View Full Version : His family want to choose baby's name
I'm 24 weeks pregnant with my first baby and my partners mother is insisting that their family name our child. My partner always goes along with what his family want and he thinks that this is fine but I am appalled and offended that she would try to take something so personal away.
We haven't been able to agree on a name for our child and we both like different kinds of names - he either wants a name from his culture (Samoan) or something made up whereas I have my heart set on something English.
We had agreed on some names but he has now gone off them.
I'm desperate for advice. Does anyone have any advice on how to deal with this situation?
:eek: That is just RUDE!!! They had their chance to name a child, now it's your turn!!!!
I'm not sure what advice to give you, but I dont think it's fair. Maybe tell them that it's your child & you & your husband will decide what to name the baby!! I say put your foot down, it's your right not theirs!!!!
That is appalling!!! I can't beleive she is trying to take this special thing away from you.
I am a pretty confrontational person (mainly cause i've had to be with my MIL), but perhaps you could say to them that you and your DH are going to pick the childs first name and perhaps they could suggest some middle names but you and your dh have to agree on the name as well.
Otherwise, you could be really sneaky, tell them that yes they can have that name and then just make it what you want when the baby is born. But I think your DH would have to be in agreance with this plan, otherwise could cause some hassles between the two of you.
Don't stress about you and DH agreeing too much just yet, me and my DH only agreed on a name 3 days before our DS was born.
I hope this has all made sense... not the best advice but maybe someone else will have some more that is better.
Anyway, good luck. I hope it works out.
All i can say is that i am absolutely disgusted that someone would thik they had any right to name someone elses child, family or not.YOU PICK THE NAME!! grrr that makes me so angry to hear of someone being so rude and egotistical.
your baby, you choose.
I would politely tell them that naming your child is absoloutely out of the question.
Welcome to bubhub..you poor thing you don't need that, I think you need to make clear to your partner that you as a couple name your child not his family, I can perhaps see where they are coming from maybe that's their tradition?
naming baby is very hard I know that I came up with loads and loads and everyone my partner said "don't like it" it was a nightmare!!!
try and relax you have plenty of time and make sure you are not pushed into something you don't want this is important!
Naming your baby is extremely special & something that is very exciting. I think that maybe you could sit your DH down & explain how important it is to you that you both discuss & agree on a name that you have both chosen, maybe if he knows how much you want to do this he will tell his parents to back off & if this doesn't work, I say use any means necessary to make them see that it just wont be happening, after all you did try the nice option.
I'm pretty sure that the "birth registration" form (or whatever it's called) has to be signed by the MOTHER and no-one else (the father can sign it, but that's not compulsory, as I understand it - please someone correct me if I'm wrong:))
So your IL's can say whatever they like, but in the end the decision will be yours.
Having said that, butting heads with stubborn people often leads to long-term arguments.... maybe listen to their suggestions (you never know, they might surprise you! But then again, they might not...) but make it clear that the name of YOUR child is not their decision.
Is there actually people out there who think that they can interfere like this! My suggestion to you is to maybe let your husband come up with a first name and you come up with the middle or vice versa. For god sake they are going to have their last name in there. I think that you probably have to stand up and just say "no" and leave it at that.
that is just so rude! I would never let my il's name my child! Its your child and you name it! its something special for your dh and you not his family!
Thanks everyone for your responses - it's comforting to know that I'm not alone in my reaction!! I have tried to negotiate but I"m just not being heard! I have had enough trouble being accepted by his family because I'm white and I don't want to rock the boat but I can't just be rail roaded like this either..
I think the bottom line is i have to get my partner to see that naming our child is a privilege which belongs to us unless we choose to give it up - and then HE has to stand up to his family...
Thanks again everyone
yogimum if and when you do choose the name I recomend you keep it quiet to avoid further upset, my partners side is Turkish and there is no way I am telling them the name until she is born lol I just know I couldn't deal with the comments!! Lucky for me tho my partner understands the naming game and how it's our choice not theirs!
Is it Samoan tradition to do that?
Last time I checked it was up to the parents to sign the birth certificate to register the birth and NAME of the child not his family!!
Talk to your partner and tell him how you feel and make HIM stand up to his family. If he is about to become a father then he must learn that what you and him say goes - his family have no say in any of it!!! They must learn to like it or lump it and he is the one who needs to make them see this :fingerscrossed:
:eek: :eek: :eek:
Sorry but this is your speical time and very very personal 2 its something you have to discuss with your partner...like chellegoth...is this tradition??
Princess mary had no choice in nameing Christian...is this like your family? or are they just controlling:thumbsdown:
just seen your reply
well i think if you dont stand your ground now you will always be told what to do....sorry was not being horrible just stand up to what you believe and they will have to get used to your way...your marriage and your baby...
this world has to accept that people fall in love no matter what colour..religion etc and his family are going to have to get used to it!...:hugs:
Let us know how you goX
hi yogimum my husband is also samoan and i can tell you its deffinatly not tradition for the family to name the child we have 3 boys and one on the way and like you it was hard fitting into his family because i am white but really the only problem was his mother she has a very strict hold over her boys my husband being one of them but now ( we have been together 9 years) things are alot easy he doesnt give into her so much which is great plus she is in nz which makes it a little bit easier. Back onto the names we did it where the name we picked would have an english meaning like our first is joel which in samoan is ioelu which is his fathers name with the next two we have english names Travis(which is my last name before we married)and kane all though the middle names are samoan tautai and toetu one is his uncles name the other means easter sunday which is when he was born and of course they all have their fathers last name. We never had any problems with his mum she did make some suggestions but thats all i would let it be. With this next child i have agreed to let it have a samoan first name but it has to be easy to pronounce and i have to like it.
Anyway sorry for going on so much i really know how you feel about their culture and traditions as ive gone thru it and really things are just getting better for us now just be strong and remember like some of the other ladies said your the one who signs the birth certificate sa if you dont want it dont sign it. If you want to chat just pm me.
I agree that you really have to stand your ground now, if you let them have this power now, it won't stop just there.
I know what you mean about your partner not telling his family to back off, my DH is the same with his family.
I've been letting it build up for a number of years and finally exploded over Christmas and told them all to back off.
Best of luck
Im sure this is a very hard situation for you & with a partner not willing to stand up to his mum im sure it makes it harder. :hugs:
I would stand my ground on this as you have the right to name your child but at the same time maybe you can compromise also (?).
We had to do this with bubs middle name as we decided it would be nice to use my partners grandfathers name which is Charles but as he was called Charlie we chose this to my MIL kicking up a stink etc & even in the birthing suite having a go at us for the name :( :banghead: Anyways after some thought my partner decided not because of her but because it was true that his grandfather was Charles that we use that plus it sounds better etc so i sadly agreed so i still call him Harry Charlie but his formal name is Harrison Charles.
So maybe like kimmariee you could choose an english name that has a samoan version also or an english first name with samoan middle (?) which will ease all sides but as i said first up YOU & your partner have the right to name your child no-one else so dont let them take that away from you.
Good luck i hope things settle down & you can find a solution :)
Don't even get into naming conversations with them anymore. Just say we are still thinking about it or if they suggest something - say, hmmm I'll have to think about that one. THEN CHANGE THE SUBJECT QUICK!!!
Besides (I'm not being racist) - what country are they in? It is not part of the Australian culture for grandparents to name grandchildren.
Its you child so its your choice and if the family doesnt like it tell them to get over it as its not their turn to name your child as they are the grandparents not the parent and that your the mother not them.
Sorry if I was harsh
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