Feeling conflicted inside...

[SweetSerenity]

Oh my god, I can't believe I'm writing this but I have NO ONE to talk to about this.

Since my ex and I had a huge talk on sunday we have been hanging out a bit more and talking more...

When we had that talk, I found out his side of the story in regards to his ex gf and he told me that he was the one who told her he was ending things as he couldn't handle her talking and yelling at him the way she was.... when he was telling me this he then looked at me and told me that when she began to yell at him thats when he realised how awful it must of been for me when he spoke and yelled at me the way he used too.

He said he's made changes within himself and controls himself alot better than he used to and he's continually working on that.

With this deep and meaningful we had that night and the times I have been seeing him this week, I have been seeing the old him... the one I fell in love with, the one who was so good to me.

He asked me the other night "Do you think I will ever find another Natalie ?" and I just replied with no because there is only one me and always will be lol.

It's like a lightbulb has popped in his head and he sees just how good I was to him and that I never deserved what I went through.

Also the fact that he is changing his ways with peter really is a huge step for him also.

I just feel so conflicted.

I keep thinking, if this continues the next 6mths etc... maybe I would consider us getting back together but then I get the thoughts of what if it won't last long?

But with age and experience comes change and maybe after the 4yrs we have known each other he actually is growing into the man he should be?

I feel like my soul mate is coming back and I don't know what to do.

Last time we got back together, none of these changes were there... it was more of a case of I was lonely and wanted my marriage back, but right now I am just seeing the old brett and not who he turned into half way through our relationship.

I don't know what I want from this, I just need to get it out as I cant talk to my mum and don't want to talk to friends about it at the moment.

Nat xx

[OneBabyBoy]

Nat I knew this thread was comming from your other post :D

For me personally I would just be grateful he finally understands how wonderful you are and just work on having a strong and amicable friendship for Peter's sake. Use these changes to your advantage in that way. Having his parents be apart but get along like good friends is much more benefical than what was happening before.


I feel like my soul mate is coming back and I don't know what to do.


Your soulmate would never have treated you the way he did.

There's no rush anyway, just work on the friendship for a while and take it one baby step at a time. :hugs: :hugs:

[SweetSerenity]

Nat I knew this thread was comming from your other post :D

For me personally I would just be grateful he finally understands how wonderful you are and just work on having a strong and amicable friendship for Peter's sake. Use these changes to your advantage in that way. Having his parents be apart but get along like good friends is much more benefical than what was happening before.



Your soulmate would never have treated you the way he did.

There's no rush anyway, just work on the friendship for a while and take it one baby step at a time. :hugs: :hugs:


Thank you hunny :hugs:

I totally agree regarding building the friendship up.

LOL I gave it away didn't I in that post? haha.

Thank you for listening :hugs:

Love ya xxx

[ButterflyMama]

I think it's great he's being civil and respectful towards you. I think now that he is mature enough to understand this you can both have a good friendship based relationship which is important for Peter. I do not think however this is a sign for you to get back together. Not after how he treated you. Leopards don't change their spots.

[SweetSerenity]

I think it's great he's being civil and respectful towards you. I think now that he is mature enough to understand this you can both have a good friendship based relationship which is important for Peter. I do not think however this is a sign for you to get back together. Not after how he treated you. Leopards don't change their spots.

:yes: Thats what my head is telling me too...

Damn these emotions! lol :o

[OneBabyBoy]

Anytime :hugs:

He is Peter's father and it would be fantastic to have a good friendship with him for that reason but as for romance...I think you have someone much more fabulous out there for you :yes:

[ButterflyMama]

:yes: Thats what my head is telling me too...

Damn these emotions! lol :o

Hahah I know... some people just get under your skin and stay there. Gotta use your heart AND your head. :yes: You know it. :hugs:

[Butterflymumma]

Hey Nat,

I cant really offer youmuch advice as I am not really up to date with your situation but i just wanted to offer some hugs :hugs: :hugs: and say that I think Onebabyboy has put it well, take things slowly and concentrate on a friendship for Peters sake.

I believe that people can change, but i cant comment on this with Your Ex and Im not aware of the insult he put upon you in your relationship, so on a completely neutral level, if the changes are still there in a year or two with no slip ups in between then i think it is a sign of change. People have to want to change and have to work really hard at it, sometimes they need outside help like a counsellor etc.

Listen to your gut instinct, even if it seems you are being silly, it will always lead you in the right direction.

Hope it all works out for the best xx

[MoOaNdLiTtLePoPpEt]

i think just take things as they come...you will know the right thing to do at the right time...if that makes sense....

do what you feel is right for you and peter...i have read a lot of your threadfs and have read what you have been through.

People can change and sometimes people deserve another chance....other don't...and that is a choice only you can make.. ;)

In saying that i would just take things a day at a time...:)

goodluck hun.

[SweetSerenity]

Thank you everyone for your honest opinions.

I will just see how things go...

I will admit though I am missing him...

[Freya]

Nat I knew this thread was comming from your other post :D



Hehe me too!!!


I don't know what to say Nat but here is some hugs... :hugs: :hugs: :hugs:

[*Chels*]

Nat-I am going to be blunt and you will probably hate me for it:o
I have seen so many threads that you have made about Brett being a ****head.He has treated you like poo in the past.You deserve better and I think you would be silly to get back with him
*Runs away to hide now*

[KapowSchazam]

Nat, I TOTALLY get where you're coming from. It's soooo hard isn't it, especially since we'll all have a very special bond with our ex's - our kids. Obviously we all loved our ex's at some stage, to get to the point of having a baby together. And seeing them often so that they can see their kids also doesn't help us move on emotionally...

I'd just sit back and see where it goes. Leave your options open and don't knock anyone else back because you're wondering 'what if' about Brett.

Let him sort himself out completly before you even consider trying to get back together again :D

[SweetSerenity]

Nat-I am going to be blunt and you will probably hate me for it:o
I have seen so many threads that you have made about Brett being a ****head.He has treated you like poo in the past.You deserve better and I think you would be silly to get back with him
*Runs away to hide now*

Dont be silly I dont hate you!:hugs:

Thats why I posted, I want honest non emotionally driven opinions lol.

I guess it's hard for me to see past him... very hard.

He's been in my life for 4yrs, is the father of my child and I still love him in some way...

Thank you hunny and I will definately be taking that on board :hugs:

[SalTheGal]

I think it's great he's being civil and respectful towards you. I think now that he is mature enough to understand this you can both have a good friendship based relationship which is important for Peter. I do not think however this is a sign for you to get back together. Not after how he treated you. Leopards don't change their spots.


Nat-I am going to be blunt and you will probably hate me for it:o
I have seen so many threads that you have made about Brett being a ****head.He has treated you like poo in the past.You deserve better and I think you would be silly to get back with him
*Runs away to hide now*


Hey Nat- I think these two posts are pretty valid....

I have followed your story through its entirety- and boy has he sent you on a rollercoaster ride!

I think it is great that you can be freinds- but please please please be careful with those fragile emotions of yours! :hugs:

Take it slowly but remember, the right person for YOU is just around the corner- don't ever settle for second best, you are an amazing person who I really admire and you deserve only the best from a person who can treat you like an absolute princess.

[*Chels*]

Dont be silly I dont hate you!:hugs:

Thats why I posted, I want honest non emotionally driven opinions lol.

I guess it's hard for me to see past him... very hard.

He's been in my life for 4yrs, is the father of my child and I still love him in some way...

Thank you hunny and I will definately be taking that on board :hugs:

Phew!!
I understand what ya mean-hes your baby's daddy!There is ALWAYS going to be feelings there for him.But I totally agree with what Sal said.:yes:

[Mum2Bug]

Nat, Im sorry hun but I am going with Chels on this one as well. I know it is hard to get past the fact that there are still some residual feelings but he has put you through one hell of an emotional rollercoaster over the last 12 months or so. Do you really want to chance yours and Peters happiness and future on him again?? Who is to say that he wont just revert back to the idiot he has been as soon as he has you back?

Sorry but you did want us to be honest hun:hugs: :hugs:

[SweetSerenity]

Nat, Im sorry hun but I am going with Chels on this one as well. I know it is hard to get past the fact that there are still some residual feelings but he has put you through one hell of an emotional rollercoaster over the last 12 months or so. Do you really want to chance yours and Peters happiness and future on him again?? Who is to say that he wont just revert back to the idiot he has been as soon as he has you back?

Sorry but you did want us to be honest hun:hugs: :hugs:


Thank you so much.

Please dont apologise.... like I said to Chels I want you girls to tell me what you think... you haven't attacked me in any way, just given me your caring opinions and it means alot to me.

Im thinking clearer tonight and I think I would be happy with just having the close friendship.

As much as he might be changing, there's still little things about him that I don't think I could live with, personality traits etc... Plus I have moved forward so much already it wouldn't be good going backwards.

Thank you ladies once again, especially for listening to my emotional babble yet again.

:hugs: Love you all so much.

[KatiesMum]

Hi

I dont know your history or what he did, so wont comment on what you should do now......

It sounds like you have had a pretty tough time of it, but it is great that at least now you can be friends and raise your son together ......

best of luck whatever you decide.

:hugs:

[Mum2Bug]

Thank you so much.

Please dont apologise.... like I said to Chels I want you girls to tell me what you think... you haven't attacked me in any way, just given me your caring opinions and it means alot to me.

Im thinking clearer tonight and I think I would be happy with just having the close friendship.

As much as he might be changing, there's still little things about him that I don't think I could live with, personality traits etc... Plus I have moved forward so much already it wouldn't be good going backwards.

Thank you ladies once again, especially for listening to my emotional babble yet again.

:hugs: Love you all so much.

Nat we just care about you and really dont want to see you go through it all again. We know it is hard, many of us have had those thoughts and feelings, but from experience I think it is better to just move on and maintain a close friendship with each other. Atleast then you will have someone who knows you well that you can rely on if you ever need to.

Good luck and we are all here for you.:hugs:

[OneBabyBoy]

Plus I have moved forward so much already it wouldn't be good going backwards.


That's right :yes: The past is in the past and you have awesome things in your future :D

[daddaddad]

I know the feeling. There was a time when my ex wanted to try putting it all back together. I was very close to giving it a go but some how I could see that after a honeymoon period, we’d fall into old ways. I think more than anything, I could not forgive… I chose trying to work on being parents rather than being partners. Sometimes I still wonder but I am happiest knowing that my girls have both parents happy and working together.

Nat, you have a long time to make your choice – Think of how long it took you both to get to this point, there is no need to make a sudden decision, fuelled on emotion.

The feeling of conflict means something isn't right.

[pegasus]

Hi Nat (I know I don't usually post in your threads but I do read - I'm not really a stalker:p ) So I hope I don't overstep my mark. (I'm not a single parent, but have been through lots and lots of **** from lots and lots of people).

Just wanted to say - change really is possible (leopards do change their spots if they see a real reason to do so). My guess is that the girls that say they don't haven't known someone who has. Oh yes, and some don't change their spots, they just let you see what you want to see.

My advice to you is that you need to give it a lot more time, but never rule it out. If a new man comes up in the meantime, don't shut him out. If in the next few months/years (not days/weeks) then welcome it (cautiously) and try it out.

It sounds like Brett would have to change a fair bit, but it sounds like his mum's very switched on and he may be going through a lot of soul searching due to his recent experiences with his last gf.

One last thing - don't let him know you're even thinking about him in that way (keep the friendship thing going). If you let him know he's getting to you and you are vulnerable, then he might know which buttons to push to get you back before you and Peter are ready. This gives you more space and power to figure what you want and need.

At the end of the day, you, Peter (and even Brett) are better in happy relationships living apart (whether with new partners or not) than miserable together, and you are now in the position of power. You can make the terms of your new relationship, whether it is just friends (and co-parents) or something more in the future. Don't let anyone else sway any of your decisions.

[SimplyMum]

Ok, I haven't read through all the other posts so I'm sure what I'm going to say has been said before but I just didn't want to read it and not post- you've helped me out so much I felt I should give an opinion back.

Firstly, I don't think the past can be forgotton. He's gotta earn your trust back and more.

I think it is possible for change (although very unlikely). But than again you don't want to be 40 and wondering why you didn't give this a try.

I would maybe work on the friendship, if that goes well go on a few dates. I think it just be taken slower than a regular relationshi[ because you're not only dealing with present and future feeling but past feelings as well. And past feelings that cut deep and painfully.
I don't agree with punishing someone over and over for their mistakes. ONE punishiment so I think you need to do whatever it is to come to peace with the past and leave it in the past. Not forgotton just accepting it.

I hope I made sense.

[MoOaNdLiTtLePoPpEt]

I just think do what you feel is right.... :) that's just my opinion...you only know your feeling, emotions etc....no one can tell you what to do and what not to do...

they can give you advise but you have to make the decisions...

as i said i would take things as they come...

that's just my opinion...

I agree with some previous posts : not letting him know you have even had these thoughts, making him gain your trust, be friends and build a friendship....

BUT i believe only yuo can make a decision....

People can certainly change....It's a matter of IF they want to...and IF they do, they can....I don't agree with the posts that say change is very unlikely....cos i have seen it myself....

:hugs: to you...

[Ashleigh<3]

Hi Nat (I know I don't usually post in your threads but I do read - I'm not really a stalker:p ) So I hope I don't overstep my mark. (I'm not a single parent, but have been through lots and lots of **** from lots and lots of people).

Just wanted to say - change really is possible (leopards do change their spots if they see a real reason to do so). My guess is that the girls that say they don't haven't known someone who has. Oh yes, and some don't change their spots, they just let you see what you want to see.

My advice to you is that you need to give it a lot more time, but never rule it out. If a new man comes up in the meantime, don't shut him out. If in the next few months/years (not days/weeks) then welcome it (cautiously) and try it out.

It sounds like Brett would have to change a fair bit, but it sounds like his mum's very switched on and he may be going through a lot of soul searching due to his recent experiences with his last gf.

One last thing - don't let him know you're even thinking about him in that way (keep the friendship thing going). If you let him know he's getting to you and you are vulnerable, then he might know which buttons to push to get you back before you and Peter are ready. This gives you more space and power to figure what you want and need.

At the end of the day, you, Peter (and even Brett) are better in happy relationships living apart (whether with new partners or not) than miserable together, and you are now in the position of power. You can make the terms of your new relationship, whether it is just friends (and co-parents) or something more in the future. Don't let anyone else sway any of your decisions.


:yelclap:
Excellent advice.

Nat, you know I'm here for you whenever you need me. I'd also like to add that i know you will go about this the right way, you're bright and as much as you may feel like you've made some bad choices in the past, i truly believe they were made for a reason, you've got a good head on your shoulders. :hugs:

[SweetSerenity]

I love you guys so much :hugs:

I really needed to hear everything you have all told me...

I can't explain how much all of your opinions/advice mean to me. I know I go through my stages of posting alot whinging about not knowing what to do about things and I'm glad that you all still bother to reply :)

I guess all I can do is continue on how I am and see what happens.

I believe that if things are meant to be, there will always be something that will make it happen.

Gees life is complicated... just when you think you feel fine about something, something happens to make you question it all over again.

Again, I'm so grateful I have you all here to turn to.

Lots of love Nat xxx

[Ashleigh<3]

I think it's awesome that you and Brett are getting along. So much better then not getting along!
It should be much easier for you guys to share your concerns when it comes to Peter..:)

[~J'dore~]

Hey:wave:

I just wanted to say that I agree with lots of what everyone has said, but I also wanted to say that I believe people can change. My parents just remarried after 19 years apart, sometimes it just takes time for people to realise their mistakes. My dad wishes that he hadn't waited 19 years to realise that and make changes, they have miss out on so much together. At least they now have the rest of their lives together.

I wouldn't rush into anything, but if he can prove himself to you in a friendship relationship (with no other girlfriends at the same time) for 6 - 12 months, then maybe you could think about your options.

Good luck hun:hugs:

[SimplyMum]

Hey:wave:

I just wanted to say that I agree with lots of what everyone has said, but I also wanted to say that I believe people can change. My parents just remarried after 19 years apart, sometimes it just takes time for people to realise their mistakes. My dad wishes that he hadn't waited 19 years to realise that and make changes, they have miss out on so much together. At least they now have the rest of their lives together.
maybe you could think about your options.



This is soooo beautifu. Like a real life love story!Valentine