Terminating a pregnancy

[LouLou]

Hi there,
I just wanted to share my experience and talk to other mums they may have faced a similar situation.
When my hubby & I made the decision to start our family, we also found out that my husband carries a genetic disorder, called a translocation of chromosome. He has a sister who is extremely disabled due to this heredity disorder. Anyway we went and received counselling through a genetic counsellor and the news was not great, we had a 1 in 3 chance of this occurring.
Needless to say the prospect of a family was a bit daunting :( but we proceeded. Well 2 miscarriages later I was feeling horrible, :( then I fell pregnant again, and had a CVS at 11weeks to check, I waited 2 weeks for the results and found I was having a little boy who was going to be a okay, :) he had the same translocation as his dad but it was balanced (kind of confusing) well he was born 5 weeks early (that’s another story) he was and is absolutely beautiful.
Then I fell pregnant again, and I went through the procedure of a CVS again, only to find out that this time baby had an unbalanced translocation. Well it was a hard decision (counselling once again) and we terminated the pregnancy. I went through a terrible time wondering if I had done the right thing for our family was I being selfish etc etc Will God forgive me and the list goes on and on. I was fortunate to have the heads up on the consequences and family and friends who were very supportive of our decision
It is something that I will never forget however I have no regrets.
To cap the story off, I did fall pregnant again and again had the CVS test done and everything was fine. :o I now have a beautiful son and daughter and have called it quits – I don’t wish to mess with the odds anymore.
I am grateful that modern science has the ability to be able to test for known disorders that are passed down through generations.
Now I know this may provoke numerous responses regarding right of life and this is NOT the purpose of this posting.
My friends have been very supportive, but as they say you don't really understand something unless you have gone through it. I wanted to share this story with others to know if you are or have gone through this experience then there are others out there to talk to

[mumof2girls]

Hi LouLou

Your right this is a touchy subject!

I haven't been through a similar experience but a close friend has and she aborted 2 of her children because of severe mental retardation due to something on the dads side of the family (sorry can't remember what).

She got a lot of negativity from some of her friends which surprised me but I thought she did the right thing for her. She went through the counselling and had all the background info to make the choice that she did. Her thoughts were not that she wouldn't love the child but what life would the child have and what would happen to the child when her and her husband passed etc.

Once she sat down and discussed this with her friends and they understood her decision, they were all supportive and she now has 2 beautiful children (boy & girl) and like you has decided that that is enough as well.

I'm with you knowing that they can test for known disorders is great. Although I have never actually gone through something like this I have seen what my friend has gone through and I feel for you. I am so glad you have been blessed with 2 beautiful children and I wish you all well :)

[Taylor & Lachlans Mummy]

I think you are brave to have made the concious decision of what the future will hold for that child. Any one who has to make a choice like this should be supported not berrated.

[pinkandblue]

Hi

I also had the very hard decision of terminating a pregnancy last year.
I already have a 2 yr old daughter who is beautiful but mid last year I fell pregnant again. When I went for my dating ultrasound I was 13 weeks and it showed there was a few problems with the baby. The baby had fluid on her brain, bowel problems and a thickening of the skin all over. I also had the CVS and it showed the baby was missing a chromosome. With all of these problems, the doctors told me I would either miscarry or the baby would die in the first few days of being born. I had alot of counselling and talked to my friends and family and made the decision to terminate. Everyone was behind me and supported me but I still think about her and cry and wonder if I did the right thing.
I am now 6 weeks pregnant again and have my first ultrasound in 3 weeks so I am hoping everything is ok this time. The doctors told me what happened last time, the chances of the baby having the same problem again is nil so I am trying not to worry too much.
Natalie

[Elfin]

Loulou and MLN thank you for sharing your stories, it is good that others that may be facing similiar circumstances visiting this board are not alone. It must have been such a heartbreaking decision for you to make but you have to do what you feel is best for your baby and your family. No one has any right to judge you harshly as you had legitimate medical reasons for a termination even right to life people have to respect that.

[WeThree]

you are very brave,not only for having to make such a decision but also for sharing it here so that other people with similiar experiences have somewhere to go for advice and support :)

[LouLou]

Hey Natalie,
I am so glad to hear that you are pregnant again, and you have all my wishes that everything goes okay this time round.
It is nice to know that I am not the only one who has faced this decision (even though I knew there must be others I have never really talked about this outside family and close friends)......and from the feedback, it's encouraging that others understand and support our decisions (not that I need them to), but more so for others who may have to face this decision.
My thoughts and prayers are with you over the next few weeks and don't worry too much
Louise

[Lallas' Mum]

Louise and Natalie, I believe you both made very brave and rightful decisions.

My Uncle's ex-girlfriend M. who is still close to our family never had scans to check for abnormalities. She gave birth to a son who has a condition that causes masses amount of fluid on the brain. (I'm not sure exactly what his condition is). He has an abnormally large head and had a shunt inserted into his skull to help drain fluid build ups. She was told he would die within a few days after his birth. The nurses at the hospital wouldn't care for him or feed him so M. took her son home and cared for him as best she could. He has survived and is a few years old now. He is quite disabled and needs constant care however. M. also has and older daughter (who is my Uncle's child) as well as a younger son.

The strain of caring for the disabled child is tremendous. M. has actually suffered a mild stroke (she was only 34 at the time of the stroke) and now needs care herself. Her older daughter who has just turned 18 has to help care for her mother and the disabled child. The younger son really doesn't get much of a look in as everyone is so busy helping M. and her disabled son. All in all it is a terrible state of affairs. It is not just the disabled son that has a poor quality of life. It is everyone involved. Everyday is tough and will never get better.

You can never tell exactly what the future holds and sometimes we are faced with very tough decisions (some tougher than others) but we need to consider all the possible outcomes and we need to consider everyone involved. Baby, Mother and all other family members. Some disabilities and abnormalities can be corrected and offer a good chance of a happy life, others, well I guess we can only imagine.

I don't believe anyone would judge Louise and Natalie, (or anyone else in their circumstance), unkindly but if they were thinking badly of them I hope my little input of what life could have been like for them will open their minds.


Tracey
:) Mum to Alec (Lalla) 17 1/2 months and bub due May 2nd

[StormAngel]

Hi

My well wishes to all of you who have shared your story

[draught]

One of my closest friends had the same thing happen as Tahnismum, except that the scan picked up the problem at 12 weeks, and she had the termination within days. It was so sad and watching and sharing her grieving was devastating. There is a good side to the story though as she and her partner now have a very healthy 4 month old daughter. But I think that it is very brave to share your stories, and very important, so that others who have or will face the decision know that they are not alone.
Lots of love to you and your families