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[farmmummy]

To begin with I only had my little boy on the 18th of this month. Today is a week exactly to when we brought him home from hospital. We didn't realise he had a very rare heart condition which ultimatly took his short life last Sunday.
This has been the longest week in my life, my life has gone from being absolutly perfect to **** in such a short space of time.
I miss him very much each day and some days have been better than others. There are some days when I take comfort in knowing that my DH has confirmed that we can try and have another baby in the future - as Jack was suppose to be my last baby. Other days I just want to sleep not wake and not feel the loss.
I have so many questions to ask...Like when is going to be ok to ttc, I want to have my family before I'm 30 which is only 18 months away...how do you function normaly?
We've had family and friends over since Tuesday and now they are almost gone, I'm scared that my DH is going to fall into depression and not cope, I'm scared that I'm not going to cope looking after my DD.
Because now I don't care about much else other than DH, DD and ttc, I feel empty without my DS and want to fill that void, not replace DS in any way.

Thank you for listening

[punkbaby]

I cannot imagine what you are going through and i really dont know what to say, of course you can never replace your little man and no one would expect you too! You can still fill that void though and jack will still always be a huge part of your lives

Give yourself time to grieve you will know when the time is right to TTC again, only you know that yourself it might be a month it might be 2 years

Sending you and your family heaps and heaps of hugs, i know they dont do much i know i would be at my wits end if i was in your shoes though and cannot for the life of me imagine how you are feeling:hugs::hugs:

[Eloise&Charlie'sMum]

Firstly :hugs: I am so sorry for your loss, I lots a brother to heart condition when I was 3 and I know how devistating this is for you and your family:hugs: .

My parents did go on to have another little boy about a year later, my mum feel pregnant about 3-4 months after my brother died.

At no time did anyone ever think that they were replacing the brother that I lots but more completeing the faimly they so desperately wanted.

Ben is for ever going to be my brother no matter how many more children they may have had and I think when you feel really to start TTC again then that will be the right time for you and your family.

The pain of loosing a child is forever lasting but the memory becomes softer and more healed in time :hugs: .

Its ok to not be ok at the moment :hugs:

[farmmummy]

Thank you very much girls, I wasn't sure I would even get back on BH, or even ttc ever again. The support every one has given me over the last week has been absolutly dumfounding...Can't think of any way to put other than that I am thankful that the October 07 Mummies have all been there for me to.

I had a friend over last night who is due in 10 weeks, I felt really jelouse and at the same time I want to celebrate with her. For the present time I still need to get my little angel back from the coroner and put him to rest first. But I feel after that I will be able to consentrate on on ttc again.

[Pauline70]

My thoughts are with you - I cannot comprehend what you are going through - wouldn't know where to being to give advice but just wanted send :hugs: :hugs:

[cmd'smum]

Words cannot describe how sorry I am for your loss and what you are going through, it just isn't fair :hugs:

Only you know when you are going to be ready to TTC again.

Don't know what else to say except that everything you're feeling is normal for a mother who is grieving.

This thread may help you,
http://www.bubhub.com.au/community/forums/showthread.php?t=118951

there are some great women on there who have also experienced the loss of a child. They know of support networks/organisations that may be able to help you cope.

Your beautiful baby boy will always be watching over you.

look after yourself and goo luck with TTC.

RIP beautiful baby boy. :angel:

[ZooKeeper]

oh honey,
that is just such a hard row for your heart to hoe. the immeasureable ache of it. sending you a :hugs: and hope you can keep your head above the waves.

I beleive there will be another baby spirit out there waiting for you to be their mumma, and they will come to you when it's right. when you are healed enough to take joy in things again. meantime, hug your DD whenever you need to, she probly needs extra hugs now too and it will help.

[Toffee apple]

I am so sad to hear that you lost your little man, It's just not fair :crying: :hugs:

[MamaSage]

I am so sorry :kiss: I cannot even try to comprehend what you are going through right now. Much love to you and yours.

[Dellibelli]

Dearest Nikki

I have just come back to BH from having our little guy, to hear your devastating news. I am so truly sorry for you and your DH.

My DH's eldest sister lost her battle for life because of the same thing, 38 years ago and his family still class her as their eldest sister and daughter.

She has never been replaced and neither will your little angel Jack.

:hugs: Much love to you and yours, DELxx

[farmmummy]

Dearest Nikki

I have just come back to BH from having our little guy, to hear your devastating news. I am so truly sorry for you and your DH.

My DH's eldest sister lost her battle for life because of the same thing, 38 years ago and his family still class her as their eldest sister and daughter.

She has never been replaced and neither will your little angel Jack.

:hugs: Much love to you and yours, DELxx
Thank you very much Dell I didn't think I would be able to come back to BH but found that I couldnt stay away. I miss talking to my friends in the October mummies but I feel jelouse, left out and empty even that I'm intruding sometimes when I stop by for a quick look. It is good talking to you congratulations on the birth of your little man.
I have just been talking to DH about losing Jack - especially since it's been a week since his passing so it's been on my mind most of the day - but knowing we're going to try again has given me a goal to look to and helps some with the greif. Again Delli I miss you all and please congratulate the others on all the recent births best wishes.

[Dellibelli]

Hey Nikki

Its OK to feel like you are intruding and also to feel jealous - its natural. Please don't fight your feelings right now. Just know that all of us are behind you and your DH. It is just so unbelievable and we want you to know that we are here for you.

If you need to talk, please PM me and I am happy to chat to you, whenever. :hugs:

Are you talking to anyone about your loss? Is your DH?

Thinking of you, DELxx

[KapowSchazam]

I'm so deeply sorry for your terrible loss. As others have said here, only you will know when it's the right time for you to TTC again. Take each moment one at a time.

This life really sucks sometimes. :crying:

[Christelle]

Nikki, I'm so sorry.

We lost our baby Aliyah when she was 6 months old. We now have a 8 month old baby boy. We conceived only a few months after Aliyah passed away. I think it was the best thing we did. The pregnancy was very stressful but once he came he brought so much life and joy back into our miserable lives.

Lachlan in no way replaces Aliyah but he is the rainbow after the storm. Our rainbow baby. Please feel free to message me any time.

[toni796]

I am so sorry for your loss. Just know that we are all thinking of you and if you need to talk there are plenty of us here for you.

RIP Little Jack. Watching over his family and looking after them.

[Queen]

:hugs: :hugs: I have nothing to say except Sorry for your loss:hugs::hugs::hugs:

:angel: RIP Jack

[Blessed Mum]

I am so so sorry to of the passing of your tiny precious little baby son :crying: I am sending all my thoughts your way for you & your family & praying you get whatever you need to get you through this time. I'm sorry I don't know what else to say except RIP Jack :angel: forever an angel.