I need help

[maddie10]

Hi everyone,
I just need to get this down on paper and express myself, I suffer post natal depression, I went to the doctors when my baby was 4 months old and was diagnosed with depression. I was put on anti-depressants and sent to the baby clinic for counciling. Everytime I went to the clinic the lady was busy because it was a settling baby clinic and I had to wait and see her, then I got interrupted all the time. In the meantime my baby was a nightmare and that settling clinic couldnt settle him at all. They told me he was a hypervigilent baby and they tried everything for him, but couldnt get him settled, so I stopped going there, they couldnt help me or the baby. My baby is now 12 months old and is still a nightmare, he is hyperactive, doesnt cuddle and just wants to do things all the time. He wont sit still at all. I find it so hard to deal with him, as my depression is still lingering. I hate the way I feel about my toddler, I hate the way I live, I hate the way I look and Im so sad at the moment that I just dont want to ever leave the house. My husband works, but doesnt understand this illness. He told me last night that I dont need anti-depressents that I should just think myself better. That is so stupid. I was so mad at him, he doesnt want to understand this. I wish I could think myself better. I want my old life that I had before I had a child. I was so happy in myself. Everyday I feel guilty for being depressed and sad and not feeling the right feelings for my child, it tears me up inside.
I dont know if I should increase my anti-depressents or not? I live in a small town in the country so we dont have psycologists or anything like that. Plus I wouldnt be able to afford one if we did.
Thanks for listening, I needed to get that out.
Maddie

[Chelle123]

I'm sorry you feel this way. I'm not experienced in PND so I hope someone on here will be able to help you to get the help you need. :hugs:

[ThisIsLiving]

Hi there, I am not exactly sure of what advice to give, but I couldn't go past and not reply and send you some :hugs: .

I suffered from some pnd with my first born so I can understand how you must be feeling. Some days I would feel so low from the overwhelming feeling of responsibility for a child. Its such a never-ending job and I would feel like there was no light at the end of the tunnel....I too wanted my old life back and sometimes I just wanted my child to go away and for the clock to rewind to before I made the choice to have kids.

But please know that there is a light at the end of this, and that it DOES get better. Raising children is the toughest job on earth, and having an added complication that you do with your child would make it even tougher. :hugs:

Bub Hub is a great place full of supportive people so I hope you get the support you need. I only discovered bub hub recently and wish I had known about it earlier.

Feel free to send me a personal message any time if you want to chat further. xxx

[V8]

I just wanted to say you are not alone, i too have had so many awful days with DS since he's been born, i love him so much yet some days i just wanna pack up and leave him. He is a pretty difficult kid at times. I just hope since he gives me such a hard time now that when he's older he'll be a good person.

[sammum]

Hi Maddie,

You poor thing. How amazing of you to have made it thru the last 12 months! I'm so sorry about what your husband said. No one can really understand depression without having experienced, all they can do is empathise. He probably meant well, but just didn't know what else to do.

I was very lucky and despite a history of depression, I managed to escape PND. Perhaps it was because I, my DH and family were all geared up for me to have it. So, while I was pregnant I read as much as I could about this and did whatever I could to reduce my risk. But at the end of the day, PND is just one of those lotteries you don't want to win.

I think it's really important to speak to a professional about how you are feeling. You deserve to feel better about yourself! Have you had a look at the Beyond Blue website (www.beyondblue.org.au (http://www.beyondblue.org.au))? They have some info on PND. I think it's a very useful site for family as well, to try and help them know what does and doesn't work! Definitely use bubhub to vent!!

As for your beautiful energiser bunny, it might be that his actions are exagerated as a reaction to perhaps your reduced reactions. So, perhaps after you are feeling better, you might find he calms down. Otherwise, you could talk to a trusted health professional about possible contributions to his energy levels - e.g. I have read about a significant number of mothers who have seen an enormous difference in behaviour when they've removed all artificial colours and flavours from their bubs diet.

Good on you for identifying that how you are feeling is not how you deserve to feel. There is an end to this - but having been thru it I know it doesn't always feel it. A big :hugs: to you thru this sh#t time!

S xo

[shaz77]

hey maddie, I didn't want the pills but when I saw my two year old imitating my behaviour I knew I had to get help. My DD has been to sleep school as well and it didn't help. a couple of suggestions that might help:
* can you put bub into childcare one day per week? we are also financially struggling but you can get a letter from your doctor that you need a break for your mental health and there is "special child care benefit" available for 13 weeks from centrelink which will cost nothing. just need the letter.
* psychologist can be bulk billed if you can find one - its good to talk to someone.
* if you do decide to use anti-depressants, remember its not a permanent thing, it'll just give you some time.

If you want to PM me please do.

:hugs: hugs to you. Please know you're not alone -even if it feels that way.

[mama kare]

hi maddie :wave:
first of all - :hugs: to you for recognising this illness and the way you feel! there are a few of us suffering from pnd (aka: the big black hole) around these forums!

i think it is important for you to see your GP first, before upping your medication. if you dont feel that it is doing much to help you at the moment, it may need to be increased or perhaps even changed to a different medication altogether.. (i went through 4 different medications until i found an anti-depressant that worked best for me).

the other thing is.. part of our illness will go with positive thinking, true.. but the reason people get any kind of depression is also because we have what is called a 'chemical imbalance' in the brain.. sounds like we are a dying breed of humans, i know.. but the only way to even out these chemicals is to take medication daily.. so please keep doing what you are doing until you see your GP and/or he/she suggests otherwise.

we like to share our strengths here on bubhub, so make sure you tell us how you are going - we'll be waiting :thumbsup:

and if your son gets too much sometimes, what i found helped quite a bit was putting my DD in her cot with a bottle/cup of water, some biscuits in a plastic bowl and some books and teddys.. shut her bedroom door for half an hour and i would either read a book or do something as equally relaxing. no harm comes to bub if you do this for half an hour a day.. its quite sad to think about it now, but before i was diagnosed i would mostly leave her in her cot all day because i didnt feel worthy of even getting out of bed!

another thing is.. if your mum lives locally, ask her if she could take DS for a day so you can get some rest or do things that you have been meaning to do for some time - this way you have all day and wont have to rush!

things will improve..:smiliedance: slowly. you cant rush getting better with this illness, unfortunately.

next time you see your GP, ask your DP to go along with you.. if he doesnt want to TRY and understand, do you have other family and friends around you who can help give you some support?

[alexiasmum]

I suffered severe pnd to the point where I couldn't look after myself or my baby just after he was born. It took a long time for my husband to try to understand that it is a chemical imbalance in the brain and can't be cured by positive thinking. We moved to my mum's house so she could care for me and my baby at the time and my mum asked my husband to go to every psychiatrist appointment with me to help him to understand. I never thought I would get better but I did. I am still taking 2 antidepressants and have even had a 2nd baby, which I never thought I would do because of PND. I didn't suffer any PND at all with the 2nd baby. If it gets too hard, do you have a mum or sister who understands depression? Someone you can talk to and support you through hard times ?

[mama kare]

alexiasmum - just want to say a huge congratulations for finding your way through a 2nd pregnancy and birth! that is astounding!!

:) it gives us pnd sufferes so much hope to hear that! :smiliedance::thumbsup::hugs:

[alexiasmum]

alexiasmum - just want to say a huge congratulations for finding your way through a 2nd pregnancy and birth! that is astounding!!

:) it gives us pnd sufferes so much hope to hear that! :smiliedance::thumbsup::hugs:
Thankyou so much, your response means a lot to me. When planning a 2nd baby I wanted to hear of other pnd sufferers and their experiences when having a 2nd. I still wonder if there is anyone out there who suffered as severely as I did. (I'm sure there must be ) So, I am proof that it is possibleto have a 2nd baby without any PND and actually enjoy the whole experience. I am so glad that I took the plunge and had a 2nd.

[mama kare]

Thankyou so much, your response means a lot to me. When planning a 2nd baby I wanted to hear of other pnd sufferers and their experiences when having a 2nd. I still wonder if there is anyone out there who suffered as severely as I did. (I'm sure there must be ) So, I am proof that it is possibleto have a 2nd baby without any PND and actually enjoy the whole experience. I am so glad that I took the plunge and had a 2nd.

hit me if im being nosey :laughing: just some questions.. were you recovered by the time you decided to have your 2nd bub? if not, were you on medication throughout the pregnancy? or did you find that being pregnant, you no longer felt you had pnd somehow? im so glad to hear everything went so well for you. it really does give us a lot of hope!

[alexiasmum]

Ok, this is coming from someone who actually thought they would never recover from PND. I don't mind the questions at all.

Yes, I was fully recovered before falling pregnant with my second baby who is now 6mths. For a long time after having the 1st baby, I didnt think I would ever want to have a 2nd.

Yes, I was on medication throughout the entire pregnancy and still am.

I ended up thinking that I couldnt possibly be any worse with my second, as I reckon I was sooooo bad with the 1st bubs. And I got through with support from my mum, so I should be able to get throught it again.(if it happened).