Am I Crazy?

[KatherineIV]

I gave birth to my beautiful baby boy May 21st 2005. He has completed me in so many ways.

I am a full time mum now and LOVE the time I spend with him... but something is wrong with me. He now sleeps a full night... (12 blissful hours) but everything in day-to-day life seems to hard.

Pregnancy took a huge toll on my body... I am only 25 and have no self esteem at all now. I get good sleep but I am constantly tired... (to the point I can hardly keep my eyes open) Simple tasks like washing dishes and doing laundry seem mammoth to me and I put them off for hours.... I feel like my household cleaning / everyday things to do has spiralled out of control and I don't know how to get back on top of things.

One of the worst ones for me is my body image... I have severe stretch marks from my naval to down past my knees. I tried everything during pregnancy to avoid them but mother nature was not so kind to me. I can't remember the last time I shaved my legs, did my eyebrows or got a hair cut. Even tasks like brushing my teeth I just completely forget to do.. (I know it's disgusting).. at one point it was three weeks. I thought I was doing it... but I couldn't physically remember when... I hardly own any clothes that fit anymore... I miss being able to wear bathers, shorts a skirt.. and not feeling like I need to hide my body from the world...

I don't feel sexy and my partner and I now have no sex life at all... I can't even remember the last time we did that...

Am I crazy? The thought of PND crossed my mind... but in regards to Morgan I love him so much.. I don't think that these issues have anything to do with him. He is my world. I would and do anything for him.

I feel like I am letting him down by not being the mother I know I can be. I have tried so many different things... even writing myself as daily schedule for the week of things I want tp achieve. But I wake up and don't have the energy to do it... I exercise and eat healthy... I don't understand why my body just doesn't want to play.

How do I get my banks of energy restored... get my day to day life running smoothly...

Any suggestions would be GREATLY Appreciated.

[kyeaj]

:thumbsup: Hi there KatherineIV,

You are DEFINATELY not crazy darl'!!! But it does sound like you are pretty down on yourself... You seem like you are a wonderful mother to your bub and have his best interests at heart so therefore should be very proud of yourself (BIG HUG)!

Have you spoken to your partner about this or even a friend? A good chin wag to someone close always helps put things into perspective... It's very normal to feel the way your are about your body after having a baby, but it seems you might need to boost your self-esteem somehow.

I don't want to sound out-of-line (so please forgive me)... Maybe you might need to speak to your Dr or someone that you feel comfortable with to maybe find out if you are suffering from pnd. I'm not sure and by no means am an expert on this, but it might help you find out a little more about what you're going through.

Please feel free to pm me if you'd like to chat about anything as I know that all this must be a little daunting for you. Keep your chin up and good on you for posting a thread about how you're feeling (that itself took motivation and courage).

Take care of yourself

[Kirstlea]

Katherine

The fact that you have written all this out and admitted all these things means you are on the road to recovery:yelclap: You recognise something isn't right which alot of people don't do.

It sounds to me that you are suffering a little from pnd, it wouldn't hurt to see your gp there are lots of ways to combat it.

What I did to try and pull some energy levels out was started back at Netball, as I needed my sport back. This has helped to a great degree but I still need to do some work.

I have a friend around the corner who keeps hounding me to go for power walks in the mornings and its funny because I told my hubby about that and we talked about how we could go about it. (There is no way my 3 yr old can walk that fast)

Have you got a good mothers group that you could suggest having walks with or is there an exercise program in your area directed at mothers and babies?

Our city just started up a mothers & babies group that walks the esplandae together every Wed and this trainer takes them through different exercises under the trees along the way. Apparently they all love it as it doesn't feel like hard work and they are feeling better for it.

The reason I am ranting about exercise is because using energy creates more energy believe it or not:) I know it is hard to take that first step to get moving as I am struggling a bit with it myself. Just keep telling yourself why you want/need to do it.

I am positive Morgan would love to be out and about too (btw I love that name):D

I hope this helps a little, I would love to hear how you get on. PM me if you want as it would be nice to talk to someone who is in a similar situation.

Regards Kirsten

[KatherineIV]

It sounds silly but I am quite active at the moment.. I play netball twice a week and we do swimming lessons. I made a point of going do I was more active... I really enjoy these and made a point of GOING!I am considering joining the gym.

Thankyou so much for taking the time to reply... it is GREATLY appreciated... sometimes it feels that I am fighting this uphill battle on my own.. it's such a nice change to have an ear to talk to

[Kirstlea]

Bugger you are doing more than me:eek:

Well my ideas are too late lol. Just a thought, could you be pregnant or has it been too long between drinks iykwim?

Do you have MSN Messenger?

[KatherineIV]

Messenger email is kat@geo.net.au

[Chickadee]

One of the worst ones for me is my body image...
A very good friend of mine kept reminding me that my body had produced a miracle and encouraged me to see all the evidence as something to be proud of. I know that's hard, but sometimes if you can find a way to think positively about one thing it overflows into the rest of your life.

Maybe you have a touch of PND. Maybe you're just going through a rough patch. It's really hard to tell and might not make a difference what you want to call it. Since you're already exercising (And that is excellent and amazing!) I'd suggest making sure some of that exercise is out in the sunshine and fresh air. The powerwalking thing could be good, especially doing it with a friend. Do you have a jogger pram that your 3 year old could go in maybe?

It also may help to make the effort to do something for yourself. Get that haircut, a facial, new shoes. Enlist your friend to go buy one or two new outfits that fit and flatter you and make you feel good. I say take a friend because you may need an honest positive opinion, and not just your own when you're looking in the mirror, and maybe a push to actually try things on.

And lastly, talk to your partner about sex & your body image. He's probably as frustrated as you over it and wondering what he can do to help. I think feeling sexy is partly a state of mind, which means you can start feeling sexy long before you get rid of the stretch marks. Sit down by yourself or with him and think about the things he used to do or say, or the things you used to do together that made you feel sexy. And don't forget little things that might have nothing to do with sex itself. All those little things through the day that tell you that you're loved. That's what I found I was missing in our life after DD - we just didn't take the time or make the effort. So figure it out and tell your partner, and you may need to make a daily effort to make him feel wanted too.

[~angel~]

Hey Katherine..I have pm'd you!!
Take care..
Kel..:o

[KatherineIV]

MarthaM,

Thankyou so much for your words of encouragement. I've decided within myself to go see my GP and to also discuss the issues with my partner.. I have touched on some with him but not everything.

Morgan really was our miracle child.... I don't think i had enough time between my last miscarriage and falling pregnant with him. My las MC was 19th July 2004.. his pregnancy was dated from 19th August 2004. I think in some ways I am still amazed that he is sitting in front of me after all the heartache we experienced to get to this point.

Thankyou again

[Chickadee]

Katherine,
I'm glad to hear that :) I know my partner had little idea how I was feeling and just felt shut out.

I had a discussion with another friend one day about PND and she suggested that women who have had difficulty having a child are more likely to develop PND. I don't know if that's true, it was based on her experience and her talks with other friends. But it makes sense in a way, that if we have to try so hard to have our miracle child and expect such joy, then in a way we set ourselves up for disappointment if we find being a mother harder than we expected, or just different than we expected. Does that make sense? I had 2 miscarriages, and like you my DD was conceived very soon after my 2nd m/c, within 1 or 2 cycles.

Let us know how you're going. And good luck with talking to your GP and partner :)

[MammaMia]

Katherine

I also don't know if you have PND or not.

But I thought I'd take a moment to share with you from my experience.

I didn't have PND, but I did have a DH who suffered from severe depression (and some other related illnesses). As his partner, it was difficult for me to understand what he was going through just from looking at him. I could tell he was different, and I knew there was a problem and that he was fading into someone different than who I had known, but I didn't understand how he was feeling or what he was experiencing.

He began to tell me what was happening inside his head and with that insight, we worked together as a team to recover his health. It was a long journey, but we have made it! I'm so enormously proud of the steps he has taken to become well.

I guess my advice is this: regardless of whether you are suffering from PND or just at a tough point in yourself, talk to your partner. You will receive the support and understanding that will help you get back to your true self. And as a partner, it was a relief to hear what was happening - much better than wondering where has my partner, the one I love, gone? Better to know the problem so that it can be addressed head on. He will still not understand absolutely everything because he will not be completely in your shoes, but he will have a starting point.

Best wishes!

[KatherineIV]

I want to thank everyone for their warm words! I took the bull by the horns tonight and discussed alot of the issues I am having... I don't think he completely gets it but at least it's a step. I am going to take the time to make a dr's appointment and start to get this sorted...

It's so nice to not feel completely insane... I guess when we have these thoughts we feel alone... That's what I love about this site... I finally realise that I'm not!!