hubbie who drinks to sleep

[mumtooneson]

well i have posted this under a different username firstly because i felt embarassed using my normal one.

sorry if this post is going to be a bit long but i thought i would post the details to get some help.

my husband has been a drinker since he was 17, he is now 34. he grew up with a brother who ran pubs all his life so drinking was the norm for their family.

however when he was 17 he was in college and couldn't sleep during exams so used drinking as a form to get to sleep.

now all these years on he still drinks 2 bottles of chardonnay every night so it makes him go to sleep.

he never drinks during the day while at work or on the weekends but at soon as the clock hits 7pm at night he opens up a bottle.

the main problem is that not only is it expensive, but it also impedes on other areas of our life like him always sleeping late on the weekends because he's always nursing a hangover and it also affects our sex life (sorry if TMI).

he has always told me that he would get help but he never seems to get it. he tries to cut back by himself but that only lasts a few days and he only cuts back by one or two glasses.

it's getting to the point where i have had enough. it costs a fortune each month in wine and it also affects his parenting. in the 3 years my son has been alive he has never once gotten up in the middle of the night for him because he's always so drunk and passed out in bed that not even an earthquake will wake him.

i have also noticed alot lately that he's having more and more days off work because he just can't be bothered getting out of bed or he wakes up late and misses his bus.

im not sure whether to lay down the law and say if you dont cut down and seek help then it's over or to just wait and try and encourage him to seek help.

we have been together almost 8 years but only married for 6 months and other than his drinking we have a great life.

he is never a nasty drunk or anything, he just sits happily and half the time i dont even notice a change in behaviour until he's onto the end of his second bottle and then he just gets tired and falls asleep.

any advise would be appreciated.

thanks :hugs:

[BaDaBing]

If it was me I would say something. It seems as you already resent him and trust me it will only get worse (your resentment that is) as the years go on. I would lay down the law but tell him you love him and want to help him.

:hugs: :hugs: :hugs: :hugs:

[Jennifer85]

:hugs: i agree with BaDaBing, Be strong & good luck:hugs:

[mumtooneson]

thanks for the replies everyone :hugs:

i think im going to have to tell him once again that i really want him to get help otherwise it's going to affect our living arrangements.

i know what you mean about resentment. i've started to feeling less and less affectionate towards him in the last few months and i think he's starting to notice. i try not to let it get to me because to be honest it could be alot worse and sometimes i think i'm just overreacting.

if i knew he could go without a drink at night for a few days i wouldnt mind, but i know he cannot as he tried once about 3 years ago and spent the entire 24 hours shaking like crazy and pacing up and down the hallway.

i have spoken to a alcohol counsellor before but they said they cant do anything unless he rings up himself. but he always finds an excuse like he can't ring from work because his boss might find out.

the main problem is they said he needs to do rehab but he can't afford time off work so they said he could do at home rehab with a counsellor so he can still function normally without looking like he's going through withdrawal, but he's just too lazy to ring again and organise it.

i love him very dearly and besides the drinking we have a wonderful marriage. i just worry that as the years go by and i let it go that i will start to really resent him even more and it will all ends in tears.

i think i will say something to him tomorrow after he gets back from work and see what he says.

thanks :hugs:

[Mamalicious]

I think professional help is a really good idea, I hope it works. :)

Good luck. :babydust2: :babydust2: :babydust2:

[bronny-jane]

oh shakes sound bad.... maybe cutting down gradually would be better for him... i get more annoyed with my dh's drinking when im pg.. maybe cause i know i cant have any...

my dh drinks a fair bit, every night... not to the point of passing out, ok sometimes, but only rarely....
he see's it as his way to unwind from his day, his parents did the same when he was a kid, so he's used to that as a normal thing, my parents dont drink at all, so at first i was a little shocked..only after i had dd1..before that i was an alcoholic, i was drinking twice what he was...

i say get some professional help, and also offer alot of support, i would ask him to cut down slowly... so if he's drinking 2 bottles a night, cut it to 1 and a half.... for a week, then try one.... and move down really slowly, his body is used to it, so is his mind and his routine, so it might take a while.. good luck, im sure he can do it... oh and let him know it is affecting your relationship, and you want him to cut down because you love him and care for him...

[BaDaBing]

oh shakes sound bad.... maybe cutting down gradually would be better for him... i get more annoyed with my dh's drinking when im pg.. maybe cause i know i cant have any...

my dh drinks a fair bit, every night... not to the point of passing out, ok sometimes, but only rarely....
he see's it as his way to unwind from his day, his parents did the same when he was a kid, so he's used to that as a normal thing, my parents dont drink at all, so at first i was a little shocked..only after i had dd1..before that i was an alcoholic, i was drinking twice what he was...

i say get some professional help, and also offer alot of support, i would ask him to cut down slowly... so if he's drinking 2 bottles a night, cut it to 1 and a half.... for a week, then try one.... and move down really slowly, his body is used to it, so is his mind and his routine, so it might take a while.. good luck, im sure he can do it... oh and let him know it is affecting your relationship, and you want him to cut down because you love him and care for him...

great advise :thumbsup:

[mumtooneson]

thank you for the great advise :hugs:

i have told him not long ago how it affects me and our relationship and he says he knows and then he gets upset and starts crying.

but then a few days later it's like he's completely forgotten about it.

he said he is taking 2 weeks off over christmas so maybe we might start the at home withdrawal program that i found from turning point i think their called.

i also read that there is a new medication out that is used for drugs users which you can take to stop the cravings.

maybe i might look into this for him as well. the withdrawal i think he can handle but it's the insomnia that's going to be the main problem which was why he started drinking in the first place.

i told him once he gets the drinking under control then he can go to the private sleep clinic that is in melbourne and they can help him there.

thanks again everyone :hugs: :hugs:

[Rosa]

I have been going through a program at my local hospital as an outpatiient to get my drinking under control.

I was drinking 3-4 beers a night m-f and more on weekends so not a huge problem but with a family history it was enough for me to be worried about.

I've gotta say I've never felt better!

I havn't had a drink in about 6 weeks! I was prescribed medication to help with the cravings Campral and Naltraxone(sp?) I take the Campral but didn't bother with the other. I also started taking St John's Wort as I was feeling down a lot of the time.

My relationship with both my daughters and husband is so much better than I can remember it being before. My husband also cut back his drinking till weekends only. I'm volunteering up at the school and my daughters results in class have come a long way just in the last month. I think it's because I'm now more attuned to her and not so involoved in myself every night iykwim.

I couldn't recommend enough getting some professional help.

My program consisits of 3 months sobriety, weekly counselling sessions with a behavioural psycologist for first month then fortnightly thereafter.

Does your partner have sick leave available for him? Even if he just had a few days off at the beginning.

Good Luck!

[Blessed Mum]

Alcolholism is a horrible disease. You know what you have to do. I really hope he gets the help he needs & everything works out. :hugs: Good on for you for asking for help/advise - it is hard. Best of luck again