"i'll Wait"

[supa_star323]

I have just come out of a relationship, and have a close friend that likes me. He has said "I'll wait as long as it takes you. even if it's twelve months." Is he serious??? I don't really know what he actually means by that.

[Noah_and_Elijah]

He obviously holds a flame for you and is prepared to wait for you as long as it takes to be in another relationship.

If you don't feel the same way I would suggest politely putting him in his place to avoid inadvertantly hurting his feelings later on down the track.

[supa_star323]

I'm not sure how I feel about him. I have known him for a long time talking on the phone, but have only met him in person once, so I still don't know him very well face to face. I have told him I am confused and need time, and that I can't promise I will be with him because I am just not sure. My head is still pretty messed up from the ex (we only split up 4 days ago even though it has been coming for a long time).

[Noah_and_Elijah]

I would just take the time that you need to grieve the loss of your relationship and rebuild your life on your own and when you are happy and comfortable enough then you can spend some more time with this guy and see how things progress from there.

There is certainly no need to rush things. :)

[SassyMummy]

I think it's near impossible to know what he means for sure.

He might literally mean it.
He might THINKS he means it, but will end up getting pushy.
He might just love the romance of it all, and is living that out by saying cliche things like that.
He might be saying it to show you how much you mean to him, but doesn't mean it literally.
He might not mean it at all and hopes that him saying it will just get you to submit.

There's many more possibilities.

I think trust your gut - or just ask him. Or ask him questions which will get you closer to your answer (as to what he means by it).

[QTB]

my (male) best friend did this the day my DH and i seperated!

its hard to deal with... but i just told him i loved him as a friend - nothing more.... DH and i are together again now.

[Xanthic]

This is how I replied in your other thread.



I'd tell your friend how you feel. If you are not interested in a relationship then he needs to respect that. To try push you into a relationship under the current situation/timing seems very suspect to me. The "I will wait" is crock. I suspect he will be pushing every single time you speak to him.

Even if I liked someone I'd try be supportive of their current situation and not try "move in". Hurting him may be best for both of you. If he continues to believe you will be his then his expectations will grow and he will only push harder and harder. The greater his expectations the greater his fall will be and the greater the guilt/stress that gets put onto you.

How will you handle that combined with looking after your son and yourself ?


In addition:

He basically wants you to form a life-long relationship with you only having met once. Do you really know him ? Does he really know you ?

This may sound mean, but, since he is suffering from depression, are you ready to look after/babysit him as well as your son and yourself when he is not well ? If he is managing it with meds or councilling then treat him as you would anyone not suffering mental illness. If you feel guilty then your feelings are being used.

Your first priority is to your son and you. My suggestion is follow noahsmama's advice:



I would just take the time that you need to grieve the loss of your relationship and rebuild your life on your own and when you are happy and comfortable enough then you can spend some more time with this guy and see how things progress from there.


If he really is willing to wait then he'd be happy for you to steady your life without having contact which will give you the needed space to settle. If YOU then still desire a relationship with him then YOU can contact him when YOU are ready.

This is the third time you have asked (In Singles and twice in Dad's chat). Are you re-posting looking/hoping for a different answer ? Do you have any desires to be with him ? Are you attracted to him ? Or, are you asking out of guilt ?

[Xanthic]

QTB, do you still keep in contact with your male best friend ?

[supa_star323]

This is how I replied in your other thread.



In addition:

He basically wants you to form a life-long relationship with you only having met once. Do you really know him ? Does he really know you ?

This may sound mean, but, since he is suffering from depression, are you ready to look after/babysit him as well as your son and yourself when he is not well ? If he is managing it with meds or councilling then treat him as you would anyone not suffering mental illness. If you feel guilty then your feelings are being used.

Your first priority is to your son and you. My suggestion is follow noahsmama's advice:



If he really is willing to wait then he'd be happy for you to steady your life without having contact which will give you the needed space to settle. If YOU then still desire a relationship with him then YOU can contact him when YOU are ready.

This is the third time you have asked (In Singles and twice in Dad's chat). Are you re-posting looking/hoping for a different answer ? Do you have any desires to be with him ? Are you attracted to him ? Or, are you asking out of guilt ?




I am just looking to get as many opinions as possible. I do like him, yes, but feel that it is too soon for me to make a decision like that, and I also wonder whether I know the real him (I don't think I do).
I am just confused, and looking for answers to help sort my head out.

[Xanthic]

I also wonder whether I know the real him (I don't think I do).

and



but feel that it is too soon for me to make a decision like that


Sometimes people already know the answers to their own questions without realising it.

[supa_star323]

QTB, do you still keep in contact with your male best friend ?

I do still talk to him, but just about general stuff. i avoid anything to do with 'us' or my future. We do not see each other, just talk on the phone.

[supa_star323]

Thankyou to everyone for your advice and for telling me the truth, the way you really see it. Having spent some time thinking, and deciding what I want and need. I have spoken to my friend, and told him where I stand. I said that I want to be his friend, but that is it. I will not consider the future, and if he brings it up then I will not be speaking to him anymore. I told him I need friends, not pressure and more problems. I hav decided that I need to make myself and my son happy, and if anyone can't respect and understand that, then I don't need them in my life and I will not put up with them. I may sound harsh or rude, but I think this is what I need to do. Who cares if I end up single for years, at the moment, another relationship isn't even anywhere near being on my priority list and it needs to stay that way until I sort myself out. I am still so young and need to decide who I am and who I want to be before I go dealing with other people and their problems...
So thankyou all again. Bubhub, you rock. You have really helped me out.