I need some advice on coping on my own

[Crazyfamily]

I am on my own totally with my 6 children as their father is violent and no longer has contact.
I am really struggling to keep control of my little ones aged 5,4,3, and 18 months. they are always fighting, screaming having tantrums etc and Iam going crazy.
I would never hurt my kids but I find myself yelling at them more and more. I find it hard to keep up with housework and to give the kids the time they need.
can someone offer me some suggestions on what works for them in maintaining sanity.
I hope you understand what I mean. I am struggling with all aspects of parenting and house keeping right now.

[sja]

I have a 1 yo, a 2&1/2 yo and an almost 4 yo and am 20 wks pregnant. My hubby is still around and it's hard work, so I can't even begin to imagine how hard it is for you.

I find a housework routine helps me. Every night before bed I get out bowls, spoons, cereal boxes etc. It makes for less chaos in the morning. I lay out the clothes the kids will wear the next day (I do this before the 1yo is asleep as all the drawers are in his room). Then I put a load of washing in the machine. When I get up I start the machine on my way to the toilet, then I quickly brush the toilet when I'm done. The kids usually wake before 6am and I have a rule that we don't do breakfast before 6:30. They have to play quietly until then while I have a shower. If they're naughty while I'm in the shower they'll miss out on cereal and have leftovers for dinner. The kids know there's no breakfast until their room is tidy and their beds are made - they help each other make them. They also need to be dressed for the day in order to get breakfast. (this only works if your kids are like mine and love breakfast). After breakfast I usually have about 30 mins of playing nicely on their own so I do dishes, and clean up the kitchen. I usually wipe down the shower and bathroom sink as I use them (I use the flannel from the bath the kids had the night before). .

By the time Play School is on the washing is ready to hang out while the kids are distracted and then I start chopping stuff up for dinner to cook later. Daytimes can be pretty chaotic and I find if we go out, maybe to the park, they're easier to take care of. Some days I drive to the park instead of walking because I can't bear the thought of having a whiny walk home. Plus we can spend longer playing before we have to leave.

I've put most of the kids toys in boxes in the locked garage (has a door to the house) and the kids have learned that they need to pack away the old box of toys before I'll get a new one out. This saves me so much tidying up! Midday is rest time - if they don't need to sleep they can play quietly in their room for an hour. I tell them I need a rest, but really I get washing in, fold it and try and do some cleaning. They don't have toys kept in their room so I'll only give them toys if they're being quiet and good.

At night they have to get into pjs by themselves (I'll help with nappies and tricky buttons) or they'll miss out on the story. And then most nights I'll end up putting one of them to sleep in my bed because they just won't shut up and go to sleep in the same room.

I write a weekly meal plan so I know in advance what we're having for dinner - so much easier than trying to work out each day what to eat. It also makes grocery shopping easier.

I always apologise when I yell at my kids (which is alot at the moment). I find it easy to ignore tantrums because, quite frankly, I have no sympathy left for them. After they're done I'll have a talk to them.

It can be hard controlling them, but I've found that by being organised I can get the housework and dinner done in those few moments when they don't require supervision. And I love the way they dress themselves at morning and night - saves me a lot of hassle.

Hope some of this helps. If possible, can you find someone to give you some time to yourself. And if you can, don't spend the time cleaning the house, just relax!

[Crazyfamily]

Thankyou for your reply. You have given me some things to consider. Good luck with all your children. It is hard work but I do love my children, which why I would like to do the best for them.

[mellyg]

:hugs: :hugs: for you Caroline.. I was a single mum for 5 years but with only 2 children so I could only imagine what it must be like for you.. I found that when I did not have a strict routine that things would get on top of me and then I would have a shorter fuse than normal.. It is really hard to think of advice to give you as I just cant imagine how hard it must be for you.. I wonder if there are any services around that may be able to give you a hand every now and then.. Maybe ring your local council and see what is available in your area.. There should be some help around eg even if its with the cleaning or even just somewhere to go for a support group IYKWIM.. Anyway I really hope it works out for you Caroline and you get some relief soon.:hugs: :hugs:

[Crazyfamily]

thankyou mellyg.

[lukaelmo]

Wow, you are coping with an incredibly stressful job... I only have two and a lot of help from their father, and I still lose it on a regular basis.

I hope you find lots of help and support here.

Good luck :D.

[TwoSweetPeas]

Hi ya caroline, I know this thread is a few weeks old, just looking through. Was wondering were you are?? On the Gold Coast?? Would you like to get in touch as i dont mind helping with some chores, or minding the kids for a few hrs??Let me know as I know its hard this must be doing your head in, in between cuddles and kisses of corse!!