PDA

View Full Version : Will I ever be able to breastfeed ???? (Very long)



daisy1984
17-11-2007, 10:37
Breastfeeding didn't work out for DS and I. He was switched to formula at 3 weeks. He's 11 weeks old now and I'm doing alot of reflecting, wondering what went wrong, and mostly wanting some reasurance that maybe next time it can be different.

I had an emergency c-section. When bubs was brought to me for his first breast feed, the midwife just grabed his head and shoved it onto my breast. DS became hysterical, thrashed about, arched his neck back to try to get away. The midwife tried to hold him there while he was struggling and getting distressed. I was furious with her, but I was still pretty out of it from the surgery and I didn't say anything. Anyway, it never really changed.

I tried DS at the breast for every feed. I made sure he was relaxed, gave him skin to skin time, accepted the help of the LC's, tried a nipple shield, but he refused every time. It wasn't just poor attatchment, it was NO attatchment. Bubs would purse his lips shut and shake his head around, and when I tried to hold his head in the right place (gently), or encourage him to open his mouth he would just scream.

I spent every minute of my time in hospital expressing. For the first few days I lay in my bed all day desperately trying to squeeze enough colostrum out of my nipples and drawing it into a syringe. The midwives seemed very threatening, the'd be back every three hours to make sure I had enough to feed him, otherwise they wanted him on formula. Even if I had visitors for ten minutes, I became quite frantic, watching the clock, eager for them to leave because I'd just missed out on 10 minuts of expressing time. I literally did this all day and night. By the time I was finally offered a breast pump and my milk was coming in, I think I was hulucinating with exhaustion. I'd sit there attatched to the electric pump and it's sound seemed to be forming words, talking to me, and I was covinced it was real! This all sounds very dramatic, but for me it was the most traumatising experience of my life.

I went home, and offered a few bottles of formula whilts DP was trying to track down an electric breast pump. I expressed for every feed and had plenty of milk. I did this for two weeks (always offering the breast first) untill DP went and bought me another nipple shield that was a smaller size than the hospital ones. DS finaly took to my breast ! The excitement of this was short lived when I realised he was just sucking on the end of the sheild, it hurt like crazy, and he did not have a mouth full of breast. I knew this attatchment was all wrong, but I fed like this exclusively for 7 days, and DS put on 450 grams. Feeds would take over 2 hours, sometimes taking 15 minuts for that initial latch. By the end of that week I gave up. I knew I had plenty of milk, but I could not think of anyway to make bubs attatch properly. The pain of feeding him was unbearable, and every feed was damading my nipples.

A few days ago I noticed I still have some milk and I though "ooh, maybe i can try to relactate" But then I realised that building a supply back up is still not going to make DS want to feed from the breast.

I know this has been long, and thanks for reading. My whole point was to ask what others think about the situation, and do you think it could be different if I have another baby? I want to give it a really good go next time, but I wonder if I will struggle with the same issues. Has anyone had success with their second baby?

Do you think it was due to the c-section (bubs being taken away), or the awful first b-feeding attempt with the midwife? Is it just my breasts? (I have quite small nipples, almost flat, but they were easily drawn out when expressing). Or did I just get a baby who was not interested and never going to get the hang of it?

I've done alot of reseach now and am aware of the support networks available. Maybe I should have stuck it out for longer. But I really could not tolerate the pain of an incorrectly attatched feedeer.Do you think I will ever be able to breast feed when I have another baby? If you've succesfuly fed a second child after discontinuing with the first, I'd love to hear your story.

Thanks so much.

the_queen
17-11-2007, 10:45
:hugs: :hugs: You CAN do it next time. You WILL do it next time. You had awful support/assistance last time and that is not your fault at all. :hugs:

Join the ABA now. Surround yourself with breastfeeders, even if only online (there's plenty of us here :)).

Have a look through the breastfeeding threads here on bubhub, and print off the Lactation Cookies recipe. Have a look at youtube - search "baby led attachment".

Try really hard for a natural birth this time around, and have a Doula - she will advocate for you in the birthing room and will leave you free to do what you want. Look into Lactation Consultants now and choose one whose philosophies align with yours, and make sure that you have her number with you when you are birthing the baby. Call her immediately after the birth if you feel you need her support.

:hugs: I had an awfully stressful time the first time around, and my second baby has just been an absolute total breeze. Each pregnancy, birth, and baby are different - have faith in yourself and your body's ability to birth and nourish your child. :hugs:

BlueGin
17-11-2007, 10:46
Hey there, just a quick note to say well done on being so persistent in the face of adversity (and rough midwives!).
Have you thought of getting together a bit of a support network (through the ABA, and here, and in real life) and trying to re-lactate for your baby?
Not trying to guilt you, it sounds like you would really like to breastfeed, and have the milk, so it might be worth a shot with the right support! :thumbsup:

Hollywood
17-11-2007, 10:57
Wow, what a tough time you had! Those midwives sounded TERRIBLE. You did well to persist with expressing, it must have been tough when bub didn't want to latch on.

I had almost the same problems as you, although maybe not quite as bad, but it was not smooth sailing by any means. DS was below his birth weight at 2 weeks so we had to top him up. We had attachment issues, so I went to a breastfeeding 'day clinic' which was set up at the hospital (free of charge to patients) and we got the attachment sorted out.

My advice is to get as much support as you can next time, as it is vital to the success of breastfeeding if there's problems. I was nearly on the brink of quitting a couple of times, but I stuck with it and am so glad I did as we're now still going at 9 months.

Don't beat yourself up about it, you did a great job and if you really want to again I'm sure you will. I have also heard of re-lactation, so if you are interested perhaps contact the ABA and see what they say.

Good luck!

AM
17-11-2007, 11:15
I had an emergency c-section. When bubs was brought to me for his first breast feed, the midwife just grabed his head and shoved it onto my breast. DS became hysterical, thrashed about, arched his neck back to try to get away. The midwife tried to hold him there while he was struggling and getting distressed. I was furious with her, but I was still pretty out of it from the surgery and I didn't say anything. Anyway, it never really changed.

OMG. That is just SO wrong.:no: I am so sorry you had that happen to you. :hair:





I spent every minute of my time in hospital expressing. For the first few days I lay in my bed all day desperately trying to squeeze enough colostrum out of my nipples and drawing it into a syringe. The midwives seemed very threatening, the'd be back every three hours to make sure I had enough to feed him, otherwise they wanted him on formula. Even if I had visitors for ten minutes, I became quite frantic, watching the clock, eager for them to leave because I'd just missed out on 10 minuts of expressing time. I literally did this all day and night. By the time I was finally offered a breast pump and my milk was coming in, I think I was hulucinating with exhaustion. I'd sit there attatched to the electric pump and it's sound seemed to be forming words, talking to me, and I was covinced it was real! This all sounds very dramatic, but for me it was the most traumatising experience of my life.

The amount of stress you were under, no wonder it was very difficult. I'm speechless at the mw's behaviour to be honest.




DS finaly took to my breast ! The excitement of this was short lived when I realised he was just sucking on the end of the sheild, it hurt like crazy, and he did not have a mouth full of breast. I knew this attatchment was all wrong, but I fed like this exclusively for 7 days

Can I ask exactly why you were using a nipple shield? Were your nipples damaged? Under some circumstances, nipple shields can hinder breastfeedding and attachment.



A few days ago I noticed I still have some milk and I though "ooh, maybe i can try to relactate" But then I realised that building a supply back up is still not going to make DS want to feed from the breast.

You can certainly still try to encourage bub to attach to the boob if you wish, as he is older now with more control, he may just get the idea with perseverence.



Do you think it could be different if I have another baby? I want to give it a really good go next time, but I wonder if I will struggle with the same issues.

I really do think you would be successful next time.

My thoughts are that you would obviously make sure no-one forced your bub in the very early stages...have you watched the you-tube video of 'self attachment' of a baby? I would say that after the surgery your bub would most likey have been feeling drugged, and very disinclined to feed immediately, but if he had been allowed to stay close to the breast and do it in his own time, them things *may* have started better. His not opening his mouth to latch at all is a difficult one, was this an ongoing thing, or just in the early stages?

Every baby is so different, I would be extremely surprised if you had exactly the same issues again.

Obviously doing your utmost to avoid a repeat C/S would be high on the agenda.


Has anyone had success with their second baby?

Many people do not breastfeed the first time around, and are successful the second time.

C/S are known risk factors in interfereing with the establishment of breastfeeding, as is early seperation from the mother.


Is it just my breasts? (I have quite small nipples, almost flat, but they were easily drawn out when expressing).

If your nipples are easily drawn out by expressing, then no, I would say your breasts are FINE!!! :)


Or did I just get a baby who was not interested and never going to get the hang of it?

Those early hours are pretty important, and when baby has drugs in their system it can be very detrimental, I would say it was more to do with the surgery.



Maybe I should have stuck it out for longer. But I really could not tolerate the pain of an incorrectly attatched feedeer.

Hindsight is wonderful, but DO NOT beat yourself up!! You did the best you could at the time, with the information and resources available to you. And now you are looking ahead, which is by far the most important thing.

I ABSOLUTELY think you will be able to breastfeed another baby!:yes:

daisy1984
17-11-2007, 11:44
Thanks for the replies. They are very comforting.

About the nipple shield, no I didn't use it for damadged nipples. Alot of people warned me against it, but it was a last resort. I was suggested to me that it may be a way to get bubs to initialy latch on, so at least he could learn that my boobs were a food source. I thought it might get the positive breast = food association into his head, but whenever I tried without it he showed no interest. The shield was only introduced in the third week though, so it may have hindered the attatchment efforts, but it can't have been the initial cause of his disinterest IYKWIM?

AM
17-11-2007, 11:50
Here is the link to the breastcrawl vid, it is pretty cool.

http://breastcrawl.org/video.htm


The other reason I think you will do so well next time is you will have much more confidance, especailly if you keep reading, talking to people, and join the ABA :)

UmmInayah
17-11-2007, 15:14
:hugs: As the others have said, you did SO well to stick it out for as long as you did. Congratulations!

I think the fact that you seem so determined to do it right the next time around, will make you successful in your second attempt.

I would recommend joining the ABA and even going before you are due for your next bub to get to know your group :)

I think the midwife who attached your baby for you initially was an absolute moron. I gave birth to DD and I held her for a long time while she looked around before I attached her.. and yes, *I* attached her with *help* from my midwife. I would suggest this in your birth plan the next time maybe?

Thank you so much for sharing your story with us. I definitely think you will be able to do it with your second with support from the ABA and even a LC if need be. Good luck with everything!

tanni_83
17-11-2007, 16:08
That video was just amazing!! Valentine

UmmInayah
17-11-2007, 18:29
That video was just amazing!! Valentine

OMG it is too! It's so beautiful I got a bit teary! Aww makes you feel all warm and fuzzy :)

Freya
17-11-2007, 18:38
ApprenticeMomma- Ds and I did this. It was soo beautiful.Valentine

AM
17-11-2007, 20:40
ApprenticeMomma- Ds and I did this. It was soo beautiful.Valentine


That's awesome! Did you plan it that way? Or did it kinda just happen?

Freya
17-11-2007, 20:49
That's awesome! Did you plan it that way? Or did it kinda just happen?

I didn't plan it no, They put him on my tummy and I was soo in shock I was looking out the window lol and then I felt him trying to move and then he crawled up and latched on. The middie said she hadn't witnessed it before and couldn't stop telling every midwife that came onto their shift whilst I was in hospital. It was soooooooo Beautiful and next time I plan for it to happen again and to video tape it.

SassyMummy
17-11-2007, 20:57
I gave up breastfeeding early partly because I was having a tough time physically, and mostly because I was having a tough time socially... so I'm not expert on breastfeeding (just a warning...:p ).

Have you thought of attempting to relactate? Get in touch with the ABA if you're interested.

I looked into it when DD was about 15 months, but she clearly wasn't interested... because your baby is so young and you haven't given up all that long ago, there's a good chance you'll be able to get your milk back and a good chance that, attempting techniques suggested by the ABA, you'll be able to relactate.

With any luck, you'll be able to breastfeed THIS baby, rather than waiting for the next (like I'm doing).

:thumbsup:

Toes
17-11-2007, 21:06
Hi :hugs: to you, im sorry it sounds as though you have had a really rough time! I feel for you and can somewhat relate..
Firstly though, you have done an awesome job :yelclap: to go through what you have and give it everything you had, i admire your strength!!

I was only able to feed my DS for 9 days and i know how heartbreaking it was to not be able to continue with it.. We just couldnt get it right! I had mastitis, thrush, engorgement, cracks, bleeding etc, it was awful! I tried my best but for his health and my own sanity, we gave him a bottle of formula which really saddened me at the time but as soon as he had that first bottle, things really improved for both of us and i never looked back!! He is such a happy, healthy, smart little man now and that is the main thing!!

In answer to your question though, yes you will be able to feed another baby again! Every baby is different and by getting the advice, help, and support you need, hopefully things will work out different for you next time!

I now also have a nearly 6 month old DD and i have been able to exclusively BF her with not to many issues at all this time, its been a totally different and unique experience.

It is important to not blame yourself or carry any guilt though because there are many other, more positive things you can focus on with your beautiful new bub!!

Good luck with everything and enjoy your little man!