New kid in School...is he bullied?

[Kells]

Hi,
I may not be technically allowed to ask these things, as my DS is 5 and therefore out of baby/toddler stage, but I have been floating around the TTC threads and thought I'd give it a go.

My DS has just started school this year. He is fine with this. No tears or anything and quite happy to go. However, he is the 'nerd'. No one talks to him, kids avoid him, and he sometimes says things about how people dont want to be his friend or that bigger kids push him. It breaks my heart - I can feel the tears in my eyes just writing this.

Now, there is nothing 'wrong' with him. He doesnt poo his pants, doesn't have smelly breath, has clean clothes, hair, face etc, none of the easy teasing things. But he wont talk. People ask him things and he wont answer, and so I cant blame the 5 yr olds for giving up!! I have tried explaining that I dont expect him to walk up to strangers and start conversations, but if people talk to him, he needs to respond.

Does anyone have any advice or experience on how I can help him to talk to people, or to make him see (in a nice way) that by not talking, he is really setting himself up to be known as the 'dumb one' or whatever kids tease about these days. (BTW - he is actually quite smart and does talk non stop at home)

Thanks a lot - this is really starting to get me down.

[rynosmum]

Hi Kells,

No advice as my little one is much younger but just one thing. Go and give that brave little boy a huge cuddle. Kids can be so cruel.

[Brooksy]

Hi there,

I don't have any older kids but I have been a nanny of older children, plus my neice started school this year as well.

The week after starting school my neice didn't want to go back, and when asked why she said she didn't have any friends. My brother explained why she had to go to school and give it time about the friends thing and she will make friends. after a few weeks she did make friends and is happy to go to school.

Also have you talked to your sons teacher they may be able to help with the situation.

hope it all works out for you and your son

[bronny-jane]

i know he's young but does he like to play any sport, its amazing how kids in a team bond so quickly.

i think having a word to the teacher would help as well.

my babys are still young but i dread the day they go to school if its hard for them.

i know if my daughters came home and told me some kids were pushing them around i'd flip and go straight to there parents. and the principle if he's getting pushed around they shouldnt let it happen so i'd let them know about it.
i hope things work out for him and you.

[lukaelmo]

Oh this just breaks my heart, I was teased dreadfully at school and dread the thought of other little ones going through it.

I don't know what you can do about your little man not talking, I don't really see how you can make him talk if he doesn't want to. You mentioned that he chatters away when he is at home - well does he chatter to other kids if they are at your house? Perhaps you could do it this way. If you know any of the other mums at school, invite them over for a coffee without making a big deal of it, and of course invite their little person too. Like this your little man might talk a bit to the other little one and this might carry over on to school.

Let us know how you go.

[Elfin]

Kells, firstly you can ask whatever you like on Bubhub, several of us have older children as well as babies/toddlers. So ask away;) .

I think the ladies have already given some great advice. It just sounds like your son is lacking in social confidence that may well improve with maturity.

Firstly as already suggested, talk to the Teacher and find out what is going on, ask some kids over for a play, and get involved in something extracurricular. Soccer is the big thing for boys but my ds doesn't like it but he does Tae Kwon Do instead and loves it. A martial art could help your ds with confidence.

If all this fails and the situation doesn't improve, maybe you should look at a different school if you have this option available. Sometimes a small school could suit a shy child much better where they know everyone and there is more personal attention. I think life is too short to be unhappy and personally if something bad happened at my ds' school I would have no hesitation in going somewhere else as a last resort.

My heart goes out to your ds, please let us know how he gets on.

[shed]

I'm not child psychologist but I do know that ALOT of little boys are simply not ready for school at age 5 due to a lack of developed social skills.

[Kells]

Thanks guys :kiss:

Easterlily - I actually have a list of Tae Kwon Do Schools in front of me! I thought that might help him to listen/respond to people.

As I said, he seems happy enough to go, but just hasn't made a friend and is moving towards being the 'weird kid' if you know what I mean.

He is not sporty at all!! He would be quite happy to spend his time in the library reading books I think! This is fine by though..no broken bones to deal with :D

I am definitely going to give the martial arts thing a go. I think that might be the thing.

Thanks again.

[Kells]

Just to add - I have spoken to the teacher (briefly) about how quiet he is and does he talk to people etc, and she seems to blow it off as 'settling in'. (and maybe it is, lets face it, I've dealt with 1 new students, she's dealt with hundreds and probably knows what she's doing:D )

From what i can tell, the kids are structured to be independent, as in they are told once to 'get their reader, find a mum, read it to them, put it in their trays, find their name on the activity chart, and go and sit at whatever activity they are supposed to be doing until everyone has finished reading'.

This seems to work with the other kids, but I had a note from the teacher saying DS 'forgets' to read to an adult. I seem to think at this stage, the teacher should be reminding him of what needs to be done, and to watch and make sure he does it!

I'm sure their is a reason and a strategy behind this way of teaching, I'm just not sure what it is yet:confused: I do understand that she cannot be forever reminding 17 kids to do what they need to though.

Talk about letting it out!! Thanks again for listening to me vent!

[chloe1]

Hi Kells, just read your thread and i hear you. My little girl started school this year and im as anxious as you. We moved to a new city so most of the kids were at kindy together so therefore already know eachother. The first week she came home and was really quiet, i asked her her how day was, who she played with and she was pretty unresponsive, also saying no one played with her as they were all already friends, and that its ok to play on your own, (which broke my heart) She is a very talkative, outgoing and confident child yet she still found it hard to get out there so to speak. She too would prefer to be in the library reading books. As a mum i just felt terrible and anxious about her for the first few weeks, you so want your kid to be happy, not lonely and definetely not bullied, its so hard. By about week 3 she had a friend which she kept mentioning, which had be so excited. Now she seems to play with this friend all the time, yet she has said to me that some other girls pick on them. This is the start of so many years of schoool that we must prepare ourselves for all of these feelings. I just keep reinforcing to My daughter that bullying is not nice and that she must tell the teacher, also to keep open lines of communication with her so that she isnt keeping it from me. They are still so young that i dont want a few liitle kids to ruin my childs confidence (sometimes i feel like going down there and letting them know what i think) Anyway just wanted to let you know that youre not alone, just hang in there i think with time hell get more comfortable and make some lovely friends, might be an idea for you to ask another mum to have a playdate with the kids....or ask teacher to partner your son with another child, (kinda forces them to get to know eachother) good luck