My Hubbys ex is a nightmare!!

[mymunchkinamelia]

I don't mean to whinge but I need to vent out alot of builtup frustration!! and to see if there is anybody else out there who may be ina similar situation, My DH and i have been together for 3 and a half years and he has an ex wife who to keep a long story short, had nummerous affairs and after they split she shacked up with her stepfather:thumbsdown: she has had a child to him and needless to say not much of her family talk to her anymore, DH has 3 children with her, 2 of whom have lived with us since they split and the youngest lived with her until DH decided to let him live here in Jan this year, we both thought it best since he is supposed to be in grade 3 and has had to repeat year 2 because he is so far behind because she never bothered to care about his schooling. She has never paid a cent in the raising of the 2 older children and expected DH to pay for the youngest which he had no problems in doing. She had also never bought the 2 older kids b'day pressies and 1 year did'nt buy them xmas pressies either, and she blames the kids for it by telling them that it was their choice to live with their dad, thats her pathetic excuse! the visiting arrangements used to be alternate weekends and half of the school hols, she then decided to change that to 1 weekend a month and visit over the hols when it is convenient for her, when DH did'nt like that idea she then stopped letting the younger child come and visit us and then stopped the older 2 from visiting her and telling the kids that it was our fault, DH eventually agreed to what she wanted so that he could see his youngest. Now that he is living here, she no longer recieves child support and has threatened both of us many times with violence, she then went and put a violence order on my DH!! which was completely false and her statement to the police was full of lies, it was eventually dropped because she had no proof but it took 6 months, during this time I was pregnant with our daughter, now she is taking both of us to the family court to fight for custody, this is costing us a fortune we have just bought a house, we have just had a baby, which should be a happy time for us, I am raising her 3 kids and that is costing a small fortune which I have now had to go back to work early instead of staying at home for another 4 months with bub, and yet she hates me and hates that her kids live here with me, blames me for her marriage breakup, we have had to change our number to silent because of the constant harrassment from her, and yet she sits up there not working, getting supported by her stepfather now partner, has just bought a brand new ss commodore and yet won't pay a cent to help raise her kids, she doesn't want them here but she doesn't want them with her either, just the youngest, because she knows that she can use him to get what she wants out of my DH, she only has kids to get what she wants out of men, and yet she thinks she should be mother of the year, the youngest won't see her because he is to afraid she won't bring him back, so he hasn't seen her since Jan and she thinks we are keeping him from her, she doesn't understand that he wants to live here and not with her!! she is so delusional:banghead: I think i'm just about on the edge of a nervous breakdown:hair: I wish she would just help raise her kids, leave us alone and get on with her life!! it's not going to happen is it??

Me - 29Valentine DH - 36
Stepkids - 16, 13, 8:ecomcity:
Our new bubby - 10 weeks:angel:

[V8]

OMG, that's shocking, what a difficult situation for you to be in. I have no advice as i have never been in that situation. But can the older kids chose where they live?

[mymunchkinamelia]

Hey

I think that was just how they wanted it to happen in the beginning when they separated because I think she thought that the kids would want to live with her, but why would they?? it backfired on her, but yep its a shocker alright!!:)

Me - 29Valentine DH - 36
Stepkids - 16, 13, 8:ecomcity:
Our new bubby - 10 weeks:angel:

[V8]

I can only just shake my head and gasp at the fact that there are people out there like that. Very twisted really! Thank goodness for the kids that you are in their lives. They probably already know what their mum is like. Very sad.

[RachnEllie]

Well, I can only offer you my deepest sympathy and a huge pat on the back! You are a very strong woman for putting up with all that and for taking on 3 kids who aren't your own. These women just want to be awkward for the sake pf it- no matter what is best for their kid/s. My hubby's ex never paid a cent towards her daughter when she lived with us, yet now she is back with her, she wants regular maintenance and threatens us with court/ not being able to speak to his daughter/ slagging us off to everyone. It is so stressful and you're right- You should be able to spend these precious months with your baby instead of having to go back to work to make up for her failings. DH's ex only works part-time yet complains no end about having no money. They seem to live in a fantasy world where everyone owes them something and they have no responsibility for their own actions. I really feel for you and I hope something happens to ease things up on you a little. Good luck! It probably doesn't help much but at least you have the knowledge that the kids will thank you for it in the long run, and that you are giving them the better life. Well done you! :hugs:

[mymunchkinamelia]

Thank you, you sound as if you know exactly where i'm coming from, your DH's ex sounds very similar to my DH's ex, I think they will end up very sad and bitter women, I hope your situation improves also!:hugs:

Me - 29Valentine DH - 36
Stepkids - 16, 13, 8:ecomcity:
Our new bubby - 10 weeks:angel:

[DustyPeach]

Keep in mind not all DW ex's are the problem. My ex DH's new partner is horid and has many of the lovlie traits mentioned here that are showing in the men.

Perfect example is for the last 7 months we have had two weeks of two days dad two days home one day dad *repeat* then one week block home. All of a sudden ex DH is crying and making a scene saying he is so upset because he wont see the kids for a week!!! In frount of them so putting DD in a great position. Then ex DH asks if he can call on sat night. NEVER having asked this for the past 7 months. Demanded it be at 4pm today. As it happens we have planes tonight so I told him via txt that he would need to call at 6pm on friday night as we had plans sat and that I had no problem with phone contact provided it was recipricated. Well then it turned into a lovlie barrage of txts "you get them for a whole week and all I want is one phone call". All I asked and have asked for is one call on a sat night to say goodnight to the kids. Too hard for ex DH and his partner. She wears the pants and makes all the decissions in their relationship and is trying to do the same over MY children.

Its not always the mum being difficult.

[EsSjAy]

Hey there mymunchkinamelia:wave:

My DF's ex is 'evil' and i say that because.... She is... DF and i have been together 5 years and she has continually gone above and beyond to seek revenge on her failed marriage. DF and his ex have a 7 y.o son... We had to fight for 18 months before access was granted to DF to see him... She has stalked me and my family made abusive midnight phone calls to my parents and friends... She continually drove past our home to 'see' what was going on... My car was damaged which cost a fortune to be repaired... At first we didn't know it was her until DF's son started crying and told us... Poor thing!! We are currently going through more court proceedings to get shared custody. DF is so concerned with his schooling. His teachers are worried because nothing is getting done... It's really sad when he come to us... There's bags under the eyes and he falls asleep at the drop of a hat... I know it's wrong to make false accusations but what else are we to think...
DF turned up at her house the other day to find her with half naked teenage boys with her OMG!!! he freaked and took his son with him. He called the department of human services but they didn't promise much... They'd give her a call apparently and look into it... I know he loves his mum and we don't want to take him from her. We just want him to be a part of our life and his new little brothers life, but according to her 'our' ds is not his brother and is not allowed to mention him. I found the photo i gave DF's son of his new little brother ripped up in his school bag in an envelope addressed to me...
All i did was cry...
Why does it have to be so hard?:banghead:
I couldn't imagine doing anything like that...
I feel for you !!!

[mymunchkinamelia]

DustyPeach
I know that not all mums are the bad ones and that there are alot of men out there that should be taking care of their children and don't, I feel bad for your situation also, but at the end of the day it's the kids that suffer the most when one or both parents are thinking that they are making things difficult for each other, DH's ex refuses to look after her kids and the kids know that and they get angry too! All we want is for all of us to be able to get along for the kids sake, but until she can grow up and take responsibility her children will be looked after by me whether she likes it or not, I'm not going to let them suffer because their mum wants to be a pain in the neck, they are great kids, and the more she behaves this way the more she is missing out on their lives. And my DH is a wonderful father, his kids are his life and he would do anything for them, and she knows that and thats why she uses that to her advantage.

[mymunchkinamelia]

Sjar,

OMG!! that is just awful, DH's ex has stalked us also and has done alot of drive by's past our house in the middle of the night but she has never damaged any of our property! yet!!:fingerscrossed: i just don't understand why some people get off by making other people's lives hell, it's always the kids that are suffering so much, that poor little boy, she had no right to rip up that photo, that is his half sibling, how selfish!:no:

I hope things get better for you:hugs:

[pegasus]

Just want to send some hugs your way mymunchkinamelia. I won't bore you with my story right now - I'll probably give you that another day- but just know I've been there, and I think I'm there still....

Dustypeach - great to se you round again yep your situation sucks big time. This is why I like bubhub - it's great to hear other women in similar situations and get their support.

My biggest bugbear with any stuff to do with step families is that we hear so many stories where I wish that some of the single mummies here where my hubby's ex(but if they were, they seem so nice they wouldn't be an ex LOL), and I'm sure some of the single mummies wish some of the women on here were their ex's girlfriends/wives....

[mooter]

OMG there is more than one of them out there. Yiour story sounds like the last 15 years of my life. My step daughter has 4 weeks of school left and then she is finished forever (uni will not be an option as she hasn't studied hard enough) my DH and I are counting down the days as my step daughter will live with her mothers parents on finishing school and maybe just maybe our nightmares will be over. It is not my step daughters fault however I think she has suffered as much as we have.Her mother is a perfect example of someone who should not have been allowed to have children.;

[EsSjAy]

Sjar,

OMG!! that is just awful, DH's ex has stalked us also and has done alot of drive by's past our house in the middle of the night but she has never damaged any of our property! yet!! i just don't understand why some people get off by making other people's lives hell, it's always the kids that are suffering so much, that poor little boy, she had no right to rip up that photo, that is his half sibling, how selfish!

I hope things get better for you

mymunchkinamelia
Unfortunately ex's that carry on like this know enough to hide behind the system... When DF's ex was doing all of this stuff she was going to be charged so she admitted herself into to the local hospital's psychiatric ward claiming a nervous breakdown because her 'husband' (DF) was emotionally abusing her...:ecomcity: and she wasn't in a normal frame of mind...(well that's the only truth she's ever spoken)
So she got away with it... Free counseling, free legal representation even though she could afford it (you and i would be means tested through legal aid but she wasn't) free community support inc childcare, food parcels, had her car fixed for NOTHING, house cleaning... You name it, she got it.... Still does.... It infuriates me that not only does she attempt to dictate our lives and cause us so much grief she sponges of the system and still expects DF to cough up more.:mad: The maintenance she receives, Family Assistance and the cash she earns which is not fully declared as she works for a friend (CHILD CARE....HELOOOOOOOOOOOO has someone not woken up yet??????, is spent on her!!! SS comes to us and says that it's dad's job to buy the clothes and 'SHE' cant afford it.... ARGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH:banghead:

Can you believe this?:hair:

[mymunchkinamelia]

Sjhar,

my goodness:eek: your DH's ex sounds as though she should be in a psychiatric hospital permanently!! how do they keep getting away with this nonsense, what I don't understand is that my DH's ex has had a baby to her Stepfather/partner (i still say stepfather coz it just shocks me still to this day!!) and yet she cannot move on with her life, she got pregnant to him 4 months after she separated from DH!! I don't know whether or not your DH's ex has had anymore kids but none of them deserve the ones they already have.

I was speaking to a lady the other day and she told me that her situation with her DH's ex has been going on for 18 years:hair: heres hoping that all our situations don't go on for that long!

To all the ladies, thank you for writing, it has been great to hear that we are not all alone in this and that there are plenty of women who are going through the same if not worse situations, it feels great to vent out alot of frustrations!!:)

[EsSjAy]

My DF's ex hasn't had anymore children...
She's had a new boyfriend every few months living with her which worries us so much...
I think once we get the shared custody which it looks as though we will once the orders are stamped were hitting her with a restraining order. Very sad but all communication will be through a diary and any emergenices will be through her mother who has volunteered to help...She doesn't like DF either but for DF's sons sake she'll do it...
Pick up and drop off of DF's son will be when he's at school so it stops us having to go to her house or her coming here... My eldest ds (11) is physically sick when he hears her name... She's that bad...
All the best with everything...
x x

[mymunchkinamelia]

I'm glad she's had no more children, and goodluck with getting the orders done, we have tried that ourselves but she won't sign them, so it's off to court, again. I would be worried also about her having a different bloke there alot, it becomes very confusing for the kids and not only that but you can't trust alot people these days so who knows what they are like! she obviously doesn't care much about her kids wellbeing. Definatley get a AVO out on her, at least that way you'll have her off your back for 12 months or more:smiliedance: thats something we should've done also, she has threatened us so many times that I have lost count, though they are just threats and she has never followed through:fingerscrossed: I hope it gets sorted out for you, that poor little boy he must be so stressed out from everything and his mother obviously doesn't realise or doesn't care what impact her behaviour is doing to him, very sad.

Good luck and take care:hugs:

[Hannahs Mum]

I can tell you now ladies.... now is not the time to be soft.
Keep an accounting of every incident dates...times.
Know your legal rights....because they certainly will.
Get a dvo.. you only need two seperate incidents.
Even if it is only temporary...you can do it without paying for lawyers.
She cannot get legal aid if the matter concerns abuse towards children.
Remember this an report to DOCS.....

Get a parenting plan in place..be prepared and have a copy of your stipulations ready.
If you are looking after, someones children you are entitled to support...weather that be a reduced percentage of what you are paying them.
Or $5 a week.

[mymunchkinamelia]

Hi Hannahsmum,

Thanks for your advice, it is great and I've just showed it to DH, we are off to see a lawyer this afternoon and we will see how things go.

We have definately taken your advice onboard!:) have you been through this sort of thing yourself?