what age do you think you would let a girl/boy friend sleep over? [Archive]

View Full Version : what age do you think you would let a girl/boy friend sleep over?

my babyemmy

11-02-2006, 22:19

Help my DS aged 14 rang me at 10pm tonight they were a bday party and asked if his girlfriend can sleep over at our house tonight! there is 4 of them that always hang out in their little group 2 girls & 2 boys they are paired up & at first i thought it was sooo cute,(like puppy love) Its been at least 7 months now and the other couple sleep over at each others houses every weekend,their parents don't seem to have a problem!the girl told me that if they couldn't sleep here they would camp out somewhere! so I said yes she could sleep over as long as her mums OK with that,anyway her mum didn't care, so now i have a 14 year old son with his little girlfriend sleeping in my house & I'm a nervous wreck! i really need advice! would you have said yes or no?!!!! (sorry i didnt mention that they have known each other since 3+ activity groups and have been really close friends ever since)

WeThree

11-02-2006, 22:28

First, dont let her make you feel guilty! If you do allow it, i personally would insist on them being in seperate rooms, if they make a fuss, tough, your house, your rules!!!

Baby Girl

11-02-2006, 22:31

We are very open in our family and I would have said yes. Although, there would be some very strict rules about where she would sleep, doors being left open etc. At 14 I don't think they are likely to get up to anything too naughty.

Take it as a compliment that your son thinks you are 'cool' enough to ask his girlfriend to stay over at your house!!

My parents let me have male or female friends stay over at any age. The first time an actual boyfriend stayed I was 15. I stayed at my boyfirends house for the first time when I was 14 - similar situation to your son and his friend - we had known each other for 10 years plus and our mum's also worked together. When I stayed at his place, we had to sleep in separate bedrooms, which was fine beacuse at that age a kiss was exciting enough ;)

cwsmum

11-02-2006, 22:31

I would have said yes too, better to know where they are than have them out somewhere on their own.
My parents were always pretty good with things like that too. I actually thought their rules were pretty reasonable...their rules were
* Boys had to sleep in the lounge room (on the sofabed, we also had 2 lounge rooms so they had some privacy)
* If Mum/Dad woke up and found us still in the same room after midnight then no-one was allowed to stay for a mth...or something like that...
* No 'funny business'!

Even when I was 21 and still living there those were still the rules I had to follow coz I am the eldest so they didn't want my sisters...who are 2, 5 & 7yrs younger than me, and my bro who is 10yrs younger...to think that the rules had changed.

Does that make sense?

Anyway...I think you did the right thing, at least you know where they are and can keep an eye on them...even if you stay awake half the night making sure they are behaving :p

WeThree

11-02-2006, 22:35

I had a bf at 15, and he was allowed to stay at mine, and i at his, our parents were friends etc, but we HAD to sleep in seperate rooms, there were always ways around it though, his first car was a station wagon, hehe;) :p

Mamaduke

11-02-2006, 22:36

If I were in your shoes I would have said no. Especially since you said you are now nervous about the situation. And to be given an ultimatum by a 14 year old girl is very rude and completely lacking in respect.
My how times have changed...I remember when DH and I were engaged and one night after a 'big one' at the footy club he stayed over at my parent's house. We awoke to the sounds of my dad stomping up and down the passageway saying (very loudly) to my mum, "It's just not on Anna, this is our house and I will not have this going on in my house...it's bullsh*t and it's just not bloody on...I don't care if they hear me...they can get up and go to mass...I'm not having this in my house!" YIKES!!!:o

Refresh

11-02-2006, 22:37

At 14 I don't think they are likely to get up to anything too naughty

Ya reckon? LOL No, seriously, I think I owuld have said es too but mad eit very clear that they would be having separate rooms etc......I hope it all turns out ok for you

Mamaduke

11-02-2006, 22:38

I was just about to say the same thing Ffrenchstar!!!:o

WeThree

11-02-2006, 22:40

Refresh

11-02-2006, 22:40

hehehe Carly:D

Mamaduke

11-02-2006, 22:44

I also had the added 'bonus' of having a father who was a policeman, so every time I wasn't allowed to do something he would tell me the stories of the kids he'd picked up out of the gutter because their parents never told them 'no', they had parents who didn't care and let them do as they pleased, and they would have loved to have had parents that cared enough to say 'no' once in a while...and on and on it went.
Now that I'm a mum I'm so glad my mum and dad live right behind us so Poppy can relay some of those stories to my boys when they get older!!;)

Baby Girl

11-02-2006, 22:58

I think as long as you are confident with the values you have taught your children then there is no problem and that as long as that is the case then NO they wouldn't get up to too much!!

onabreak

11-02-2006, 23:06

I can remember when I first started going out with my ex husband at the age of 18 we had to sleep in seperate bedrooms at his parents house to begin with, until they got to know me and then we were able to sleep in the same room. So I did it with respect to his parents (even though we did sneak into each others rooms and sneak back before they got up) and I was 18 at the time, go figure!!

IMO I would allow her to sleep over as long as it is in seperate bedrooms, but I think 14 is a bit young to have girlfriends sleeping over. I can remember my younger years that when I parents said no I still went ahead and did it any way even if it wasn't in there house.

WeThree

11-02-2006, 23:07

sorry, but all those raving teenage hormones alone in a dark room? me thinks all values would pretty much fly out the window,
sorry, but not on my watch, hehe:p ;)

Kirstlea

11-02-2006, 23:22

My boyfriend and I stayed at each others houses when we were 14 (he was my first bf) but both parents set the rules that we were not allowed to sleep together in the same room.

Mum always said to me she would rather if I was going to have sex that it was in a safe environment. Her opinion also was if I was going to do it I would find somewhere else if not at home.

Now as I an adult I realise the sense in what she is saying - any teenager will relish doing something forbidden. Take the risk away and hey whats all the fuss about.

As it turned out my 1st bf and I were together for 4 years and I was 17 before I lost my v. So it goes to show some teenagers have some sense I guess.

I think you can probably relax, as if they haven't already done it they probably won't be doing it tonight. :D

Its her first sleep over with your son at your house, they would probably be too scared :p

Have fun

nemosmum

12-02-2006, 07:58

No no no :D

If it was just a friend that happend to be a girl I would have no real problem with it, but as you have already stated they are "Girlfriend and Boyfriend" I would have a major problem with it.

Hey I may sound old fashioned but personally I think 14 is too young for kids to be having long term r'ships etc as you said they have been "together" for 7 months.

I am not niave, I was young once too so remember that I had my first boy friend at age 10 (let me clarify that lol we 'went around' for 3 weeks and never even held hands :D

I also believe that a teenagers first love is a very powerful thing, sometimes more intense and passionate then an adult relationship. As this is their first experience with these emotions and therefore they have nothing to compare it too.
Hence the reason to be cautious, we all know how things can go in the heat of the moment etc, young children (and in my opinon they are still children at age 14) are impulsive and sometimes reckless unlikely to think about long term consequences etc

Just my thoughts :)

Good luck ;)

Odessa

12-02-2006, 08:53

I'm sorry, but that would have been a big fat NO from me! I remember myself at 14, 15...and I know I was fairly restrained compared to some of my peers.

I used to sleep over at my first boyfriends' house (in the same bed!) at 15, my parents made him sleep in the loungeroom when he stayed over at mine, not that it stopped us! It almost felt like our parents gave us carte blanche to play up. I got way too involved with this guy because I'd "given" myself to him, and he broke my heart into tiny pieces 9 months into our relationship.

I'd like to be a little more moral/restrained/conservative with my kids, and say that there will be no "sleepovers" until they're adults (18). I'll let my children "date" at 16, though. Kids have enough going on in their lives without the complication of serious relationships, and allowing sleepovers (that aren't as innocent as your 10y.o. sleepover party) at such a young age is something I don't agree with. IMO of course! I would never presume to judge someone else's parenting! :)

lukaelmo

12-02-2006, 09:01

Oooo this is a tough one. Personally I am not sure what I would do, teehee, little dude isn't 7 months old yet so I've got a bit of time to think about it!

What I do think is important though, is that you make a decision/rules that YOU are comfortable with and you stick to them. So don't make rules so tough that even you can see you are being unreasonable, and don't make them so lax that you feel you need to tighten them up.

Does that make sense??

Seekrit

12-02-2006, 09:07

I know I have many years from this and you never know how I'll feel when it comes to the time.. but like you I would have let them stay, but I would have insisted on seperate rooms at that age. :)

My mum was a bit free and easy, in that she'd expect us to experiment with alcohol/drugs/sex. So we were told we could do all those things as long as we knew the consequences and didn't do anything stupid (inject/pop-pills, drive, get in the car with a drunk person, come home pregnant) I'm sure if I was living at home when I was having sex she'd prefer it was done there than in the middle of some dodgy park down the road.
Although she also would have insisted that the boy sleeps on the couch or we sleep with the door open.

Ana Gram

12-02-2006, 09:21

a sleepless night ahead for you! I think it can be done though. I do remember what I was doing at 14 and you need to sit your teenager down and have a good chat. Explain that you trust him and expect adult behaviour and resposibility out of him. Make a big speech about him growing up, being mature blah blah. Also make it clear that if he stuffs up by doing anything you disaprove of in your house, then you will no longer be able to trust him and how disappointed you will be that he couldn't handle a grown up responsibility.

If you make a big fuss about it, hopefully that will be in his head the whole time. Most 14 year olds want to be treated like adults and it might click to him that if he does the right thing on this night, it could set himself up for better things you trust him with in the future.

WeThree

12-02-2006, 09:44

pregnant) I'm sure if I was living at home when I was having sex she'd prefer it was done there than in the middle of some dodgy park down the road.

ohhh, but it was so much more fun that way!!!:p ;)

Seekrit

12-02-2006, 09:44

well yes, that is very true :p

cobysmummy

12-02-2006, 11:01

my parents let my boyfriend stay over when i was 15... we had been going out for probably around the same amount of time as ur son...

my parents didnt set any rules so he slept in my bed (me and my sister had a bunk bed.. double on the bottom, single on the top) but my dad freaked when he came home and we were in the same bed... (mind u my sister was there)

and at his house we slept in the same bed (alone in the room) and his mum didnt mind.. (tho for xmas we got a stocking full of condoms :eek: .. thats embaressing at 15 i tell u!

at 17 i came home and told mum i was pregnant :eek:

but me and my partner have been together for 4.5 years and he is the dad so it doesnt matter although dad still brings it up that it is mums fault for letting us sleep in the same bed :rolleyes:

tho my sisters bf isnt allowed to stay over and she is 17 and they have been together for over a year (she is allowed to sleep at his tho) !! :p

MissSparkle

18-02-2006, 18:28

I can tell u now at age 14 there is "Funny business" going on.

My parents let my bf's stay over since I was 14 but always in a diff room. I wasn't allowed to stay at a bf's house till I was pregnant (hehe my DF) but theres always a way around it.

In my opinion if u allow ur son to have his gf stay over and vice versa they r less likely to sneek around behind ur back like I did.

TracieP

18-02-2006, 19:05

My DS is almost 15 and stays at his girlfriend's house quite regularly. He is a very responsible boy and so is his GF. Her parents trust her also. They have been "going out" now for almost 1 year:)

SassyMummy

26-02-2006, 00:50

I think it's a pretty difficult decision. You can choose one of two things:

1. Say no, and have the kid stay out anyway, roaming the streets, getting drunk (because 14year olds do that...even though it's stupid), smoking pot (or worse...? I dunno...I've never done any drugs...but I know others did) and having sex. In a skate park. Or someone's backyard. Or wherever. They'll also b*tch and you and then sneak out from then on because they think you're mean and controlling and "old fashioned" and all that.

or

2. Say yes. Even if you say "different beds" or even "different rooms", unless you deprive yourself of sleep, you really don't have any way of policing it, and to expect your child will obey your wishes, in most cases, is misguided trust. You then run the risk of lots of sex, under your roof and in your house.

Yes...two great options huh? lol:laughing:

Here's all I know...though I didn't lose my virginity until I was almost 17... (that was kinda unusual...most were big skanks by that age), I was very tarty. I had big boobs, so I got a lot of male attention, and since I believed that's all I had going for me, I flaunted myself.

To my parents, I was innocent. I would wear different things around them and act completely different. I got good grades and hung out with the "good kids". At school...I WAS a good kid. But weekends and whatnot, I was a bit of a hussy.

I'd go out, in skanky low-cut tops and push-up bra, and flash my boobs. I'd let boys feel me up. I'd promise them things but never actually do them (luckily I never got into any danger because of that...but I very much could have).

At 15, we spent New Years Eve at a neighbours house. My mother went home, and my brother and I spent the night there with the kids. (I was 15, brother was 14...neighbours were: 14, 16, 18 and 21). There were some other kids there too...and we just sat around talking crap. Eventually, we played spin the bottle. The 21year old wanted to play (a male), which was kind of pervy and weird, but we let him. Basically, the only boys playing were my brother and him, so it's no wonder I just kissed him. Eventually, we just tossed away the bottle and made out...then moved to the garage and did that there. There was lots of touching (him touching me, not the other way) and then he wanted me to go to his car with him, which I imagine would lead to something more. Luckily I had the sense to say no and go to bed in the girls room.

At 16, I snuck out and "did stuff" with a 19yr old boy in a park. We didn't have sex, mind you, but there's nothing else we didn't do. SO SKANKY I WAS! My mum didn't know...I climbed out my window and off I went.

I don't really know why I wrote this...I just kinda feel that i need to give parents a warning about their kids really. I was the "good girl"...but I was also a bit of a tart. It's really just a re-fresher for all those parents who were children a long time ago and can't QUITE remember it...I'm 19...it was recently...so I remember.

If I were you though, I WOULD NOT allow the girl to stay at my house. IMO, 14 is much too young to have sex. Perhaps what you could have done (or could do next time) is offer to drive her to her house and then take your son home. You're not leaving her to "camp out" but you'll spend much less time worrying about what's going on.

WeThree

26-02-2006, 13:50

My DS is almost 15 and stays at his girlfriend's house quite regularly. He is a very responsible boy and so is his GF. Her parents trust her also. They have been "going out" now for almost 1 year:)

Im just curious, because for me personally, this is not something that I would allow,(well not in the same room anyway) when you say you trust them, do you trust them not to have sex, or trust them to use protection when they are having sex?

TracieP

27-02-2006, 10:54

Im just curious, because for me personally, this is not something that I would allow,(well not in the same room anyway) when you say you trust them, do you trust them not to have sex, or trust them to use protection when they are having sex?

I mean I trust hem not to have sex. They do not sleep in the same room. My son sleeps in the lounge-room in the house & his girlfriend sleeps in the caravan out the back. Her parents have a bedroom near the back door, so they could hear any sneaking in or out. Both families have younger children and my son & his girlfriend are very responsible teenagers. I also have a 17 year old daughter who is not as trustworthy as her brother:confused:

shed

27-02-2006, 11:58

I was 17 when I had a boyfriend stay over and he slept on the couch.

I had already slept with him, in a park somewhere though LOL. Aaaages before that!!:laughing:

MissSparkle

27-02-2006, 18:09

I was 17 when I got pregnant!

Seekrit

27-02-2006, 18:15

I was 17 when I had a boyfriend stay over and he slept on the couch.

I had already slept with him, in a park somewhere though LOL. Aaaages before that!!:laughing:
haha
We were allowed to be sleeping in the same room but still doing it in the dodgy park LOL

Jo_Jo

17-03-2006, 09:44

hi babyemmy,

I know how your feeling my daughter 15 wants her boyfriend:devil6: to stay, he is 17 and lives in sydney he wants to come down for a weekend but i have not had to deal with this yet, of course i would not let them sleep together but i still am nervous my partner will be more at ease with it then i am he will be a constant smartbum the whole weekend but hey we will have to deal with it. I really love my kids but god i hate this part, its all coming back to haunt me mum said it would!:banghead:

what do ya think.
cheers.

Jo_Jo

17-03-2006, 16:23

good point kristy,

The last thing you want is them going for it in the park or somthing like that:mad: i think its just ,well you have watched this little girl grow and now its big time stuff and you just want them to stay a little girl ya know what i mean, but i dont want to drive her out,so i will sleep on it. She is a smart girl im sure she will know when she is ready:fingerscrossed:

cheers jo.

my babyemmy

17-03-2006, 18:05

Kristy i feel so sorry for you and now i realize that Ive made the right choice for my son take care:hugs:
A huge thanks to everyone who replied:kiss:

Oscar's mum

17-03-2006, 18:13

She is a smart girl im sure she will know when she is ready

When I was 15 I was sleeping in my then boyfriend (who is now my DH)bed and yet I waited until a year later till we actually had sex!

kymmy

03-05-2006, 12:48

my kids boy/ girl friends will have to marry before they can stay over!

EskimoMumma

03-05-2006, 12:58

angel_one

03-05-2006, 21:10

ok, the only way any boyfriend or girlfriend of my kids will sleep over is if its with a large group of kids and im awake on guard in the lounge with them - so thinking seriously, i'd never be able to keep my self awake for that long, so there will be no mixed sleep overs in my house! - as im fully aware of what 14 year olds can get up to - been there done that, and my parents (either side) never let me do the sleep over thing, let alone have a closed door while boyfriend was over

MilkOnTap

03-05-2006, 21:30

I had just turned 16 when I stayed at my boyfriends house for the first time. I slept in his bed and he slept on the lounge. It was a few months later that we began doing the deed together and were allowed to sleep in the same bed together...

The way our parents figured it was that if we were going to do it there was nothing that they could do to stop us - except to know within themselves that we weren't out in the streets or doing anything unsafe.

Slightly off topic - this reminds me of when I was 16 and had been with my boyfriend for a couple of months. Dad picked me up from work, handed me a packet of condoms and told me that he trusts me and my boyfriend. That was it. Oh so embarrassing. :o

my babyemmy

04-05-2006, 06:09

thanks everyone but they have split up as of last week, and nothing happened between them apart from she let him touch her boobies a few times. I guess its good they have split up because she told him they she would have gone further when she turned 15 at the end of the year!!

Hokey Pokey

04-05-2006, 11:10

I think 16 the BF's can stay, but not in the same bed. 17 they can but they need to earn our trust they they will be responsible :thumbsup:

munchkin05

05-05-2006, 15:34

we had this talk with 15yr old step son just the other night we said that he could have a girlfriend stay over but untill they had been together awhile she was not to sleep in his bed we also discussed condoms and all that stuff to

i guess you need to respect them and hope you have done and said all the right things while they are growning up and hopefully they take it all on board

i would prefer that if they were going to be having sex (not that i want him to ) but if they were going to i woudl want them to be at my house or her house and not in some dark alley way or something like that

Hokey Pokey

08-05-2006, 16:58

I so agree Angela!