my mums had enough

[erinjacob]

im pregnancy now with no 4 an my mum has said if i even think about having another baby there cutting me of mum said shes nearly got rid of her kids an wants a break my sis is 13. i just dont under stand it my eldest is 3 an i cant wait to have grand kids running around, i think itll be the best thing in the world, but she just dosnt care, am i being silly should i say stuff her an hav my family i want

[workin'mumof2]

:eek: id be mortified if my mum said this to me. But no way would i stop having children to suit HER IMO. You have the family you want after all its you who will love them unconditionaly, if ur mum wants nothing to do with them then she honestly doesnt know what she is missing.

*i sort of just went through the same thing with DH mum but they patched things up, but im still upset about it*

[~J'dore~]

That's so awful!

Is she really serious:( Definately don't let her opinion stop you from having the family you want:thumbsup:

[mrsd]

My MIL (God rest her soul) said after my third girl that I should try for a boy and then stop. She died when C was about 9mths so she never met D, whom she sould have loved. She had only had 2 boys herself and I think was taught to believe that having too many children :

a) chained you to a stereotypical old-fashioned "motherhood" role where you were oppressed by men - which was probably true in her own mother's generation, and may have been true in her own
b) was not environmentally friendly / responsible
c) was too expensive and restricted your freedom

She was also one of 11 kids in an unhappy family environment.

I guess I was offended when she said it to me but I knew her well enough to guess what motivated her.

I feel sorry for people who do believe implicity a - c above because I think that they're missing the other side of the coin - all the benefits there are in a large family. Some of my colleagues were astonished when one of my 16 yr old students, who didn't really have anywhere else, came to stay with us, too. But an extra person in our household doesn't make too much difference and she's just been lovely.

My kids are all close to the top of their classes, they're good at sharing and (are working on being good at) resolving conflict. They do chores, which many of their friends are never expected to, and are generally responsible. And they'll know enough about babies to not want to rush in but not be scared of them, either.

After all, once you're over 3 (my chaotic turning-point), what difference does it make how many you have ?

[subaruforestermum]

im pregnancy now with no 4 an my mum has said if i even think about having another baby there cutting me of mum said shes nearly got rid of her kids an wants a break my sis is 13. i just dont under stand it my eldest is 3 an i cant wait to have grand kids running around, i think itll be the best thing in the world, but she just dosnt care, am i being silly should i say stuff her an hav my family i want

I would be upset if told this by my mum, but it would depend on the circumstances, ie whether she looks after them all the time, if you live with her, if you rely on them financially, often or if your kids are very wanting - present wise), then I cold sort of understand..... But even then I would be offended if it was said to me...

Just ignore her and live your life the way you choose...

[catalicious]

Im gonna go against what everone else has said here!!

I think fair enough for her to say what she said to you.......I dont think she would of been like i want nothing to do with you but No baby sitting or very rarely...

Im of course going by what you have wrtten you said your youngest is 3 and you cant wait for grandkids...... This is probably the point, she has been a mother for a long time and then would just be startng to get a break with her youngest being 13.... She is due for it I say... She has done a hard job (being a mum is very hard she should have a holiday I think).....

And if I was in your position and wanted more kids and my parents said that Id still have them but Just wouldnt take them around all the time and ask them to mind them......

I think she is ddue for a break so I dont think her comment was wrong maybe just worded wrong....
Also your only very young your parents might want you to be able to do things for you which by hanving more kids will make this almost impossible..

[juzzyduck]

My MIL is the only real grandparent and I suppose all of those duties fall to her. We are ttc #3 and she told us a while ago not to expect her to look after 3. She hardly has to look after my 2 at the moment, 5 times in nearly 3years and sometimes dh says "remember we will never be given a break with 3". Well I am not having children to suit anyone but us and if she does not want to look after the kids or spend time with them because there is 3, that is her lose. she also love to tell us that her 3rd was the straw that broke the camels back in her marriage. always blaming someone else.

erinjacob - you do what is best for your family and not your mother, she has had hers, it is now your turn.

[Mamaduke]

I didn't realise that being a mother/grandmother had an expiry date - I was under the impression it's for life.
I would be so shocked if my Mum said that...actually I'd faint because she'd never in a million years say that.
Our family is European on my Mum's side and it's just not heard of to not want one's grandchildren around. My Grandmother did it and now my Mum is doing it - my Mum and Dad live behind us and the boys are there all the time. Jesse is now starting to stay at home moreso and Mum and Dad are devastated that he doesn't come over for breakfast any more.
They're so grateful that we're having another baby so that will guarantee a few more years of having grandchildren going to their house for breakfast.
Mum and Dad both say it's the perfect way to wake up in the morning...with a grandchild on either side of the bed saying "Morning Nanny/Poppy!":D

[Mum&bubs]

I would be horrified if my mother said that to me :eek:

It's not like she is 'mothering' your children, you are the mother. Don't put a hold on your family just to suit her needs.

:hugs: :hugs:

[punkbaby]

Umm your the one having the babies not her :) your the one that looks after them so why should it matter to her?

[Bree3]

How often does your mum look after the kids for you?

Does she help you out financially?

The reason i ask is because if she is looking after your kids alot and she is spending abit of money on them then i can see where she's comming from. If she doesn't then i don't understand why she would say that to you.

Your post to me makes me think she does, just by her making a point of saying that she's nearly got rid of her kids and all and threatening to cut you off. Does she mean cut you off financially or cut you and your kids off from seeing her?

[erinjacob]

my mum very rely has the kids an if she does she makes me feel ba about it an even then shell only have one or 2 of them. shes feels that her kids are grown up the youngest is 13 an she had enough of kids she wants to party. am she dosnt help us out with finances an only buys them little things for there birthdays if there lucky she hates shopping so there lucky if they get somthing

[Bree3]

Then i don't think she should have said that to you at all. It is your life and if you want more kids then have more. I would feel very hurt if my mum had said that to me so :hugs: to you.

[MummyCharmzy]

its your life if you want more kids go for it. I would be devestated if my mother said that to me! The il's told us when I fell preg with Sav that they didnt think we should have anymore but now they know we are ttc #5 they are amazingly supportive. As for my mum though, she'd love me to have another 10 kids lol shes even told me herself that if she could have another child of her own she would!!! :o

[forbetoel]

That is alful, selfish,insesitive and just plain mean. It is your decison how many babies you have. If my mum said that to me, I would be cutting her off! How dare she threaten you with that!

[catalicious]

Its so typical of people to only see things from one side....

[gypsy72]

Just out of interest how old is your Mum and how many siblings do you have?

[mythreelittlemonkeys]

Sounds like she is the one with issues and I wouldnt worry about it...if she not being supportive anyway I cant see what she means about cutting you off...disowning you because you have more children? Well thats her loss isnt it...sad for you and your children...but I am sure it is probably something said in haste and she doesnt really mean it.
Is she still pretty young herself? Just doesnt sound very grown up in my opinion...I know my parents would give anything to be here with Tillie...and my mother would never say something like that...she would probably just be worried if I had alot more children and had no way to support them, but she wouldnt say anything like you mum did.
:hugs:

[Josh]

You should have some thought for your mum, they do it tough too, if she has a lot to do with your kids maybe she is tired,especially when her youngest child is only 13, I have 9 kids and my mum threatens me every time i get pregnant,but it's your mum, we only have 1 mum, give her a break I say.:thumbsup:

[eternalmaternal]

IMO this depends on what you expect from your mum. If you are expecting her to look after them alot, to help out financially etc then she should have a say :yes: .
On the other hand if you don't ask her for anything then she has no right in telling you how many children you can have:shame: . At the end of the day it is your choice.
I don't think you need to worry to much about it now. You are already having #4. Try to relax and enjoy your pregnancy looking forward to your little bubba:thumbsup: Now is not the time for pointless negativity:hugs: .

[erinjacob]

my mums 49 so she goin thought i midlife crisis i still love her hopefully she gets over it soon

[SuperMum10/12]

hi l have 10 children the more children you have the more comments you will get and the family ones are the hardest but it is your life not these if you are happy thats all that matters l fined that everyone thinks that they have the right to have a say but l say your not in my shoes you don't help me so why do they have to have a say in weather l have 1 or 10 children

[Sarieslittlemen]

My MIL told us we weren't to have anymore after we told them DS3 was on the way.
Mind you, my in laws are far more likely to drop what they are doing to look after our kids and have them over night or even a week if we needed it (no that I could be apart from my kids that long).
It's a struggle to get my parents to look after our kids, even though we haven't been local for them for 2 years. But my sister has jealousy issues and they will have her little girl at the drop of a hat.
I'm to the point where I have stopped asking my parents. If they want to miss out on time with their grandson's so be it.

[erinjacob]

thats a bit the same with me an my sis she hasnt got kids but she got a new puppy an mum is always lookin after it when we got a puppy she called us stupied an told me not to bring it around. we just ot a nother pup an she isnt as bad with this one but still wont look after it. not that i realy care but i think when my sis has a bub mum will be lookin after it all the time, (if im not) my mum raised us in a country town with no family an my dad wasnt the biggest helper. she keeps tellin me she did it alon, then that makes me fel guilty when i need help so i just dont bother any more. an she hates my partner they dont get along so that dosnt help. i just wish she would care a little bit more but oh well thats her i luv her