suspected child abuse

[*Chels*]

heya. Big drama! my sis just started a new job a month ago and there's a girl there who she know's is a case of domestic abuse. that's not what's worrying her- this girl has three children who she knows are also being mentally and physically abused. i had them around today to play with my gorgeous son, and this is the first time i have met them. my gosh, what beautiful girls!! the oldest one is such a natural with the children, despite being only 7. the way she was with them showed me that she is constantly left at home by herself to take care of her brother and sister, 3 and 5 respectively. we don't know what to do about the situation. one of the girls (5) told my sister tonight that she thinks her dad hates her and that he hits her. we know the dad is abusive, a drinker, and a horrible person. the chidrens mother has often turned up at my sisters work with missing teeth, sore limbs and bruises, claiming she is just clumbsy, which is obviously not the case. she is denying everything and refuses to get help. my dh's weary of dobbing them in- these people are the kind of people you don't mess with!! my sis and i are so concerned- coming from abusive backgrounds, trust me, we know the signs. we are from Nz and aren't too sure of the systems here, we would really appreciate any advice or comments. :yes:

[daisy4300]

I would suggest contacting child protective services who can then offer more advice. They can get involved in certain circumstances and check the situation out. You can also contact the police who can give you advice. Unfortunately the police do not get involved unless the mother or the children themselves make a complaint. You could also ring some domestic abuse helplines to get advice from them. They may be able to lead you on to someone further.

[*Chels*]

thankyou so much for your reply. do we need proof or anything?

[mollymoosmum]

This makes me so sad....:crying:

Has she opened up to your sister about the abuse??

Or is she still keeping it secret??

You should put her intouch with a domestic violence help line (there are many available ) she can call confidentally and explain her situation.

The situation is never black and white but once they know her situation they can help advise her on the best way to leave (if thats what she wants) and give her support.

I guess if she does open up to your sister she should encourage her to keep a diary of the abuse and help her to get the help she needs. There are resources out there that will help her...

I feel so much for her kids......:(

[mollymoosmum]

thankyou so much for your reply. do we need proof or anything?


I would incourage her to contact a domestic violence help line BEFORE child protection services, if she is in denial and doesn't want any help than I would go to child protection (it's children we are talking about here) but if she is in contact with a domestic violence service and has a plan in place to protect her kids and herself than I wouldn't get child protection services involved....

[daisy4300]

Just what you and your sister have observed can often be enough proof. Just having a general concern can be enough to enquire.

Getting child services involved doesn't necessarily mean the children will be taken from her either. My sister was involved in an abusive relationship and had a 1 yr old at the time so I do know a little bit in regards to getting help.

It would be a good idea if possible to see how the mother feels first though in case she does want help but just needs the support. She may be willing to go to the police with either your sister or yourself. Sometimes even knowing your there, if she doesn't want to initially sometimes it can take time to come around and she will know your there.

If she doesn't want help then that doesn't make her a bad mother either as women in these situations are stripped of every piece of confidence and self esteem and often believe there is no way out or they fear for their lives if they seek help.

I would start with your sister and even yourself together sitting with the mum if its comfortable and expressing your concern to see how she feels. Just to let her know that your there and then take it from there. You could ring a domestic abuse line to see how the best way to approach her would be also. They would be able to give you better advice I think.

[*Chels*]

It is obvious the mother does not want help.Her family has tried to help her out on numerous occasions.Like I said,at this stage its not her I am worried about it is the kids.My sister has rung 2 child abuse help lines tonight so hopefully something comes of it.For now we are both playing cool,we dont want to get blamed.DOCS has been called a few times before,but nothing has come of it.At least now we know we have done our bit.If we hear anything else,we will be reporting it again.I just feel for these babies who have more to deal with than anyone should ever have to:gloomy:

[daisy4300]

Chels i completely understand and know the frustration. In my case I was able to convince my sister to let my nephew come and live with us until she sorted herself out as she knew it was unsafe for him but didn't have the strength to leave herself yet. It sounds as though you and your sister have done everything you can for now. I hope the child lines can tell you more. Keep us posted.

[Mahjong]

You've done what you can do for the time being hun. Hopefully they will look into this ASAP and something will be done for these kids.

Silly question, but how come the eldest wasn't at school? Was it a Pupil Free Day today here??

[mollymoosmum]

It is obvious the mother does not want help.:gloomy:

I can understand thats how it may seem, but its not always as easy as that. Domestic violence cases are not always as they seem.

It is a very complicated matter and I think it is great you have got involved and not pretending it doesn't matter, I am not denying her childrens welfare is the most important matter here but there are many outcomes you have to think about.....

I don't know the woman so I have no idea what she is like as a mother, but have you thought about you and your sister and possibly a domestic violence worker confronting the mother (she may be forced to open up and get help) she may really want out but doesn't know where to start.

If you believe she doesn't want help after you reach out to her than child protection services is the way to go.

Good on you for getting involved, her kids deserve that!:thumbsup:

I really hope the mother can break out of the violence and get her kids into a safe enviroment........ because the other option is them being taken off her and for a child I think that would be equally devestating....:crying:

[*Chels*]

Thanks for all the input.
Could a mod please close and delete this threaD?
Thanks