hi need help for sister n law

[angelickaren]

hi ladies my sster and law has rang me in tears due to she has had a baby 9 weeks ago and she also has 2 half yr old and the 9 week old boy sleeps ok but she went to bed last night at 9 pm and got up for 2 half yr old 4 times before 12.00 and daddy could not help her it had to be mummy and her behavior ha been very bad as well she feels like if she may be jealous i had mine 5 yrs apart so i didnt hav this issue but i just thought you ladies may have an some ideas how t help :)

[Me]

Sounds like she could be jelous. Perhaps your SIL could try making a special time for DD either during the day when DS is asleep or after DS has gone to bed of a night so that she doesn't feel like she isn't getting any mummy time, or perhaps she could try giving DD special tasks to do when DS is awake eg have her get the clean nappy out at change time, or be ready with the towel at bath time - this should help her feel more involved with bubs and hopefully she will be better able to handle this new experience for her.

[mum24]

Hi angelickaren, Ok, please realise... two year olds do not know or understand the concept behind being jealous. Not trying to offend but their little minds just don't grasp that particular concept just yet. It's frustration and they're still learning how to communicate their needs and wants.

I also have a almost 2.5 year old and an almost 3 week old bubba. My little dd is also not sleeping as well as she could be at night and during the day her behavious is rather erratic - ear-piercing screams, rather large meltdowns esp when over tired... this is more because it is an actual developmental stage rather than them choosing to be naughty. I'm now also more inclined to think that this developmental stage has been brought forward because there is another person in the family and the two year old is now having to learn to share their time instead of being the only child with 100% focus from parents.

Every day is getting better and better as our dd learns to " kiss the baby " and not try and pick him up like a dolly ( she does this with the cat instead - just got to watch the claws ), every day she's learning that she does have to share her time but when bubba is asleep then we can spend all our time with her. Every day I'm able to take her out for about 1 hour - just mummy and daughter time, and when I'm nursing her little brother, she can then spend her time with daddy. I've also started to cater to an interest of hers - horses - so have been hiring dvd's such as " my little pony " and other horsey movies/shows, and have been buying her horsey treats almost everyday. Ok, that may not be the best solution but it's helping her to feel happy even if short term but I'm hoping it will last long enough so when little brother gets bigger, she will be able to play with him more. We are also having to constantly reinforce that certain misbehaviour just will not be tolerated which can be very tiring but I'm also hoping that by the time she's ready for 3 year old kinder next year, this developmental stage will have been passed.

I've read other forums where mothers have written in about their children of the same age or slightly older, that they are behaving the same way and there isn't a new baby recently introduced into the family. This further reinforces my belief that it's most definately not an evil incarnate of the child but just purely a developmental stage that they are having to go through and it's just been brought forward from age 3 to age 2 because of the introduction of the new baby.

Hope this helps your sil and anyone else who may be going through a similar stage.