Please Help

[supa_star323]

I REALLY NEED SOME MALE PERSECTIVE ON MY SITUATION SO PLEASE FEEL FREE TO TELL ME EXACTLY WHAT YOU THINK, AND THANKS ANYONE WHO DECIDES TO HELP


I left my partner of three and a half years on saturday. Things have not been good between us forever really. We have a 15 month old son together.

So, here's how it played out;
saturday i told him i didn't want to be with him anymore, and i went and stayed with my mum for the night
the next morning he came and got me at like 7:30 because he didn't want me to be away from him and when we got home he started up a nhuge fight with me, so I just repeated what I had already said. That I didn't want to be with him, then I went back to my mum's. That afternoon when I got home, he was laying on the loungeroom floor and had vomited everywhere but not cleaned it up. I told him, yet again, that he had to leave.
So about 8pm sunday night he finally left.
On monday, I didn't feel like being on my own, so i went back to mum's. His car was there so I went into town, and he found me. Took my car keys phone and wallet. A male friend of mine called when he had my phone and they started arguing. Anyway, about an hour later he gave my stuff back and left. I called my friend and he told me he loved me, so I said I ned time, and please don't contact me.
Then this morning I get two phone calls. One form my male friend telling me that he will wait, but expects me to be with him when I am ready. I don't know if that is what I want, but am too scared to tell him that because I am not sure if I may have lead him on... The other call was from my ex saying he was in hospital because he hasn't eaten since saturday and he is suicidal (not sure if that last bit is really true).

So, what should I tell my male friend. He has depression, and I don't want to hurt him, but I just want to be friends and he is so serious, talking about the future together and stuff. I turned my phone off, but I can't do that forever.
And what do I do about my ex? I know I was his whole life, but neither of us were happy and it is better for everyone this way. I am trying to be strong but it is hard, he was my first everything and I just don't know how to handle a break up because I have never been through it before.

[Xanthic]

By the way your partner was acting/treating you I believe you have done the right thing to leave. Taking your car keys, phone and wallet gives me the impression he is trying to control you. A relationship requires a show of respect and from your description I don't him showing you any.

Please don't do anything out of guilt. You have good reason for feeling the way you do. If neither of you is happy I don't see how staying together is going to help.

I'd tell your friend how you feel. If you are not interested in a relationship then he needs to respect that. To try push you into a relationship under the current situation/timing seems very suspect to me. The "I will wait" is crock. I suspect he will be pushing every single time you speak to him.

Even if I liked someone I'd try be supportive of their current situation and not try "move in". Hurting him may be best for both of you. If he continues to believe you will be his then his expectations will grow and he will only push harder and harder. The greater his expectations the greater his fall will be and the greater the guilt/stress that gets put onto you.

How will you handle that combined with looking after your son and yourself ?

[Xistenze]

im very sad to hear about your situation, i honestly hope you get through this, xanth is right, your friend may have depression but you need to put yourself first, just say that your sorry if he got the wrong impression but thats not what you want or need in your life, it seems like you need to get a way for a while and sort yourself out, if he is really your friend he should understand if not then maybe its time to go your separate ways, i hope that helps you

[supa_star323]

Thankyou to everyone for your advice and for telling me the truth, the way you really see it. Having spent some time thinking, and deciding what I want and need. I have spoken to my friend, and told him where I stand. I said that I want to be his friend, but that is it. I will not consider the future, and if he brings it up then I will not be speaking to him anymore. I told him I need friends, not pressure and more problems. I hav decided that I need to make myself and my son happy, and if anyone can't respect and understand that, then I don't need them in my life and I will not put up with them. I may sound harsh or rude, but I think this is what I need to do. Who cares if I end up single for years, at the moment, another relationship isn't even anywhere near being on my priority list and it needs to stay that way until I sort myself out. I am still so young and need to decide who I am and who I want to be before I go dealing with other people and their problems...
So thankyou all again. Bubhub, you rock. You have really helped me out.