View Full Version : how do i meet someone?
mama kare
15-10-2007, 18:49
ive been single for almost a year. completely over my DDs father.. but wondering if i am destined to grow old alone..
being a single mama, i havent the chance to get out and meet new people very often.. so how i can have the chance to meet someone.. i dont know.
i just long to have someone welcome me home.. accept me and my daughter as one.. its a huge ask for any man, i know.
but i need to feel loved too, right?
i am doing the best i can for my dd.. but i cant stop sitting here crying because i just long to have someone say that they love me and need me in their life.
im not usually a very needy person.. but how do i meet someone? just feel like im stuck in a hole here and have nowhere to turn..
LilShenanigans
15-10-2007, 19:09
You obviously know your ex wasn't the right guy for you, deep down you probably also realise that it will happen oneday but you can't rush these things.
You want someone to accept you and your daughter.. I can put down a safe bet that if you extract yourself from your current situation and purposefully seek out guys at pubs/clubs or general meetings you will only find someone who accepts you because first impressions last.
Ok, seriously, not to say it isn't a good option to get out there and meet people that way, but it's kind of not the done thing these days since people at pubs tend to be incredibly drunk.
The only advice I can give you, is to keep on with your life. Constantly seeking is just going to cause you undue stress, heart ache and further loneliness at a time in life when you should be enjoying the fact your single (you have left overs, only do the laundry you know, dont have to put your time on an agenda etc).
You just never know about these things.. some people may find a partner in a supermarket, where others have done the dating site thing...
All in all, not exactly saying give up... but don't make it your priority. Maybe stick it somewhere after having a bestfriends pet emergency as priority :thumbsup:
Most of all, be yourself, be happy with who you are, enjoy your time and remember a slight smile can go a lot further then drooling :p
P.S. feel free to have a go at me via PM.. I probably deserve it.
A year is a long time to have be single I think... I have been single a few months and want to get out and find someone...
Don't have any ideas of where you can meet someone BUT maybe you could organise a sitter for your daughter and you and a gf can go out on the town or something be a god break and ya never know you MAY meet someone... :hugs: You won't be alone forever!
Kare, I dont think you are desperate... There is nothing wrong with wanting someone for your own.
I understand how you are feeling, as am in similar situation-however only 3weeks has passed.
I know what a gorgeous and fantastic person you are- as I have had the pleasure of talking to you for MANY years, knowing you IRL and sharing many amazing friends with you.
I guess the only advice I can give, is what I have been told myself- work on yourself, work on being the happy person I know you can be, work on LOVING life with Ayla and dont worry too much about having a MAN in your life.
I know single Mama's cant help but have high standards as we want the guys we enter into relationships with to LOVE both ourselves and our children, RESPECT both ourselves and our children and to MAKE THE EFFORT with both ourselves and our children.
But dont compromise your standards just to have a man in your life. You deserve everything, and it would be so upsetting for me and the rest of your friends to see you with someone less than AMAZING!
As they say- Good things come to those who wait!
Anyway beautiful, you know where to find me if you need to chat. I am living on the Gold Coast now, so if you ever want to come down and spend the weekend, let me know and we can head to some gigs and out to the Natural Bridge to get some girl time in.
Love you heaps girl. x
(justme)
15-10-2007, 19:53
couldn't have said it better myself.
OneBabyBoy
15-10-2007, 20:15
Kare, I also think you do not sound desperate at all :no: :hugs:
I'm not looking personally, but there have been some single mummies in the section use internet dating (RSVP etc) and meet great guys. We don't see them around anymore so I assume that they are doing well with their new men.
Have you tried RSVP or something similar before? If you're not sure about how to write your profile etc there are some ladies here who are really good at that kind of thing and can probably help.
:hugs: :hugs:
OneBabyBoy
15-10-2007, 20:17
ive been single for almost a year. completely over my DDs father...
If you have to say it I don't believe it.
I have to disagree Erin. I say this all the time and I know I definitely mean it.
I believe you Kare, I've been single for the same time as you aswell. :hugs:
jakeanteleahsmum
15-10-2007, 20:35
ok i m not single but i couldnt read this and not reply.i dont think your desparate hun.i think it is only natural to want to meet someone special.
you will meet someone when your heart is ready for them.in the mean time maybe once a fortnight or month ask someone to babysit and go out or go see a movie with your girl friends.
enjoy the time you have with your little one and some day mister right will turn up:hugs: to you
Hi Gorgeous, yeah I'd have to agree with the ladies, you don't sound desperate... just sound like someone who needs some company and believe me I know that feeling.
If you lived a bit closer to me mate, I'd certainly at least meet you for friendship cos even thats pretty cool to have some mates who know how you are feeling.
LilShenanigans
15-10-2007, 22:58
meh.. each to their own. This is after all a public forum, open to public discussion and personal and public opinion.
Sure, may just be me... But I sure as hell am getting a little frustrated with people on here waiting on someone else to rely on their happiness like it's a freebie out of a kelloggs box.
But woop, who cares right? Thats why marriage counselling and divorce are so widely recommended :thumbsup:
ashleerose
16-10-2007, 07:59
Okay i have been on my own since Jan 2004.
There have been times when i have had the same thoughts and i have had very limited opportunity to meet anyone.
Dont get me wrong i have met a few but the few that i have met wouldnt have been worth the effort.
Then there are the others that i have met and unfortunately it seems to me that all the good guys are gay, dead or married :hair: (i should state no offence to the extremely hard to find good guys that are single i just havent stumbled across you yet).
For some reason, i tend to attract guys that have major issues (ie my ex, except he pretended to be 'normal' in the beginning and i was yound, stupid and naive and naturally fell into that trap).
Now, i tend to look at my life and find happiness in this moment (and yes it is extremely hard) i try to look on the bright side of things and also what i call the realistic side of things ie i believe everything happens for a reason and at this moment in time i am meant to be by myself and when the time is right i will find mr right not mr wrong.
Not a single mummy anymore here, but i was from the time i was 19 till the time i was 27.
It is a heralthy thing to acknowledge what you want out of life, and if you want a loving partner then hey, you can have it.
There are some cool books around if you want to prepare yourself for making room for a man in your life. Here is one that i really loved, but it might not float everybodies boat.
http://www.amazon.com/Mastery-Love-Practical-Relationship-Toltec/dp/1878424424
Read what appeals to you.
Something else that helped me was to write a list of qualities I wanted in my man.
I am married now to my soul mate. He is everything i ever wanted and then some, and i blooming well deserve it.
Good luck with everthing honey, if you want your dream man, you can hae him, just DONT EVER SETTLE FOR SECOND BEST.
PM me if you want a chat.
Allison
Something else that helped me was to write a list of qualities I wanted in my man.
I am married now to my soul mate. He is everything i ever wanted and then some, and i blooming well deserve it.
Good luck with everthing honey, if you want your dream man, you can hae him, just DONT EVER SETTLE FOR SECOND BEST.
Great suggestion LDHB, having a list will quickly help anyone kick the losers to the curb!
Amberlea
17-10-2007, 20:28
I dont think for one moment that she is "trying to rely on someone else for her happiness" as was stated.
Just because you want someone to come home to at night does not mean that at all.
I'm single and happy but Id still like to come home to someone.
being a single mama, i havent the chance to get out and meet new people very often.. so how i can have the chance to meet someone.. i dont know.
Its hard being a single mum and getting out to meet "potentials".
I have had the same problems, and although I am happy being single (3 years now), I am still on dating sites (with clear instructions that i am there for friendship/dating - not sex).
I have met some wonderful men.. unfortunately none that i want a relationship with.. but some great friends that I catch up with all the time.
Even male friendship can lesson the despair at not having someone special in your life.
There are a few sites around - some free (and some not obviously), the bonus to them is you can read a bit about the person, decide if they fit your criteria, then contact them via email or amsn etc and see how it goes.
It may not be everyones cup of tea - but it is one way to get to meet people without having to go to some dingy bar and get hit on by undesirables.
You will find someone .. you wont be alone forever.
In the meantime all you can do is explore the options and do what you need to do to make yourself happy.
MonkeyMum05
18-10-2007, 23:11
meh.. each to their own. This is after all a public forum, open to public discussion and personal and public opinion.
Sure, may just be me... But I sure as hell am getting a little frustrated with people on here waiting on someone else to rely on their happiness like it's a freebie out of a kelloggs box.
But woop, who cares right? Thats why marriage counselling and divorce are so widely recommended :thumbsup:
I can completely understand where you are coming from, Kare!!
Don't let the **** that other people say get you down.,.. you deserve happines, in whatever form that come!! A partner, A house, a car, a goat... whatever!
You are an absolutely awesome person... and you deserve happy times!!
i put myself on rsvp, and it has paid off. i think the most important thing is not to have expectations of meeting the one and also being happy with yourself first.
I have met a wonderful man on RSVPonly 4 weeks ago Valentine . The good thing about internet dating is that you can first find someone that appeals to you and not just the look thing if you met someone in a bar. The sort of man i wanted doesn't hang out in bars anyhow. Plus emailing each other you get to delve into the info you want.
And yes it is a big thing someone taking on your child and vise versa but when you feel a connection with someone you understand the importance of their children also. :)
tyler's mum
20-10-2007, 23:46
Ive been single for pretty much ever i was never with tyler's dad (well only in that way) so i never had to get over him iykwim.
Ive tryed dating sites with no luck i wish i knew were i could met a guy. I want the same thing you do to met a nice guy who will treat both me and tyler good. I dont go out to the club anymore so sometime i feel like i will be single forever. Im so over hearing people say you will find mr right soon. Yea well im sick of waiting i want to met him now:rolleyes:
Good luck with your search if you find a good place to met some single men let me know
mama kare
26-10-2007, 18:38
i just wanted to drop in and thank everyone for replying.. i really dont like the thought of meeting someone over the internet.. i dont trust men very easily.
however.. i joined one dating site and have since heard back from someone who seems nice. i am going to meet him on saturday night - on a date..
im by no means wanting to rush into anything, if there is something there.. but i just wanted to thank those of you who gave me a bit of hope.
:hugs:
Just be careful and hope you have a wonderful time :)
mama kare
26-10-2007, 18:47
thanks wyattsmum.. i have arranged it so a few girlfriends of mine are meeting up with me to have a drink at the same time. he knows this and is fine with it.
and whats more, just the smallest messages i have been receiving from site itself is a boost in confidence.. something i needed.
Oh, that's a good move. I was worried for a bit then!
Have a great time, just go with the flow :)
*LadyBug
27-10-2007, 13:31
Oh wow. Good luck for tonight :fingerscrossed:
MissBrightside
27-10-2007, 14:30
Good Luck with your date!
I was on a couple of dating sites and met a few nice guys and a few ar$seholes. I only ever met up with two of them in a public place but they weren't my cup of tea in person.
I did want a guy to cuddle up on the couch with and all that, but i came to a point where I was happy and was doing things for myself to make me feel important and confident again. I was in a really happy place within myself when i got a message from someone on MySpace. I emailed back then we started chatting on msn and after 2 weeks we decided to meet up. He is now my wonderful boyfriend.Valentine
So a nice guy actually found me when I least expected it and he has boosted my confidence that little bit extra.
I think it's true that wonderful things can happen when you are least expecting it to.
I hope things go well for you tonight and if you don't hit it off, Im sure there are plenty more guys that are willing to get to know you, you just haven't met yet!:thumbsup:
OneBabyBoy
27-10-2007, 20:22
Good luck on your date tonight Kare, let us know how it went!!!
MB how exciting. I read that and went aaawwwwwwwwww a wonderful boyfriend :D It's very sweet :hugs:
mama kare
29-10-2007, 19:44
hi everyone.. the date went well. he is a very funny man and we have a lot in common!
it was actually really nice, the night ended with a kiss on the cheek and a promise to meet up again soon.. and since then we have spoken and are going on a second date on friday night.
thanks for all your well wishes xxxx
Kare that is great news. I hope the second date goes just as well:thumbsup:
MissBrightside
29-10-2007, 22:54
Sounds great Kare!! I'm glad you had a good time together!
Thanks OBB. He is such a lovely man, but i do freak every now and then cos Im not used to someone being so nice to me. He also loves the kids so thats a bonus!
MB that is awesome!!! Enjoy it while you can, you deserve some happiness.
Good on you Kare :thumbsup: hope you have a lovely time Friday too :)
mama kare
03-11-2007, 09:02
we had such a great time lastnight. it ended with a simple kiss on the cheek.. i drove home hoping i didnt talk too much (i was pretty nervous still)..
only to receive a phone call from him this morning asking me, if i wouldn't mind, if he could take me on another date sometime next week :)
i am not getting my hopes up, but i cant help but feel very excited..
i was very careful, just in case.. left the address to his house with my daughters father, in case of emergency.. but it was fine.
i also made sure my sister knew where i was going and arranged for her to call me around 10pm to make sure i was home and safe.
i will continue to do the same thing for a few more dates, let people close to me know the details ect just in case.. can never be too careful, though i dont think in this case it is anything to worry about - you just dont know these things first up!
see girls? there are some really nice men out there still...
i was a bit embarassed telling my sister that i met this guy on the internet.. on a dating site at that.. but she shed some light on it for me. she said "you dont have enough spare time to get out there and meet anyone.. you go to work and then you come home and look after ayla, so why not use the internet? you're not the only one who is doing it.. give it a go!"
:) i have the biggest smile on my face right now!
...:) i have the biggest smile on my face right now!
Just the way you should be :thumbsup:
Congrats Kare. I hope you continue smiling :D
Just reading through these posts and I'm really pleased that you found a potential boyfriend. :)
Internet dating can work - I met my df on Lavalife. If was the first date I had been on since leaving my husband. I wasn't looking for love and I was happier than I had been in my life before I met df. Three years to the day after our first date we got to take our gorgeous son home from the hospital. Valentine
Hoorahh for the internet!! :smiliedance:
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