Community Clinic bagging co-sleeping

[Rahmi'sMum]

My son had his 2 month immunisations today, and whilst at the clinic I was asked about our sleeping arrangement... I said that we co-sleep and the woman started to go on and on (and on) about how they don't recommend it, how the child won't learn to sleep by themselves or fall asleep, how they end up being bad sleepers even at a school age etc etc. She then told me about their sleep classes and how many co-sleeping parents end up there with their children/babies.

I was really p*ssed off, my hubby and I are not overweight, do not smoke/drink/do drugs, I am a very light sleeper and we have aircon if it gets too warm. I couldn't believe how this woman forced her opinion down my throat.

Also, Im one of 4 kids and my mum co-slept with each of us whilst at a breastfeeding age.

Has anyone else had such an encounter???

[Frazzled]

not about cosleeping but i dont like their ideas on 'teaching' to sleep... and not sure how professional they r - when a nurse tells me that a mass of fluid on my newborns head is very common only to find out a week later that he may require neuro surgery - im not impressed...(see other thread if lost)


also when the CHN came for the home visit she stayed for 3 hours the day after we came home, told us we would have big problems with allergies and that E had excma (sp?) when all it was, was the normal newborn skin conditions...

go figure!!!:banghead: :banghead: :banghead: :banghead:

[Starlet]

Ugh. I co-slept with both of my kids. One from the time we got home til 4 months old, he is now 3 1/2 and has no trouble going to bed. I co-slept with my other son til he was 6 months old and he goes to sleep like a dream. I don't have to sit with him, I don't have to pat his bum, he's 2 years old now.

And when I took them out of my bed and put them into a cot, niether of them were unsettled from the very first night.

If it works for you I don't see the problem. Fair enough if the CHN tells you of the risks invovled, but she has no right to harp on about it to you. There are also risks putting babies in the cot, like blankets covering their heads, etc.

[aardvark]

I'm a part-time co-sleeper.

DS spends the first part of the night in his bed, giving me the chance to run about like a headless chicken filling lunchboxes and packing school bags, then comes into our bed when he needs feeding.

I know the nurse at my clinic doesn't approve, so I just won't tell her! I don't need a lecture - and I won't sit still for one, either.

I do know that even though I am older, and busier, because DS is sleeping better in bed with us, we are ALL getting more sleep than we otherwise would, so DH and I are coping better than we did with DD#1 and DD#2 where we didn't co-sleep as much. We really only started co-sleeping with DD#2 when she was about 12 months old, and it was the only way I could get enough sleep to be able to return to work - and it really helped.

I think it's interesting that on one hand the nurses will rabbit on about finding what works for you, and coping strategies, and then on the other hand they will run you down for not doing what THEY think is the best thing. I don't like going to the clinic - I avoid it, generally. I figure DS is growing out of his clothes, and filling numerous nappies per day, so there's no real reason for me to be running down there on HER schedule.

[rynosmum]

I honestly think you should do what's best for you and your baby, no matter what you are told by the "experts".

You can never please everyone and some people will always feel that it is their place to lecture you on the 'right' way to birth or nuture your child.

The truth is, if it works for your family and everyone is happy, then that is a success. No two families are the same.

Always feel comfortable and confident in your choices with your child. As long as you parent with love, your children will be fine.:D

[lovemybub]

I had a 'settling lady' come and see us in our home when DD was three weeks old, because I really felt like I had no idea about how to help my baby settle etc. We had our DD in a bassinet beside our bed, but it was suggested that she should move to her cot (which was still in our room anyway). We were also told that we would want her out of our room by the time she was 4 months.

We did that for a while. DD now sleeps in our bed with us and I have to say that while I am very glad that this lady came to visit us, I am now happily disregarding several things that she said not to do, and our DD is sleeping well, along with her parents :sleeping: :yelclap:

I don't want to be a downer on nurses etc - they do a wonderful job, and I'm sure there are plenty of nurses out there to whom this doesn't apply - but I found that the nurses who have dealed with my DD and myself since her birth have become very clinical about the whole thing, and lost touch with current research and information, and good old basic mothering instinct. And the problem is that as new mums we are a bundle of hormones and so clueless and desperate to do the right thing that we take everything everyone says as gospel. I found that it only took a couple of weeks before I could say, "Okay, I hear you, but this is what's right for my child."

Go with your instincts, I say. It's all well and good to be informed of the risks, but I'd love to turn around one day and say, "Well, actually, have you read this information..."

Loving these new smilies BTW :smiliedance:

[moonblossom]

Just tell them you have 7 kids then they dont lecture you AT ALL LOL

[lukaelmo]

Just tell them you have 7 kids then they dont lecture you AT ALL LOL


FUNNY!!! :D :D

[jarrahsmumma]

Tell her that when the child is 17 and wants to sleep in it's parents bed, THEN you have a problem:thumbsup: . Seriously, MCHNs get some information soooo wrong. They can be very narrowminded. I learned very quickly that there are things you lie about or just don't tell them...How sad.

[JanetF]

What a crock! How about the higher self esteem in later life of children who cosleep? And the lower rates of SIDS in babies? Children "learn" to sleep when their brains are mature enough for them to do so. Pfffft to her! The number of MCHNs I've heard of who actually promote evidence based parenting I can count on one hand. If they're not working for Nestle or cot manufacturers, what's their excuse??? :banghead:

[MissBrightside]

my 3 yr old still sleeps in bed with me. my 15 mth old refuses to lay in bed with me he just thinks its party time. My 3yo though drives me crazy he dosnt go to bed when i tell him he drives me mad telling me ill go to bed when you do. he just dosnt listen to me and i dont know how to make him. I dont mind him sleeping in my bed at the moment because i just recently separated from their dad. but when he lived here it was horrible i used to get squashed in the middle with no where to roll over.

[jarrahsmumma]

You could always push his single bed up to the side of the queen bed, like a side car. This will make heaps more room. :smiliedance:

[MissBrightside]

it wouldnt fit in my room. its ok now though theres just the 2 of us in there. its good for the comfort right now.

[sarah81]

I am not a huge fan of the Child Health Nurses that I have met either. One came to my house when DS was 6 weeks and told me he was huge (on the 75th %) and that I breastfed him too much. Then she preceded to tell me I may have to wean him because his bottom was slightly pink and he was probably lactose intolerant. She said this explained all the reasons why he cried alot. It turned out the crying was due to coming down with a serious case of bronchiolitis.

If had had have been a first time mum actually looking for advice I may have weaned my baby at 6 weeks. Sorry for the rant I just find them so outdated and a bit patronising :banghead: But I am sure there are lovely ones out there I just haven't met one yet!

[MissBrightside]

my health nurse is quite nice she dosnt pass judgement, although there are some things i dont tell her or fib about a bit. she gave me a shoulder to cry on when my partner left.

[kiwibird27]

I think they have to legally advise whatever the Cot Death association are saying at the moment, if they say co-sleeping is fine and something happens, then they can be held liable, just like midwives (in NZ anyway) aren't allowed to suggest bottle feeding cause "breast is best" , but if you actually ask them then they can tell you - makes life impossible for mum's to be well informed

[MissBrightside]

when my sis in law had her bubs in july last year she decided in hospital not to breast feed. The staff there were trying to pressure her into breast feeding which she just didnt feel comfortable doing and was having trouble. My brother said he was just about to tell them where to go. I think its up to the mum to decide. It is a happy time and you dont need to be feeling like you are doing the wrong thing by your baby just cos other people say.

[Rahmi'sMum]

I agree they are supposed to tell us certain things - which wouldn't have bothered me, but this woman had attitude +, and was really trying to scare me out of it.

Thanks for the replies, I don't have any intention of stopping until it suits both bub and myself. I can't believe some of the stories I've just heard, there really are some head cases out there.

I went to this clinic because my sister said it's where she went. Recently she also told me that at 6 weeks she went to a sleep lessonwith her now 2 1/2 year old, she then let her cry for over an hour when she got home, telling me she taught he how to put herself to sleep. She was telling me when Rahmi turned 6 weeks as advice on what to do next. I was shocked, and my response to her was "I could never ever let him cry and just leave him." She looked a tad embarrassed.

But, after going to this clinic it all fell into place, because she had co-slept up til then. (BTW the cc didn't work, her daughter still didn't sleep through or fall asleep by her self months later).

I feel sorry for my sister that she didn't follow her instincts, she listened to the "experts".

[Refresh]

how they end up being bad sleepers even at a school age etc etc
LOL, riiiiiiiiiiight, then why do my kids sleep happily in their own beds from 7.30pm - 7am now:rolleyes: They must be freaks because we co-slept:eek:

Serioulsy, they should be promoting the saftey guidelines of co-sleeping, not bagging it out:(

[jas]

People always ask me why my dd is so happy and content all the time (she never cries!!!), I am sure it has a lot to do with co-sleeping and therefore she feels secure.

Actually we didnt intend to co-sleep but i always fell asleep while b/f and its just continued from there.:)

[lovemybub]

People always ask me why my dd is so happy and content all the time (she never cries!!!), I am sure it has a lot to do with co-sleeping and therefore she feels secure.

Actually we didnt intend to co-sleep but i always fell asleep while b/f and its just continued from there.:)

You and me both Jas! :D

[Rahmi'sMum]

I agree, yesterday when he was immunised was the first time I really heard him cry, usually I just get a little bit of noise from him when he has wind, he is always happy, content and smily.

[SugarBlossom]

I am so against going to CHN"s, they really have no idea!

I don't go anymore

One told me I diden't have PND as I wasen't suicidal or diden't want to harm my baby.....WRONG - I do have PND.

Another gave me huuuuggggeeee lecture on not immunising and all I wanted was a development check up....which we diden't even get to do:mad:

They all told me Codie was so big I would never be able to solely b/f him and to get formula right away WRONG - I b/f exclusively for 6 months!

And I had the co sleepng lecture...very dangerous, I'm irresponsible:ecomcity: :mad:


Moral of the rant....we don't need these people to tell us we're crap parents!

[Mum2Lucas]

I've only seen a CHN once when she came when lucas was a week old. Other than that we see our GP and she never lectures and doesnt say anything about our sleeping arrangement. People always comment on how happy and healthy he is. personally i love cosleeping, We do have a cot but it'll never be used. I found when he slept in a cot i was always checking on him in the middle of the night too.

[Rahmi'sMum]

I actually told her that was my main reason - his cot is next to my bed AND we have an angelcare monitor, but co-sleeping is the only way that I feel like I know he's ok, I can feel him breathing and moving.

I don't think I'll go back except for the first time parents groups, purely to meet other mums. I'll stick to my GP as well from now on.

[tanni_83]

just to let you all know....i started co-sleeping in elise the first day of her life...she was born at 7am and that night she was in with me...not one nurse/mw took her off of me and put her back in her crib. only when i fell alseep sitting up feeding her...which i didnt mind too much coz id just had a baby that day (and i hadnt learned how to feed and sleep laying down yet!)..... was a bit tired :sleeping:

***************GO THE CO SLEEPERS***************

LOL

:thumbsup:

[HappyMumsy]

I find it best to stay away from them , they seem to cause more problems rather than solving them.

I'd prefer to see "alternative" proffessionals like naturopaths, homeopaths, osteopaths etc. I get much better results and more understanding than from a clinic nurse or a doctor.

[Ponyboy]

So glad to read these posts about co-sleeping. My husband and I have our first baby, Anaki. Prior to our birth we both said that we wouldn't allow her to sleep with us for fear that it would continue for years etc. Even though I slept with my parents fairly often as a child as my sister tormented me quite a bit LOL. So we had the bassinette in our room. It seems Anaki didn't really like sleeping in the bassinette and proceeded to wake me up so I spent most of my time getting her in and out and trying to settle her.

In the end I just fed her in bed as I was so tired and she fell asleep there. So now we do our bedtime routine (she really doesn't have a routine yet but we try) of going to bed together with a BF and we both fall asleep. I wake up maybe once or twice during night and feed her again (usually do a nappy change too). I don't have a problem with it other than discomfort at times for me as I barely have room to move. Perhaps we may have to get a king size bed!!!

[jessgray]

we co-sleep part time with DS who is 1 today and w enever intended it to happen. it started when i was dead tired from late night feeds and looking after DS who had feeding problems he was on 60 mls till about 3 months. and would always vomit it up anyway:laughing:
anyway DP used to and still does come in and put DS in to his cot. i am a light sleeper so i ussaly wake up as he does this. Ds loves sleeping next to DP.
DS will sleep in his own bed but he prefers to cuddle up to me or DP.:laughing:

[Priscilla]

Why is it that CHNs seem to be against natural parenting? Why is it so wrong to be close to our babies????? I'd really like to donk some of those women over the back of their heads' sometimes.....

I co-sleep with Cameron. Have been doing it on and off since he was born. But have started to co-sleep everynight for the last two months because of the exhaustion and simply because it has been too cold to get up in the middle of the night and open up my pj top to breastfeed him.

In the beginning I didn't want to co-sleep because EVERYONE told me how I would just creating a rod in my back. What bulldust! Cameron is happier as he gets mummy cuddles, I get that little bit more sleep and we're both warmer during the night too. Cameron sleeps in his cot without any problem - he's there for naps during the day and is there in the evening up until I go to bed.

[jessgray]

i agre my DS seems be more happier then non-co -sleeping bubs his age. my DS actaully wont sleep in his cot at the moment :thumbsdown: :banghead: and poor DP is copping kicks in the back in the middle of the night from DS lol
anyone got tips on how to keep him in his cot?

[Priscilla]

How frustrating Jessgray!! Um.... i don't have any suggestions on how to get bubs to sleep in his cot. Maybe rock/carry him until he's in deep sleep before putting him down?

Cameron sleeps on his tummy and has slept on his tummy since he was about month old (probably not even a month!) and I can sense ALOT of shaking heads and tsk tsk tsk's at the moment (and even anticipating a debate now), but it was the ONLY way to get him to sleep longer. I still put hiim down on his tummy except for when we co-sleep and that's when he's either on his back or tummy for feeding. Oh unless he rolls onto his tummy on his own. But generally I've found he'll stay asleep a little longer on his belly because for him, it still feels like there's something against him rather than being 'wide open' when on his back - if that makes sense?

[juliek]

I always swore my baby would never sleep in my bed because once you let them in you'll never get them out, boy did that go out the window. After her spending three weeks in ICN and us almost loosing her, I couldn't bear to have her away from me. From the first night we had her home, she was in our bed and I loved every minute of it, but even more so my husband. He's told me it really helped him to bond with her. She decided herself at 7 months that she had had enough of us (hubby snores like a drunk sailor) and I moved her to a porta cot beside my bed. After two more weeks she was in her cot in her own room. She still comes in with me in the mornings for a cuddle when she wakes and we all love our weekend lie ins. Luckily I have never had an ear bashing about co sleeping, but then I was very selective about who I told as I new it was frowned upon. We are planning on having another bub in the next year or two and we will definatley be co sleeping with the next one as well.:thumbsup: :thumbsup: :thumbsup:

[Bonusbaby]

It's very re-assuring to hear that so many people do co-sleep. I have a five week old who has been sleeping with us since we got home from hospital, sometimes I will put her in her bassinette (which is beside our bed) if I feel very tired. We don't drink or smoke and are not very overweight so I figure that the benfits outweigh any potential dangers.

I did however make a huge mistake in mentioning to my MIL that she sleeps with us - OMG what a stupid thing to do - I may well never hear the end of it!:banghead:

[kymmy]

i love my sleep
and i am not sure how i would survive if
i didn't co-sleep...

[kymmy]

hey kymmy ....

i think maybe trying to put bubba in the cot and let bubba cry or rocking to sleep may help as well, iam not saying too just a suggestion! :smiliedance:

Thanks for the suggestion.
I do that during the day
But at night I like to be close for feeding
It has worked for all my children
so I have no problems with co-sleeping
I am now an advocate
I understand all families are different
But co-sleeping works for us
All too soon my kids
will be all grown up
and i know i will forget how little they were
i have a terrible memory

my hubby slept with his mum until he was 10...

[oceanblue]

When my ex and i were still together we found that a double bed wasnt big enough for three so we put our matress on the floor and bubs cot matress next to ours then we could all sleep together. We used to fight over who got to sleep on bubs side but normally i did as i was breast feeding but after a feed we would switch and he would pat and comfort bub until she was asleep.

My friends thought it was a bit strange but it worked really well for us. Both of us were studying and really needed a good nights sleep to concentrate at uni the next day and it saved the hassel of getting up out of bed at night.

[whatwasithinking]

each to their own.

there are worst things in the world to lecture people on I think!!

[Bronte Pot-Pot]

I honestly think you should do what's best for you and your baby, no matter what you are told by the "experts".

You can never please everyone and some people will always feel that it is their place to lecture you on the 'right' way to birth or nuture your child.

The truth is, if it works for your family and everyone is happy, then that is a success. No two families are the same.

Always feel comfortable and confident in your choices with your child. As long as you parent with love, your children will be fine.:D


Here here couldn't have said it better myself :-) I fed my girl in bed and she invariably stayed there to sleep the night or part of the night and now she is older she sleeps through the night and I have no trouble getting her to sleep *most* nights (of course she doesn't always go down without a fuss but it is often for a good reason - not tired yet, teeth bothering, sick... etc.).

I can't possibly co sleep with her now she is like a windmill I don't get any sleep and nor does she but I really enjoyed the sleeps we did have together before the windmill arms began and I think it bought us closer together.

end of my 2 cents :-)

Bron

[Bronte Pot-Pot]

i agre my DS seems be more happier then non-co -sleeping bubs his age. my DS actaully wont sleep in his cot at the moment :thumbsdown: :banghead: and poor DP is copping kicks in the back in the middle of the night from DS lol
anyone got tips on how to keep him in his cot?

I found that sitting in the room was enough to get her to off to sleep if she was tired it didn't take more than 10 minutes and she now sleeps through the night and can put herself back to sleep. As I said in a previous post we started out co-sleeping so I believe it is possible to get them into there own beds eventually if that is what you want/need - but having said that every child parent relationship is different and what works for me may not work for some-one else - I like to listen to advice and then use what works for me :-)

Bron

[jessgray]

Bronte Pot-Pot- thanks for the suggestion. we have got into a routine now of DS huging up to me with a bottle and then once he is dead asleep he gets put in his bed (or in his flip out sofa lol it has a doona attached to it)

[kymmy]

. We used to fight over who got to sleep on bubs side but normally i did as i was breast feeding but after a feed we would switch and he would pat and comfort bub until she was asleep.

.

That is so sweet!

[kymmy]

. We used to fight over who got to sleep on bubs side but normally i did as i was breast feeding but after a feed we would switch and he would pat and comfort bub until she was asleep.

.

That is so sweet!

[Funkychicken]

We co-slept on and off with DD after 'doing what was suggested' the first time and both feeling failures at the settling thing. She still loves to come into our bed in the wee hours and this is fine. When DS#2 arrived last December, it didn't occur to me not to co-sleep. How can there be any better place to be when you're a newborn babe than tucked into bed with mum and/or dad! Fortunately for us, the CHN who came to do a home visit was fine with co-sleeping-she had done it with her bubs when they were little. She pretty much encouraged it but did give me a copy of the recommended safe sleeping practrices flyer. :D

[Bronte Pot-Pot]

Bronte Pot-Pot- thanks for the suggestion. we have got into a routine now of DS huging up to me with a bottle and then once he is dead asleep he gets put in his bed (or in his flip out sofa lol it has a doona attached to it)


you are most welcome :-)

I am just glad I have finally provided some help to some-one out there :-) you are my first oh how exciting - I am always getting comfort from Bub hub now I was able to give back - you have made my day :-)

:smiliedance: