Too Young...?

[carolinec70]

Help! I'm currently bawling my eyes out as my 5month old daughter has just fallen asleep after 1/2 hour crying but I feel like the worst mum in the world. We started CC last night & she cried for 1/2 hr, & again in the night (I still feed her once at night). Then today I struggled with her 3 naps but her crying time reduced from 1hour to 10mins. Then tonight I read an article on NCT (UK) website saying that 5months is too young to start this & I'll be damaging her emotionally.... now I'm a wreck & I don't know what to do. I really wanted this to work as previously I was having to rock, shush & feed her to sleep & it could take hours as she would just wake every time I put her down. I felt so determined but now I'm wavering & I just know that when she wakes tonight I'll give in & feed her to sleep...

[draught]

I am not an expert but the reading I have done says that there is no reliable evidence to show that controlled crying damages children emotionally (at any age). I refer a lot to Robyn Barker's book "Baby Love" and her reasons for not doing a lot about night waking under 6 months have nothing to do with emotional distress - more to do with the fact that young babies need feeding more often.
There is a compromise position on the rocking, shushing, feeding etc - you can do controlled comforting, rather than controlled crying. The baby still cries of course, but there is more interaction than the strict controlled crying. With the comforting method you put them down and leave for two minutes then pat and rock them on their side in their cot for 2 minutes, then leave for 4, rock and pat for four......etc. So they know that you are there, but you aren't having to hold them etc (which I was guilty of until a couple of weeks ago when my arms gave out). There are no right and wrong rules for any of this stuff - if you decide that you want to feed your baby and then comfort her by patting etc in the bed, you can do that too - that way you know she isn't hungry and that she will go to sleep.

In the meantime - if you do go back to what you were doing for the last 5 months that is okay too. There are so many things out there to make us feel guilty about our skills as parents we can be too hard on ourselves. I am sure that your daughter knows that you love her, and that you have enough judgement not to do anything that will damage her, no matter what a website might tell you. (remember - just because it is in writing doesn't mean that it is true!) Trust your instincts as a parent and do what you need to do to make you and your daughter get through.

Good luck!

[draught]

I should also say that I read in a book recently that controlled crying at any age teaches your child that you won't come when they call for you........I can assure you that my two year old, who we did controlled crying with at 8 months, still calls for me, and I still respond! I don't know any child who doesn't call for their parent, whether they have been through controlled crying or not - so that might put the website's comments in perspective for you!

[pinkandblue]

Hi
I tried controlled crying when my daughter was about 6 months old because I was also rocking her to sleep. I couldnt handle her crying so I stopped. Everytime I used to put her to sleep I used to tell her its sleeptime. She is now 2 years old and I just have to tell her its sleeptime and she will close her eyes and go to sleep by herself.
Do what you think is right, if you cant handle your daughter crying, then dont let her cry.
Natalie

[vickster]

Hi Caroline,

I know exactly how you feel. I was given the advice from a CHN to try CS when my bub was about the same age as yours. Things were going great until I started to read more about it. There are some really negative and demoralising articles out there.

Bub had responded really well and was going to sleep and re-settlng on her own for every sleep. Then I got the guilts and started feeding and rocking her to sleep again. Was I damaging her emotional development? What had I done to my precious baby? That was until this week when I had to get up to her 8 times in 4hrs and had 6hrs sleep in two days. Until I could no longer rock her to sleep because of the excruciating pain in my neck and shoulders.

She's 6.5mo now and I'm finding it a lot easier...and Charlotte still calls out for me and is the happiest little girl. I'm getting more hugs and kisses from her than anyone else! :D She actually gives them of her own accord!

Read the "providing support" thread in Controlled Crying. I really think it will help. No-one wants to hear their baby cry and if you really don't think you can continue,
then don't. If you decide that CS is the only way you are all going to get some much needed sleep, then you will know when the time is right to start again.

Don't worry too much about the negativity and we're here to listen and support if you need it. I hope everything is going ok.

[carolinec70]

Thanks Vicki - your post really helped me. It seems to be going really well, we only have max 10mins crying (& it's really only fussing not full out crying) before bedtime as well as daytime naps now & it's only day 5, she is also sleeping much better at night, only waking once to be fed & going back to sleep on her own with no fuss at all, she is basically sleeping from 7.30pm to 8am & seems so much happier. I don't think listening to her crying will ever be easy & I think if I hadn't seen results so quickly I might have rethought the situation. I also spoke to my Mum & she said she said it with me & my brother & we're ok so think I'll stick with it.
Thanks everyone for the support, I know it probably won't be everyone's cup of tea but it's working for us.
Caroline

[vickster]

Hi Caroline,

I'm so glad it's all going so well. I've been thinking about you and how you were going. Charlotte still has a little grizzle for a few minutes, but we are also on day 5 and I know it gets better. Keep up the good work, you sound much more at ease today than your last post! :D

Keep me posted!

[mummyb]

hi
i just wanted to say a couple of things.
first call either tressilan or karitane this is what those beautiful women do for a living .they will help you !!
i think controlled crying is a hard thing to do ,i also think its the best thing to do, and thats what i told my husband as we both sat almost in tears listening to our then six month old cry .
its such an accusing cry ,how could you leave me,where did you go???
im unfortunelty sleeping right next to my 9month old and cant do controlled crying because of our living arrangments ,but you mark my word as soon as we move controlled crying will start.
and everytime i feel guilty im going to think of how much better of a mother i can be when i havent been up till late ,resettled 4 times before 4am and then got up at 5;30 am .
it maybe hard on him for a few nights but its worth it . good luck and dont worry we all know how you feel.