Is this Unfair

[HunterzMummy]

Ok so we pay child support to my husbands X as well as his child care. Now we are on a VERY tight budget and on pay day we are literally left with $30 in the bank after everything is paid for. Now the X has shifted the child care to a new facility however it is $15 more.. I got DH to tell her that we cant afford it and we will continue to pay what we agreed and she can pay the difference. ANy way all hell broke loose and she went CRAZY. Saying he never helps her out and her son should come first and i should go back to work so i can support our son.. And then she started name calling my son.. THAT IS NOT ON:shame:

So she is suppose to drop him off and we return him on wkends.. Now she is saying that she is not wasting her petrol money anymore.. I think she is being so unfair. And it makes me VERY VERY mad that she is being so petty and not putting her son 1st...she really needs to grow up..

sorry end of vent.. thanks for listening

[clgcsmum]

I think your being more than generous...does it go through the CSA, if not I would be checking into what he has to pay and letting her know. I bet if it is less her attitude will change:yes:

[spoon]

Did she consult you before moving her child?

I think it is fair that your self and your partner are going to continue to pay the amount of $ for child that you were previously.

Any extra should be coming from her pocket.

[MrsDribbleDrawers]

Is the childcare part of your CSA agreement? Does that agreement say "X dollars for childcare", or "pay childcare fees"? If it says "X dollars" she should pay the difference, if it says "childcare fees" then you have to find the other $15.

As for travel, technically, as the parent seeking access you are supposed to do the collecting and returning (but that isn't something that is enforced by anyone anymore - used to be years ago, though), but I think she is being silly... I know that if I told my daughter's father that I "wasn't wasting my petrol money" that she just wouldn't see him - access is supposed to be about what is in the best interests of the child, as you say, putting them first!!

And she has no right to say you should go back to work - even if you did, it wouldn't be taken in to consideration by CSA (so she wouldn't get any more!)

Hope that helps.

[HunterzMummy]

No.. we pay child support through CSA and then we decided we would help out and pay his child care out of our own descretion. So we are doing HER a favour..

And in a "legal order" situation one parent is to do one way and the other the other way unless another arrangement has been made. So she knows she doesnt have a leg to stand on.

I just dont know why she always has to make things so difficult.. I have tried so hard with her.. but when she talks about my baby that way:mad: that makes steam come out my ears. Especially when i treat her child like mine and i wouldnt dream of saying a bad thing about him as he is an innocent party..

[MrsP]

Well, screw her!! I would stop paying the child care if she's going to be a nutcase about it! You are doing her a favour by paying it, on top of your liability. Do you keep receipts??? File a claim with CSA & they will credit a portion of it to your liability - whether she agrees or not (if she agrees, they will credit 100%, if she doesn't, I think it reduces to around 25%).
She's doing wrong by you & pulling at heart strings - nothing gets my goat more than this - I deal with a psycho (similar but much worse) with DH children, he always gave in. I won't tolerate children being used as a pawn, do what the orders say & nothing more - see how she likes it then.

Btw - if orders are in place, is she able to get around not letting you see the child??

[~*clairesmum*~]

that is really unfair ur paying a lot more the most people get, n if shes going to chage the child care n its going to ost more then she should pay for the extra as she cant expect u to pay for it when he has his ow family now n its a :shame: with the whole ame calling of r son i think u had a right to tell her that u wanted her to pay the extra

[pegasus]

Hmmm...:yes: lots of nods of agreement here that she's being unreasonable.

You could request a change of assessment and get the child care fees put in as part of non cash payments, so it gets taken out of the amount of maintenance you pay.

I was told many times by my husband's ex that it was my fault if we didn't have any money as I knew he had other kids when we chose to have ours, so to return to work if things were tough - this from a woman who has never had a job on the books ever.

When she started calling my kids the F@#$%ing kids, I stopped talking to her for awhile. I always talk to her in the end as it's in the best interest of the other two kids, but cringe when I have to.

As for the legal papers, yep the access is supposed to be nothing to do with maintenance, but in our situation if she didn't agree with how much money went into her bank account (or whatever) she would withold access, we could have gone legal to get the access, but we know it would have made it harder on the kids. The problem is that because she's done so many spiteful things, my DH doesn't try too hard anymore to do some of the things that he did 10years ago when we first got together, he focusses more on our family.

Very sad as it's the kids who miss out.

[DustyPeach]

Financially my ex puts his new family first. Always has and csa are more interesting in maintaining a relationship with him than they are with me. Maintenance is ALWAYS late. I try to not count on it as often as I can and when it comes in its a bonus.

As for paying childcare fees. Sorry but you are really silly for doing so. I get NOTHING from my ex other than what the government says he has to pay. DD goes one day a week for her development and I pay for that myself. Sounds like you need to be a bit tougher on her and just simply pay what your told to pay. Might sound harsh but if you end up in court that is all the majistrate will have expected you to do. Being a single mum she will have a high % of CCB and its up to her to pay for it. I am having a similar argument with my ex he wants to put both children in FT childcare so he can have 50/50. I am simply refusing to do so. If he wants to do that then he either needs to find a centre that will take them week about or pay for the week I am forced to put them in because he needs to when he is working. Simple.

[musicalmummy]

Ok so we pay child support to my husbands X as well as his child care. Now we are on a VERY tight budget and on pay day we are literally left with $30 in the bank after everything is paid for. Now the X has shifted the child care to a new facility however it is $15 more.. I got DH to tell her that we cant afford it and we will continue to pay what we agreed and she can pay the difference. ANy way all hell broke loose and she went CRAZY. Saying he never helps her out and her son should come first and i should go back to work so i can support our son.. And then she started name calling my son.. THAT IS NOT ON:shame:

So she is suppose to drop him off and we return him on wkends.. Now she is saying that she is not wasting her petrol money anymore.. I think she is being so unfair. And it makes me VERY VERY mad that she is being so petty and not putting her son 1st...she really needs to grow up..

sorry end of vent.. thanks for listening

omg it sounds like our partners have the same ex.
no way i wouldn't pay for child care at all, the CSA work out things based on income, if she chose to move him thats tough luck. my dp's ex tried to hit us up for paying half a mobile phone bill each month for DSD 9 yrs old. i told him no way, we pay our child support, the girl knows how to use a land line, she lives in town in a nice neighbour hood, there is no need for a mobile.
as for the petrol thing...i agree...so petty. again, my dps' ex is the same. we pick kids up, she's meant to collect them (as stated in court papers). for a year she made him take them home as sh emoved onto a property and didn't want to waste petrol. they moved back into town couple months ago(without even telling us, we found out from the kids), and i put my foot down to dp and i said no more of this BS. so we kept them, they went to bed, we went to bed. at 11pm the cops rang as she rang them to say we kidnapped the kids (lol). i laughed to the cops as it was absurd that she even made this up, i told them they are welcome to come and see the sleeping kids, and we showed them the court papers saying she is to collect them. they even had a chuckle. so she didn't get away with it. i can play her game just as well as her.its the kids that suffer though, so its a rotten situation.

good luck...its hard work hey.

[toni796]

Legally you can go through the child support agency and say well I pay so much for childcare every week and you are entitled to get this taken out of the child support amount that she gets so she cannot say that he does not support his own kid when he pays more than his fair share of expenses. You and your DH are very generous to do this. I wish more dads were like this. I got onto my eldest daughters dad on friday and told him to get his child support sorted out as he is supposed to be paying me $106 a month and I am seeing none of it and getting money taken away from my family assistance and cannot do anything about it. He called me yesterday saying that he has been on the phone with the agency on friday and monday getting it all sorted and is almost $3000 behind in payments. Our DD is not the only one that he has to pay child support for but she is 11 y/o and I have not gotten any since we split up before she was even a year old so a majority of it should be mine as the other kids are only like 5 y/o.