View Full Version : Any CS mums feel like they have missed out
I had planned a natural bith with my twins but new that it would be unlikely as you need to have both of them in the right position. At about 34 weeks I was told I would need to have a c section as they where not in the right position so accepted that and felt comfortable that that was the best thing for them. At 38 weeks I was booked in and along i went, DH blowdryed my hair (he is a hairdresser) and I had a little makeup on (just mascara and lip gloss). Felt a little uncomfortable as they did the spinal block but then told a joke and chatted to DH and nurse while they went to work and then we had two lovely babies. So Ive never even felt what a contraction feels like let alone labour!
I have never felt as though I missed out on the experience of birth as alot of the stories Ive heard have mostly been horrific. Not sure what I would do faced with the decision if I had another baby, as the first time was such a good experience.
Any one out there feel differently.
If you had asked me a month ago I would have definately said that I didn't miss a thing by having a c-section...
I had a much better recovery time than my friends who had a VB.. and my bubs was safe- that is all that mattered!!
but in the last few weeks my opinion has changed a bit...(maybe it is just my body thinking about getting ready for bubs number 2??? :eek: )
I had an emergency c-section after 12 hours of labour (only about 2-3 hours where I hated it though :D ) - I do kinda feel that I missed out - I never got to push...
If I had to have a c-section with number 2 I dont think I would be disappointed... but I am aiming for a VBAC..
I never felt that my birth ended because I didn't get to finish it. There are actual demonstrable chemical changes which occur in women's bodies with the final foetal ejection reflex of endorphins as you push a baby out so I think for many women when they miss out on that they know it somewhere in themselves, yk? The last chemical flood into our bodies enables us to bf and parent newborn babies so without it many of us struggle. No wonder c-secs have about 12 times the rate of PND that vaginal birth does. What you're describing is REALLY common. There are some great places to talk to other mamas who've experienced exactly that, and I particularly recommend the email list of www.birthrites.org as a very gentle, nonjudgmental and supportive environment.
Janet F what is an AP mama?
My youngest is nearly 3. There are no more babies for me. I've had two c sections, no labours. I still feel ripped off sometimes. I truly wanted to know the feeling. I'll just have to get it vicariously through a friend or my daughter and nieces one day. The biggest things I could do to make up for it was to breastfeed and attachment parent...
Nice to hear from you again JanetF, I love the gentle way you put things.
Love to you :) I think it's really important to honour those feelings and to talk about them because many women feel that way but are told to get over it or concentrate on healthy babies or other unuseful stuff. If the feelings are there, they're valid :) :kiss:
hi there yes i do feel i and my hubby #2 missed out as i had to have an emergency c section. I have 2 older daughters and i had vb and an epidual and my hubby and i lost 2 before matthew was concieved so we were really looking forward to share this wonderful experience. My first hubby wasnt too concerned to come in with me with dd2 so i had my girlfriend with me the whole time. Now i have a happy healthy 18 month old boy. And my hubby cried when he couldnt come in with me
I definately look back on my c-section with anger and resentment....and it happened 7 months ago. My pregnancy wasn't that delightful...but there isn't a thing about it that I feel disappointed with. The birth, however, is something I just can't let go of.
I remember, at about 30 weeks or whatever, I freaked out thinking the bub was breech, because of the positioning of two big lumps...one on each side of my abdomen (it only happened occassionally...but it was weird). Nobody had backed-up my suspicions, but I freaked out about having to have a c-section anyway. Luckily, I was told bub was head-down, so I stopped worrying and began expecting to have a painful, long, vaginal birth. Strangely, that was quite comforting.
Then, when I was 10 days past my due date, I was induced. Twice. Nothing happened. I'd get asked if I had any contractions by the nursing staff...I had no idea, because I'd never experienced a single braxton hicks either. So, when I was 2 weeks past my due date, I was told that i HAD to have a c-section. I thought I had no choice, and was pretty much bullied into doing it. I REALLY didn't want to...and bawled my eyes out (I find it difficult to cry in front of anyone but my DP...so it was a big thing for me) in front of everyone.
I DO feel severely let-down by my birthing experience. I don't feel as if I have earnt the right to be a mother. I know that sounds stupid...but it's how I feel. I always figured I had "child-bearing hips," and, if I could do well at anything, it was giving birth...so I felt really angry at my body for not doing what it is designed to do.
I still feel angry...at the hospital staff, and my body, and the birth...so next time I'm going to do my best to have a VBAC. I didn't so much as experience a braxton-hicks, let alone a contraction, so I don't have that same feeling a lot of women who go through labour only to have an emergency c-section sprung on them...I am like a virgin when it comes to contractions and birth. I REALLY want to experience it...even if it IS painful (coz walking after having that god-damn c-section was painful...seeing other mothers get up to attend their babies was painful...not being able to hold my baby until she is over 7 hours old because I kept vomiting due to the drugs was painful...).
Yeah...I'm a sook...:rolleyes: ...
I told you I'm not over it!:laughing:
You're not a sook, Stacey, you've just experienced pretty standard obstetric care. Some women grieve for years about what happens to them and their babies. You can change the outcome for your next pregnancy though. My son is nearly 2 1/2 and I know I will never lose all the grief over what happened to us but it has lessened over time and with LOTS of hard work on my part. You can do it just give yourself time. No one would expect you to be over any other major kind of trauma in 7 months, so go gently and get lots of support. I'm sure I've sent you stuff on that... :)
I didn't feel like I had missed out at the time. I had a planned c/s due to breech positioning.
I did feel like the odd woman out in my first (and only) mothers group set up through the CHN. When all the other new mums would sit and discuss their VB experiences in detail and oooh and aaaah over whoever did it with the least drugs. And since reading on here of some of the beautiful vb experiences women have had, well yes, of course i'd have loved to have had one of them. But I didn't and there's nothing I can do about it now. I went through a brief period of being angry at myself and regretting that I didn't inform myself when I was pregnant, but I'm over it.
I don't feel that I have missed out. Mine was an emergency CS after a failed inducement but I really was concerned only with the baby and I being healthy and safe.
In a way I did feel like 'I missed out', in other ways no. I had an emergency c-section due to bubs being breech, after a long (28hr) labour. I felt a bit ripped off because I got to 9 and a bit cms dialated but didnt get to the pushing part of the labour!
My daughter made every bit of the effort worth it!
If I was ever in a situation that needed medical intervention during birth I wouldnt hesitate (the baby's safety is of first and foremost importance) to do it again, however with my next bub I'll be trying for a VBAC!!
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