told the 'smother-in-law' to get st*ffed!

[Mamaduke]

Well, today it all came to a head!
DH needed a ride to work and was having little 'tantrums' all over the house beforehand so I told him I wouldn't take him...I then went off to do the fruit & veg shopping.
Get home and the witch is there...I walk in and say 'hello' and she literally gets up in my face and says, "I'm not happy!"
"Why?" I ask.
"Because I've had to cancel appointments to come and take your husband to work" (Appointments would mean her learning to play bridge club or sitting and hob-nobbing at a cafe!)
Then she starts ranting and raving and there I am...box of fruit and veg in my arms just trying to go to the kitchen...eventually I'd had enough and said,
"Oh, get stuffed!"
Well, she didn't like that! She starts following me to the kitchen and in front of the boys starts screaming at me, "I beg your pardon, how dare you! blah blah blah"
For someone who tries to come across like Hyacinth Bucket, she was sure acting like a Jerry Springer panellist today!
Jesse started to cry and I told her to get out...meanwhile DH no, actually I'll take out the D today...just H, was standing there and all he could say was, "Okay let's go...that's enough, let's go"...pathetic!
She also had a go at me for not working outside the home and pointed out how many hours H does...and then looked me up and down and said, "if he doesn't work...you don't eat!"
Today is my first day on the CSIRO diet and I've had to buy alot more things this week than usual...she has obviously been told and is now attacking me for it.
Gladys and Elvis then left...I couldn't believe that H actually left with her! Now, because of work, we won't get to see him until Sunday afternoon...and that's how he left it! I'm not impressed.
I'm actually thinking of getting a restraining order on her...she came soooo close to getting a slap in the face today, the only thing that stopped me was the fact that the boys were around...I don't know why she was so surprised when I told her to get stuffed...her daughter's neighbour said it to her when she tried to tell him how loud to play his music during the day!
I think I'm going to have to (and I don't want to believe me) tell H that it's either them or us...I've put up with this sh*t for 8 years now, and I just won't take it anymore......she's pure evil!
BTW...my dad was going to take H to work today from the get-go...H was in such a bad mood (after spending a car ride home with her last night) that he didn't answer the phone when my dad rang wanting to know what time he wanted to leave for work!
She also had a go at me about my parents never helping us!! And that is a blatant lie!

[Ana Gram]

I vote you tell her to get stuffed more often and if she ****es you off more, advance to get f**ked.
And I think husband needs to grow some testicles and stand up to her dear mummy!
What a cow!!

[Mamaduke]

I vote you tell her to get stuffed more often and if she ****es you off more, advance to get f**ked.
And I think husband needs to grow some testicles and stand up to her dear mummy!
What a cow!!
I totally agree re/ H....I've even found myself (on occasion) saying, "Why can't you be more like that Matthew Wales?":rolleyes: ;)
Just like his mummy, this mummy holds quite a large chequebook too...he needs to stop prostituting himself....can you tell I'm having a bad day?:eek:

[reAllytee]

Oh dear :(
I feel for ya hun i really do !
I hate it when our so called partners dont even stand up for us. I cant complain too much as mine does quite a lot but then there are times when he leaves it & i just stand there trying not to burst into tears.
Honestly i dont know what their problem is i always do my head in when i try to work my MIL out.
I do think though that you do need to have a good talk with your hubby & get everything out that your feeling etc as he really needs to understand whats going on & how its affecting you. Sounds like he does need to make a choice though.
Good luck hun will be thinking of you.
****hugs****

[reAllytee]

I totally agree re/ H....I've even found myself (on occasion) saying, "Why can't you be more like that Matthew Wales?"
Just like his mummy, this mummy holds quite a large chequebook too...he needs to stop prostituting himself....can you tell I'm having a bad day?


OMG so he is placing the happiness of your family on the line just to make sure he stays in her good books for the money OMG :eek: :eek:

He really needs to step up thats for sure !

[DB&O]

OMG, I can't beleive that :eek: . I would have told her where to go today to & I'm scared of confrontation but something needed to be said. I have a warm & loving relationship with my IL's but I have always said to DH that if the time ever came, he would need to back me up, no questions asked after all I'm his wife, his choice for a life partner. Maybe you should tell H that by disrepecting you she is disrepecting him & your children & if she can't be civil shes not welcome, after all how scary would that have been for your kids. Other than that I send a big hug & feel better vibes to you.

[JATS]

I'd make it clear to H that it is her or you. I made sure I got that from my man before we were married! No way was I going to marry a man who can't stand up to his mum, or who can't go a week without seeing her :rolleyes:

Told him if he wanted to start a family with me it'd be just that, him me and our kids, not him, his mum and our kids with me looking in!

Draw the line and boot her over it!

[my babyemmy]

when i have probs with the ILs,(he never sticks up for me against them!) i say to hubby "my next husband has to have been an orphan with no siblings"

[Odessa]

DP will always stick up for me with his mother, I know this because she once physically lunged at me and tried to throttle me, and he jumped in the way so she started throttling him! She's nutso insano, religious cultist with a Brazilian temper, bad combination. She's since backed off and calmed right down, she's so scared she'll never see her darling boy again (or her future grandkids!) if she so much as says anything untoward to me. DP and I haven't discussed it a whole lot, we have a kind of unspoken agreement that she is not allowed to meddle in our lives, we put up with it for 4 years and that was too much!

Carlyb, stick it to her! If DH won't back you up, stick it to him! He needs to grow a spine and stand strong with you, not go all Ray Borrone when his Marie's around. :rolleyes:

[Mamaduke]

Thanks for the replies!
I feel terrible about making him choose...but I simply cannot go on like this!
Growing up H (yes, he's still just H!) had a terrible time and has always been made to feel like he wasn't good enough for their family, and just like a mistreated dog...keeps going back for more, because he doesn't know any better way of interacting with them.
With that being said, he's a big boy now and the old excuse of 'well they're still my parents" is wearing really thin...is he willing to give us up (me and the boys), to satisfy his smother?
When she rings our house (although mostly she calls the 'batphone'...his mobile!) she will always whinge and whine that H does too many hours and that he doesn't get to spend any time with the boys...this is a pathetic attempt to make me feel bad about not working outside the home...it was okay for her to stay at home until they went to school, but apparently, not so for me!
H and I have discussed me going to work but with the amount per hour that he gets for overtime, it wouldn't be worth me going to work and him cutting back his overtime as I wouldn't be getting as much per hour...and there's no way I'm going to send them to childcare (It's just not an option), my mum still works...she's the only one who doesn't - and there's NO WAY I WOULD ALLOW HER TO LOOK AFTER OUR KIDS POISON THEIR MINDS....:eek:
She is a person who whinges and b*tches that we don't spend enough time with her family, "you're always doing things with Carly's family" yet they bought a caravan, went around Australia for 8 months and then when they got back (Summer) didn't put it on site so we ALL could have holidays together....oh no...they paid one of their friends to have an extension put on their shed 6 hours away from their home to house their precious f'ing caravan...tell me that H, the boys and I (well I would go along just to do the 'right' thing) wouldn't have jumped at the chance to have a holiday with them down at the beach!!! Needless to say, when their van was at their house Jesse wasn't allowed in it, in case he wrecked it WTF!!! Then when the van was gone we were there for dinner and FIL said to Jesse, "Go and play in the van" to which H replied, "but the van's gone"....FIL laughed and said, "yes I know!" - how terribly witty and funny...moron!

[bec79]

Oh, I wish I had the guts to stand up to my MIL. I always just smile and nod to keep the peace. My MIL is always carrying on about us never spending time with that side of the family. Why would we want to when they spend the whole time nagging us about one thing or another. Plus they have a very prudish sense of humour...can't mention anything taboo without getting a death stare. Very dull family. Thankfully DF feels the same why about them.

[Desertress]

I have tried for 4 yrs to keep the peace with my mil but as you probably know that is all going down hill very fast. While i was living under their roof i copped all the abuse under the sun from both mil and fil but all i did was listen and try not to explode...now that i am in my house its a different story... i dont care if she likes what i have to say or not because i dont have to put up with her.

I am lucky like some of you girls and my df sticks up for me every time and he really lays into both his mother and father when they cross the line... has ended in many screaming matches but better then them ruling our lives.. All i can say is you need to get you H onside with you. Other wise it is all to much stress,

[Baby Girl]

Both your MIL & FIL sound like charming (insert sarcasm here) people!!

I am surprised you have put up with them for so long. Good on you for sticking up for YOUR family. She has had her time with her children and now she needs to step back and let you and H learn from your own mistakes (as I am sure she thinks you are making hundreds ;) ). Maybe you need to mention that to H and see if he is willing to talk to her about it.

As someone else pointed out - it was you that he CHOSE to be his partner and his Mum has no right to second guess him. In fact she is basically saying she thinks his decision was wrong and he should have the b*lls to stand up for the decisions he makes. After all, he is a big boy now :rolleyes:

Good luck getting her kicked to the curb...

[Biene]

Carlyb is there anyway you can get your H (Elvis) to go to counselling? The reason I ask is that I was in a similar situation with my ex a few years ago, I had a smother-in-law too and an FIL who I swear had issues with depression etc..

They basically treated me terribly, name called me in front of my ex and bad mouthed me to other people, my ex had evidence of this verbal abuse but because it had escalated into a situation of me against them he just stopped listening/reacting to my complaints. My ex was quite torn between between his parents and myself and in the end, didn't know who to believe, in hindsight a 3rd party could've pointed out what the limits of a parental relationship were and what was acceptable behaviour.

[Mamaduke]

Carlyb is there anyway you can get your H (Elvis) to go to counselling? The reason I ask is that I was in a similar situation with my ex a few years ago, I had a smother-in-law too and an FIL who I swear had issues with depression etc..

They basically treated me terribly, name called me in front of my ex and bad mouthed me to other people, my ex had evidence of this verbal abuse but because it had escalated into a situation of me against them he just stopped listening/reacting to my complaints. My ex was quite torn between between his parents and myself and in the end, didn't know who to believe, in hindsight a 3rd party could've pointed out what the limits of a parental relationship were and what was acceptable behaviour.

I think this is what we'll have to do...someone who has no alliance with either family. I would, however, want nothing to do with them until everything is resolved. It's hurts me to think he didn't stand up for me (although he says that I don't always hear what he says to his mum re/her attitude towards me), but maybe I do need to hear him stand up for me. My family is VERY different to his, we argue with each other on occasions but we would ALWAYS stick up for each other...many a time I got into a fight defending my little brother when I was a kid, and we seem to have an unsaid family motto "I can say what I like about my family...but God help anyone else who does!"
Whereas his family likes to portray themselves as 'picture perfect' and get together at 'appropriate occasions' but no one would go out of the way to defend another family member. H's sister has never been over to see the boys unless it was an occasion, they are the only kids of the family yet if there's no camera around...no one bothers to come around.
For Jesse's 3rd birthday we went to Maccas and when smother heard of this arrangement she decided that 'her family' would prefer to come to our house and have a get together of their own. I told her that the party was at Maccas and everyone was more than welcome to come, but I wasn't going to start having seperate parties. It didn't stop her...on the morning of Jesse's birthday H's sister rang and said they'd be over at 11am as they were having an open for inspection on their house and they had to get out anyway, so they'd come over then (gee, so you're really making an effort!:rolleyes: ) and then she went on to say that her mum (smother) had organised their family to be at our house at 11!!! The nerve...H ended up ringing his mum and saying that we weren't happy about this, that the party was at Maccas and if anyone turned up at our house Carly wasn't going to open the door (notice how he didn't say he wouldn't open the door)...so in the end NONE of his family came to Jesse's birthday...because she couldn't dictate where it was she rang around and told her family it was cancelled...all because the stuck up Rotary wife thought she was too good for Maccas...well excuse me...she was in a refugee camp when she first came to Australia, now she's too good to set foot in McDonalds!!!!
I don't think there'd be enough sessions available to sort out this mess...have to give it a go though...we've been through too much to let this 'terrorist' ruin our marriage!

[reAllytee]

Carly we have so many similarities with our in laws its scary ! :eek:
Dont even get me started on birthdays though :rolleyes:
I have just finished bubs invites tonite & so cant wait to send the MIL hers LOL im so evil & i love it :D ;)
The other thing is my partners brother will be Harry's Godfather so he will be there as will his Nan & we are inviting his Aunty & Uncle also so i cant wait to hear the sh!t hit the fan on this one ( insert evil cackle here ).
I guess we are lucky that its its not his whole family who are morons just his mother !
Try & at least have a good weekend with the boys, go out & have some fun if possible.

[Mummabear]

we seem to have an unsaid family motto "I can say what I like about my family...but God help anyone else who does!"

This is my family too. DH's family dynamics are VERY different to mine and I struggle sometimes.

Every sibling of my MIL's is mentally unstable (medically diagnosed) and she loves to rave about how she's the only normal one :rolleyes: :confused: (define normal??)

Her family is another 'perfect' family just like your smothers. One day we were all sitting around in their loungeroom and out of the blue she pipes up with "I can't wait for you to lose weight, you'll look so much nicer". WTF???? Who said I was even on a diet (this was pre baby too).

Every time we get home from their place DH gets a call about something else I've done wrong. If I leave my shoes on I'm disrespectful, if I take my shoes off it's gross and 'not right to be barefoot in someone else's house'. Okay - I'll just chop my friggin feet off then, is that okay with you!@!!!!!@@%#$^$^%@$

If it were me Carls, I'd cut all ties between her and the kids. I wouldn't want my kids witnessing A) that type of agression and B) someone disrespecting me that way in front of my kids. She's obviously nuts. I'd be laying down the law with H too - he can choose to sleep with his Mummy and have some kids with her or he can choose to have his own family.

[Mamaduke]

Try & at least have a good weekend with the boys, go out & have some fun if possible.
I will! We're going (with my mum...she's adorable, loving and my best friend) to the Botanical Gardens - Jesse is a garden freak, Lucas needs to run and I need to walk!! So good stuff for everyone!

[reAllytee]

Geees girls sounds like we all got the nut jobs :rolleyes:

[KiLLaKaZ]

Love My Tommy Bub & my babyemmy - u r quite right about not marrying a man who's too close to his 'mummy' ;) mine has decided he wants a divorce. he cites a few reasons (he reckons he can't put them into words properly, so he's mainly giving me abstract reasons) & his reasons keep changing!! but i think the real reason is that he doesn't wanna be away from his family! he gets annoyed that i wanna spend time with him, when all he wants to do is be with his family! there's more to it than that, but i can't be bothered going into it!

at least if we do end up divorcing & decide to marry again, i now know to get to know my new husband's family REALLY well first!! then i guess i'll know what i'll be in store for if we get married ;) in some ways this thought is a relief for me, that i can find someone that will FINALLY want to spend most of their free time with me... but i also don't like the thought of divorcing my hubby especially with a baby on the way (which was TWO years in the making!!)

[brooke]

all I can say is OMG
I hope things can sort them selves out soon.. although with physcos like them Im not so sure...
I agree with you your H should have stood up for you.. actually why do men hardly stand up for their wife?
Good on you for telling her to get stuffed I would have too.. followed with get out of my house and never come back!
I hope you and H can work things out!

KillaKaz- You poor thing how awful.... I dont even know what to say to that
but big hugs to you!

[Tubbychook]

I'd make it clear to H that it is her or you. I made sure I got that from my man before we were married! No way was I going to marry a man who can't stand up to his mum, or who can't go a week without seeing her :rolleyes:

Told him if he wanted to start a family with me it'd be just that, him me and our kids, not him, his mum and our kids with me looking in!

Draw the line and boot her over it!

I agree 100% with Love my Tommy Bub. DH and i lived in the same house as his birth mother for 1 month and she was and still is very nutso and i told DH (who was only DF at the time) that i had had enough and didnt want to live there any longer (we were trying to save money to get our own place which we wernt doing as it was costing us $180 a week rent and we had to get our own food) and told him we had to either rent our own place or i was moving back in with my parent until we could afford our own place it was his choice. He made the right choice that day he choose me and promised he always would. It didnt stop her trying to split us up but the joke is on her now as DH refuses to have anything to do with her at all and hasnt seen or spoken to her since our wedding in oct 02. She doesnt even know we are having a baby. His dad and stepmum on the other hand are right in on the action with bub and they understand completely that DH has made the decision that his wife and children come first always after all Dh's father made the same decision after he married DH's stepmum as his parents didnt approve of her.

You have to make it clear to you DH that although his mother may have given birth to him she is not the one he chose to spend his life with you are and if he wants to keep you he has to stand up to her and tell her this. You and your children should always come first.

If he is siding with her because of money then there is something really wrong because money should never come before love. Though this is coming from someone who has no money but hey im so loved and happy it doesnt matter. Our kids wont be dressed in brand name clothes and shoes but they will be loved and well cared for, and thats all that matters.

Best of luck and if she keeps it up then do what the others have said and tell her to beat it using the F word.

Shannon & Squirt