need advice on future dating...

[Butterflymumma]

Hello,

Needing some advice please! My DD will be 7 months in a couple of days, and i just dont know when is a good time to start dating/meeting people.

lately it has been on my mind so much more because my sister and her partner just got engaged, and my other sister and her partner are happy together trying for a baby.

I just keep daydreaming of my own wedding, and my own home with a loving partner.

Im scared about taking that step and dating, because im not sure how i would do it and how to tell them i have a daughter.

(A few months ago i went out and met a really sweet guy, he got my number and asked me out for a coffee, i agreed, but backed out a few days later. I got the guilt trip from my mum saying i wasnt ready as my dd was only 5 months old, but he didnt know i had a baby, and when i told him this was the reason, he was kind but seemed relieved to be off the hook.)

I was considering putting a profile on RSVP but wanted others advice if they have used this to meet people and what it was like.

does anyone have any ideas of other ways to meet people and how do you know that they are a good person and not a child predator/abuser....

I dont want to think like that but as im sure you all agree being a parent in today's society you cant help but be concerned.

I also have to consider how busy i will be with full time study next year, and dont want my priorities getting muddled up.

Even though i have all these things standing in my way, i really cant help but want someone to share my life with and move forward with.

I have noticed in the past some of the mums have been on dates etc and maybe someone had some experiences to share, Any advice would be very much appreciated!!:hugs:

Thanks in advance

[polony]

All I can suggest is to get out there! Go walking with bubs, join a sports group, go to things that your friends invite you to.

The other thing is, if bubs is only 7 months... do you have the energy yet for someone else? The reason I ask is because I tried a relationship with some people when bubs was young and it just was too hard. They would get all jealous because DD was priority. Or maybe it was because they were idiots?!

Anyway, I wish you luck, and don't be afraid to try something new!

[Issey]

i am currently trying RSVP, i have had only one email sent to me by someone without a pic so I am not over joyed until I see a photo as there has to be some attraction. It is expensive to send emails so i have been reluctant to.

RSVP also have a list of upcoming single functions. I would like to go to one if I could find another single person to go with :banghead: i spent so long building 'couple' relationships i now have no single friends :D

i am thinking of joing parents without partners, tried ringing but no-one returned my call.

[Dooce83]

I've met someone nice on rsvp, and we are seeing how things go. My bub is only 8 months. I tried earlier on with a friend of mine, but it was hard cos he didnt really get the whole 'baby' thing. But the guy i've met now is better because he has a daughter himself, and understands the 'priorities'.

ETA: I realised i said that but it wasnt really giving advice hehe. SO the point of saying all that was... Yes try rsvp. It is hard to start a new relationship, but a lot of guys are happy to meet a woman with child(ren). To ensure they're genuine, make sure you chat with them for a fair while by email, and eventually phone, before meeting them, rather than meeting them after a week. Swap lots of pics. When i met this guy i had even seen pics of his house and had his mobile and home numbers, so i was pretty sure he was 'safe'.

[oleander]

I would suggest going on rsvp. I have made quite a few friends on there and that is also where I met my current man:D

I have the feeling he's genuine because I have set some rules and he's fine with that. I go to his house, out for dinner, out to the park, lunch or shopping with him and DD and he's proving to be really good with her.

We don't sleep over at eachothers houses (I wouldn't leave DD overnight anywhere) and he hasn't even been inside my house yet. I told him if we become more serious in the future then he can come into my home and he respects that. I just don't want to introduce someone into my DD's home and life unless he's going to be around for a long time. He has told me he understands she is part of the 'package' if he wants to be with me and he's cool with that.

I never thought I'd meet someone like him who would accept the fact that I am a divorced single mother but I have and it's awesome. He has actually told me he finds it more attractive because I'm a mum and somewhat 'settled' in life. I guess that's what he's looking for.

I don't see the problem with going on rsvp or other sites and checking whats out there. Talk on MSN to them for a bit, look at some of there pics. Meet the guys in a public place for coffee to see if you like them, then for dinners, movies whatever. If a guy immediately invites you to his place for the first or second meet he wants to f#@k or he could even be a serial killer:eek: , who knows, and isn't worth it.

It might take a while to get to know someone online so if you do want to meet someone then do it now. I actually joined when I was still pregnant:o just to look at my options but didn't actually meet anyone until DD was 6 months old.

Good luck with it all and remember to keep us updated:thumbsup:

[daddaddad]

I agree with the ladies Butterfly. On one of the points that you raised - just tell guy "I have a beautiful 7 month old daughter, she is my world"

I think you will be plesantly surprised by how many positive reactions you get... and if you don't - what have you lost?

[Butterflymumma]

Thank you everyone for your advice, it has really helped!!!

It does concern me that it will be hard to juggle a bub and a new person in our lives. But i guess i dont know until i give it a go. I think i will take your advice though oleander and if and when i do meet someone i like i will set some ground rules and let them know straight up what my dd means to me and what my priorities are, if they run, then i guess they werent worth it and at least they run at the start instead of wasting my energy on trying to make something work that wont.

I was worried that someone would come into my life and because i lack some confidence i would let them change me and control me, so i know now that the next step for me is to get some confidence and know where i am going in life before i meet someone.

But i am not so scared about getting out there now, so thanks everyone!!:smiliedance: