I feel like such a bad mum

[punkbaby]

I know i am not a bad mum but today dd2 really pushed my limits and i was so ashamed of her actually being my daughter i am disgusted at myself for feeling like this :(

I took ds and dd2 and bubs down the shops to get some bread, i thought hmm the kids are in a happy mood i might go have a cuppa and run into big w to get a hair dye dd and ds were in happy moods and as i didnt have a pram for indie (it was a rush spur of the moment thing) i was a little funny about going it alone with all 3 but i thought stuff it they will be fine! The prams my security i guess if dd2 plays up i can carry her at least and indies safe in the pram.

Half way round big w dd2 cracks it sits on the floor and sulks poor ds is sitting there trying to coax her along (he was an utter angel) i couldnt pick up dd2 as i was carrying indie so i held her hand and said get up please. She wouldnt budge i said can you please be nice for mum we have to get this then we can go she still wouldnt budge :( Then the screaming started and the full on tantrum and make everyone stare at mum tantrum! I was so embarrassed. I grabbed her hand and ended up dragging her practically along as she was seriously in a foul mood. I just felt like giving her a good smack on the bum which i have only like done twice!! she sure needed it but usually the verbal reasoning works but obviously not today.

I found a trolley put her in it and she then screamed even more I then get to the register so embarrassed ds is saying i am sorry dd is naughty i am being good mum i said yes you are sweety, a lady looks at me in disgust dd is still screaming her damn head off and all these people are looking at me like i was some horrible mum! One lady had the nerve to tell me that i should keep the naughty kids at home when i shop, i said well shes just having one of those moments i said all kids do i said she just chose to do it now, then she told me that i should do parenting courses....i could have hit the stupid cow grrrr i got the usual bad looks from everyone i was so ashamed and i kept thinking OMG i am so embarrassed that she is my child now i feel horrible for thinking that like really bad!!

I do have to thank one lady though at the checkout i could have kissed her!! She was lining up behind me, after seeing all the funny looks i copped and the snide comments she tapped on my shoulder and said at the top of her voice Gee they pick a good time to have a tantrum dont they my daughter used to do this all the time isnt it horrible how people stare at you and give you dirty looks I am sure their kids have done the same to them!

I nearly fell over and then i started bawling my eyes out i was so greatful that she understood and made it known to everyone else that these things happen.
I know that i shouldnt feel embarrassed but i cant help but get paranoid when your the centre of attention i guess in this bad sort of way

Grr i still feel horrible for thinking what i did today and still i am so embarrassed as well! I know dd2 had had to deal with bubs arrival but i thought she was doing well i guess i can only put this tantrum down to that :( as she hardly ever does this is like really rare for her to do

I hate how people stare at you when your kids play up and act like your some bad mother who cant control their kids, generally the kids are so good when i take them out so i was even shocked (

Sorry needed to get it off my chest

[Starlet]

Just wanted to give you a great big *hug*

Isn't it awful how people can stare and act as if they are(or would be) better parents than you.

U are not a bad mum hun, I have 3 boys under 5 and I often have the two older ones running in opposite directions and there is me hollering at them to 'get back here RIGHT NOW!' lol.

[Ruby Slippers]

Big Hugs :hugs:

[Bibs]

:hugs:
You are not a bad mum and please don't feel ashamed. I'm sorry those rude people made you feel bad but don't let them, they don't deserve that much power.

[Jax Tellers Old Lady]

Please dont feel ashamed I am faced with tantrums at every public place we go to recently and am really sick and tired of the stares and looks on peoples faces. Some days I feel like marching up to them and saying here you go you try and settle him down.

I dont have any advice just wanted to let you know that your not alone. Big hugs:hugs: :hugs:

[caz]

You're not a bad mum, i'm sure everyone has had thoughts like that about their kids, god knows I do.

Lots of :hugs: for you

[punkbaby]

Thankyou everyone i feel so horrible still and embarrassed part of me now wishes i had of said something to these horrible people wish i had more courage sometimes. DD is being an utter angel now you wouldnt know she could create such havok with how she is now

[hailsntwang]

:hugs: To you.

Sometimes all it takes is one nice person to let you know they understand completely why you are upset.

I think by the sounds of it, you handled the situation really well.

It could have been a lot worse. You could of turned into one of those mums that start swearing at their children and cause an even bigger scene.

It's ok to feel ashamed.

[KatiesMum]

:hugs: :hugs: :hugs: for you

PB - You are a great Mum. All kids have tantrums (some more than others, but all of them do it at some stage) and they often pick a public place to do it ......

Some poeple are just too rude for words!!!!!!

[tiggles]

All kids and mums for that matter have bad days. Just ignore anyone staring.
They soukd kike perfectly normal kids to me.

[Queen]

:hugs: BIG HUGS:hugs:


Gee they pick a good time to have a tantrum dont they my daughter used to do this all the time isnt it horrible how people stare at you and give you dirty looks I am sure their kids have done the same to them!


^^^^I love this lady!!!!

PB, all I can say is....:hugs: We have all been there and if we haven't, the day is yet to come:devil6: .
ALL KIDS DO IT AT LEAST ONCE
Do not think it is a reflection on your parenting, you are a fabbo Mum, it was just a bad day.

:fingerscrossed: May tomorrow be MUCH better, take care:hugs:

[punkbaby]

Now i amgetting all sad again well happy sad thanks so much everyone i rang dh (his in melb for a few days at his parents) and told him and his like why didnt you just go home!! its like noooo shes gotta learn that if i have to do something then just coz she cracks it doesnt mean that i will give in then he told me it was my own fault stupid idiot! Men!!

[bel_aiden]

:hugs: to you pb, im yet to be in a situation like that so i can only imagine how it felt!
youre down the valley arent you? a place where people have not much else better to do then judge others, well thats my experience if certain places down there

nothing to be ashamed about, kids will be kids, and always keep us on our toes.

[punkbaby]

:hugs: to you pb, im yet to be in a situation like that so i can only imagine how it felt!
youre down the valley arent you? a place where people have not much else better to do then judge others, well thats my experience if certain places down there

nothing to be ashamed about, kids will be kids, and always keep us on our toes.

Yep and sadly because i look like a freak due to my appearance to these people down here LOL they think i am one guess i can laugh about it maybe i need to dress like a bogan and i will fit in more lol

[bel_aiden]

:laughing: what, when you moved there the council didnt send you the welcome pack with flanny and moccasins:p

[sockstealingpoltergeist]

I agree -how perfectly normal! You sound like a great mum to me. I decided to myself this time around that I wasn't going to let anyone make me feel bad or embarressed about anything to do with my children. Now I have that mind set I don't let anything worry me I know I am doing the best I can. My son has started throwing some woppers so I sypmpathise.
Yesterday he ran in front of a lady - blocking her way to escalator and she gave me a massive death stare and started mumbling under her breath. I just looked at her and laughed and I said "yeah I know kids who'd have em? your parents obviously! Fancy taking them out in public." She looked shocked and quickly darted up the escalator.
Come on I mean these are little kids every adult has been one! and I'm sick of society acting so intolerable about everything. any way thats my rant added to your thread. Good luck I think your doing a great job by the sounds of things.:thumbsup: to you.

[AJ3]

Sorry to hear that it has ruined your day. Perhaps tomorrow you should go back to BigW and do it all again, with out the pram and everything, surely it has to turn out a bit better than today... and if it does then let your little dear know how great it was. At least it may make you feel better tomorrow...

[mumbron]

Hi i think your a fantastic mum for being so brave in the first place with little ones you deserve a medal:D
i hate it when people look at me when my kids are having tantrums isn't it normal for kids to play up in shops ??? Your a super mum:D

[punkbaby]

i am over it now thanks everyone i guess i just needed to hear that it was normal even though i knew it was, maybe my hormones are running wild i have been taking alot of things to heart this week! All is good though but i swear i am never doing a quick run in the shops without a pram again learnt my lesson :) i might have to make myself a t shirt or something saying if my kids throw a tantrum smile rather than judge me!!

[caz]

i might have to make myself a t shirt or something saying if my kids throw a tantrum smile rather than judge me!!

Can I put in an order for one those :D

[Pauline70]

:hugs: to you. I think you're brave for taking 3 to the shops - I'm daunted just taking my DD! Big :hugs: to the lady at the registers that actually gave you some support as well!

[punkbaby]

Can I put in an order for one those :D Better go dust off the screen printer then LOL

[mumx3littlies]

Oh PB I feel for you on this one! When #3 was born we had a newborn, 14month old and just turned 3 yr old. DD (14mth) was always a difficult bub but OMG from about 10months she was an absolute terror with the tanties. And I mean fullon tanties like you're talking here even at that age! She wud have crowds of people staring and yep it makes you feel like sh!t alrite. People wud be looking and shaking their heads like as if to say OMG look at that lady and her kids, why has she got 3! Silly girl has just had another what was she thinking:laughing: Thats what it feels like they think anyway and I'm sure half of em do think that:rolleyes: Tough titties I say. Yep all kids have bad days and everyone knows it whether they'll admit to it or not is another thing:p

[FishFace]

aww you poor thing.
I have done parenting courses and mine still have wicked tantrums!!

as to the lady who said you should not take your naughty children shopping...You should have asked her how come her mum let her out then?

Tantrums are a fact of life. some kids are worse then others but its not reflective of parenting.
I NEVER tantrumed as a kid. NEVER and do you know why? Because if I did my father used to slap me in the face..it wasnt the parenting course or good skills that kept me silent!

:hugs: :hugs: :hugs:

[veve]

I haven't read ALL the posts yet - just the OP .. but ...

if you had bought something junky (ice cream etc) to help keep the kids quiet - the oldies would have shaken their heads at you anyway ..

I too feel embarrassed at the shops (you should have seen the tanty that Jack threw at the riverside markets today!! shhesssh) - but its part of mothering - if you go shopping and :eek: say NO to a child - what else are they going to do??? you rarely see a child say 'oh yes mother - I do see your point, I dont really NEED one of those, I understand now' :laughing:

tanties are part of growing up (my DH still throws them occasionally!)

xx
Jen

[StrawberryTheMilkshake]

Punky,

Youve always been there to answer my ramblings so heres my answer to yours....
Im a teacher, and early childhood bachelor of education, ive worked in child care for over 12 years and now i direct a very large child care centre.
I give advice to parents on behaviour management, tantrums, etc etc.
Does this stop my 3 year old from doing dirt angels on the floor in the middle of westfields and a 20 minute tanty? Hell no. :devil6: :devil6:
Did it stop me from dragging her home (with both of us crying by this stage) because i felt people were judging me? NO!!!
Its always hard and no matter how much experience i have, blah blah- it doesnt stop kids being kids. It sure didnt make me feel any better when she was attracting the comments and stares. In the end i walked away and some lady said something and i said "what, got a problem?" then she said "you should do something about that" (pointing to my dirt angelling DD) and i said, "well you know what you should do? Try and help me or shut you ******* mouth". Teacher? Hmmm, charming....!!!
Anyway i was so furious i couldnt help it!
When im at the shops on my own (on a rare occasion) if i see a poor lady struggling with a trolley or kids- ill always offer to help- not to hold kids (because i know people freak about that) but even saying "look, can i help you by holding your trolley or helping you take it to the car?". Not everyone accepts because of safety of course but at least the offers are there- it makes people see that not everyone is out to judge them and make them feel horrible for their child doing the worlds biggest tanty.
So punky, dont feel bad, i would have helped somehow- or defended you- i often have a defensive temper! We as parents have all been there and done that, and as someone else said soon enough it will happen to everyone. The good thing is that my DD is getting that little bit older so she gets $2. At the end of the shopping she knows if she is good, she can have a ride. If not, i take the money back- and look out for the tanty but its a way of learning. It worked like a charm today with groceries. Maybe it will start with your DD soon? Even try with a chuppa chup or something?
I always try not to take her if i dont have a shop plan but if its groceries or a few bits and pieces then she's usually ok....
So, chin up, your a brilliant mum, piercings and tats dont change the people we are, so i say a big :thumbsup: to those who judge us on appaerance. And thats not meant to be a thumb either :rolleyes:
Take care punky
Love STM
(formerly AnonMum)

[punkbaby]

Thankyou :) thank god she didnt doesnt do it all the time thats what i am happy about i guess if she did there is no way i would take here anywhere with me it would drive me mad! I knw myself if i see someones child playing up i will give the reassuring smile, i dont offer to help as i dont feel its my place but i do find that the mum will smile back as if to say OMG a smile not a dirty look!

I think dd has been through a lot the last two weeks as she hasnt had mum full on and she is a real little mummies girl i guess and i have put it down to that we i have been trying to give her a little more one on one so she doesnt feel shafted but so hard with a newborn! today though she come to coles with me and was an angel and said all the way round the shops i will be nice mum ok i wont be silly LOL i think that she realises how much she upset me the other day as she knew she done wrong so hopefully it doesnt happen anytime soon :)

[Lollie86]

today though she come to coles with me and was an angel and said all the way round the shops i will be nice mum ok i wont be silly LOL i think that she realises how much she upset me the other day as she knew she done wrong so hopefully it doesnt happen anytime soon :)

That is soo cute! :) All kids have tantrums and your right, the new arrival could have something to do with it.
I try not to stare if I see a situation like the one you were in or sometimes do the reassuring smile thing.
You sound like you are doing such a great job....:hugs:

[Mummaholic]

Oh punkbaby what makes people think that they have the right to hand out their negative opinions like that?

People are so rude indeed.

I find that they are quite willing to give advice about bottle vs breast, cloth vs disposable, how he should be dressed (always well, thank you!), as well as behaviour and his diet. These are complete strangers!

One lady even came up to my husband and told him off for buying formula in a supermarket! She had no idea about our situation, what would you do if you were on medication and you didn;t have a choice! How rude.

Hugs.

[summermummy]

they happen when you least expect them,you're not a bad mum!! and we ALL have times where we think where did this child come from!?
one tip i have i VERY rarely use it and with much discretion. I walk away from the tantrum thrower and it takes a little minute but once they realise they cant see you (hide behind a clothes rack or something) suudenly they realize they have no audience and I've found it works. some people are not comfortable doing this but ive done it maybe 2 or 3 times when my 7 yo was going throguh tantrum phase and it distracts them into thinking '****' where'd she go?

[punkbaby]

they happen when you least expect them,you're not a bad mum!! and we ALL have times where we think where did this child come from!?
one tip i have i VERY rarely use it and with much discretion. I walk away from the tantrum thrower and it takes a little minute but once they realise they cant see you (hide behind a clothes rack or something) suudenly they realize they have no audience and I've found it works. some people are not comfortable doing this but ive done it maybe 2 or 3 times when my 7 yo was going throguh tantrum phase and it distracts them into thinking '****' where'd she go?

that works for the others well it did but they are over tantrum stage now. dd2 would run off shes far too confident :(

[mum2bubba]

You poor thing :hugs:

Don't people realise that kids act up at times? (the most inconvienient times too). I would have told that woman to mind her f-ing business. Some people who are rude should stay at home not kids who are probably just bored (not saying you're a boring mum just saying that kids get bored/restless sometimes when out and about) Maybe some people need to be reminded that THEY were children once too or that might have their OWN kids who most likely aren't angels.

[punkbaby]

Exactly cassie when i shop, i am sure your the same you do it quickly we last about 45 minutes and then its like ok lets go before we get tired or bored etc. Usually it works for me just not this time LOL grrr!! I think that people forget that kids have bad days as well i have had a good think about it anyhow and know that its not my parenting its just that dds having a hard time dealing with not having mums full on attention and i honestly think this is why she did what she did.

[mum2bubba]

tanties are part of growing up (my DH still throws them occasionally!)


So does mine. :rolleyes:

[mum2bubba]

Exactly cassie when i shop, i am sure your the same you do it quickly we last about 45 minutes and then its like ok lets go before we get tired or bored etc. Usually it works for me just not this time LOL grrr!! I think that people forget that kids have bad days as well i have had a good think about it anyhow and know that its not my parenting its just that dds having a hard time dealing with not having mums full on attention and i honestly think this is why she did what she did.

Hayley is usually pretty good, so is Skye but every now and then they can be rats (what kid isn't though?) I give people death stares or say something like "yes, they're babies, get over it" or whatever. You have just had a baby so you really don't need people belittling you and making you more stressed then what you already are.

:shame: to all those nasty people.

[punkbaby]

i am still going to make my t shirt LOL trying to think of something that will actually make them think before they look and stare though!

[mum_I'm_hungry]

:hugs: If it makes you feel any better, one of my mum's friends is a professor of child development and tells a great story about how her two-year-old once threw a super-huge tanty at the shops in front of a group of her students who just happened to be there. :o :laughing: