mum_inlove
14-09-2007, 15:08
I'm so angry at my self for getting angry, angry at ds for being cheeky, and angry at dh for not understanding my feelings:mad: .
My 14 month old son is getting cheekier everyday, but somehow my tempered (sp) getting much shorter. It's not hard for ds to do something that is a little bit cheeky, like open the draw and I'll find myself raise my voice at him.
But today after I telling him 'no' like 1000 times since 7am, I lost my patience. I yelled at him. It took all my strength not to smack him, but I found that I've squeezed his hand pretty hard. Even though he didn't cry, but I could see the red mark where my hand were on and I just started to cry.Even then, there was a vision in my head of me hurting him..And I feel so bad, I've been bowling my eyes out for like an hour, I cannot believe I have this thought where I want to hurt the little person that I love most, or even think that I don't want to have him anymore. And all that feelings comes from just a small little things.
When I told dh, all that he can say is 'you'll be alright'. No I won't be alright. I want to be sure I won't feel like this tomorow. I want him to be able to assure me that I won't want to hurt him again.
I'm starting to dread when I think the baby will be here soon and I just can't shake the thought that it's gonna be harder not easier..
Someone please tell me that it's only a pregnancy hormones. I'm just feeling so bad...:crying:
My 14 month old son is getting cheekier everyday, but somehow my tempered (sp) getting much shorter. It's not hard for ds to do something that is a little bit cheeky, like open the draw and I'll find myself raise my voice at him.
But today after I telling him 'no' like 1000 times since 7am, I lost my patience. I yelled at him. It took all my strength not to smack him, but I found that I've squeezed his hand pretty hard. Even though he didn't cry, but I could see the red mark where my hand were on and I just started to cry.Even then, there was a vision in my head of me hurting him..And I feel so bad, I've been bowling my eyes out for like an hour, I cannot believe I have this thought where I want to hurt the little person that I love most, or even think that I don't want to have him anymore. And all that feelings comes from just a small little things.
When I told dh, all that he can say is 'you'll be alright'. No I won't be alright. I want to be sure I won't feel like this tomorow. I want him to be able to assure me that I won't want to hurt him again.
I'm starting to dread when I think the baby will be here soon and I just can't shake the thought that it's gonna be harder not easier..
Someone please tell me that it's only a pregnancy hormones. I'm just feeling so bad...:crying: