Self confessed control freak...

[mum2bee]

I have finally gotten up enough courage to finally admit that I am a control freak. I like to know when things are happening but as we all know with babies it is a little difficult and you have to go with the flow....well that's my problem I have difficulty going with the flow and get a little anxious when she wakes up early ect.

Any advice from other mums and dads about chilling out a bit would be much appreciated.

Thanks so much for your support

[Hollywood]

Yep, you hit the nail on the head when you said you can't exactly know when things are going to happen with babies. When DS was born I freaked out a bit when I thought too much about what I thought I *should* be doing. I think it came from reading too many books etc about routines (well I didn't read them cover to cover, but skimmed through, but it was enough to shake my confidence). I eventually realised that relaxing and being more allowing of change and unpredictability was so much easier.

I found that communicating with other Bubhub members helped, as it helped me realise that babies area all so different, and there's no right or wrong way of parenting. What works for you will differ from what works for other parents.

Sometimes at mothers group I think "Oh heck, I'm the only one with a baby who wakes so often at night, and who feeds to sleep and co-sleeps", but I pull myself up and remind myself that the baby stage will be over before we know it and I just do my best to appreciate every little bit of it. It is definitely hard to adjust to being a new mum when you are used to being able to control your life as you did pre-baby. I was in a state of "mother shock" for the first couple of months. The reality of what it meant to be a mum hit me for a sixer! I had an inkling of what it would be like, but reality was so much more 24/7 than I thought possible. I had 29 years to get used to doing my own thing, so it was a shock to have a baby fully dependant on me for his existence. I have now started to adjust, thankfully, and everything has gotten easier in time (but it's a constant learning journey).

Good luck with your bub, and pop a chill pill :D

[twitch]

I reckon the biggest thing is not to compare yourself or your bub to other mums and their babies, that only adds to your feeling of having no control or power. You do have a little control over your bub, it's just that they call the shots, but you still get to say what they eat, where they sleep, where they go, what the do etc etc.

Before I had DD I had a very responsible job where I was in charge of lots of people, I got to call the shots and when I wanted something to happen, it happened. Having this little person who turns all of that on it's head was a rude shock to me! I eventually got that DD and I are our own little team and by giving her a bit of freedom and power over me, everything became so much easier. I know it's easier said than done and I'm not saying you will be totally ruled by this child, but once you let it go, things just fall into place.

Anyway, good luck !

[ZooKeeper]

i hear ya -- for me what makes it hard is all the 'shoulds' that come atcha from all directions, like i should be more in control. and going from life before bub to life with bub is a big shock to a woman's system i reckon. i was all over the place for most of my life, and quite enjoyed the chaos, now i have to be excrementa intacta 24/7 it's hard not to feel like a control freak who's failing to get control.

i've decided to say 'bugger it' to any advice that makes my baby cry. so long as she's mostly happy, growing, wetting nappies regular, sleeping sometimes, and always getting a bit of educational fun each day, all else is just finessing, including a clean tidy house. finessing can wait till dd can play 'let's help mumma' with me :laughing: the 'ask dr sears' website is good value for a reality check.

[ImNotJustAnymum]

yep i know exectly how you feel :hugs:- for first 6 weeks i underwent depression and feeling anxious about not being able to predict DD actions-

coming from a professional career where i had a lot of control- i heard that babies all sleep about 18-20 hours a day in big 4+ hour blocks so i had it all planned prior to giving birth that i could get everything i wanted to get done in that time- maybe catch up on some ZZZZ's too-
boy did i get a shock when DD arrived:eek:
I just simply had to admit that i cant control everything and that if i just plan my day to soley look after my baby and fit in with her- not the other way around- i managed to work on the spur of the moment- now she has sort of developed her own routine and so now i can start planning a little - but once you do give up the control and stop stressing about it- its really quite nice going with the flow- we are now out and about most days and have regular appointments every week and its all working well-

so good luck :fingerscrossed:and hand over those reins and enjoy the ride :o

[~mia&ryan~]

:hugs: to you hun!! I am such a control freak its crazy but I just always went with the flow with DD.. It turned out that she thrives on routine which worked well for me.. Take it easy and give yourself a break.. It can get hard but just let it all out to us okay hun...:hugs:

[Wazza]

I understand how u feel. I was told that teachers find parenting the hardest as they are so use to control and routine and i thought 'yeah sure' but they were so right. Coming from a career where a routine was in place, children listened to instructions and work was done, I thought i would be fine having a baby. I couldn't understand why bubs cried all the time, why he didn't sleep even though he was obviously tired and why I bothered sleeping as it would only last for a few hours if i was lucky.
But now DS is nearly 2 and we have a great routine now and #2 is due in 2 weeks which means back to the drawing board with sleepless nights but...we all survive in our own way!!!!

[mum2bee]

Thanks everyone....amongst my mothers group and playgroup I was beginning to think that I was the only one with this feeling, all the other parents seem so in control. Your advice is so valuable and I need to chill and stop putting such high expections on myself and my baby....and also STOP reading books, they make me second guess myself so much.

Thanks again:)