How To Deal

[supa_star323]

Just wondering how to deal with my ex always calling up and texting. All his friends tell him what I am doing and where I am going, so he is constantly checking up on me, and then he comes back and relays it to me... I have no idea what he is up to and don't really care to tell you the truth. It just bothers me that even though we aren't together he is constantly showing up in my life...
Also, what to do when he asks me about the future. He is always saying things like, if we get back together I will... He just doesn't get it that we won't be getting back together, and I am so much happier without him...

[Amberlea]

Change your number.. dont hand it out to anyone who is giving him information.

Its none of his business what you are doing.

[supa_star323]

I am planning to change my number, but only have the mobile (no home phone) and am just wondering how he will contact me to see our DS if I don't give him the new one...

[tru]

maybe just have contact via email or post? if it's really bothering you, you might be able to get some sort of restraining order so he can't contact you, except via a 3rd party to arrange visitation to see your DS.

[Amberlea]

Give him an email address that is purely for that reason.. start a hotmail account and give it to him only.
Or : ask a family member or close friend who is willing to take his calls for you and allow him to contact you via them.

If he cant respect your privacy he doesnt deserve to have your contact details.
He doesnt need to know what you are doing, who you are seeing and where you are going.. all he needs to know is when he is seeing his child next.. so set something up so that he can obtain that information, but nothing else.

[DustyPeach]

Have fixed times he can have DS and stick to those. You also have the option of supervised handovers most Relationship Australia Centres offer them at minimal cost. Here it is $10ea party.

If you have a third party that can be impartial that is a good option. Keep in mind they will be dealing with his **** instead of you. When choosing some one pick one that can handle it not some one who is going to bawk when it gets messy.

The biggest thing here is if he does not have your contact number and there is an emergency how does he contact you to advise you? Posative you would not like to pick DS up with a cast on his arm and the ex saying I had no way of contacting you.

Personally I would start a communication book where everthing is written down that concerns the child. Ie DS hit his head on coffee table or whatever. Keeps the need for virbal communication to a minimum. I would say in said book (so not to cause conflict) that you will be changing your phone number should the constant txt msging and calling not stop unless it is an emergency. Then he will be forced to communicate through your mum or other third party. Set firm guidelines for him and dont give in on them.

Hope this helps.

[Freya]

I have no advice hun, because I am in the same situation and I have found nothing works when it comes to my ex he always finds my number will come to my house or contact me via email or myspace...

All I can say is I can relate to what your going through, hang in there...:hugs:

[daddaddad]

Hmmm, I don't agree with the email only approach, for this one reason. If he needs to contact you urgently (and I am thinking ahead to access visits) he has to be able to contact. Email may not cut it.

It’s only early days – he will get the hint soon.

In my mobile, I can assign ring tones to individual contacts… I, if I had the need, could change my ex’s ring/message tone to silent and therefore never know that they had tried to call.

Alternately, If you are going to change numbers, get a cheap and nasty second handset for him to call in on.

Changing your number is not going to stop his friends from reporting in on you.

[OneBabyBoy]

Have fixed times he can have DS and stick to those. You also have the option of supervised handovers most Relationship Australia Centres offer them at minimal cost. Here it is $10ea party.

If you have a third party that can be impartial that is a good option. Keep in mind they will be dealing with his **** instead of you. When choosing some one pick one that can handle it not some one who is going to bawk when it gets messy.

The biggest thing here is if he does not have your contact number and there is an emergency how does he contact you to advise you? Posative you would not like to pick DS up with a cast on his arm and the ex saying I had no way of contacting you.

Personally I would start a communication book where everthing is written down that concerns the child. Ie DS hit his head on coffee table or whatever. Keeps the need for virbal communication to a minimum. I would say in said book (so not to cause conflict) that you will be changing your phone number should the constant txt msging and calling not stop unless it is an emergency. Then he will be forced to communicate through your mum or other third party. Set firm guidelines for him and dont give in on them.

Hope this helps.

Yup :yes: Everything she said :yes: