Sad

[kittykatz]

I think i just need to get this all off my chest.

I have very bad PMS, made worse by the fact we are TTC and AF is 4 days late but i got a BFN, so i just want it over with.

I feel like i am the only adult in my relationship.

I am the one who looks after budgets, paying the bills etc. DH doesn't even know how to use internet banking, doesn't bother looking at the budget and pretty much takes money out of his account ignorant to any direct debits coming out. The issue has been brought up so many times, but he acts as if it is my fault that he doesn't have endless $$$ to spend.

We both work full time and have spending money, but i survive on less than him because i'd rather see the money go to paying off our maxed out credit card.

He seems to put his needs first always. I end up doing the majority of the housework, including the mowing etc, because he'd rather build his train set under the house.

He is better than he used to me (if you can believe it) and he's not a "jerk' but there comes to a point in life when you need to take responsibility. Even when we decided to buy a house, it was me who did the research, found homes to look at etc.

Whenever i get really emotional and teary, and just need a hug is when he pulls away from me. I can literally be sobbing, begging for a hug, and he'll just tell me i'm being silly and doesn't feel like hugging me when i act like that.

The thing is he'll go out of his way for other people (usually females) to help them out and everyone thinks he's this all-round nice guy.

I'm terrified of whats going to happen when i'm pregnant, and not working. We'll be surviving on less money, and he can't even look after himself now. Not to mention I'll be emotional and sleep deprived.

Really 85 % of the time he is really nice and we do communicate well and are happy. There is just this one "personality' or mood he possesses that TBH is incredibly self-centred and cold.

I really think relationship counselling is the way to go. It frustrates me that he is not motivated to be more of an adult. I wouldn't be happy with myself if i had to rely on someone else to do all the big stuff, and i wouldn't think its fair.

[hailsntwang]

I am going to say something, only because I think if you know the answer to this question then every thing will end up ok.

Do you really want to bring a baby into a relationship like this??

If you say yes, then you are only having a bad day. My advice is to go and get a haircut, get your nails done or just go for a walk. Sometimes fresh air is all you need.

Write him a letter stating everything you are feeling, sometimes that's the only way it will sink in (men have selective hearing, most of the time he probably switches off).

If you answer no, I suggest you walk away. Not necessary forever, but long enough so you both get you priorities back on line.

Until then :hugs:

(I hope you didn't take this the wrong way)

[kittykatz]

Thanks hailsntwang.

You are right. As soon as i read it i thought i had over exagerated. I just got AF and all of a sudden am not emotional or teary.

I think when i have PMS tiny incidents seem like huge dramas.

Yes there are issues to iron out, but really generally he is a beautiful caring person, he, just like everyone else has faults.

I just need to look at the right strategy to deal with it. I do think its a case of me doing everything for him, so why would he bother changing.

[macca27975]

kittykatz - You are right, when you have PMS and TTC the little things are what get blown up. I was in the same situation and it wasn't until I went overseas in June of this year with my friend, that DH realised what I actually did for him. He had to learn how to do the banking and how the budget works and look after the pet and wash cloths and cook and everythinig else.

But now things are so different, he knows and helps with the banking and has a say on where the money goes and why, we cook dinner and clean house together, he is being more involved and it is wonderful. Even with the TTC he asks about when the right time is and suggest on what we should try next. Us doing an AI cycle was his idea.

However in saying that, it was really hard for me to let go of things I had control over. I am a little bit of a control freak, but now that I have let go, I feel like the pressure is off me and we share, the stresses of day to day life.

Recently I have been seeing a pyschologist, to help me deal better with the stresses in my left and all this TTC anxiety and worry and all that and for the first two appointments DH came with me and he is wonderful about it and knows the signs now of when I am needing a chat or a hug, but he also knows when I need a kick in the bum and be told that I am just being silly.

Anyway I just wanted to let you know, that they can change and so can we, but it does take time, I have been with my DH for 14 years and married for 7 and things only started to change in the last 2 years, it tool a lot of me nagging and that and I think my holiday away was the last thing he needed to open his eyes, or maybe he just got sick of me nagging.

Hang in there, things will change and don't you just hate hormones :) Take care and all the very best.

[kittykatz]

Thank you rebecca!

You are totally right. I went overseas early in our relationship, and i was having major doubts about us, and my being gone for a few weeks really showed him what he has been taking for granted.

Perhaps an overseas trip is in order....:)