Keeping it a secret

[Pixie]

Obviously people here will know I realise that.

But in real life with family I have realised I should of kept my mouth shut.

Where you selective with who you told you were home-birthing?

And if you did say we plan to HB what where the reactions?

[MrsO]

Yep, I only tell people that I feel will be supportive of our decision.

We haven't told FIL and his wife yet, to be perfectly honest I would be more than happy if they came and visited us at home a few days after the birth and just thought we discharged from hospital early :laughing: (they might think something is up with the pool though...hmmm)

Sometimes if strangers ask and I don't feel in the mood to explain I'll just skirt around the question, but most times I'm happy to tell them all about it and try and get the word out there. I have to admit, 99% of the reactions have been positive, it has surprised me.

[Pixie]

I have taken to bending the truth by saying I am still choosing a hospital.

Great that you have had a lot of support!

[AM]

I always found that the further along I was in pregnancy, the more I clammed up about it. I was lucky that i did have a lot of support, but as time for the birth came nearer, i needed to keep a tight circle of positivity around me, and just tended to gloss over the birth plans to those not in the know.

My experience is that your mindset going into birth is extremely important, so the more contact with those who have done it, and those who truly understand it the better :)

Forget the rest of them :)

This comment is making me feel like an old fuddy duddy, but I truly believe that we have the rest of our lives to get the word out about homebirth, and perhaps during pregnancy is not the right time, given the negativity which can often ensue...it was just something I decided I really did NOT need at that point in time.

[SassyMummy]

I'm not pregnant...not even TTC... and already I have been telling family and friends of my intentions to homebirth in the future.

I figure if they object - I'll hit them with the cold hard facts... their "opinions" can't stand up against that!

So far, nobody has said anything negative... just the, "Oh well good luck... don't think I could do it though," kind of thing. I kind of see this as an invitation to enlighten them as best I can.

I kinda wanna let people know I'm doing it because I hope that the more stories of homebirthing gets around, the more "normal" it might become. Like, if I tell my bestie about homebirth, and how I'm going to do it, she might think, "Well....Stacey did it," when she has children one day and might at least consider it.

I dunno, I think sometimes I feel like it's my "duty" to talk about it, to make it known, to not keep it a secret... because I'm just a normal person, and hopefully they might see that it's not just "weird hippies" that do it.

I think most people I know think that people who have homebirths wear cheesecloth dresses, rarely bathe, are vegan, busk, smoke pot...etc etc. :p I kinda wanna let them know that just NORMAL people do it too.

Well, not that I'm "normal," I'm a bit ABnormal (lol), but "average" anyway.

[Beany]

Nat: tell them that you're giving birth in your bathtub with your ankle in the soap dish and laugh it off. That way, when you do give birth in your bathtub with your ankle in the soap dish, they had fair warning :D

Honestly, if I was going the homebirth route, I wouldn't tell people that weren't likely to be supportive of the choice. I don't need the negativity they'd inject and nor do you. It's a personal decision you are making regarding your vagina. None of their business unless they are willing to discuss their pink bits with you.

[Pixie]

:eek: who told you it was pink

[Beany]

Alas, I learned far more than I ever needed to know during that fateful meet at Homebush around Christmas last year ...

[MrsO]

This comment is making me feel like an old fuddy duddy, but I truly believe that we have the rest of our lives to get the word out about homebirth, and perhaps during pregnancy is not the right time, given the negativity which can often ensue...it was just something I decided I really did NOT need at that point in time.

I think that is a really good point. There is nothing to say you can't shout from the rooftops about your homebirth AFTER the baby is born, at least that way no one can try and give you their opinion on what you should be doing, it is already done!

[Lillynix]

I think there's only 5 people that know my intention to freebirth!

I told my mum, simply because she's open and likes the idea of homebirth, but once I mentioned there would be no midwife, the first thing she said was "but what if something does happen?" to which I replied "I can always head to the hospital!" so she's now fine with my decision, i've spoken to her about it a fair bit and she seems supportive, so I can only assume it's genuine.

My MIL however, tend to panick and over react and worry about everything. So while DH mentioned to her that "we wouldn't be in the hospital" she refuses to believe it and refuses to listen to anything about our birth plan, which is a little upsetting to me as i'm proud of my decision and want to talk about it. And I get on with my MIL really well, but i'll get over it.

My best friend (who is currently living/working in London) knows my plans and she decided that she wasn't "going to allow me" to freebirth as it was dangerous, but this is coming from someone who has never been pregnant and knows absolutely nothing about childbirth, so I shrugged her comments off.

DH mentioned our intentions to freebirth with two of his female friends (who whoms is 3months pg) on the weekend, while I wasn't there, not sure what their reactions were.

And i've told one of the ladies in my mothers group, and while she thinks i'm a little mad but brave she's quite interested in the process.

I'd dearly love to tell my SIL (due 2 weeks before I am with her 1st) as she wanted to homebirth but decided she was too far away from a hospital in case of emergency (she lives around 1hr away) so decided on a birth centre instead. But it's just a hard subject to bring up, especially when I only ever see her at my MIL's who I said doesn't want to know anything :rolleyes:

I was in the state of mind a few weeks ago where I didn't want anyone to know incase I had their negative comments putting doubts in my head etc, but now, I couldn't give a rats who knows. I'm proud of my decision, I know what I am doing is the best thing for me, and if someone has something negative to say, then i'll quite happily correct them :)

[chameleon]

We are TTC and I would LOVE a homebirth, but I wouldn't tell people unless I thought they'd support me.

I remember one day when I was at some mother group thing, and they were all talking about this woman who tried for a homebirth but it turned out badly. Everyone was going on about how selfish she was and how she deserved everything she got:( It was awful, because if it happened at a hospital they would've been devastated for her.

I'll be shouting it from the rooftops afterwards, but not before.

But... umm... is it possible to keep it a secret from your husband?:rolleyes: :p I don't think he's going to be keen:(

[InSaneOne]

while i am not actively planning a homebirth i had a fairly long and strenous labour with my first.

now when asked about number 2's birth i am saying that i will be staying at home as long as possible and dh will have to call the ambulance men to come and catch:laughing: . if it does end in a homebirth i won't mind.

[Funkychicken]

Nat, I think you have been given same sage advice here.
I have just today read a birth story by a girl who knew her baby was breech but didn't share that with anyone outside of her midwife and doula. She planned (and had) a homebirth and just felt it was information that nobody else needed to know.
It is entirely your choice who you share information with.:thumbsup:

[~Emmylou~]

Nat, I think you have been given same sage advice here.
I have just today read a birth story by a girl who knew her baby was breech but didn't share that with anyone outside of her midwife and doula. She planned (and had) a homebirth and just felt it was information that nobody else needed to know.
It is entirely your choice who you share information with.:thumbsup:

:yes:

I don't plan to tell anyone - everyone around me believes babies should be born in hospital and that childbirth is an inherently dangerous undertaking :rolleyes:
They also think I'm slightly off my rocker with my hippie-doula ways so I have no intention of letting them pollute my thinking next time I'm pregnant...no way.

No one will know except me, DH, my doula and a midwife ( :fingerscrossed: ) until well after the baby is born.

[Pixie]

Yes I made a huge mistake telling my sister who thinks well first time you nearly died 2nd time for sure you're going to if you birth at home.

I do understand peoples fear of homebirth when they know nothing.

I just wish people could trust women to know what they are doing is right for them.

I have DH supporting me and amazingly well I find it amazing is my Father who is 75 telling me to stay at home it's the way we should birth. I guess in his day this was normal.

My birth mother is like my sister convinced that I will die and if I don't the baby will.

So I have decided to not say anything anymore!

At least I have some people here who support the ideas and are planning or have had them themselves!

[demeter]

I'm not pregnant...not even TTC... and already I have been telling family and friends of my intentions to homebirth in the future.

I figure if they object - I'll hit them with the cold hard facts... their "opinions" can't stand up against that!

That's what I did :) Often someone will say something really un-founded, fear/opinion based to me about birth and I will just smirk and shrug it off.

I might get more aggressive about it as my time comes closer because I really don't want to hear it or have it upsetting me. As I get more sensitive (if I get more sensitive) I will ask the person speaking to keep their opinions to themselves because it's really unsupportive and unfair to put their negativitiy onto me.