other women.... i dont know why, thinking they are judging me as i am not breastfeeding.
Or maybe i am imagining things...!?!
My question to you is, do you feel judged (as a somewhat of a lesser or bad mother) when you bottle feed your baby?
melbryan
18-11-2007, 22:01
I like to breast feed but like you just can't do it in public or in front of others.
I got mine onto the bottle early because of problems breastfeeding and if others around you are breastfeeders and you are not then yep I think they look down upon you.
How I feel is if I think I have done best by my children then I am comfortable with that and myself and I couldn't care less what other people think.
You really shouldn't have to answer to anyone about what you're doing just do what feels right for you.
Noah_and_Elijah
18-11-2007, 22:04
I do feel judged by some but I really don't care to be honest. I am feeding my baby, what does it matter HOW it's done?
Try and be proud of the decision you make for your child, don't give anyone the chance the make you feel guilty for something so trivial.
All the best. :hugs:
princesslover18
18-11-2007, 22:05
For our own reasons DS has been on the bottle from the day he was born.
I have found that occasionally you do get the disapproving looks but most of the time people just look......
I have found having a young bub everyone wants to get a good gawk at him - everyone loves to smile at a baby :) It makes you feel good.
I don't breastfeed anymore.
I mean... Gabs drinks breast milk... but EBM. always.
It was just too hard trying to juggle breastfeeding him and the twins. I couldn't do it, physically, emotionally.
My supply was dropping because I was so stressed all the time.
Gabs was fussy coz he was NEVER getting an uninterrupted feed.
The house was a disaster zone coz they destroyed it everytime I had to feed.
Now it's all good. I express 3-4 times a day.. and can get enough from each boob for a whole feed. It only takes 10-15 mins to express... and THAT I can fit in around the twins, rather than 40 mins to breastfeed.
It's easier to give Gabs an uninterrupted feed as he drinks quicker from the bottle. and he's not fussy anymore because my let down was so slow (does that when you're stressed)
and now DH can help too.:thumbsup:
So I consider myself a breastfeeding Mum..... but I feed via the bottle
(except when the kids are at kindy.... then I boob him)
i couldnt feed brayds... as much as i wanted too...
i got the 'disapproving' looks alll the time... it made me feel sooo sooo guilty... i had so much guilt anyway and the looks just made it so much worse...
what i dont get is... how do people know that its formula?! dont they even think it could be EBM?!
personally, i dont care how a baby is fed... as long as they are fed... happy mum, happy bub :thumbsup:
what i dont get is... how do people know that its formula?! dont they even think it could be EBM?!
I don't know how they can't see the difference.
EBM is a yellow-y colour, formula is white-blue in colour.
KatiesMum
18-11-2007, 22:26
First of all - Congrats on your little bubby !!!! :smiliedance: :smiliedance: :smiliedance:
I bottle fed from around 8 days (for reasons of my own that I wont go into here...) but in a nutshell - YES.
Bubs was 1 month old, and I was in a shopping centre. The parent room was being used by a mum to bf, so I bottle fed DD in an arm chair in the middle of the centre. This woman came up and started abusing me for bottlefeeding such a young baby!!!!! (I just sat there and cried....)
I have never in my life received so much unwanted and unasked for advice from strangers. (Gets lots from family and friends too, but they are usually nicer about it). The best thing you can do is listen politely to all advice and do whatever the hell you want anyway......
Whatever you do in raising your child - you will be judged as doing it wrong by someone ....whether it be birth, feeding, sleeping and settling, disciline, schooling etc the list goes on and on....
Best of luck whatever you do. :hugs: :hugs: :hugs:
I don't know how they can't see the difference.
EBM is a yellow-y colour, formula is white-blue in colour.
i know, but when its in a bottle its not so easy to tell... lol
0BleSseD0
18-11-2007, 22:49
I have been a bottle feeder and am now a breastfeeder.
I did feel judged about bottlefeeding in public, I also feel a bit judged breastfeeding in public.
I did both in public anyway.
I try hard not to judge bottlefeeders unless I know the circumstances behind them, and know them a bit.
I have a lot of respect for a bottlefeeder who has tried, but not succeeded to breastfeed.
The attempt, to me means more than the result.
Bottlefeeders who choose to be so with no thought otherwise do irk me a little bit.
and my breastmilk is not yellow...
I actually breastfeed but while in public i bottle feed my baby expressed breastmilk as i dont feel comfortable breastfeeding in public.
I have noticed when i bottle feed my baby, i sometimes get disapproving / dirty looks from other women.... i dont know why, thinking they are judging me as i am not breastfeeding.
Or maybe i am imagining things...!?!
I rarely see anyone breastfeeding in public so I am curious how you know they are breastfeeders that are giving you dirty looks when you are feeding your baby.
You are in the majority so people should be used to it by now, surely. Just ignore them.
pookiesossige
18-11-2007, 23:00
I breastfed in public, and I'm sure some may have found that distasteful.
I bottlefed formula in public, and I'm sure the odd person disapproved.
Care factor... Zero!
Half the time I probably imagined it also- I think that happens a fair bit. I think that when you are sitting there feeding a bub (whichever way) you are more aware of what other people are looking at and can perhaps try to interpret what they might be thinking as they pass by, even without realising it.
I know I probably put a negative spin on things occasionally (subconciously) that weren't negative at all, just people acknowledging that I was feeding a bub. Don't know why!
Kangaskippy
18-11-2007, 23:23
I am a breastfeeder but have never looked at anyone bottle feeding with disapproval...In fact I sometimes have felt a bit envious...as it took my son about 9 mths to even drink anything from a bottle (he refused it - Water, EBM, Formula etc..I tried everything to have a break as he was a very frequent feeder) so there was no way I could have time away from him for longer than an hour or so...
Personally I think a baby feeding is gorgeous...(be it from breast or bottle) it is the most peaceful and beautiful thing to watch...
I also think it's rude for anyone to come up and abuse or tell you what you should or shouldn't be doing...for starters they have NO idea why you do what you are doing and really it's none of their D#$m business anyway...JMO...
My question to you is, do you feel judged (as a somewhat of a lesser or bad mother) when you bottle feed your baby?
In real life I've only had one person make a negative comment and at the time I was feeding bubs EBM. When I use feeding rooms I never use the curtained-off rooms in case a bf mummy wants to use it. I have always given and received polite smiles from other mums regardless of how they feed. If I did receive any negative comments now I wouldn't hesitate to tell them to keep their comments and judgements to themselves.
In cyberland some people seem to be extremely judgemental. I know we're all supposed to have developed thick skins but it's hard when it's being implied that you are poisoning your baby, you don't love them as much, you are a lazy mother or you didn't try hard enough etc. I tried my best and I don't have to justfy to anyone other than myself and DF the decision to bottlefeed.
I'm doing the best I can at being a mother and for me that means I bottlefeed.
kristi001
18-11-2007, 23:46
Actually never..
Not in Public anyways :no:
I am Not ashamed or embarrased that I bottle feed my son so i guess i wouldnt know if people were giving me dirty looks.. lol
The Only shat i ever Copt was Here On the Hub when I First JOined! :D
kristi001
18-11-2007, 23:49
Bottlefeeders who choose to be so with no thought otherwise do irk me a little bit
Yeah i know what You mean.. :yes:
Breast feeders that didnt try to bottlefeed Really irk me too :p
Guess the Door swings Bother ways :D
SassyMummy
18-11-2007, 23:59
I'm completely pro-BF now, but I pretty much bottlefeed DD for most of her milk-only feeding life.
Did I ever feel judged for it? No.
I actually rarely feel judged for anything... maybe I'm oblivious or maybe other people tend to get a bit paranoid.
I look around me, and I'm sure I've looked at women bottlefeeding without a smile on my face... so they've probably thought I've been judging then.
As for the different between EBM and formula... the difference is pretty obvious IMO. Formula in a clear bottle looks yellowish, EMB in a clear bottle looks kinda greyish. So if you look closely, you can tell.
Either way, I don't really care.
I'm completely pro-BF now, but I pretty much bottlefeed DD for most of her milk-only feeding life.
I think that some people also assume that because you bottle feed you're somehow not pro-bf. I don't think I've ever come across anyone who isn't pro-bf; the concept of being anti-bf to me is just ridiculous.
SassyMummy
19-11-2007, 00:36
I think you can be neutral... as in "I don't care either way" when it comes to feeding...if that makes sense.
So I don't think that many bottlefeeders are anti-bf... but I would suspect a lot who bottlefeed formula aren't exactly pro-bf... just "each to their own."
I'm definitely pro-BF. I have more experience with bottlefeeding than breastfeeding, but I don't often offer much in the way of advice in this section, as I don't like the idea of advocating bottlefeeding.
Ana Gram
19-11-2007, 00:38
As for the different between EBM and formula... the difference is pretty obvious IMO. Formula in a clear bottle looks yellowish, EMB in a clear bottle looks kinda greyish. So if you look closely, you can tell.
Do you tend to look close enough at the bottle a baby is feeding from to tell the difference?
SassyMummy
19-11-2007, 00:40
lol...no. I don't care enough to look that closely...
I think that whole line came out a bit different to how I intended it too... more that if you DO look closely, you can tell... but that doesn't mean many people would look closely.
I don't even really know what I'm talking about...:p
Harlequin
19-11-2007, 00:48
Hehe Stacey.
To be honest these types of posts always surprise me. I can't believe how petty some people can be.
When I'm out shopping the last thing I'm thinking of is how a woman feeds her baby, I couldn't give a rats bum to be honest.
If I see a woman bottlefeeding I'm not about to think much of anything because I don't know the woman, I don't know her situation, I don't know what's in the bottle and, well, I don't really care enough to even ponder it.
Are you SURE you are getting dirty looks because you are using a bottle? You couldn't have mistaken the looks could you?
You weren't looking at them weirdly cos you felt self conscious about bottlefeeding or something were you?
Maybe they thought you were looking at them bfing weirdly?
Lol sorry for the questions I just find it totally bizarre that people would care so much about a person using a bottle. Crazy world.
metalhead713
19-11-2007, 08:19
meh, it used to bother me somewhat, but now, pfffft I couldnt give a damn. Id have a few choice words to say if someone was brave enough to come judge me on the fact that im bottle and formula feeding.
And, im not ever going to explain why Im bottle/ffeeding again. OVER it. Its not like I ever had to defend myself? Dunno why I ever bothered.
a few things I have had said to me though, which I now laugh at:
"oh but formula fed babies get fat!!" ..yeah.. so thats why my dd has been on the 75th percentile perfectly since birth? And well.. with all these obesity problems in our children today.. :eek: :laughing: :rolleyes: isnt a chubby baby a happy healthy one, better than an underweight baby surely?
"breastfed babies are smarter you know" Yeesss... so I suppose thats why my daughter was laughing and already grasping objects and trying to roll over at 2 MONTHS?? and at 4.5 months has nearly mastered rolling over already?? every baby develops at their own pace.
"your not doing the best you can for your baby":eek: :mad: not even gunna answer this one!!! I just glarrred.
Having said this, dont be fooled, not all breastfeeding mummas are bad ;) a common misunderstanding.
*runs off before it turns into another bf vs ff debate*
pookiesossige
19-11-2007, 10:41
Are you SURE you are getting dirty looks because you are using a bottle? You couldn't have mistaken the looks could you?
You weren't looking at them weirdly cos you felt self conscious about bottlefeeding or something were you?
Maybe they thought you were looking at them bfing weirdly?
Lol sorry for the questions I just find it totally bizarre that people would care so much about a person using a bottle. Crazy world.
This is what I was trying to say, 'cept Harlequin said it better :D
I really think that we need to differentiate between Bub-Hub-world and real life. When we switch off the PC (assuming I'm not the only one who does!) our other life kicks in and to be honest, does everyone actually think about all this stuff all day?! I love seeing mums feed their bubs but sometimes people invite critizism IMO, or at least thrive on it. JMHO.
RainbowStars
19-11-2007, 10:53
Lol sorry for the questions I just find it totally bizarre that people would care so much about a person using a bottle. Crazy world.
Oh trust me, people do :rolleyes: :shame:
and my breastmilk is not yellow...
Well.... mine is.. yellow-y... compared to the white of formula
who cares anyway.
Noah_and_Elijah
19-11-2007, 11:00
Well.... mine is.. yellow-y... compared to the white of formula
who cares anyway.
Mine was yellow-y too. :D
Thanks for all your replies.
To the posters who ask if i am just thinking / imagining that people are giving me the disapproving looks while i bottlefeed: I am not sure and that is why i posted this thread. I feel that i am and wanted to see if others felt the same way. From a few of the replies, it seems others do feel the same way.
I am by no means saying all breastfeeders disapprove of ff as i am breastfeeder myself and have no issues with ff...... mothers choice which i am sure is based on what is best for herself and baby (i hope)!
By the way, my breastmilk is also yellow-y.
hailsntwang
19-11-2007, 11:58
WKJ,
I am going to be doing the exact same thing you do when I have my child.
I want to breastfeed but I also want my partner to be able to share in the feedings so I am planning to express when we go out.
If people give me disapproving looks i'm just going to shoot one back.
Most of these people are very critical of other people whether they know the whole story or not so the only advice I can offer is don't worry about it. You know what you're doing, your friends and family know what you are doing, isn't that all that counts?
I bottle feed DS... And you know what, I don't care what other people think... :no: Yes I've had the odd remark thrown at me and the lovely glares.... I don't take it to heart though.
I bottle feed because I literally had no supply and didnt have a choice, but really why anyone chooses to bottle feed is no one's business but their own.... :yes:
Harlequin
19-11-2007, 12:46
All the 'yellow-y' comments in here are making me chuckle :D
WKJ hopefully they weren't giving you weird looks because of the way you were feeding. Hopefully it was all just a big misunderstanding. :)
Lollie86
19-11-2007, 13:49
I rarely see anyone breastfeeding in public so I am curious how you know they are breastfeeders that are giving you dirty looks when you are feeding your baby.
You are in the majority so people should be used to it by now, surely. Just ignore them.
I agree. Sometimes when I see a bf mother, I tend to stare a little bit as I rarely see them out and about. I feed anywhere and anytime and get plenty of looks bf but dont really care.
When I'm out shopping the last thing I'm thinking of is how a woman feeds her baby, I couldn't give a rats bum to be honest.
If I see a woman bottlefeeding I'm not about to think much of anything because I don't know the woman, I don't know her situation, I don't know what's in the bottle and, well, I don't really care enough to even ponder it.
Ditto. Why does it matter how or why a mother is feeding her child? At least she is feeding it....
I am a BF (so far) but was talking to a friend of mine who switched to FF her son due to problems she was having and she found switching made her and bubs happier. She told me she feels she gets 'looked down upon' when out feeding him.
Like others I hope that people dont really feel like that against others. I know I get lots of looks by passers by with my DD either just carrying her or when feeding her by breast out in public, people just love babies and I often catch the glances and 'Oohs' and 'Aahs', they cant help but look.
I personally think looking 'down' on someone who formula feeds is no different than looking down on someone who chooses to give their kids junk food. Im sure that we can all agree that BF is 'best' (mother nature is pretty smart) BUT also that (particularly these days) forumula feeding is still a darn good start! (i personally was not breast fed as a baby). Im sure none of us can judge because Id be surprised if many of us can say we (or we will) feed our kids perfectly as they grow up, with all the correct servings from all the food groups every day, no additives etc, etc.
Hey all,
I'd have to say that YES, i felt like i was being judged when FF madam in public... But on the same token I felt like I was being gawked at when i BF in public too, only managed to do it for 3 weeks, it wasn't for me.
The thing that i don't understand is that if formula was so 'bad' then why are there so many out there? Why are so many mum's choosing it?
There's no debate that 'breast is best', but surely if you have a happy, healthy thriving bub does it matter how they got there?!! I work in aged care and some our resi's are on peg feeds and their food supply is made by nutricia, the same company that makes formula, it contains everything a person needs to function....
I think BF is great and have all the respect in the world for those mums out there that can do it and do it well. That being said I am now ttc#2, if i can BF this one, bonus, if not, I'm not going to beat myself up over it, and am certainly not going to let anyone else judge me this time!!!
"oh but formula fed babies get fat!!" ..yeah.. so thats why my dd has been on the 75th percentile perfectly since birth? And well.. with all these obesity problems in our children today.. :eek: :laughing: :rolleyes: isnt a chubby baby a happy healthy one, better than an underweight baby surely?
"breastfed babies are smarter you know" Yeesss... so I suppose thats why my daughter was laughing and already grasping objects and trying to roll over at 2 MONTHS?? and at 4.5 months has nearly mastered rolling over already?? every baby develops at their own pace.
"your not doing the best you can for your baby":eek: :mad: not even gunna answer this one!!! I just glarrred.
My little madam was the same, she was tiny for her age and struggled to put on weight, improved slightly with formula, but not much...
Madam was also saying dadada at 7 weeks, mumum by 11 weeks, Sentences by 12 months and full conversations by 18 months (hilarious) and you're exactly right, every baby develops in there own time, nothing to do with how they are fed...
:thumbsup:
mum2bubba
20-11-2007, 12:43
Sometimes. I went to a friend's place a few months ago (when Skye was about 2 or 3 weeks old) and I was giving her a bottle. One of the ladies there had a daughter who was about 8 months who was fully breastfed, she saw me feeding Skye and says "Don't you breastfeed?" I said "No, I don't like doing it" to which she replied with "What? Didn't even try?" I looked at her and said "actually I did try, thats how I know I didn't like it" She had never even met me before. I am such a terrible mother because I hate breastfeeding. :rolleyes:
With Hayley I breastfed for a month and when I stopped one of Grant's friends says "can I ask why you stopped?" like I have to ask her for permission to stop or whatever. Also sometimes when I'm out and people see bottles in the baby bag they say things like "so you're not breastfeeding?" or whatever. I think people need to get over it.
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