the art of conversation

[meme]

how do you do it?

how do you talk with people after a death??

some days it's hard.

to not mention it is like an injustice and not fair to your loved one and then if you just put it out ther ein conversation it's like a big rock dropped, or like looking for sympathy ( which i am not) and even if just mentioned casually, there is nothing casual. a conversation does not keep tripping lightly along usually.

i think i have just forgotten how to be social and talk to people full stop.
i have limited subjects.
my kids. my dead boyfriend. my 8 guinea pigs. my legal battles- no scratch that, that is untalkable about, but is my life right now.


doesn't make me a social butterfly.

but when you're single, you're social. with singles who want to chat, and have exciting lives.

?? i'm at a loss for words.

[Ana Gram]

Oh hun, I know just what you mean.

[PunkyDiva]

:hugs:

Keep talking, the process of grief is so different for everyone and maybe this is part of your journey.
Yes, people are unsure what to say, but this is because we so often cover it up and pretend like it doesn't happen. It is a natural part of life but at times very unfair and unjust.
Sometimes others listening without comment and just some physical support can be what you need but if you don't talk about it then they can't know that you need that. Hope that makes sense and we are all here to listen, read and give lotsa :hugs: as you work through this.

Do not be ashamed of your emotions or to talk about your partner, he was and still is an important part of your life that shouldn't be hushed up or forgotten and I'm sure people understand or at least arel compassionate for the pain and bewilderment of loss you must be feeling.
It is important for your children to see that it is ok to talk about him as well so that they to can work through the grief and give support to each other.

It's a cliche I know and of little reassurance now but life does go on and some day down the track you will be ready to become that social butterfly again but for now nurture you with lotsa tlc.

[meme]

he was and still is an important part of your life that shouldn't be hushed up or forgotten

thankyou for your replies.

that quote above, that is so right. i want to talk about him, mention him, tell people what happenned because it is such a huge part of who i am right now.

but it makes people uncomfy to talk about death. or something. can't even explain it all that well.

i think it just happens slowly, i suppose.

[Ana Gram]

Most people just don't want to talk about it, I guess because they just don't know what to say.

I was (am) incredibly lucky that I have a group of friends who were happy to discuss it all with me down to every gruesome detail.

So, that must be the solution. Become a goth :p

[meme]

:D
well i don't think iam fashionable enough to be a goth, i alwys think of goths as being very glam all the time, and i am just a dag:o

i am pushy enough to just talk about it with those friends who i am close enough with who knew lee as well. and even if it's uncomfy , if i need to do it i will.

thanks chelle

[Christelle]

I always mention Aliyah. I don't care if people are lost for words or don't know what to say, I mean I've have actually had to live through hell and I don't care if they feel a bit lost for words for a few seconds.

Your partner was part of you and you talk about him as much as you like. I find that is the best way to "heal". Keep his spirt alive.

I'm thinking of you Meme. :hugs:

[jorey]

My father passed away when I was 12. I wasn't really able to know how to cope with the grief at that age. I used to imagine he's going to come back to life one day. I'm now in my 20s and I find it hard not to talk about my father. Especially when you meet someone new and they would ask about my parents. Honestly, almost every time when I say my father has passed away when I was 12, people would say "I'm sorry". I then tell them don't be sorry, it's not that I don't have a father, I do, he's just not with me in person. I agree with others that you just continue to talk about the person who you loved and still is.

[Queen]

:hugs: Meme..:hugs:

I wish I knew what to say, truly I do.

I think you need to keep talking about your partner, and like PunkyDiva said he was and still is such a huge part of your life.
The way to have people live on, is to never stop loving them, this means to never forget them and keep talking about them.

If people feel un-confortable talking about your partner, find a new person to talk to:hugs: Keep his memory alive.

Take care:hugs:

[Chickadee]

i think i have just forgotten how to be social and talk to people full stop.
Don't blame yourself or put yourself down like that. Chelle hit it on the head with one of her posts. A conversation takes two or more people who are comfortable with the subject. If the people around you are uncomfortable with what concerns you right now, then that's not your fault.

[Lastcenturymum]

I learnt this when my FIL died when I was just pregnant with our 2nd. It was vital to keep talking to MIL and my husband about him and to other people as well, sometimes they feel awkward and don't know what to say.

Being practical in the early days is important, but talking about them is even more important. Sometimes my MIL would get upset and have to hang up when on the phone, but she always rang back later and said sorry. She was really helpful in me understanding what a grieving person goes through.

I was talking with a man yesterday whose wife died 9 years ago and we had an open discussion about how it is still hard, no matter how much time its been. He has a great life now, keeps busy, but he still doesn't have the love of his life and they were married something like 35 years.

[Kad79]

Hi Meme

I know where you are coming from.... I talk with the kids often about their father as thats going to be the only way they know and remember him, esp as they grow. He is and always be their dad, not a closed book. He was, is and will always be an imprtant part of my life
Likewise I still talk about him to family and friends, in general concersation and deep conservation. Although sometime depending on the person as to whether they try to change the topic or go quiet or whatever. But the depth of my consevation can depend on the person and how well i know them or how comfortable I feel with them as sometime I feel like they are just being nice or nosy (we come from a town where everyone knows everyones business). Sometime I wonder are they only doing this because of what has happen and are just waiting for me to break.....
I do avoid some situations where I feel like I am continuosly being watched or have to watch what i say or sometime just dont feel like talking. Esp just the general **** sometime like the weather or something else un important...
Either way Im doing what i need for myself and the kids as they are the most impprtant part of my life now and have been through so much. I dont care whether I offend people or what at the moment, if they dont like it too bad..... Im looking after myself and the kids cause there isnt anyone one else to do it or their problem.
Just take care of youself and your littles. Talk freely if you want about anything, and when you dont want to talk then dont. Your real friends will understand and anyone else that doesnt thats just too bad.


Deep are the memories, special they stay, no length of time, can take them away....


Me 3/10/79
DH 18/6/80-12/5/07
DD1 25/12/03
DD2 4/9/05
DS 13/3/07