So Upset and Disappointed

[Ana Gram]

I know I am being over emotional and blowing everything out of proprtion but I am so upset!

This is the background : I am the type of friend who basically does everything I can for my friends. I buy birthday and Xmas presents, rarely get anything in return. I just generally put a bit of thought into things in reguards to friendships.
More often than not I tend to be forgotten with social occasions ect. Well this time has really upset me.

My friend Ruth is part of a fashion she in two weeks in Melbourne. Now I have to go to the show by myself, which I hate doing as everyone else I know is in the show as models or hair/makeup ect. Ruth got 16 tickets set aside, and has basically given them all out. She then realised when speaking to me about the show that she forgot about seeing if I wanted a ticket. OK, fairly understandable she is stressed at the moment putting together a fashion show and all.

This evening DP gets a call from his friend Martie who is doing leather accessories for Ruth. We had previously talked about getting a baby sitter so we could all go together and stuff. You know the meet up before the show thing at our place ect.
DP speaks to Martie tonight and it appears that he has gone directly to Ruth and got his tickets. For him, his girlfriend and another friend who I haven't met and who they constantly fob us off socially for. Did he bother to ask if we wanted tickets? no. Kinda lucky that I didn't go and pay for the 4 tickets this evening like I had planned which was to save him the trouble of coming all the way into the city from Mt Macedon.
So he has got his tickets, we still don't know if we can get a baby sitter as the only babysitter we have is DP's sister who has pulled out at the last minute several times before and is currently holding a grudge as we didn't go down to Frankston for her birthday.
I was a bit upset and a tad annoyed about all this. Then DP tells me that Martie was still expecting to come here first.

This is the part that has sent me over the edge. Neither of them have bothered to get me tickets after everyting I have done for them. And then Martie expects to bring someone I have never met, who we have been dumped socially for time and time again, to my house!

Re-reading all that it all seems pretty trivial but I still feel like I am invisible to them and completely sick of making an effort.

End pathetic rambling self-pitying rant

[draught]

Chelle - rant away. Nothing more annoying and frustrating than friends who take you for granted when you are generous with time and support for them.

[MammaMia]

There are times when you feel unappreciated and not valued. It's not trivial - it's real and disappointing.

I'm not really the cyber hug sort (can't quite get my head around that or cyber wine... but anways) but I do hope that you get the opportunity to enjoy a night out soon, with good friends in an atmosphere that makes you feel good about life in general.

And meanwhile, if you're anything like me, you'll be hopeless at pretending everything is alright and it may be best to say what is on your mind. Better out than in!

Take care,
MM:)

[Charlie]

I know how you feel, I've had many friends who have taken me for granted, the more you give the more they take, I've learn't to just do what makes me happy,

Sometimes is better to know your the GIVER not the TAKER!! But then there's times like this when you wanna TAKE your foot and GIVE it to someones ***!!:laughing:

[cwsmum]

That sounds alot like the way DH's friends...and family...treat us. We do everything we can to make sure we find time to visit, we change our plans almost every time they have a family get together so we can go and then when we need help to do something, or a babysitter, they are suddenly too busy. We don't even ask them over to our house anymore coz they all say they'll be there then no one turns up. As for the friends...they are pretty much the same...if it doesn't have some benefit to them then they are always too busy.
As for the chrissy pressie thing...DH's family seem to think that the first thing they grab will do coz 'it's the thought that counts' :rolleyes: I guess I should be greatful they 'thought' to get me something at all :rolleyes:

[lukaelmo]

Hey Chellegoth,

Just from reading your posts you seem like an honest and straightforward kind of person. If you are upset by this, then your feelings are real and you have the right to be upset. Have you ever mentioned your grievances to your friends? Sometimes people need to be kicked up the bum for their behaviour; they don't realise how they are acting towards others.

A few of my friends have let me down recently, and, of course, not following my own advice, I am letting things go... not planning on saying anything. But this is because they are people that I couldn't be bothered putting an effort into anymore. If they were real friends then I would make an effort to tell them how I felt, and hopefully they would make an effort to examine their actions.

[WeThree]

Hey Chelle I totally sympathise. Do these friends have kids? I find these days that despite my efforts, I am often overlooked by my friends without children when it comes to social occasions etc. like you I believe in making an effort to see people,do nice things etc, but unfortunately not everyone values their friendships as much. I dont really have any advice, except that you have us here, we are your friends and we value you, your feelings arent trivial, i imagine it is simply the last straw for you so to speak.
I think maybe you should tell them how you feel, and why it has hurt you so much, they are probably completely unaware of how inconsiderate they have been, and hopefully will do all they can to make amends. :)

[rynosmum]

Hi Chelle,

Either that or tell them all to get knotted (Bubhub safe language) and go somewhere else that night (without letting Martie know you're going out!):laughing:

Some people just don't think. They probably don't mean anything by it but they just don't think.

Tell them your thoughts. They can't fix it if they don't know it's broken....

[maybe1more]

Chelle- sorry you had to go through this darl, some people really dont realise what they have in front of them. You cant buy friendship, its just no fair that you have been treated like this, as i know you wouldnt even dream of doing such this as these people, but id bet it makes you have second thoughts now:devil6: I think they deserve a piece of your mind!

[Ana Gram]

Thanks everyone. I am the only one in our group who has had a child. DP likes to use this as an excuse not to go anywhere as he is social phobic, whereas I am very social.

I think this is part of my problem. Everyone else in my life is the complete opposite of myself, so having friends who are incredibly vague and disorganised gets incredibly frustrating for me as I am very organised and rather anal. We just end up falling into the same old pattern. They all neglect me, I throw a big tantrum, they apologise profusely promising it will never happen again, they are great for a month or so and then it goes back to the way it was until I crack. :banghead:

[reAllytee]

To be honest i would tell them exactly what i thought of them & you seem like the sorta gal who would do the same !
Let rip i say !
Yes we are all guilty of being a little forgetful but this is a bit different isnt it ? especially when its all been discussed prior to it all so it isnt a oh last minute quick lets get tickets !
I really hate it when im treated like this so dont worry i usually rant so this is the place to do it !
Hope tomorrow is a better day :D

[~angel~]

Hey chellegoth..
Yep....I totally sympathise, It's always the nice ones that'll do anything for anyone, that always end up being taken for granted!!
I have been that person all my life..and just continuously get hurt..

Never change the person you are, because you sound like youve got a beautiful heart.. just remember what makes you happy too.and dont ever let anyone take that away from you!!;)

[Grizabella]

hey chellegoth - I know how you feel! I have spent many years being the doormat when it came to my friends. I am the type of person who will drop absolutely everything for a friend if they needed me. I'm usually the one who has to do all of the calling, because otherwise they forget that I exist because "they are soooo busy" etc.

The worst case was my best friend Josh. We have been friends for 6 yrs, and I have helped hin through a lot of bad times, both finacially and emotionally. My partner and Josh were in a band together, and when I fell pregnant, Josh refused to look me in the eye when he came around and then eventually stopped talking or coming around altogether, to the point where the band broke up. Then after Brion was born, I found out that he had been spreading very nasty rumours about me behind my back. As a result I have not spoken to him for a total of 1yr as I decided that if he was a true friend, he would never have done that, and that I deserved more than to run around after ppl accomodating their needs and feelings, when they had absolutely no regard for mine.

I agree with the others, you deserve to be treated better by your friends and you should give them the unedited version of the way you feel! If they don't care, then screw them! You deserve better treatment then that! And better friends too.

[Carmel Jane]

Who needs enemies when you have friends like that. You have every right to feel let down, it is rude and inconsiderate of them. There is no way I'd be playing hostess to them.

I'd rather be a nigel no friends than have people around me who suck the energy right out of me and do nothing to replace it.

[maybe1more]

Im the same chelle, i like getting out and being social but my dp would rather stay home all the time:confused: Im at home most of the time looking after our ds so on weekends i like to make the most of it, where as my dp would rather sleep in and play the x-box! Maybe the 10 year age gap doesnt help:rolleyes:

[Mischief]

Hey Chelle,

I think you should tell your friends that their actions really hurt you! You dont deserve to be a door mat and that is how they are treating you.

Similar thing happend to hubby and I. Steven went to the trouble to organise a couple of our friends to go to the Super Cars last year....they in turn asked some other friends...which was cool because we all know eachother....we all booked into the same place... So there should have been us and 3 other couples going....well the other couples come over to our place for dinner about a week before we are due to go, and the women in the group have decided they are all going to Launceston shopping.......did any of them think to say..."Hey Kat, we dont want to go to the cars...so we are going shopping...would you like to come?" I didnt want to go, but it was besides the point really, I was so hurt. Then it actually comes time for the cars....I'm going to be one girl with 4 guys...preggers at that....but it didnt matter, because the night before we were all suppost to travel up, Steven rings couple number one to see what time they want to leave in the morning (as we had agreed to just go for 2 of the 3 days due to work) only to find that they and the other 2 couples had gone up a day early.... What THE?

In fact, we didnt see them all that weekend.....friends from work knew we were going up and called me to see if we would like to sit with them both days....so we did that. Steven and I were both so hurt with couple number one esp.....after we had gone to the trouble to try and do something together with them, and they blew us off for their other friends.

Its all nice now, but it really hurt! Dont let your friends treat you like a doormat, stand up to them, ignor them for a while, ditch them, or tell them that as you value their friendship this really hurts, but dont let them use you!!!!

Hugs to you!!!

[Foxy]

Some people have no clue!! I sympathise with you Chelle.

You are not alone - my lastest friendship vent -

I have spent the last week leaving messages and emailing very close friends (DH & I are in the bridal party for their upcoming wedding) inviting them over to dinner last night. Heard nothing all week - so assumed they wouldn't be coming - that's fine. At 5pm DH gets a call from friend saying a big group are going out for dinner and do we want to come! Does our 1 year old not exisit to them? :rolleyes:

[cosmic]

It sucks, Chelle. Nothing worse than feeling invisible and unappreciated.

I hope you feel better for the rant and that you manage to get your point across somehow. :thumbsdown: