Samantha83
13-10-2007, 11:24
My DH and I have been together since DSD was 1 and a half so she doesn't remember me not being part of her life - She is an exceptionally bright 5 year old now.
We used to have custody every second weekend but have since been through court and got granted custody every second week. Originally this wasn't really what we wanted to do as we always thought a little girl needs her mother, but her mother just wasn't looking after her. DSD has SMA type II which is a genetic neurological disease that leaves her in a wheel chair and her muscles will slowly get weaker and weaker along with various other associated problems like respiratory, spinal etc that go with muscle weakness. She needs very regular visits to various specialist including therapies, nutritionists, scoliosis clinics etc. It is recommended that she have a minimum of 2 hydro/physios per week (104/yr). The year before we got custody of her she had 13 and hadn’t seen any of her specialists. Needless to say her muscles, spine and general health deteriorated, so did her spirit.
Since gaining custody of her and getting her the right medical equipment and attention she has improved dramatically, her Spine has gone from a 66 degree angle to 26 degrees with her brace on and in our week with her she is having physio everyday and privately twice a week. Things were getting better. Now the poor little angle has another lot of hurdles to overcome - her mother’s emotional abuse, blackmail and brainwashing.
DH's ex had starting phoning our home up to 8 times a day with rude comments for myself or to tell DSD that she didn’t have to listen to anything I said; if she didn’t want to eat dinner she didn’t have to; and that she wasn’t part of this family and that DH had decided he didn’t want to be a part of her life, etc. All things that are not only untrue, but really making the transition from home to home quite difficult for her.
We approached DH’s ex with an idea about phone calls, saying that a more reasonable time to phone DSD was maybe twice a week at a certain time, hoping that when the phone rang at that time DSD could answer and it would stop the verbal abuse to myself and DH and that DSD could phone her at any time she asked as this is how it always was on our end.
DSD came back to us saying things like ‘Mum told me you told her she wasn’t allowed to ever call me’ and that mum said we were trying to take her away etc. She has also started telling DSD that we don’t love her since having another child and that we apparently tell her that we don’t want DSD around.
I can tell DSD that these things are not true and that she is loved – and we do all the time, but the truth of the matter is despite how nasty her mother is, she will always believe her because she is her mother. What can we do? It is causing me and DH a lot of heartache to have to see DSD go through the emotional rollercoaster. We have considered giving back some custody to the mother in hopes that it will stop but are worried about her health.
Isn’t a mothers natural instinct to protect a child from hurt and sadness? She seems to enjoy causing it – I’m really at wits end trying to figure out what she is trying to do or why.
Does anyone have any suggestions about how DH and I can deal with the situation? We really just want her to let DSD just be happy.
We used to have custody every second weekend but have since been through court and got granted custody every second week. Originally this wasn't really what we wanted to do as we always thought a little girl needs her mother, but her mother just wasn't looking after her. DSD has SMA type II which is a genetic neurological disease that leaves her in a wheel chair and her muscles will slowly get weaker and weaker along with various other associated problems like respiratory, spinal etc that go with muscle weakness. She needs very regular visits to various specialist including therapies, nutritionists, scoliosis clinics etc. It is recommended that she have a minimum of 2 hydro/physios per week (104/yr). The year before we got custody of her she had 13 and hadn’t seen any of her specialists. Needless to say her muscles, spine and general health deteriorated, so did her spirit.
Since gaining custody of her and getting her the right medical equipment and attention she has improved dramatically, her Spine has gone from a 66 degree angle to 26 degrees with her brace on and in our week with her she is having physio everyday and privately twice a week. Things were getting better. Now the poor little angle has another lot of hurdles to overcome - her mother’s emotional abuse, blackmail and brainwashing.
DH's ex had starting phoning our home up to 8 times a day with rude comments for myself or to tell DSD that she didn’t have to listen to anything I said; if she didn’t want to eat dinner she didn’t have to; and that she wasn’t part of this family and that DH had decided he didn’t want to be a part of her life, etc. All things that are not only untrue, but really making the transition from home to home quite difficult for her.
We approached DH’s ex with an idea about phone calls, saying that a more reasonable time to phone DSD was maybe twice a week at a certain time, hoping that when the phone rang at that time DSD could answer and it would stop the verbal abuse to myself and DH and that DSD could phone her at any time she asked as this is how it always was on our end.
DSD came back to us saying things like ‘Mum told me you told her she wasn’t allowed to ever call me’ and that mum said we were trying to take her away etc. She has also started telling DSD that we don’t love her since having another child and that we apparently tell her that we don’t want DSD around.
I can tell DSD that these things are not true and that she is loved – and we do all the time, but the truth of the matter is despite how nasty her mother is, she will always believe her because she is her mother. What can we do? It is causing me and DH a lot of heartache to have to see DSD go through the emotional rollercoaster. We have considered giving back some custody to the mother in hopes that it will stop but are worried about her health.
Isn’t a mothers natural instinct to protect a child from hurt and sadness? She seems to enjoy causing it – I’m really at wits end trying to figure out what she is trying to do or why.
Does anyone have any suggestions about how DH and I can deal with the situation? We really just want her to let DSD just be happy.