View Full Version : will this cause MORE problems - I need advice and support PLEASE!!!
OK, bear with me, one very frustrated, confused new mum here -
I know that little babies need to learn how to fall asleep on their own becuase it is something they don't know how to do. I have been trying to teach my 5 1/2 week old by cuddling him till he's settled and nearly asleep and then popping him down in his bassinet and patting him until i know for certain he is fully asleep. This process can take anywhere from 10-45 minutes...
Yesterday was great.
Today, not so great... It on and off all the time. Some days OK others - forget day time naps, let's just all have one big group cry all day! (well, not quite ALL day)
My question to everyone is - and I need support on this from mum's who've been there cause I have no idea anymore - if I sit there trying to get him to sleep and after about an hour and half he still won't sleep and I then stick him in his baby sling and he drops off instantly, am I creating problems that will just have to be corrected lately? Could it just be his age and he will eventually calm down? He sleeps fine at night time and goes down within about 20 minutes. And when he wakes during the night he eats and then falls asleep again with very little dramas.
But i just can't sit in there all day patting him to sleep anymore. We both just end up in a mess of tears...
And I'm just feeling like a bit of a failure at this whole mothering thing (ok, hormonal moment here)...
Please, some advice and/or support. Can any mums of older babies let me know what REALLY happens after that "magic" 6-8 week mark??
Sorry, it's a basket case type of day...
Oh dear - I feel for you, having had many of those days myself. Look - there is lots of advice out there about settling babies and everyone has lots of great advice, but at this early stage, if he goes to sleep in the sling and both of you get to rest - just go with it. I have a 26 month and a 6 month old. The 6 month old had her check up yesterday and I talked to the nurse about settling as I got into a bad habit of feeding and rocking her to sleep (bad because it kills my arms now that she is heavy). She said that what we do in the first 10 weeks doesn't affect how they sleep later on (I was trying to work out where I had "gone wrong"). So while your little bundle is tiny, use what ever you need to. If there are days when he is happy to go down with a bit of calm rocking or patting, do it, but if you are both tired then do whatever is easiest for you both. By about the 8 week mark he will have the hang of sleeping and the days of him just crying will reduce (well - it did for my two anyway). You could try talking to your child health nurse - they have videos with simple tips on settling to give you a number of options.
And don't worry too much about "bad" habits - they are actually not that hard to change (although that statement may start a flood of responses!). You can do it in a drastic way with strict interpretation of controlled crying (after he is 6 months old) or you can do it in a more gentle progressive way by changing one thing at a time - say, rocking him in the sling until he is almost gone then transferring him to the cot. Don't worry too much about "correcting" things later on - anything your baby and you do that works for you both is the right thing to do. If you are both happy for him to sleep in the sling, then do it that way. If you reach a point where you aren't happy with that, then work out what you want to do to change it. It is really easy to be down on yourself and think you are doing a terrible job etc but the simple fact that you are worried about this is a sign that you are a great mum, and doing a really good job. So give him a big cuddle, put him in the sling and when he is asleep, have a sleep yourself - or a big bar of chocolate! In 10 years time you will long for the time you could hold him in a sling and just gaze at him!
I hope this helps!
Slings are WONDERFUL inventions!
I agree totally with Draught. Don't worry about "bad habits." Who says they are bad? There is nothing bad about your baby needing to be close to Mummy to go to sleep. I personally dont believe that they should come out of the warmth and security of the womb and have to "learn" anything - babies run on instincts - they know what they need. If this is what bubba wants to do then just go with the flow. I seriously believe that worrying about all that advice and reccommendations that are thrown at you when you have a baby causes alot more stress than the baby itself!
You sound like a great Mum - trust yourself and listen to what your baby needs. Dont feel guilty if this goes against what someone else says - If it feels right, THEN IT IS!! Enjoy nurturing this wonderful little creation - you can never spoil a baby with Love! :) :)
....oh, and all I know about the "magic 6-8 week mark" is that this is when they give you their first beautiful smiles that melt your heart - then you will feel like the best Mum in the world~!:)
Hi. My boy is 3 months old today (hooray), and I look back and remember week 5 - 6 being the hardest. Take a deep breath, it really does get better.
I thought I was going to explode with frustration at that stage. He seemed to cry all day (nearly), but sleep ok at night too - so I understand how you feel. I was also organising a renovation for our new house at this time (stupid idea!!) and had him in and out of the car a lot (mostly on endless trips to bunnings and to meed tradesmen at the house at 7.30am :( ) and was using a baby bjorn instead of the pram as it was easier, and he loved it.
All I wanted to do at that time was be at home, but looking back on it I think all the trips in the car were good for my sanity as he'd sleep, and I could sing along with the radio and chill out. He would always go straight to sleep in the car. Somethimes I'd even drive home the long way!!
Don't worry about right or wrong ways of settling - remember they're all just opinions. Find a way that you and your baby can work together for some peace. My hubby sets bub up in the rocker with the dummy in front of the tv sometimes (which used to send me into fits of horror), but it works every time. So now we've agreed to do that at dinner time - so we have our meal in peace, and baby is happy. I thought it was so wrong initially, but I've come to the conclusion he won't be scarred for life and I deserve to enjoy my dinner. So whatever it takes is fine - don't feel guilty, just enjoy peace however you get it.
Hi. I have a 4 month old and a 2 year old. I found that she starting sleeping better when I put her from the bassinet into the cot. With our first child, I used to put the vacum cleaner under his cot and would get just about instant sleep. Although we did that for nearly 6 months. This time around, I bought the "Sounds of Silence" CD and we put that on from about 6 weeks. After track 7, classical music comes on and she instantly wakes. Now we just pick a 'white noise' track and put it on repeat.
Thank you all for your words of support.
I guess I just have to do what I can at his nap times and get him to sleep with the least amount of tears on both sides!!
This afternoon has been great and he has gone to sleep beautifully.
Just when you think you are at the end of your tether, it's as if they say - It's OK mum, i'll give you a break now. And i'll even smile and melt your heart once again to end the day nicely... :p
Havea a great evening all and thanks again for your kind words and support.. it's nice to receive them and to know that others have gone through similar things!!
I agree with what most have said, when babies are this little everything changes day to day so they don't have any "habits" just phases. Next week it'll all be different. I think everything got much easier for me when I realised that DD1 was changing too fast for me to be concerned about her bad sleeping habits (lack of sleeping that is :D ). She also didn't sleep much during the day (40 mins max - and often only once or twice a day :eek: ). She also didn't like going to sleep at night by herself. We would be happy when she fell asleep feeding because at least we didn't have to "put" her to sleep. All of these issues just eventually went away as she grew out of them. Her daytime naps got longer (not until she was 8-9 months old though :o ) and one week we just noticed that she started putting herself to sleep at night (it was very sudden, like a switch!). I rocked her in my arms for her daytime sleep until she was around 16 months old (my choice), but when she got to heavy for me, I just stopped doing it and patted her to sleep in her cot instead - it was not a big deal to change.
Just do what you need to get by at this stage (I also remember worrying about "spoiling" DD1 by letting her have too much sling time as a baby :) ). Sane, healthy mum and bub is the objective - how you get there is not important.
Hi Aleksander's Mum,
When I read your post my heart went out to you (I would have written the exact same thing at that age). I wished I could have picked up the phone and rang you to reasure you that your doing GREAT, that it does get easier, you just have to hang in there.
You have already received some great advice from other Mums but if I can pass on any advice having reached the 6 month mark with my beautiful son it would be to just totally take the pressure off yourself for the first 3 months. Forget strict routines and worrying about teaching bad habits. Just go with the flow and do whatever works on any given day. As you know one day can be great, the next not so great. What works one day may not work the next. Think of these first 3 months as time for you to bond with your baby, learn to trust and read your own mothering instincts and learn to read and understand your baby.
In hindsight some of the best days I had in the early days were the days I stopped trying to do what I'd read or been told and just went with the flow. I too worried about starting bad habits and wanted to get it all right from the word go and it just puts too much pressure on yourself.
One thing I read that made me feel better was to do whatever it takes to get bub to sleep in the first 3 months and just be thankful that they are sleeping! My little one used to sleep in his Aquarium bouncer with the vibrations on when he did sleep and at the time I thought I was a bad mother for letting him sleep there instead of in his bassinet, now I realise you do whatever works to get you through.
take care & hang in there!
Yep some more support here-
Your bub is so small I wouldn't worry at all HOW you get him to sleep.
I think the whole thing about 'bad habits' is- is this a 'habit' that is going to annoy YOU? For me I was happy to rock or feed Felix to sleep until he was ready to learn to settle on his own (most of the time now). Don't worry what other people think or say- you are the only one who counts. If you're happy rocking your baby to sleep then do it. If it is something that irrates you, then you might need to look at alternatives. There's no one answer out there, all bubs and mums are different in their needs and expectations.
Thanks again to all the replies!!
I know what you are saying about one day being different from the next and what works one day won't work another, or what works in one nap time won't work another!!!
It's been a great morning this morning with DS getting off to sleep (with my assistance of course) pretty good and then for the last two sleeps - OH MY GOODNESS, it was very difficult and even in the sling he was a bit grizzly - must be that "witching hour" every one talks about!!
Anyway, feeling much more positive today - thank you all SO much :p
And today was the first day where he cried much of the afternoon in resistance to sleep that I didn't cry with him... woohoo, we are getting the hang of this...
Thanks all so much!
There will be bad days I know, but I think i'll just have to remember the advice I received here...
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