Playground/play centre etiquette [Archive] - Bub Hub Pregnancy & Parenting Forum

alanasmum

31-08-2007, 07:44

Now that DD is very mobile and is enjoying playing out and about I have been taking her to playgrounds and play centres and she's been having a great time.

However, I am amazed at how many parents just let their older children do what they like without keeping an eye on them at all.

As DD is only 14 months I'm obviously with her the whole time she is playing and on numerous occasions older kids have tried to bully her out of the way. Very rarely do the parents of these children intervene.

I'm not quite sure how to deal with the situation. Obviously I don't really want to discipline someome else's child but on occasion I have said "please wait your turn" or "please don't push her" as I want DD to eventually learn to share and not bully anyone else out of the way.

So, if a child tries to bully your child on the playground do you intervene and "parent" the child so to speak or do you stand back?

KaM

31-08-2007, 08:57

This is one of my pet hates!! Ive experienced this so often with my daughter, she has even been bitten and the parents only noticed when their child went to the crying because I told him no you do not bite (not yelling just firmly).

I think you have every right to politely say things to them. I see nothing wrong with you saying please do not push or please wait your turn. It wont do them any harm at all.

Ive found most of the time the older kids just turn there nose up and dont pay attention but at least you have made them aware.

Sarieslittlemen

31-08-2007, 08:57

On several occasions I have told older kids to let the little ones play, especially kids who are much older than should actually be playing in the play areas.
But if there aren't parents around paying attention and older kids, either hurt my kids or push them out of the way then I speak my mind.

TeamAwesome

31-08-2007, 09:07

I can understand where you're coming from I have a "big" 3 yo and a "big" 20mo but they have both been mowed down by 5yo+ kids. I am generally a non-confrontational person so find it hard sometimes and as a parent of two toddlers sometimes I can't watch DS as closely as I have to watch DD so while I may be watching him from a bit off I am watching. and will generally only take them somewhere when I have a friend or my DH with me to help me keep an eye on the kids.

On a couple of occasions I've told some older kids to settle down and to be more careful because of the younger kids.

Missy75

31-08-2007, 09:08

Yeah speak up so the parents can hear it too.

I also hate it when the big kids run up the slide while the little ones are at the top waiting to go down. My daughter used to try to copy so that was my chance to say loudly "No, the slide is for going down. See the other kids at the top waiting to come down too. You go up the stairs."

DivinelySophistimicated

31-08-2007, 09:13

Sarieslittlemen

31-08-2007, 09:16

If I notice bullies, I tend to keep an eye on them more than my own, I don't want other little ones getting hurt. DS2 was standing on top of a slide and a much older boy barrelled up the wrong way and push him with both hands to his chest. DS2 is quite tall for his age but rather slim, and only just 2 at the time. I told the older kid off loud enough for every parent in ear shot to hear, the mother who was sitting not far from me said nothing.

MrsDribbleDrawers

31-08-2007, 09:35

As a parent of big kids, I think it is okay for you to politely and firmly speak to them, but do not yell at them!! Sometimes in those situations, kids can forget just how big they are when littlies are around, and they just need to be reminded.

~Emmylou~

31-08-2007, 09:49

I totally know what you mean.

I unwittingly took DD to a playcentre during school holidays recently - it was absolutely packed and there were lots of older kids - as in 8-10 year olds.

DD got knocked on her butt about 3 times and pushed and shoved and stood on more times than I could count...she actually asked me if we could go home - usually I have to drag her out kicking and screaming. It was just SO full on.

I have no problem though pulling a kid up if they're being rough and their parents are ignoring it.

I figure they'd rather I say something now, than they have to apologise to me and my DD if their kid actually hurts her.

I don't really give a toss, if they won't do it I will :devil6:

mel04

31-08-2007, 09:52

If they are being a bully on purpose i speak up, if they are just getting a little over excited and my girls aren't being hurt then no i don't.
I think it's important to stand back sometimes and let them work it out for themselves. Obviously not if they are hurt or really upset, but it's good for them to just pick themselves and "shake it off" as i tell my girls, because there will be times that we won't be there to protect them.
DD1 knows to say "no, don't push/bite etc". Then if they keep doing it she comes and tells me.
If either of my girls hurt someone on purpose i would have no problem with another parent saying something to them, as long as they don't yell or anything.

Mumma2Jack

31-08-2007, 09:54

I think everyone has been through this.
My 3yr neice told some "'big kids"' a few weeks ago to play nice and stop being rough.
Si if a three year old knows then a 10 yr old should!

If it was my child being rough,i wouldnt have a problem with them being told by others.
Somtimes kids take more notice comming from a stranger than their own parents!

missie_mack

31-08-2007, 09:56

I had this situation a couple of months ago. A 3 or 4 year old decided to try and conciously stomp on my then 9 month old who was crawling around. I yelled at the kid. At the time I felt later I had perhaps done the wrong thing but now I would probably do the same thing again. He couldve seriously hurt my baby.
But in general after asking a few different Mummies my course of action for general naughtiness is to loudly say "Where are your Mummy or Daddy?? Do they know what you are being naughty??" Hopefully it will embarrass the parent enough to pay more attention...

abibelsmum

31-08-2007, 10:42

I will intervene if my child is getting hurt / bullied. I will also physically stop another child to protect my child (I've been hit getting between my child and another who was trying to hit her).

I had once instance though which was hard to do much about - we were at a play centre early so there were only 2 children there; DD1 and another girl. The other girl had just been left to play by her mother - don't know where she was. Anyway she wasn't capable of amusing herself but kept wanting to interfere with us. DD1 went into one of 2 playhouses. This girl followed and started taking over, even though there was another house 1 metre away which was empty. I then suggested to DD1 that we go to the swing - this girl then ran out of the house and headed for the swing. So DD1 and I stayed playing at the house. Then DD1 decided she wanted to go to the rollercoaster so we started to head over there. The girl left the swing and ran as fast as she could to get to the rollercoaster before us. It was all really annoying because she didn't want to join in, just take over. Eventually DD1 and I went to have morning tea and wait for a few more kids to turn up to take the girl's attention.

mum2bubba

31-08-2007, 11:20

This is one of my pet hates, when parents don't watch their kids. Hayley is 2 and a half and I still watch her like a hawk at playgrounds.

Mamaduke

31-08-2007, 12:12

The opposite has happened to me.
Jesse was playing in the toddler area (he was at the appropriate age to be in there) and was on one of those roller coaster things. There was a whole group of crawlers in there and their mothers were sitting outside the area, yacking, drinking coffees, not watching their little ones.
As Jesse was riding the little car down the the roller coaster ramp one of the crawlers tried to stand up to watch him and they fell over and started to cry. The mother turned around just as Jesse was going past on his car and yelled, "HEY, BE CAREFUL!" I was in the area and told her that her little one had fallen trying to stand themselves up, not because of Jesse.
"Well he's too old to be in there any way" she snapped. I told her he wasn't and that if she was concerned with her child's safety that it may help if she didn't sit with her back to her child.
"OH GET STUFFED!" she screamed at me :eek:
I was gob-smacked..."Oh, nice language if front the children you're so concerned about protecting!" I remarked.
I really thought that she was going to invite me to take it outside...it was so unnecessary!
So it does go both ways, a lot of Mums seem to think that when their toddlers are in the enclosed toddler area that they're safe and they can get back to gas-bagging instead of watching out for them.

Myztik

31-08-2007, 12:25

I get really frustrated with this and will quite often tell bigger kids to get out of the toddler section/stop throwing balls at the toddlers etc and I usually say it loud enough for people sitting at the tables to hear.. Or I ask the kid where there mum is and go ask her to sort her children out because my child has just been hurt by them..

Refresh

31-08-2007, 16:10

I know what you mean, everyone should take responsibilty for their own kids. The opposite is alos true though....I have noticed that parents who only have small children (especially mums of girls...) will automatically assume the worst of older kids:( My 7 year old absolutely LOVES babies and toddlers and would never ever intentioally hurt one and would go out of his way to help...kids are kds though and they have a right to play there too....they are still little themselves and do get carried away.

They are just as precious to us as they were when they were little so, like someone else said, it is ok to ask them nicely to be careful but NOT to yell at them:no:

ETA I just went back and read your post MD!....:( All parents need to be responsible for watching their own kids in these kind of places...those with babies, toddlers and older kids....it would be lovely if mums could show each other some love and compassion too. Kids are kids and they are all special, I dont need other parents looking at my 7 year old like he isout to get their little ones...most bigger kids on the whole are GREAT with toddlers, theyreally are. Obviuously intentional bullying is not OK but it should still be dealt with in a civil manner parent to parent.

mum2bubba

31-08-2007, 17:41

At playgroup there are a few kids that try and ride those ride-on cars down the slide, do their parents say anything? Nooooo. :rolleyes: :mad:

Squeegee

31-08-2007, 17:57

As a teacher I find it difficult not to say things to kids. I always use language that tells the kid what they should be doing such as "we must be careful with others" but will include direct "stop"s if necessary.

However I have become a little timid as another mother "went" me one day. I was using a photo machine thingy (to print didgital photos) and I had just spent 30 mins selecting and editing photos. Three young (under 10)boys came out of pixie photos and touched every machine as they went past:mad: . I said to them "Can you guys not?" The mum looked at me and said loudly "it's not really your place to say that!" What's with that? :eek: I was gobsmacked and just stood there looking at her as though to say what an over reaction! So as I said I can be a little timid when mothers are around...

punkbaby

31-08-2007, 18:00

i am dreading going through this again some kids are so rough and the parents dont even seem to notice. DH is horrible if kids push ours out the way he will just glare at them or say loudly "where are the parents dont they watch their kids" usually that works whereas i am more mellow and tend to just leave :(

TreeFrog

31-08-2007, 20:15

I had this situation and posted a thread about 2 weeks ago although it was at a dance class and the kids WERE being watched by their parents....A little girl kept pushing my DD while she was trying to dance and the mum just kept smiling at her, eventually i piped up and said "Annalyse is here to dance, If you dont want to dance then please move away" I copped a few dirty looks off the parent and the daughter went crying, but i didnt care. My daughter has every right as every other child and if the parent is not doing their job then ill step in and say so, especially if it endangers my child!!

That sounds similar to a situation we had at a dance class with my DD. But it was more to do with a mother's older sons (school age) mucking up and being extremely distracting whilst the little 3-5 y/os were dancing. It distracted my daughter terribly. The mum just chatted away oblivious.

I have since pulled my DD out of the class anyway. She was not overly keen in the end, and the other mum's misbehaving children was just the icing on the cake. It did contribute to my DD not being as involved. I'll wait until she is older, when she is really keen and parents and siblings are not encouraged to come watch the class. I think under the age of 5 years, they like parents to observe. Having siblings hanging around was incredibly annoying. They even made a point of upsetting their own sister during the class as well.

my_lot

31-08-2007, 21:08

i agree with you Ffrenchstar [QUOTE]They are just as precious to us as they were when they were little so, like someone else said, it is ok to ask them nicely to be careful but NOT to yell at them[QUOTE]

and mumaduke that some mothers are ready to pounce on older children and point a blaming finger without actually seeing whats gone on-

it just isnt fair. the older kids are more often than not there with a younger sibling and just get carried away so what? just because they run past your toddler quickly or want to get past them maybe in a game of chasey doesnt mean they are out to harm your toddler/baby.....wait til the day your little todder is the older kid running around!! you think your going to stop your 8 yr old from having fun or will you run around after them watching they dont go near a toddler or better yet just sit them on the side lines so they can watch their younger sibling/s??

my older two children aged 8 and 10 love toddlers and babies they will sit by them and play...offer to hold a toddler on their lap down a slide or hold their hands up stairs on playgrounds yet they have been on the recieving end of paranoid parent syndrome and been yelled at for running, peddling a tram too fast!? not stopping a swing as a toddler ran infront of it!!! throwing balls up in the air in a ball pit as a toddler was entering from another end and even for falling over and into a bouncing toddler on a jumping castle!
ive seen other kids yelled at, parents eyes rolling at each other as older kids as the go by...snide remarks about a certain child being 'feral' because theres no parent on their tail.

they are just kids too. if you come across a child that your sure is going to hurt then talk to them, even ask where their parent is and talk to the parent.

dont yell at someone elses child- its not your place.

be brave go and confront the parent face to face!!

Refresh

31-08-2007, 21:23

Yes, it makes me sad for my beautiful son My lot:(

It seems parents of just little children (and 7, 8, 9 , 10 is really still pretty little mind you!) automatically assume the worst of older children....I dont want that for my son that he gets mean looks from parents (or ignored) just for being in a playcentre...I really cant stand those places anyway...

I had once instance though which was hard to do much about - we were at a play centre early so there were only 2 children there; DD1 and another girl. The other girl had just been left to play by her mother - don't know where she was. Anyway she wasn't capable of amusing herself but kept wanting to interfere with us. DD1 went into one of 2 playhouses. This girl followed and started taking over, even though there was another house 1 metre away which was empty. I then suggested to DD1 that we go to the swing - this girl then ran out of the house and headed for the swing. So DD1 and I stayed playing at the house. Then DD1 decided she wanted to go to the rollercoaster so we started to head over there. The girl left the swing and ran as fast as she could to get to the rollercoaster before us. It was all really annoying because she didn't want to join in, just take over. Eventually DD1 and I went to have morning tea and wait for a few more kids to turn up to take the girl's attention.

Is there a reason why you couldnt just include her in a game with your DD? SHe was obviously lonely and just wanting to play...that is what kids do:( they are drawn to other kids.

alanasmum

31-08-2007, 21:33

I'm so glad to see so many replies and hear stories from both sides.

As DD is only 14 months old I really do see her as a baby and am always with her while she plays because she can get pushed over so quickly or bullied so easily and I want to be there to protect her and teach her right from wrong. I hope that by the time she is one of the bigger kiddies that I have taught her how to act around littlies.

I guess the moral of the story is... keep a close eye on your kids (big and small), don't yell at a child if you believe he/she has done something wrong - address the situation calmly, and don't jump to any conclusions if you haven't seen exactly what has happened.

On a positive note, recently I was at a play centre and started chatting to a mum who had a 4 year old and a toddler the same age as DD. They were all playing together and the mum was saying how much her older child loved being a big sister. The 4 year old spent the rest of the play session following DD around, making sure she was okay, helping her up when she fell and giving her the occasional cuddle. :hugs:

Refresh

31-08-2007, 21:41

I guess the moral of the story is... keep a close eye on your kids (big and small), don't yell at a child if you believe he/she has done something wrong - address the situation calmly, and don't jump to any conclusions if you haven't seen exactly what has happened.

Well said...kids are kids and the need supervision...that is what playcentres are all about....the kids, not the parents:) It isnt a babysitting centre.....

Seekrit

31-08-2007, 21:47

Last time I went to a playcentre I had one boy going after my lad, he did it a few times. First two times (he was WAY too old for a toddler area, but his parents were sipping coffee well away from it) I comforted Cobes (who'd been pushed over or had things snatched) and glared at the kid's parents (who weren't looking) the 3rd time that he went NEAR Cobes I had full intent to tell him off and then go to his parents and let them know what their child was doing.

Cobey also walked towards the jumping castle when I had my back turned to find a high chair, before he was even near it, a girl got down walked over to him and fair shoved him over. What did I do? I picked him up, glared at the girl and called her a "Mean, nasty, NAUGHTY little girl." then looked around for her parents (again, no one watching.. sigh..) and then remarked to Cobey how it was a mean thing for someone to do to him.

I really really dislike how people don't watch their kids in places like that.

Refresh

31-08-2007, 21:52

Hey Nikki, you know I luv ya.....but what if it were reversed and you turned your back for one second to get a highchair and Cobey pushed someone over (when he's bigger) and some parent called him a mean nasty naughty little boy?

I just dont think anger towards children is justified at all because everyone loses.

I agree with you, I dont like seeing big kids in the toddler area especially when it is clearly signed for under 2's or whatever. That should be a place where bubbas can play safely.

my_lot

31-08-2007, 21:54

) and called her a "Mean, nasty, NAUGHTY little girl.".

hhhm..... did that make you feel better?

probably would have been more mature to ask where her parents were and talk to them.

Seekrit

31-08-2007, 21:57

Gosh yeah it made me feel better.
If Cobey pushed over a kid I'd be mortified. I wouldn't take my eyes off him long enough to realise that he'd done something and that someone was talking to him, or comforting their screaming child while talking to them.

Mature, possibly.. but there's also the mother bear of my child getting hurt, maliciously, by an older child who showed callousness and no remorse. (climbing off a play structure to deliberately place two hands on a smaller baby and push. then stand back and watch.)

Refresh

31-08-2007, 22:05

If Cobey pushed over a kid I'd be mortified.
Same here and it is a horrible feeling, and embarrassing, saddening and all the rest....even the most beautiful of children (like mine of course:laughing: ) can have a moment of insanity lol....I am like you though, ever take my eyes off them, not even my 7 year old.

my_lot

31-08-2007, 22:11

ok so you say the kid hurt your son but a lot of times my children have been spoken to in the same nasty tone and have done nothing wrong.

its so much better to go to their parent, children really dont like being "dobbed on" to their parent.

i know for sure my kids are more scared of getting into trouble from me than a crazy stranger yelling at them...

Seekrit

31-08-2007, 22:12

I know my neices and nephews pull into line when I stranger talks to them.. and chuck a mass tanty when their parents do. :p

mum2bubba

31-08-2007, 22:22

A few months ago we went out for dinner and there was a play area, we sat right next to it (it was indoors) and you could clearly see in. The sign on the door said "for children UNDER 11 years" there were a few babies and toddlers in there as well as some teenagers, the teens were climbing all over the place and throwing balls at one another. A few times some of the younger kids were almost hit (accidently). My SIL told the teens that they shouldn't be in there but they didn't budge so she got the a staff member. I mean, they COULD have been in there minding a younger sibling or whatever but they didn't have to almost trample on the babies and almost hit them with those coloured balls. :mad:

missie_mack

31-08-2007, 22:47

ok so you say the kid hurt your son but a lot of times my children have been spoken to in the same nasty tone and have done nothing wrong.

its so much better to go to their parent, children really dont like being "dobbed on" to their parent.

Can I ask how you identify the parent when she isn't watching the child and the kid doesn't run directly to them. You can ask plenty of kids where their parent is and they just ignorantly shrug and run along.

I wouldn't speak to anyones child in a tone of any kind unless I had seen the whole situation. But if that was my baby that girl had ran to just for the purpose of pushing over and I had witnessed the whole situation I wouldve told her she was naughty. I also probably would've used a tone too. Reverse the situation and fast forward a couple of years and someone tells my son he is naughty in a tone for doing the same thing. You will find that I will agree and accept that he deserves to be reminded that it is wrong and that he is naughty!
How badly does a child have to be hurt by another child before it is understandable that a parent speaks to the offending child in a 'tone'??

However I don't think it is right to yell at a child for something you think they possibly might do. Just a be careful in generally suffice.

abibelsmum

01-09-2007, 16:17

aquarius

03-09-2007, 02:15

We tried to have her play with us - she wasn't interested in joining in, just in trying to take over whatever we were doing. Which is sad since DD1 usually makes friends whenever we stop at a playground.

yeh this happened to my friend's 18 mth old DD the other day at the playground, an older boy wouldn't let her have a go at turning a big metal steering wheel, my friend asked nicely if her DD could have a go but he just ignored her, then when he ran off to do something else i walked DD over to the steering wheel, but the boy saw us and suddenly he ran over as fast as he could and got to the steering wheel before us, just so poor little DD couldn't have a go :( dunno where his parent/s were