how to accept having a c section?

[abbeyjmum]

Hi there

Im fairly new to this, so please forgive me if im posting in the wrong area.
I had an unwanted c section 5 months ago. Waters broke on a thursday night at 7.30 pm, went to hosptial, they sent me home to rest as they said it would be some time, went back in the next night and had only dialated 1.5 cms, laboured all night stuck on the bed with a drip as there was a risk of infection, pethidine, epidural (which didnt work for a few hours) by the next morning still only 2 cms. Kept getting told to keep going another 4 hours and hopefully i would have dialated. Midwives and drs changed shift and the new midwife was not supportive at all and really scared me about cesareans. By midday saturday i had got to 4 cms so there was hope, but abbey started to go into distress and i had lost a fair bit of blood so was rushed in for a c section. At the time i think i just pushed through the fear and let it all happen. My little girl is beautiful and healthy, so sometimes i feel guilty for feeling the way i feel. But how long does it take to get over the fact that you had a c secion? The resentment, feeling like youve missed out, feeling like your body has failed etc. At least once a week i seem to be having nightmares that i am pregnant again but i only have half a belly and in the dream everone is telling me that my daughter has already been born and im not pregnant. I feel really confused in the dream as i feel like something is missing, that i havent gone through the whole cycle of giving birth and l wake up in a panic. I feel like by having a c section ive missed out on some of the birth experience and didnt finish the job. I feel like theres no one to talk to about this either and there wasnt much emotional support in the hospital afterwards. Does anyone else feel like this? I would really appreciate your thoughts and any advice.

[Noah_and_Elijah]

I feel like by having a c section ive missed out on some of the birth experience and didnt finish the job.

Please don't ever feel like this. You carried your baby for 9 months and you gave birth to your baby, regardless of whether or not it was vaginal you still gave birth! :hugs:

I'm sorry that you had such a traumatic labour and I hope that some of the ladies on here will be able to help you by sharing their c-section stories! :)

[OM]

Can I be so rude to ask which hospital you were at?

I am not 100% sure that you ever do come to terms with having had an unwanted c-section. My 1st c-section was 2 1/2 years ago and I am still very bitter about it. (I also had a unsuccesful vbac attempt 9 months ago so that is still rather raw for me too).

I know there is an organisation that can help that I got a brochure from the other week, but I can't remember where I put it.

If I find it I will let you know.

[abbeyjmum]

it was at the mater public

[Noah_and_Elijah]

it was at the mater public

Please find some reassurance in knowing that you aren't the first person to be treated this way at that hospital. I know quite a few and from only recently (last 12 - 18 months)

[tickle]

I'm sorry you are going through this right now. I was lucky in some ways that I was told I needed a c/section a couple of weeks prior, so had time to let it all sink in.

Please go and talk to your GP about it. I had a traumatic c/section and experienced nightmares and flashbacks for a while. There is help there for you.

You can also check out the Birth Trauma Support (http://www.bubhub.com.au/community/forums/forumdisplay.php?f=264) section of the forum. There is also a private birth trauma section too.

Huge hugs. You are not alone here, there are many people who have the same feelings as you do. :hugs:

[lillyflower04]

I've had two unwanted c/s, and particularly after my first c/s which was very traumatic, I was devastated over not having a natural birth. Part of my healing came from joining ICAN, (International Cesarian Awareness Network) a online support group for c/s women, particularly those who've had tramatic c/s. Then when i had a c/s for DS I knew if we had another bub I will never get a VB. :gloomy: I still have a few 'it's not fair' days where I pine for the births I really wanted, but I think I've unpacked and dealt with a lot of these issues. Just give it time; if your like me you are grieving over the loss of control in getting the birth you wanted. Like most grief, it may not entirely disappear but it will lessen. :hugs:

[SassyMummy]

I know it's not at all encouraging, but I had an unwanted caesarean over 2 years ago now, and I'm still not over it.

I think it's because I lost an experience I REALLY wanted, and because that experience was replaced with one that I NEVER wanted. So instead of just not getting what I wanted, I didn't get what I wanted AND I got something I definitely DIDN'T want instead.

I don't feel like I gave birth. I lay there, was cut open... there was no "giving" from me, and hence I don't believe I gave birth...so I can relate to that feeling.

One thing I have found comfort in though, is the fact that I know I can try to have a vaginal birth next time. If I wasn't planning on any future children, I don't know what would get me through... but focusing on that next child, and that next birth, by learning from the mistakes I made when my daughter was born, gets me through the bad days.

Every now and then I have a big breakdown... grieving the experience I REALLY REALLY wanted. I wanted to experience vaginal birth because I just expected I would.

In my situation, I was given a caesarean for going to 42 weeks, and having 3 failed inductions. There was no indication my daughter was in danger... it was just a matter of being past my EDD by 2 weeks.

From my experience though, I've learnt that I AM allowed to refuse, and when to refuse, and when to compromise, and blah blah blah. I've learnt a lot so that my experience next time will hopefully be closer to what I wanted, if not exactly what I'm after (which isn't much - I just want a vaginal birth with no/limited drugs and no other intervention).

I know my post is a bit all over the place, it's hard for it not to be on an emotional issue that I could blab on and on about...

I'm sorry I don't have much in the way of encouragement for you, and I'm sorry my story isn't "Oh, by 12 months you forget all about it," but you might be able to seek comfort in the fact that you're not alone in your disappointment. I know I have.

[lillyflower04]

II don't feel like I gave birth. I lay there, was cut open... there was no "giving" from me, and hence I don't believe I gave birth...so I can relate to that feeling.


:yes: The same here. I feel like they were 'extracted' out of me rather than me birthing them.

[abbeyjmum]

thank you all so much for sharing.:hugs: I guess there is some comfort in know that we arent alone as these feelings seem quite common. I thought it was just me, especially when people keep telling me im being silly. But i guess it is hard to explain and for others to understand. I will check out that online support group. There seems to be a real need for emotional support as well as physical in the recovery process from the health system (but i wonder if that will ever happen!)

[BeautifulBoys]

Hi
I want to give you some :hugs: I to had a unwanted C-section, I was induced @ 37weeks due to PE I laboured all day reached 10cm(lucky me) pushed for hours!!!! but DS"s head was stuck/transverse/de-deflexed Forceps no option.. he was also OP.. so I had a emerg caesar... the most frightening part was when i was in the theatre my left uterine artery was torn(i did not no this) I lost 2litres of blood & required 4 units of Blood to be transfused... post 6 days after my DS was born(beautiful&healthy) i hemorrhaged TWICE went to theatre had a embolisation where they block the artery(as that had burst~infect?) my uterus was saved & my LIFE i spent 2 days in ICU... my wonderful DH did everything for the following months... I could hardly walk... I was very lucky.
Im now pregnant again (early days)..
so excited I am trying for a VBAC!!!! i know so much more now.. Im a trainee doula aswell.
DS is 22months old i still think about what happened but am at peace with it all now... as i still gave birth just in a very traumatic way.. haha..
Talking does help/crying helps & laughing helps... you too will soon be ok with everything.. it takes time.:yes:

[BeautifulBoys]

Oh & i also requested all my medical notes... please do that it helps!:yes:
As doctors & OB's don't offer the info.:shame:
Next time i will be asking more questions & getting the answers.
Thats the grt thing about hindsight.:thumbsup:

[daisy1984]

I feel the same. I had an unwanted c-section 5 weeks ago and I am struggling to come come to terms with it. I was induced at 42 weeks and sent to theartre for "failing to progress". I was 4cm dialated after 12 hours...so looking back I think I should have been able to labour for alot longer....as things WERE progressing, just slowly.

I hate the thought of having to battle with the hospital system in attempt of a VBAC if I ever have another child. And I am so afraid of the disapointment I would feel if I ever had to have another ceasarian. I am so afraid that I'll never get to expreience a vaginal birth.

People say that you should be thankful that you have a healthy baby.....and I am!!!....but I think its perfectly ok to be upset about the birth. Just because I am bitter about my son's birth, does not mean I am bitter with him or love him any less.

Like everyone else has said, I don't think I'll ever get over it completely, but I am sure I will learn to accept it.

Please know that so many other women feel the same way as you.

[cipher]

Hi Abbeyjmum

So sorry to hear about your story. I also had an unwanted c-sec at the mater public in Brisbane 9 months ago. Still not sure whether it was necessary or not. I'm struggling along, day to day to try and move on past something which I know I cannot change but still feel deep anger about. I think I will get my records from the Mater so I can discuss them with my GP, at least then will have a better idea of what went wrong. It was good to see your post in a way because I can't talk about how I feel - I'm still too angry and upset, and any conversation would go "I'm upset I had a cesarian, *sobs* *repeat*" I'm thinking about it less and less as time goes on though, instead of hundreds of times a day, only dozens. I'm only crying about it once a week instead of every day. But reading and talking about good deliveries makes me jealous and talking about bad ones makes me feel selfish and guilty and talking about VBACs makes me anxious, so avoiding those things for a while has helped me calm down a bit. The other thing that really helped was reading Sarah Clement's "The Caesarean Experience", which surveyed about 200 women about their experience. It helped me put a finger on what I was feeling which was very helpful, instead of just dealing with a tsunami of despair, i could identify the feelings I was having and even put them into words for the first time. I will probably join Childbirth Education Australia (QLD) http://www.ceabrisbane.asn.au/Support/Default.aspx and they have support for cesarian and VBAC classes. They also have a great bazaar!
I feel I'm going through a grieving process. I have to somehow accept my new 'faulty' body and the scarred uterus that I have been left by the surgeons who gave birth to my baby and stole this right from me (with my signature on the consent form).
I hope you are still able to enjoy your baby despite this, and my thoughts are with you. I am sure that over time it will get easier to bear, but I know that doesn't help at all when you have to get through the bad days somehow :-(. Hugs
Cipher

[monkeytoes]

I understand your situation too. I had an unwanted C/S 14 months ago, after laboring for 37 hrs and getting to 9cm, I was sent to theatre as 'failure to progress'. I feel like I did all the hard work and missed out on the 'grand finale' of birthing my DD. I am still not 'over it', but the pain and anger does subside a little over time. I am now 19 weeks pregnant again and have done alot of research so that I can attempt a VBAC.

Just remember that knowledge is power. Do lots of research, read other peoples birth stories, get hold of your medical notes. We can't change what has happened to us in the past, but hopefully we can get to a point where our past experience makes us stronger.

You could check out the birthrites website for more assistance.

[nats]

12 months on, for me, I have recovered to the point where, I think, I'm better than I had've been had I have just had an uneventful hospital vb.

I used to think that my unecesarean destroyed my self esteem. In retrospect I actually never had any to begin with! In a world where we are taught to repress and even hate our bodies go figure! poor self esteem was the cause of my c/s and not the other way round so I'm grateful for the wake up call really.

Now I have taken it upon myself to take responsibility for my body. No more being a complacent patient EVER for ANYTHING :yes:


As Monkeytoes said "Knowledge is power" I started reading about vbac first, arming myself with stats that I might need to hold my own against any Ob in the future for a vbac (though I finally posess the confidence I needed in myself to disregard hospital and freebirth at home). Then I have learned in depth about birth physiology, phsycology and phsyco-biology and also about my own fertility (I will never supress my body with chemical contraceptives anymore) and much,much more...
I respect my intuition.

It's a process - long and empowering :thumbsup:
Calm waters never made good sailors bla, bla, bla :)

[KatiesMum]

Just wanted to send you some :hugs:

I had a cs 18 months ago - and I do still think about it ....

I was very lucky (if you can consider yourself lucky having a cs :laughing: ) in that I did know a few weeks before that I would need one so had time to prepare myself and adjust, but also had the time to do the research and know for myself that what I was doing was for my babys sake - that I couldnt do anything about it. In my case that really helped me deal with the emotions of it afterwards (that and the fact that it went as well as any CS can)

No matter what - you still feel traumatised by your birth experience, and the fact that the bubs is fine(which is great) doesnt change how you feel about your birth.

[sirhokko]

It's never a matter of getting over it or healing. It's is just acceptance that you cannot change what happened but you accept it as your child's birth but will become more informed and make different decisions for the next time.

[Mum2Cinda]

My baby girl is just 2 weeks old and it never once entered my mind throughout the whole pregnancy that I would need to have a caesarean. Friends would tell me stories about how their labours ended in c-sections and it was like water off a ducks back. I would just think "oh well, that's not going to happen to me." They even told us in ante-natal classes that up to a quarter of us would end up having c-sections and again I thought "that won't be me". I'm young, fit, healthy and had a good pregnancy so in my mind there was no reason why I couldn't have a vaginal birth.
My contractions started on Sunday night and although only mild were consistently 7 minutes apart all night. They continued all day Monday at 7 minutes apart although for a few hours in the afternoon they were more irregular and further apart so I rested. I kept calling the hospital and they advised to stay home where I was comfortablt and how soon to call back with an update.
By Monday night the contractions were quite bad and I was unable to sleep through them so I rested in between them. 5-6 minutes of sleep, 1 minute contraction ALL NIGHT! On Tuesday morning the hopsital suggested I go in to be monitored as the contractions had gotten mor eintense but no cloer together. My obs did an internal and said that I'd dilated about 2cm and I could either go home or have my membranes ruptured to speed up the process. After contractions for 36 hours going home didn't seem like much of an options. So they ruptured my membranes at about 11am (that was a little traumatic for me). About an hour later they realised there was meconium in my waters so I had to be put back on the monitor for the remainder of the labour. The monitor straps were making my contractions even more uncomfortable because of the extra pressure they put on my uterus. By 2pm I hadn't dilated any further. By 6pm there was about 1cm of progress and I found out the baby was posterior with it's head distended putting extra pressure on the cervix. I had my tens machine, gas, pethidine and really didn't want an epi as I wanted to do it all myself. They gave me oxytocin to increase the contractions to see if I would dilate any more but I didn't and if I was dilating it was at a VERY slow rate. By 8.30pm I'd decided to have an epidural. I was devastated that it had come to that but my husband realised I had very little left in me and a long way to go so he was very supportive. In hindsight I think the epidural was strongly encouraged in order for me to be focussed enough to have a conversation with my obs. By 10.30pm I was only 3-4cm dilated so still not much progress and the baby was getting distressed. My obs advised me that I would need to have c-section due to the position of the baby, the size of her and the long labour. I was even more devastated but wanted my baby to be healthy when she entered the world and I wanted to be in a state that I could enjoy her, so I agreed and she was born at 11.26pm.
I've beat myself up about not doing it all myself and having a c-section but every health professional I have spoken to has advised that my delivery is the sort of labour both mothers and babies would die from 50 or so years ago. We're both healthy and alive and for that I'm grateful.
I'm still stunned that I had to have a caesarean and being able to share that with others who have been through a similar experience, I think is the only thing that helos me come to terms with it.
Thank you for sharing your stories and listening to mine.:)

[ThisIsLiving]

Oh I can relate to you all :hugs:. I had my first child by c-section 4 years ago, and I HATED the experience. Suffered pnd and a big contributor to that was my c-section and the experience of it haunted me for years :gloomy:

However have since gone on to have a second baby (yes by c-section again...where I live in a small country town vbac's are practically not even an option) and this time around although I was absolutely petrified of going through it all again, I was somehow more prepared mentally for the emotional aftermath if that makes any sense. I made sure I had lots of support around me (this time I was prepared more emotionally and physically - as I knew I would need heaps of support) and didn't put any pressure on myself.

I feel alot better about it all this second time round but still have the odd dream or wishing of 'if only' I could have birthed the way nature intended. For me I don't think those thoughts will ever fully go away but I have learned to accept what is, or rather I should say I have come to a certain degree of acceptance as I'll never fully 100% accept the surgical procedure that brought my beloved babies into the world.

Anyway just wanted to share my 2 c-section experiences with you and let you know you are definetly not alone and what you are feeling is completely normal.

Many, many :hugs: :hugs: :hugs: to you.

[moonblossom]

There are ;lots of us that are still coming to terms with out c-sections. The only thing that gets me through is knowing it was a genuine emergency. Everything happened so fast. I couldn't even look at my scar for months and months because it made me feel like a failure :(.

The first time I looked properly was a couple of months ago, and I was absolutely amazed...I could hardly tell it was there.

I think you come to terms with it, but it wasn't until I confronted the midwife and the hospital, and got my apology did I feel I could really move on, and I did.

Sure, I still wish things went differently, my son and I suffered because of negligence and that is a hard thing to come to terms with, BUT you will.

Take care

[autumnsandwillowsmum]

Hi, Just wanted to add my story.

I had a vaginal birth with my first child who was actually stillborn at 29weeks so it was quite traumatic for me to contemplate having another vaginal birth.

Then with my second child Autumn she was born at 29weeks as well tho by emergency c-section. So when I was told I would be having an emergency C-Section I just did it cause I wanted her out and I wanted her to survive, She did and spent 7 weeks in hospital. I feel so blessed to have her so I didn't dwell on the fact that I didn't have a natural birth. I was actually very uninformed about caesareans and didn't get the booklet they give you until after they did it.

My third child was also born by c-section, and I am glad she was, we made it to 38 weeks this time. It was a completly different experience this time, very relaxed and not rushed like my first one.

As I said before, it is probably very different for me as my vaginal birth was very traumatic. But in the end all you want is a healthy baby and if you can only get that by a c-section then I think it is well worth it. :)

[wenson]

After thinking for the last 8 1/2 months that i will have a vaginal birth it has now been confirmed that in two weeks i will be having a 'c'. My precious little bundle has decided to remain breech until my 37th week but i am so glad that my ob told me weeks ago that unless bub turns the SAFEST delivery is by caesarean.

I was extremely disappointed. I felt ripped off. I started reading about all these ways to turn a baby, some of them quite extreme all in the hope of having my desired birthing experience. My partner was also disappointed and i started feeling like a failure, i began to be envious of other women that got to experience a vaginal birth. Worse though is my resentment towards my baby. I started referring to it as my 'naughty or stubborn' baby.

Basically i felt robbed. It was compounded further when my ob informed me that a 'c' would be recommended for any subsequent birth as this is the SAFEST way of delivering.

Thankfully i came to my senses. I realised that it is not all about me but about ensuring this baby comes into the world in the best possible way. So i have stopped trying to turn my little baby. I have stopped being unhappy that i will never get the spontaneity of 'honey i think its time'. Pretty much i have stopped feeling sorry for myself and i am looking passed the actual delivery to the moment i get to hold my baby in my arms.

So come the 30th Nov i know i will have my baby. I may never experience i contraction, the breaking of water, the show or any of these things i have prepared myself for for the last 9months but at the end of the day who cares????????

Just like the issue with breast fed babies, who can tell the difference between a baby delivered by caesarean and one thats not? I understand it must be very different when you are 'forced' to have an emergency 'c' without the time to fully digest and accept however its all about the baby and the 'experts' at the time beleived they were doing what is in the best interests of the baby. Unfortunately that may mean you sacrifice what you want but then isnt that part of being a mother????????

[KatiesMum]

Wenson

:hugs: to you. My bub was breech too .... from very early on and didnt even look like turning. I had a c/s and it was really great. I was not even contemplating a c/s but bubby obviously didnt read my birth plan !!!!

Some stats for you - around 20% or 1 in 5 bubs who are breech at 36 weeks will still turn ... so there is hope yet. Try and delay your c/s for as long as possible to try and let bubs turn by himself/herself......

As for it being the safest way - there is a LOT of stuff out there on the best way of delivering breech bubs, and the one piece of advice I will give you is - do your own research and decide for yourself what you want to do. The main study is called the Term Breech Trial, so read about it, and also read about the criticisms of this trial etc. I found that doing the research myself made me feel like the decision was truly mine, and that having a c/s was the right thing for me and my bub. This helped me enormously in dealing with the emotional aspects of having a c/s.

Best of luck and I hope that bubby turns for you.....

[tash29aus]

I have a baby due in three weeks and i am going to have to have a c section. I really don't want one. I am afraid i wont bond with my baby because of my resentment about how it is born. My first bub was a vaginal birth not as great as i could wish for you know long and in bed, i didn't get the encouragement to get up and about have an active birth. this time, now i know what i want i was hoping to make it so differant now i won't get to try. I dont know how to get past it.

[tash29aus]

I have read your posts, i am trying to take it n board, my baby is also breech with a small chance to turn, i hope it will and i will leave it as long as possible. I am a nurse and have read the term breech trial, i wish it would convince that c section is the only way but it doesn't. it is flawed i think. non the less i think that i will have to have a c section as breech births have little or no support in the medical community. i want a healthy baby but if it was an emergency i would be into it but i think breeech births are an art form lost to the medical community. i just hope i get past it for the sake of my baby. good luck to everyone else with dealing with there feelings, anyone who has and has advice for me i would love to hear from you. thanks:(

[GraceUnhearing]

My little girl is beautiful and healthy, so sometimes i feel guilty for feeling the way i feel.

please NEVER EVER feel guilty about it!!!

people who say 'at least your baby is healthy' have no experiences birth trauma!

it does not make your birth experience any different
birth trauma is real and it does take people a long time to get over

2 years on i still cant get passed what happened with the birth of my first son.
i didnt have a c/s but birth trauma is birth trauma

[lovelymummy]

My first bub was breech (and at every examination in pregnancy he was breech) And luckily I listened to my doctors advice of a c-section - he was 10 pounds!

My second bub was head down but new doctor wanted to do a repeat c-sect just 'because of risk of rupture'. I listened to him - his words were "giving birth is very traumatic on your body and if there is no need, why put yourself through it?" (yes, he was a he).

First c-sec, no prob, back to normal on day 3, Second c-sec, 6 weeks of pain & infection, baby couldn't attach to boobie properly, but it hurt to move, so I didn't care!

13 mths later, my tummy still hurts from time to time, but 13 mth old still enjoys boobie in the morning - BUT, I still get angry when I think of it. At least I didn't put myself through the un-necessary trauma of VB! - what a friggin joke!... like I said - still angry!:mad:

[belonna]

If your body - like mine - couldn't give birth naturally you're so lucky we are at a point in medical science where we can do something about it for the safety of bub and mum. Humans as we are now have been around for about 100,000 years and the number one natural killers of us before medical science intervened was inability to give birth naturally, viral infectious diseases, lack of antiseptic and rotting teeth. We're very lucky to be alive in this time where these problems can be taken care of for the most part with cesareans that humans can enjoy these days, vaccinations, soap and other antiseptics and good dentistry.

My csection was unwanted and traumatic though I'm very glad for the advances in medicine that saved not just the baby - which was the outcome for many births before C/S could be done safely but for the fact that I could be saved to so I could watch her grow up.

In the end I feel so grateful for the time I live in, not that my body couldn't do it. There's always been humans that couldn't, way back to the start. One can't choose how to develop biologically, it's not your fault you were unable to. It happens throughout the animal kingdom. Can't suggest anything other than counselling to help you and hope you can work through your issues. :)

[firsttimemumvmr]

When I was told that my best bet was to have one due to breech presentation, I went to pieces for about a week or two. However, by the time the day came I had managed to calm myself down considerably.To me the motivation to try to make the most of what options I had (or didn't) was that my baby was born very healthy. I think you mentioned that your baby had gone into distress. I would just think about how lucky you are to have a perfectly healthy little one.I'm sympathetic to your feelings though. I guess I just refused to allow my mind to tell me that I'm a lesser woman or mother because of the way my boy was born. By and large no one wants an operation but in all honestly sometimes this is the best way forward for both of you. Someone mentioned self-esteem issues. It could well be that those are at play in your case but I wouldn't know.In my case one factor that I reckon has been very important in me not feeling that way is that DH was incredibly supportive and that it's totally evident that he is still massively attracted to me regardless of the surgery. If he had gone off me I would certainly have issues. I'm sure yours is just as supportive, that should encourage you to deny those doubts, and negative feelings from interfering with your otherwise happy life.Also bear in mind that there is a lot of pressure nowadays in terms of doing everything 'naturally'. To me parenthood is a lot more than how babies are born and I won't allow people who are massively anti c-section or who might imply that you could have try harder get to me. We did what was best for our babies, thinking about that should hopefully make you feel a little more positive.Also, counselling might help. A lot of people also stigmatise people who seek psychological support. You certainly are not alone and if that's what's best for you go ahead and be proud of having tackled your problem by going to see somone. Perhaps I'm too much of a pragmatist, but thinking like that certainly has helped me.

[lizeyhud]

hi there i am sorry to hear about all the traumatic c section stories but to be perfectly honest with you i think we as a society put far too much pressure on a women to have a baby naturally my experience was nothing short of wonderful and after 4 miscarriages and ivf treatments i did not care how my beautiful baby was born so long as he and i were safe and well at the end of the day we carry the baby for 9months helping it grow and thrive to be the way it comes into this world has absolutely no relevance. i am sorry if this sounds harsh or unsympathic but i have come not to sweat the same stuff you cant relive that time again so move on as best you can if you can do that yourself then perhaps professional support may help

[fludo]

I've beat myself up about not doing it all myself and having a c-section but every health professional I have spoken to has advised that my delivery is the sort of labour both mothers and babies would die from 50 or so years ago. We're both healthy and alive and for that I'm grateful.


I know this is an old post, but reading your birth story, which was soooo similar to mine, and then reading this sentence above has struck a chord with me. I had a really long labour, 60 hours from first regular contractions) and had a c/s as I got to 8cm but then the cervix swelled so badly I went back to 6cm and then bub started getting distressed. There was just no way she was coming out. I knew this at the time, but it only really hit me now when I read you say "this sort of labour is what women and babies died of 50 years ago" - if she wasn't coming out naturally, then I guess that's what would have happened. I didn't have any "scary moments" like a haemorrage or anything so it never really hit me before. I haven't been beating myself up over having a c/s, but after reading this I think I think I can completely put it behind me now. :D





In the end I feel so grateful for the time I live in, not that my body couldn't do it. There's always been humans that couldn't, way back to the start. One can't choose how to develop biologically, it's not your fault you were unable to. It happens throughout the animal kingdom. :)

Absolutely. I read so much during my pregnancy about our bodies being made to give birth, about women in Africa birthing in the fields and then getting back to work, I felt a failure when I couldn't even give birth to my own baby. But many women and babies have died trying to give birth through history. I am thankful for the time I live in and that I had expert medical care when I needed it most.