Naming Etiquette

[M O P]

I have always loved the name Matilda! When DH and I started going out he heard someone call their baby Tilly and mentioned how much he loved this name. I suggested Matilda. So from the very beginning we decided we loved the name and if we ever had a daughter she's be Matilda(Tilly)- too easy! When I found out I was pregnant it was an automatic choice.

Here's the hard part- our casual friends (who are very good friends of my parents IE kids call my Mum Granny) had a daughter 2 months ago and called her- *drum roll* Matilda! I wanted to change our name choice but DH says it doesn't matter as we do live 450kms away and our potential Matilda wouldn't be at school with the other etc. I've started looking at other girls names but I do, like DH, still really want Matilda.

Here's my question, is it polite and the correct thing to do to talk to the Mum of the other Matilda and just warn her of our intention and check she's fine with that? Or do we just go ahead with it regardless as no one "owns" the name? Has anyone else been in this situation (either side)? And how did you feel if someone else "stole" your babies name?

[draught]

My view - no one owns a name and you should name your daughter without checking. When you first see them after the birth you can just tell them that they obviously also have very good taste in baby names! You don't need to justify it to them or anyone else.

Two friends of mine who are very close were due to have babies a couple of weeks apart and both wanted to use the same name - and they did. Their approach is that their sons will always know who they are.

So my vote - stick with Matilda!

[Seekrit]

We've had this problem with Hayley.. only Hayley is my niece and we're a close family.. so I decided to comprimise and use Hayley as a middle name (it means a fair bit to me) Chris seems nothing wrong with using Hayley as a first name still (I babysit Hayley Grace on a semi-regular basis, and our kids will be play-buddies if nothing else for the rest of their life...)

I did do the curtosy phone call to my SIL to ask her if it was OK to use Hayley as a middle name, she was over the moon, she knows how much I love the name Hayley and was a bit upset that she accidently stole it from me.

[Rockett]

I agree with draught,I don't think you should have to ask if you can use the name,they don't own it.
I think it would be very petty of them if they ever say anything about you using the name....so if you love the name,I'd use it.:)

[M O P]

Thanks ladies, your feedback is great.

There is the solution that we have a boy! That'll solve everything, because if we had a daughter in a couple of years I wouldn't feel so bad calling her Matilda, it just feels some how strange so close to theirs. But our feelings are it's a girl.

[WeThree]

I have a Matilda, so I say use it!!! It is such a fresh, girly name, I absolutely love it! My Matilda gets called Tilly as well sometimes, which I also love. I wouldnt make a big deal of it, just mention in passing that you have always loved it too and plan to use it, if they dont like it, tough! :)

[moonblossom]

My mum told me when her and her cousin were pregnant together, they both loved the name David, they were best friends and both decided if they had sons that would be his name...and they both did have sons and they were both called David LOL

ATM my 11 year old daughter hates the name Alexander we have chosen for this baby, she keeps throwing different names at me...but I feel very deeply this is the name that was choosen for him, not one I just picked, so I cannot change it.

So what i'm trying to say, is if you have a daughter now or down the track and Matilda is the name that has always been with you, then Matilda it should be.

My fourth son's middle name is Alexander LOL, but it is a name i've always felt was part of my family, and really wanted it for his first name but his dad didnt like it much, so now I am finally using Alexander LOL

[nut]

I wouldnt make a big deal of it, just mention in passing that you have always loved it too and plan to use it, if they dont like it, tough!

Couldn't have said it better myself! The perfect solution.:)

[mythreelittlemonkeys]

:D hi - you know what I think!!! Matilda is the best!
I don't think you have to tell her... and you know sometimes peoples reactions can be a bit funny and it would be awful if that made you change your mind...as I know like with us that's been the name since day 1.
Oh by the way my hubbys Grandmother is still telling me the boys name I told you about is silly and is saying shouldn't we put the middle name first as a 'proper'name (Michael) - I was really hurt and tried my best not to get upset!!

[M O P]

Oh Georgie don't stress. When she see's your little "bundle of joy" she'll fall in love straight away and won't mind what his/her name is!

Thanks for the advice everyone. It was really stressing me, but not now! I also asked my Mum her opinion. I said "Hypothetically, if your close friends had a baby recently and called it what we had chosen for a girl's name can we still call it that? Do you think it's rude or strange?"
Her response was "Oh Matilda! (So she knows our choice now- too bad) It's lovely and it's not like your neighbours or anything and really they're such nice people I'm sure they won't mind at all."

So I'm feeling really pleased with the whole thing now and glad we're back to having a girl's name and a boy's name picked out. Thanks for the help again.:)

[2SPUNKRATZ]

i just wanted to add, i feel that if it is a family member whom you will see regularly then it would be courtesy to mention it to them. but if it is anyone else then i dont se what the problem is. when you have known that would be your little girls name for so long i believe that its because she wants that name and has made it clear to you. i have a little one on the way and he has had his name since his daddy and i met 6 years ago. i wouldnt let anyone change it no matter what.

love to all.

jess:)

[shed]

This does seem to be a sensitive issue when it goes the other way i.e. people on here indignant that someone stole their baby name and everyone supporting them, so you may lose a friend over it either way.

[2 girls + 1 boy]

i love matilda i wanted to name mia matilda so i say use it and i went through the same thing with mia my brothers wife was pregnant at the same time and liked mia but i beat her to it