one step forward.. two steps back

[mama kare]

i have to write this down. sigh. i know that when you are overcoming depression you have to allow yourself some room to move backwards a bit in order to move forwards a lot of the time, but i feel like im taking a giant landslide down into that dark place again and im freaking out.

i am sleeping most of my days away again.. i have no motivation - thehouse is a mess and all i can do is shrug and let it get worse.. i have lost the little motivation i felt that i was gaining.. i havent been able to put a load of washing on for days now..

i did actually manage to do a load of dishes tonight and i did cook DD and myself some pasta for dinner.. but i still feel like im running on auto-pilot the last few weeks...

what the hell is going on? i felt like i was making so much progress... but just lately i feel like im slipping again!

im flat out getting out of bed before 10am.. having a shower each day and dressing and feeding DD... that is my day!!

i feel like im failing... please, someone prep me back up. make it all better.

[macca27975]

:hugs: :hugs: :hugs: :hugs: this is terrible and even though Ihaven't has a child as yet, I am feeling the samething as you, but from the TTC road. I have started to see a psycologist and talking through my feelings, but this took me a lot to do. Somedays are good and somedays not so good, but I am learning technequies to help with the up and downs.

But for starters I would suggest going to your Dr and talking to them and explain things and see what they suggest, I found this was when that door started to open. Also the first few appointments at the phycologist my DH came with me and that has helped also, it made it easier to talk about things with him and he understands and has been so great.

Then I started to get out and not be affraid of going out, doing thimgs I use to love and surrounded myself with people who care about me.

But most of all I am good to me, I eat well and go to the gym and have some ME time and that is so important.

This road is not easy and you have been through so much and it does take time and sometimes a little longer for some then others, and come on here and talking to others who understand and know what you are talking about and it is good to talk and also vent when you need to.

We are all here for you if needed and you have made such an important step on the road of recovery and you should be proud of yourself for the little things, like cooking dinner one day or just the dishes the next, sometimes it is hard to make yourself do things, but that is when you have to make yourself. Being a mum is such an important job, but all jobs you get some time out and to yourself and I reckon that is what is needed and will help, just remeber little steps and one at a time, it does get easier, but it is hard.

Take care and know if you need a chat please PM me.

[mama kare]

i just drove down to the shops, thought maybe if i just potter around out of the house i might feel better.

i had an anxiety attack in one of the stores.

i walked around woolworths, even though i didnt need anything from there, and didnt buy anything.. feeling like i was a ghost.

felt like i wasnt even walking.

so this is what it is like, moving on auto-pilot..

[macca27975]

:hugs: :hugs: You poor thing, I am so sorry you are suffering from this, it is terrible and not fare. Cause it is something people can't see it makes it hard from others to understand.

I suffer from anxiety, I think I have OCD, I have been battling with the way I have been feeling for the last 3 months now, but on and off since 1998, I tried meds but they made things worse, I guess I could of tried to go back and try another med but I really would like to get over or deal with this all without meds. Stress makes matters worse, I find the more stress the worse I get and harder to get up again.

I am affraid of going out on my own, I feel safe when others I know and trust are around me, work is OK but at times can push my buttons, but before I started to learn some ways to deal with the fear I would almost have a panic attack out and about, I made up reason why I couldn't go out for dinner or different places. The stupid thoughts are the worst.

I feel for you and know that anxiety can't hurt you and sometimes if you ride it out and try with saying the opposite to how you are feeling helps ease things.

On the net you can call support lines who can help talk things through at the moment or point you in the right direction. They have helped me before.

I am so sorry you are at the stage you are at the moment, but please try and be strong and positive.

I have also put a pillow to my face and just screamed into it, it helps with a release of frustration. My naturopath has helped as well with natural products, by a I really do recommend talking to your Dr and seeing a councellor and trust me, there is light and please keep us updated on your progress, I am more then happy to chat when ever you need it. Take care and be good to yourself :)

[punkbaby]

I have times like this too with my anxiety it comes back when i least expect it. I feel like i am going so well, no silly panic attacks and i feel good about myself then all of a sudden they hit me for 6

I think that we all have setbacks and its a case of learning how to manage them which is easier said than done i am still trying to work out how and why this is happening

Dont be so hard on yourself these things take time, one step back makes you stronger for the next step forward :) even though at the time it doesnt you know that you can get back on track as you have been there sometimes its hard staying there but you knw you can d it!! There is nothing wrong with that though :)

Stay strong x

[mama kare]

i visited my sister. she asked me how i was. all i said was im having a bad time right now.. im thinking of joining up with that postnatal depression mummys group in west end.

she said i have to stop using the postnatal depression as an excuse for having a sad day - told me i have to stop feeling sorry for myself and start living my life, otherwise i will be stuck in a rut for the rest of my life.

im really hurt that she has said this. i thought she understood...

[~Alicia]

Oh Kare :hugs: That's not helpful at all :(. It must have cut deep :hugs:

I thinking joining up with the PND girls is a great idea :hugs:

[punkbaby]

i visited my sister. she asked me how i was. all i said was im having a bad time right now.. im thinking of joining up with that postnatal depression mummys group in west end.

she said i have to stop using the postnatal depression as an excuse for having a sad day - told me i have to stop feeling sorry for myself and start living my life, otherwise i will be stuck in a rut for the rest of my life.

im really hurt that she has said this. i thought she understood...

I just joined a pnd support group and i say go for it!! Its nice to have people around you who totally understand what your going through

as for your sister, thats horrible :( sadly though some people have the attitude that pnd just goes away or we can think it away....if only they knew!!

Do you have any other support around you?

[Mum2Bug]

Kare:hugs: :hugs:

Im sorry that your sister doesnt seem to understand what you are going through, it is hard when you dont have the support that you think is there.

I agree with the idea of meeting up with the PND group, having others around who understand how you are feeling will be beneficial for you, and may even help before you slide too far backwards again.

Take care:hugs:

[alexiasmum]

Kare-:hugs: Sorry you are going through a difficult time. Feel proud though that you are pushing yourself to shower,cook and feed dd.

I think I have been in a similar situation.(PND).

Has anything changed recently ? Are you taking medication? Do you have any other support from family/friends? Unfortunately a lot of people just cannot understand unless they have been through it.



PM me if you want to talk.

[Ruby Slippers]

:hugs: :hugs: :hugs: :hugs:

[mama kare]

Kare-:hugs: Sorry you are going through a difficult time. Feel proud though that you are pushing yourself to shower,cook and feed dd.

I think I have been in a similar situation.(PND).

Has anything changed recently ? Are you taking medication? Do you have any other support from family/friends? Unfortunately a lot of people just cannot understand unless they have been through it.

PM me if you want to talk.

hi alexiasmum. nothing has really changed recently, no. that is where i am confused. ive been told that even if the slightest thing changes in a persons life when they have any sort of depression can send them backwards a bit, but i honestly cant think of anything that has changed. im taking 150mg effexor xr each morning, as i have been doing since march 07. i made an appointment to see my psychiatrist this week so hopefully he can help me out, if even just to talk to someone!! i havent much support through family, as i think my mum suffers from depression and if i try and talk to her she will change the topic atleast 5 times per minute. my sister usually understands and is a good listener, though for her to tell me yesterday that i "need to get over it".. maybe she was just having a bad day? im not sure.. she isnt usually like that though and that is what upset me.

i dont even know how i managed to drive my car down to the shops yesterday! i cant remember even driving!

this illness, im so sick of it! i just want it to go away :thumbsdown:

[mama kare]

:hugs: :hugs: :hugs: :hugs:

thanks ruby x

[mama kare]

I agree with the idea of meeting up with the PND group, having others around who understand how you are feeling will be beneficial for you, and may even help before you slide too far backwards again.



im looking into it! i hope it helps. my sister thought joining a group like this may be bad for my recovery as i may take on the feelings of the other mums and come home worse.. but i just want to talk to other people in person.. see how they are coping now and even gain a friend or two who i can call when i need to talk.. that would be nice.

[mama kare]

I just joined a pnd support group and i say go for it!! Its nice to have people around you who totally understand what your going through


punkbaby, thanks for this message!! nice to hear that you are getting great support from the group. do you find that you come home feeling a bit sad after hearing other mums stories or anything?

[punkbaby]

to be honest i felt relief, stupid as it sounds i come home and felt normal (i know i am normal but you do question yourself sometimes when you have unsupportive family around you)

i remember thinking just a sense of peace knowing that these total strangers understood how i felt. My anxiety and panic attacks really stuff my life i am so shy and so scared of talking to new people IRL but when i walked in it was instant Welcome. I remember having a panic attack on my first session (there are 7 of us) one of the ladies come up to me, she just knew i was like OMG she understands what its like and knows exactly what to do. Even if she only come up to me and said Hey come in here and lets get some cuppas going, she took me back into my comfort zone and we had a quick chat and i felt ok then. It was bizarre i guess as whenever i have had one in the past i have been told to get over it, stop being silly, breath through it, you know that you can talk yourself out of it etc etc, yeah that works sometimes but not in these situations.

As for bringing it home i do in a positive way, i guess you do compare each others experiences a little but you do think to yourself They are going through this, they are getting through it so can i, others i thought Gee i am so lucky i am not like X or wow X is just like me it was nice to bounce off each other. If i felt negative at all or if i do feel that i bring it home or feel that its wearing me down i will stop going but thankfully so far its been great. Mind you these are people that i wouldnt associate with IRL they arent someone that i could relate too LOL but when in these meets that all goes away. We have also been doing park picnics etc (this is really hard for me) and this is what i need :)

I am sure you will get through is it does take time though so dont be so hard on yourself if it takes longer or you end up going back wards again i would chat to your psychologist see what he can do and maybe give a pnd group a go, it doesnt hurt and you may find like me it really helps. I still have a long way to go but at least i can go the the school now and pick up my kids panic free, thats huge to me :)


Good luck :D

[alexiasmum]

Hi Mama kare.You will probably feel a bit better after talking to your psychiatrist. ( hopefully you are happy with your psychiatrist, otherwise find another one). If your medication is not helping, maybe your psychiatrist might wean you off and try another one?? I hope your sister was just having a bad day and can help support you through a difficult time as you need that. I wanted to try talking to others experiencing similar PND symptons, but when I tried it, I was suffering too badly from PND and it wasn't for me. But it is definately worth a try, even if you go and just check it out. :hugs: