Lesbians who have sex to get pregnant

[lovemum]

Hi - I'm a lesbian with a little boy who is nearly one. He is the joy of my life! I am having trouble being accepted by some parts of the lesbian community however because I had sex with a man (my first in 7 years!) during a very brief relationship, leading to my pregnancy. :shame: What do others think of this? Do you think I should be accepted in the lesbian playgroups etc? I have been with my female partner since I was 3 months pregnant....Valentine

[punkbaby]

I personally dont have anything against it really weather a child has one parent two same sex parents or one of each parent as long as they are loved thats all that matters.

Are you not being accepted coz you slept with a man?

[Cupcake]

I think they are being judgemental on something that really should not be of there concern.

[hayleysmummy]

I dont think there is anything wrong with you being a lesbian and having a one off with a man after all you now have a beautiful son I have an older friend who is a lesbian and she has 3 children to a previous marriage I also see nothing wrong with that her and her girlfriend are great together and YES I do think you should be accepted in the lesbian playgroups you are still a mum and you have a girlfriend absoloutley nothing wrong with that darl keep your head held high who gives 2 sh!ts what anyone else thinks :thumbsup: You/your partner and your son are happy and thats all that matters

[demeter]

(disclaimer: I'm not a lesbian so please take or leave what I have to say but I felt compelled to reply and send a cyber hug).

I think its really unfair for you to be excluded from a community because of how you chose to conceive your child.
Then again, obviously, I don't understand where those women are coming from. But to me it seems like a group of mothers who conceived naturally deciding to exclude a mother who used IVF to conceive her child.

I also think its really unfair that because you're a lesbian you get scrutinised for how you make your children - its none of anyone's business!

But I guess its like so much of parenting, you get judged for every little thing. I think its really sad that that particular community would choose to be judgmental over open themselves up to friendship with you. They are the one's missing out on you and your beautiful boy.

:hugs:

[Mamalicious]

You should totally be included in the playgroup!

It's none of their business how you got pregnant, or how long you've been with your current partner, or how many men you've slept with either!

They must have needed a man at some point to get pregnant, they do have their uses!

[Mash]

They probably have some misconception about how they are real lesbians and you are only playing lesbian because they have never had sex with a man and you have ..:rolleyes: How ridiculous.. and I agree with Alis mama..none of their business how you got pregnant! At all! You would think that a community that is judged often by society would be more welcoming and non judgemental.. obviously not..

[Little_Toad]

Does it really matter how the conception took place... either traditional or with implements?

I would consider it rude to be asked how my baby was concieved. It would be like asking a straight couple if they did it missionary or doggie style??

What matters is sperm met egg. Baby made. baby popped out. Mummy and Mummy love baby.

[JJ's mum]

Hi

It doesn't sound like a very supportive playgroup anyway, so I wouldn't want to be a part of it. Try looking for another group in your area. Are there any couples in the group that you do get along with and could meet up with at a different time?

It is strange how everyone tells the conception story at these groups, much like the coming out story. Don't feel you have to explain yourself, you have your son and thats all that matters!

[katiana]

^^ i agree, maybe u should find a diferent playgroup, are these the type of people u want ure little angel to socialise with? the type who judge u for who u slept with?
u are a lesbian with a baby, whether u had a man in ure life before shouldnt make a diff.

[prideNJoy]

Hi - I'm a lesbian with a little boy who is nearly one. He is the joy of my life! I am having trouble being accepted by some parts of the lesbian community however because I had sex with a man (my first in 7 years!) during a very brief relationship, leading to my pregnancy. :shame: What do others think of this? Do you think I should be accepted in the lesbian playgroups etc? I have been with my female partner since I was 3 months pregnant....Valentine


First of all:hugs: to you! You most definatley should be accepted. Personally i don't see that it matters how your little angel got there but the fact is you are in a relationship with a woman and should be treated just like everyone else in the same situation. (respectfully at that) Are there other playgroups around that you could try?

[Milliner]

Oh hun, I wouldn't even bother with them, they are not worth it. Find a better more supportive group of women and you will feel much better. It doesn't matter how you conceived your beautiful baby.

[karmalunar]

Hey, i get where you are coming from and it's ridiculous isn't it?!?
I fell pregnant at 18, before i "came out" at 21, so i too am a lesbian with a child concieved naturally.
So funny how many people comment "how can you be gay, you have a child", no joke!
Playgroups are for support for the parents as well as fun for the child, you don't need to expalin yourself/situation to anyone but if you choose to and are judged i'd be suggesting to the judgee to have a good hard look at themselves! (Easier said than done i know, plus i guess confrontation could cause problems. Perhaps just try not to take on their negativity!)
Does the playgroup include heterosexual parents as well, or not? I personally think that complete exclusion due to a person's sexuality isn't right either way. Perhaps you could find a more inclusive playgroup. I know it's scarey to venture out into the "wider world" especially when you have come to expect support from within the gay community but from reading the comments above (mostly written by heterosexual parents) people seem to be fairly accepting :smiliedance:

[faithsmama]

Hi there lovemum, I too did the same as you and have a beautiful daughter Faith 13 months old. I am a lesbian who so desperately wanted a child I did what I had to do. All of my family and friends have supported me 100%, some not asking how but most did and I told them the truth as I will tell my daughter when she asks. I don't have any lesbian friends so I don't know what they would think. I say good on you and never stop telling the truth no matter what anyone says. I say bugger them. It's nice to know there are other lesbian's out there that are the same as me. THANK YOU!!:wave:bye for now Cindy.

[benji's_mum]

Wow that seems a bit harsh. Women should be supporting each other regardless of sexual preference. Do you want your kids hanging around people with such narrow-minded opinions? Start up your own playgroup hun, one free of bigots.

[Fuchsia!]

Does it really matter how the conception took place... either traditional or with implements?

I would consider it rude to be asked how my baby was concieved. It would be like asking a straight couple if they did it missionary or doggie style??

What matters is sperm met egg. Baby made. baby popped out. Mummy and Mummy love baby.



Oh hun, I wouldn't even bother with them, they are not worth it. Find a better more supportive group of women and you will feel much better. It doesn't matter how you conceived your beautiful baby.
what they said! sorry im feeding the bub at the moment :)

[Lastcenturymum]

Sounds likes some people are better off not knowing how you conceived if they have attitudes like that! I guess you get asked pretty direct questions though and its hard to be vague. guess you can't just say 'sperm'

Sorry they make it so hard on you, its sounds very petty, surely they should be happy for you.

[mamma0f3]

do you really want to hang around woman who are that judgemental? i totally think u should be accepted i wish i could take my sons to a lesbian playgroup because i find it difficult to fit in the regular ones but does it matter if its a lesbian one or not as long as u and ur little one are comfortable with the people and content at playgroup

[mumkc]

Seems hetro women are less judgemental than lesbian women. Why not go to a "generic" play group?

[Lollie86]

It shouldnt be anyones business how your child was concieved. They are being incredibly judgemental and juvenile. :rolleyes:

Being a lesbian and a mother is not a 'club' where you need to have made your baby in a particular way.

Join another playgroup instead or just start up your own. :)

[forbetoel]

I would think that Lesbian playgroups were for Lesbians??? Are they trying to be Lesbian playgroups for mothers who don't have sex to have a baby.??? Odd, and very judgmental and cruel for them to exclude you. Surely all of them have had to fight for their right and equality at one stage or another, so it absolutely astounds me that they would want to exclude you. Just odd.
Maybe you would be better off in a different playgroup....instead of being the only one who has had sex with a man, you could be the only lesbian....much more fun!!! :D :D