Have you ever thought that one day we will probably be a MIL?

[MammaMia]

I know there are a lot of rants out there about MIL.

And I'm not trying to buy into the who is right/wrong argument: I figure each of us and the MILs all fall on the right and wrong sides during our relationships.

But I've been thinking... I bet a lot of MILs once felt the same way about their MIL as is discussed on this forum. I wonder what it is that makes us become mothers and then MILs with all of the upset and misunderstandings that follow?

Do you think it is easier to be a MIL to a SIL than a MIL to a DIL?

I think generally sons do spend more time with their wive's family. And I was thinking that as a mum to my DS I expect I will find that upsetting and hurtful. I think it is a natural progression in our society, but it must not be easy for the MILs to experience it. And maybe that hurt and that sense of what their rightful place should be means that they react in bad ways and try to assert their role in your family - with all of the reciprocal standing up by the new mother of her own little family. I've watched my mum become a MIL to a DIL. WHilst she has had her sad moments that my brother now lives so far away with his new wife, she tries to focus on the good: that he has married a woman that loves him dearly, that he is happy and my Mum believes in letting them lead their own lives with their own decisions. And their relationship so far is going well. My Mum had MIL problems and is keenly aware of how damaging that can be for all involved.

I'm hoping that I can figure out some of the lessons now so that when it is my turn I work hard at being a good MIL and enjoying my DS's new family in the best way possile.

Signed
When I grow up I want to be a FANTASTIC MIL.:D

[xkwzit]

Hiya MMia
I'm not too worried about it, because I only have DDs :D . Sorry if that sounds really superficial, but I think (from anecdotal evidence only :D ) that MIL of DHs cause many more problems than MIL of DWs. Maybe because they feel supplanted by their son's wives, but fathers don't feel that way about their DDs husbands? I really don't know?

Another thing I just thought of DDs prob run their homes more similarly to their mothers but MILs houses may be run v differently. Isn't that sexist? Don't DHs get to decide on the running of the house just as much as their wives? Maybe they don't mind much and that's also an answer in itself :D .

Does any of that make any sense at all?

[Odessa]

The movie "Monster in Law" touched on this subject, Jane Fonda was the MIL from hell, and it eventually turns out that she had the MIL from hell, so was mimicking what had happened to her!

I'd like to think that I'd be a pretty laid back, loving and accepting MIL when the time comes, especially since my experience with MILs has been absolutely horrendous.

[MammaMia]

X, I think the point about the differences in how families do things is a valid one. Men tend to with the flow because let's face it, if they don't have to do it, they don't care. But women tend to have strong views of the right way & wrong way.

And it's funny how we tend to think all families do things the same way - and then find it quite shocking when we are asked to participate in another family & realise that they have different traditions/habits.

Geez, we are a complicated lot!

[C2H5OH]

I know there are a lot of rants out there about MIL.

And I'm not trying to buy into the who is right/wrong argument: I figure each of us and the MILs all fall on the right and wrong sides during our relationships.

But I've been thinking... I bet a lot of MILs once felt the same way about their MIL as is discussed on this forum. I wonder what it is that makes us become mothers and then MILs with all of the upset and misunderstandings that follow?


Thats humans for you. We can be such hypocrits. Just try to remember the problems experienced by yourself, and try not to put anyone else through them :)

[my babyemmy]

well heres hoping i wont be! so far so good as I'm a practicing MIL my 17 yr old son has a girlfriend who calls me her MIL and she loves me,she even thinks I'm cool:) My MIL was a b**ch & forever will be! I try so hard not to be like her

[Pixie]

I know I won't be like my MIL one she is stuck in the early 60's when it comes to marriage and how people should live their lives. two she thinks everyone should marry or partner up with there own culture :rolleyes: But she is usually pleasant to me and I know she will treat this grandchild as well as the others and that is very important to us. I can handle myself :D

I know I won't be like my mother either as she is evil and has created a lot of distress in my relationship with my partner..though some emotional issue she has with me not being her servant anymore...and living my own life

I have given orders to friends and family that should I turn out like either of them regarding such issues they are to shoot me lol

That monster in law movie is very funny!

[JnA]

I've said it before and I'll say it again.. there is probably a forum out there of MIL's talking about thier DIL's...

:ecomcity: :p

[JodieC]

I really like my MIL, but she lives overseas :) My ex MIL, well theres a different story, I couldnt stand her

[M O P]

But I've been thinking... I bet a lot of MILs once felt the same way about their MIL as is discussed on this forum. I wonder what it is that makes us become mothers and then MILs with all of the upset and misunderstandings that follow?

I think generally sons do spend more time with their wive's family. And I was thinking that as a mum to my DS I expect I will find that upsetting and hurtful.



I'll start my rant now:

My m-i-l's m-i-l died not long after she got married so she never had to be bossed around! Hasn't stopped her trying to control my life IE wedding plans,when to have children, how many and baby names!

I am her only daughter-in-law, she has no daughters and her other sons don't even have girlfriends. Even though we live 400kms apart we are all involved in a family business together so she comes to stay for a week or so at a time- in the middle of nowhere there's no escaping! I moved in to her former house too so that didn't help any.

She has excluded me from family photos when we were engaged and last night I found out she never bothered to have my details included in a family tree book that's being published! My husband corrected that- especially since our baby will be able to just scrape in-didn't want to look like he'd just had a baby himself!

But the thing that really annoys me about her is she introduces me to people she thinks it's absolutely hilarious to call me the DIL (as in she's a dill) rather than saying this is my daughter-in-law!

I'll stop ranting now and just say this:

At the end of the day I just have to put up with her! I can't do anything about her but put up because at the end of the day she is my husband's mother-he knows what she's like btw- and she will be my children's grandma.