Upset...

[BiNdI86]

hey guys...i just need to get this out.

This has been going on for ages!!!

My DP has two really good 'best' friends who are girls...Now i don't have a problem with them being girls!! It's just that when he talks to them, it's like i don't exist, he visit's them and I don't even get an invite!! And he goes all funny after he talks to them...i don't know why, but he acts different and when i ask him if he's ok, he goes on that something must be wrong with me for asking!!!! AHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!

The worst thing is that i HAD two really good male friends...Who i don't talk to anymore because of DP!!! he hates that i talk to guys (and i only ever talked to thoes two!!) The reason i don't talk to them anymore is because i feel like i am betraying or cheating on DP by talking to them...it's just how he makes me feel!!

I'm sick of not getting appreciated..I am home all day and when he get's home he just sits on his butt and doesn't help and won't even hold a decent conversation anymore!!!

We have fought and fought about it and NEVER get anywhere and i feel like it's a lost cause even talking about it...Please help i just feel like $hit!!

Sorry guys...this is really long and i am really upset and just seem like i'm rambling...so if it doesn't make sense that's ok!!

[M O P]

Oh Bindi you've really got to let him know truthfully how it makes you feel.

Be really honest about your friends and how you don't see them now cause of him and how his friends make you feel. It's not on in a relationship for someone to be telling the other who and who not to be friends with like you've said.

[Mischief]

I think it sounds like a case of double standards personally!

If he doesnt want you having male friends, then its fair that he doesnt have female friends either. You have to be able to trust eachother....

Is there anyway to compromise in the situation? Ie, he doesnt see them alone...and same with your old male friends?

Hugs too you....hope it sorts out soon, but I can understand you feeling upset and frustrated!

[bronny-jane]

i dont want to upset you, i want to know if your thinking there is more to his frienship with these girls than he lets you know. just curious by the way you said he acts differently and get defensive about them.
not saying he's cheating, but is that what your thinking?

[heymamma]

awww sweetie (((hugs))) to you. Man i would be angry mostly at the fact that he can hold a conversation with them but not you.. Why dont you ever get invited... what does he say when you ask these Questions? I dont see why it is ok for him..but not you. Just reading this made me angry & my hubby isnt even like that... but he used to talk to girls at work bout our sex life & they would tell him ( in alot of detail) about there's. I hated it... i said i would rather if you want to talk about sex you talk with your mates.... i didnt understand how he couldnt talk to his mates but he could talk to girls. Then when i asked him to stop he told the girls to stop telling him bout there sex life ,,they wouldnt talk to me & were weird aound me when i went to his work :(
sorry i shouldnt be raving on bout my story... i just know how you feel... put your foot down girl!!

[BiNdI86]

thanks guys i feel a little better.

i know nothing will happen because the one he talks to the most is gay and lives in Canada. She used to live in Oz but moved back once she finished her uni course and the other he hasn't seen since i've been on the scene..

I am just sick of fighting with him about it. I have made it bloody clear that i don't like it and the fact he calls them 'babe' and 'sweety' really pi$$es me off...i'm getting really angry now thinking about it:banghead:

now when one of my guy friends tries to talk to me on msn and he is there i panick and make up excuses that i have to go.

I have tried it all the D&M's, the yelling and screaming till i lost my voice, the cold shoulder, the slapping in the face from anger (only once!!) i even talked to a friend on the phone really loudly so he heard and write it in my diary and 'accidently' leave it out so he finds it..He thinks it's me with the problems and i must admit that i do have some....but i can't tell anybody because i'm worried about how people will think of me being a young mum and all. I'm kinda having a worry about finally saying something on here!!

maybe i'm jsut having a depressed day...but thanks for letting me get it off my chest
hugs back to all:p

[Ana Gram]

I'm still stuck on the he can talk to females but you can't talk to males. That is not fair!

[Carmel Jane]

Hi Bindi,

I've been there and I gave up my best friend for my insecure partner and I regretted it, we got our friendship back but its never been the same, I let him down really badly and I let myself down too by giving into someone elses insecurity - who by the way had female friends that he was happy to flirt with when his ego needed the boost.

It sounds like this is really consuming you and I don't think fighting is going to help it as he will only keep writing it off as you having a problem and not look at why you are feeling the way you are. I know its probably not what you want to hear, but you do need to make peace with it, if your confident its nothing more than friendship before it consumes you completely and damages you (e.g. making you not able to trust in the future etc).

But most importantly, don't let your friendship go with these guys that mean something to you. They are worth fighting for and so are your rights! You are giving up yourself and your own happiness for the sake of someone who does not give you that much in return on this issue!

I sound like an agony aunt here, but I've just done this too many times to myself and I know it never works out, not only does it allow your DP to think he can make you give up these things, but your also telling yourself that his wants are more important than yours.

Okay phew - thats enough from me. :ecomcity:

Best wishes for a speedy resolution on this. :hugs: