Need some help - really worried!!!

[shanias_mum]

Hi, i hope someone can help me. I am really worried and dont know what to do!! :(
My fiance has a daughter who is nearly 4 (may 6) and our own daughter who is nearly 3 (28 april), anyway we have only started to see his daughter again after 2 years, (we have seen her now for bout 4 months)

Any way last week the two girls were behind the couch at my mother inlaws house and i asked them what they were doing, and my daughter said that they were playing with each others fanny and bums!!! :eek: I was very suprised and told them that it was not nice and not to do it.

Then when we were there again last night, i caught them again!!!!! It made me feel really sick, and i tried to explain to them that you do not play with other peoples fannys (or doodles) its just not nice. My little girl seemed to understand but the other one i dont know.

I have not said any thing to her mother (4 year old) and dont know what to say. I know my little girl always plays with herself, and i tell her that she shouldnt do that. (she sticks her fingers in). Last night when i was putting a nappy on her before she went to bed, i notice her fanny was red and i asked her if anybody plays with her fanny, she just said Yasmin (her sister)

Can some one please help me, i dont know what to do or how to stop this from happenig. I am relly worried. :( Has any one been through this, do you think i should tell her mother? PLEASE HELP ME!!!!!

[yummmmy_mummy]

i know this is gonna seem i dont know maybe rude but u need to find out who started this touch business between the 2 girls as it might be a clue to a more serious situation where one of them as been told by someone in an authority position that it is all right to touch people like that. i know its not a pleasant thing to think about but it a very serious thing and it does happen

im sorry i know im not very helpful but im very serious please do cheak it out even if nothing comes of it

[drewid]

Hi there

Please stop worrying! The girls are only young and at that age, it is all just curiosity and completely innocent! Most kids go through that phase.

IMO I think that telling them its not nice, or naughty etc is going to instill in them the wrong ideas about their bodies. Its normal and natural to touch your own body, and while they are young, not something you need to reprimand them about. They will more than likely grow out of it soon enough.

I would tell the other girls mother, just so she is aware and can watch out , and she can explain to her daughter as well.

The most important thing is to teach your kids not to let other people touch them privately, especially grown ups.

[Flanders]

goodness,

i'd ask questions, if it was happening to my daughter, I'd want to know where it came from...

children are so vulnerable and if his older daughter or your daughter has been hurt by someone else - DO SOMETHING......

if you feel like there is something wrong, go with that, there might be something going on...

then again, there may not be. kids are curious creatures..

Having said that, if it were me, i'd find out.....

let us know how it's going....

hope all is ok

:)

[Flanders]

The most important thing is to teach your kids not to let other people touch them privately, especially grown ups.


i agree with nicole too :)

[Mummabear]

I would check it out. Yes, children are curious creatures, but they're also very avid immitators. They may just be exploring their natural curiosity, or one of them may be mimicing something more sinister. Sorry, not trying to put the woolies up you, but unfortunately it does happen. It would be irresponsible to turn a blind eye. How would you feel if years down the track you found out one of them had been in trouble and you didn't pursue it for whatever reason. Better to look like an over protective fool in my opinion.

[WeThree]

ok, with children there is a really fine line between innocent exploration and sexual assault, personally it sounds like the older child is a little bit to fixated on this game (im assuming she is the one that initiates it?) and i would actually be really concerned. it is perfectly normal for little ones to touch themselves, whenever i take my dd's nappy off she always has a fiddle, but it sounds like more than just normal stuff, i would look into it if i were you.

[Mummabear]

If your daughter feels you are not freaked out by it and she can talk to you about it ..then you are on a winning situation as you have already set up a trust for these sort of issues.

That is so true. An excellent point to make.


We sing
My bodies no bodies body but mine
youve got your own body
please dont touch mine.

I really like this little song. Thanks. I'll be using that too.

I think it's hard because (for me anyway), I get a bit uncomfortable with these issues, but it is so important to get past my own uncomfortable feelings to be able to education our children about it and have an open and honest relationsip.

[shanias_mum]

Firstly, thank you all for your excellent advise.

I dont know who innitates the touching, but shania (my daughter 3) is a lot more inttigent then her sister Yasmin (4) there for she tells me what they are doing when i ask.

In regards to finding out if any one else is touchin her, i have asked shania and she said yasmin, i fully trust her when she says that (yes i know she is only 3 but she never lies to me and is very smart), but on the other hand i want to know where the idea of touching EACH other came from. Is is something they just do them selves?

I will be definatley saying something to the mother, maybe she know where yasmin is getting from. I think that it IS something we have to take seriously i aggree. And as some of you have said it does make us feel unconfortable thinking bout some one telling or touching our children. I had this experience growing up on a few occasions, and i did not tell anyone untill a couple of years ago when it happened again. And in most cases, well mine at least, it is close friends or family members.

I dont think any of you are being sinnister or rude, for your replies. and allthough it is hard to read, it does happen. but then again it could all be just child games. I think shania knows she shouldnt be touching other people or let other people touch her.

I will talk to the mother when i see her next and let you all know what happens. Thanks again! you made me feel a little bit better! :D