What Do I Do????

[jaydensmum]

Hi everyone. Well im not really sure where to start. Im not sure if what my DS does is normal or not. He has tantrums that just blow out of control and now he is getting violent! :eek: He gets so worked up and you can see on his face he just cant calm down. He also has no attention span which makes it difficult at times. He now wont sleep until ridiculous hours and it has to be in our room, he wont sleep in his room anymore. My DH and i are getting very frustrated and i dont know where to turn. Hes naughty all the time now and just doesnt stop. It has got to the point that i cant leave the unit with him unless my DH is with me cause i just cant handle him in public. No form of disipline works on him, he just doesnt respond to anything. Im so tired, frustrated and just had enough!!!! :banghead: What do i do??? Is this normal? :confused: Some people have said that maybe he has ADHD and im starting to think that they are right. I dont want to go diagnosing things though, thats why i want to see what you all think. I dont know whats normal for a toddler and whats not. Im thinking its bad though cause even the kindy are making comments about him and they deal with 2yr olds everyday!! :crying:

[majano]

I'm sorry you're having such a tough time. :hugs:
I don't really have any knowledge or experience in this area, but I do think it sounds a little beyond the norm; perhaps you should take him to see someone.

[jaydensmum]

Thanks! :hugs: Like i said i have no idea of whats normal or not. I just cant handle it much more, im exhausted!! :gloomy:

[majano]

After having some more thought on the subject, your 2yo's behaviour does sound a lot like my cousin when he was around that age. He was diagnosed with ADHD (or something similar to that, I'm not completely familiar with the terms) - and I remember him being on medication for awhile. He is now a healthy, happy, level-headed 20yo who is an auto mechanic, with a lovely girlfriend. (Sorry, not meaning to go off-subject but just giving you some insight to someone else's scenario.)

:fingerscrossed: :)

[OJandMe]

honestly.... he sounds like mine.

They are both like this. I'm pulling my hair out.

But you know what? It can get better.

Oliver used to sleep in our bed EVERY NIGHT... it drove us mad...

but what I did.. was catch him before he got to our room..

I'd pick him up, (kicking screaming and frothing at the mouth)
Tell him "back to Oliver's bed"

then I took him back to his room... and put him back in his bed..

he went off! clawing and screaming at me, calling out to Daddy.. making himself sick.

I just cleaned him up, cleaned up his bed, and put him back again.
And I have to admit... I gave him a smack. I told him to lie down, and I gave him a smack. And when he got up, I gave him another one.. :o

But then I sat next to his bed... and said NOTHING except "sleep" everytime he started going on.. i just said "sleep"

I sat there for an hour... he went on for an hour.. then he went to sleep..

It takes about a week.. but eventually they realise there is absolutely NO PAYOFF for them coming in to bed with you.

That's what I'm trying to do with my boys behaviours... don't give them any payoff for being disobediant/aggressive/naughty.

I don't know your circumstances.... but I don't think your son has ADHD... it's a bit too early to diagnose.

[jaydensmum]

Wow gretel!!! Well done with your son, thats a fantastic effort!! :yelclap: I think both my DH and i are going to have to be a bit more assertive with the bed time routine. We have done what you are saying but our DS is VERY stubborn. The longest we did it for was 3hours and then we gave in cause we were both stuffed. We'll try again and see how we go. :yes: With his behaviour during the day i dont know. I think i need lessons about toddlers behaviour. I arranged an appoinment with early childhood centre for his behaviour and hopefully they can help me!! :fingerscrossed:

[anscje]

Hi There,

I have been having the same trouble with DS at the moment as well.

I found that starting a whole new daytime routine has helped. He was different though in that he was an :angel: at kindy but a :devil6: at home.

As for the sleeping we put DS to bed at his normal time and he can stay awake all night yelling and screaming but we don't let him out. After a week of this he finally learnt to sleep by himself.

I know it's hard and one night we had 3 hours of non stop screaming in his room from 11pm - 2am and I almost caved several times but DH advised me against it - best thing I ever did!!!

Might not be your thing but have you considered installing a toddler gate across his bedroom door frame to stop him from getting out of his room??

This is the only way we can keep DS in his room and stop him from coming into us. Might seem a bit cruel but it has given us months of peaceful sleep since we had it installed.

Oh and a note on the gate - you can lock it so they can't open it, but once they get older like my DS is now 2 1/2 we take off the child lock before we go to bed while he is still sleeping and then when he wakes up in the morning he can come into us. But only once he had learnt what times were considered normal hours to be up in the morning :)

Good luck!!! :hugs:

[jaydensmum]

Well here i am giving it another go. Ive put him into his bed at 6.30 and hes still crying and trying to get out, almost 2hrs later.:eek: Its getting so much but i have to be strong!!! :yes:

[Kadwil]

It sounds so hard! Stay strong - remember, short term pain, long term gain (like labour, really! ha ha)

[Elfin]

Naomi, I feel your pain I really do but stay strong:yes: Be consistent and calm.

My dd has just come through all this type of behaviour she was very agressive too, there is light at the end of the tunnel. My dd is delightful now she is still spirited but that is just her but she has more self control now. These are some of the things I tried that helped:

- time out on the chair

- childcare helped an awful lot, helped with the social skills and she learnt the hard way that not all children would tolerate agression from her and they may retailiate in kind. She really stopped the agression quickly after a few run ins with fiesty children

- cutting out as many preservatives as possible and artificial colours. 282 found in bread products and refridgerated pasta sent her wild. The same with the colours. Changing the diet did help. I also tried fish oil capsules but found that in our case there was no impact on the behaviour but it could be worth a try.

- reading Raising the Spirited Child, highly recommend this book helped me to understand her.

- setting boundaries, like when we went out beforehand I would tell her the behaviour I expected then rewarding her if she was good eg with a sticker. Same with bedtime give ample warning set up a good routine then bed, no bending. Make life predictable.

Nothing was a single panacea but together I found these things worked some better than others at times. I think it is great you are seeing your child health centre as they may be able to offer something.

Some children are more strong willed than others and get frustrated easily which often translates into aggression. I learnt to pick my fights. Obviously if you are worried and see the behaviour getting worse or if it is unusual see your GP to get piece of mind.

[abibelsmum]

I haven't had this problem but have got a couple of different suggestions that may or may not be of use.

One friend was having a problem with her 2 y/o and his behaviour and finally worked out he had an allergy to a chemical found in fruits and things. When she eliminated those from his diet he was a lot better. So perhaps your child has an intolerance for certain foods? Not sure how you find out, except for doing web research on symptoms or just starting an elimination diet and then gradually reintroducing different foods.

From a completely different perspective I was reading a book about getting kids to be in control and it said that rather than sending them to time out or the naughty corner, that they have a quiet space in which to calm down and regain control. It could be a table where they can sit and draw or read or book or do something else quiet. The idea is that they sit their until they feel they are calm and ready to interact again. I like the thought of helping them to calm down, but I don't know how this would help trying to get out of the house by a certain time when they won't put their shoes on etc.

Good Luck :wizard:

[greengables]

honestly.... he sounds like mine.

They are both like this. I'm pulling my hair out.

But you know what? It can get better.

Oliver used to sleep in our bed EVERY NIGHT... it drove us mad...

but what I did.. was catch him before he got to our room..

I'd pick him up, (kicking screaming and frothing at the mouth)
Tell him "back to Oliver's bed"

then I took him back to his room... and put him back in his bed..

he went off! clawing and screaming at me, calling out to Daddy.. making himself sick.

I just cleaned him up, cleaned up his bed, and put him back again.
And I have to admit... I gave him a smack. I told him to lie down, and I gave him a smack. And when he got up, I gave him another one.. :o

But then I sat next to his bed... and said NOTHING except "sleep" everytime he started going on.. i just said "sleep"

I sat there for an hour... he went on for an hour.. then he went to sleep..

It takes about a week.. but eventually they realise there is absolutely NO PAYOFF for them coming in to bed with you.

That's what I'm trying to do with my boys behaviours... don't give them any payoff for being disobediant/aggressive/naughty.

I don't know your circumstances.... but I don't think your son has ADHD... it's a bit too early to diagnose.
Wow! Amazing! Fabulous :) LOve it!

[jaydensmum]

Thanks for your suggestions, ill give them a try! :yes: Well tonight i got upset with DH. My DS started to settle in his bed after 3.5hrs of fighting him and then he heard his dad. So then the whole thing blew out of the water. My DH gave in and told him to go to the cot in our room. So now i have to start again tonight in his room. :banghead: I explained to DH what i was trying to do and now he understands. So hopefully we'll do better now tonight. :fingerscrossed:

[SuperMumma]

GOOD LUCK TONIGHT!!!

I think the best way is to make up your mind on what is going to happen and stick to it no matter what, even though DD isn't at that stage yet. I know its not the same thing but when I decided that DD wasn't going to have a night time bottle anymore I just made the decision and put all the bottles in the bin. Then that night I just had to say no more, she had no other choice but to go back to sleep.

I also do that sort of thing with putting her in time out, I check on her every 2 minutes and ask her if she is ready to say sorry for not doing what mummy asked her to do and give me a cuddle. I can see how soon she will jsut say it quick so she comes back out though... dont know what will happen then!

[jaydensmum]

Well tonight he went to sleep within half an hour!!!!!!!:smiliedance: :smiliedance: It had a lot to do with him being so exhausted from today but hes asleep in his bed.:yelclap: Please stay there little man!!! :fingerscrossed:

[jaydensmum]

Well it didnt go well last night!!! :no: He stayed in his bed until 9.30pm and then my DH came home which again stuffed everything up. He ended up staying up until 1am!!!!:eek: He then slept on the lounge!!:thumbsdown: What am i going to do?? Im stuffed!! :banghead:

[InSaneOne]

Might not be your thing but have you considered installing a toddler gate across his bedroom door frame to stop him from getting out of his room??

This is the only way we can keep DS in his room and stop him from coming into us. Might seem a bit cruel but it has given us months of peaceful sleep since we had it installed.

Oh and a note on the gate - you can lock it so they can't open it, but once they get older like my DS is now 2 1/2 we take off the child lock before we go to bed while he is still sleeping and then when he wakes up in the morning he can come into us. But only once he had learnt what times were considered normal hours to be up in the morning :)

Good luck!!! :hugs:


this is what we have done too.
if it gets to the trash the room stage remove everything except the bed from his room and just let him go until he falls asleep. then pick him up and put him to bed. after a few nights like this he will get the idea and fall asleep in the bed. when he goes to sleep straight away place a few toys in his room for him to play with when he wakes up. beth goes right to sleep in her bed and in the morning we can hear her playing for a bit with her toys before she calls out to us to get her. in a couple of months we plan to open the gate before we go to sleep so she can come out on her own.

[InSaneOne]

oh and it is so worth the money getting the metal gates that cost about $90. the kids can't open them (my 3 year old neice can't and she is a houdini) and they are tall enough that you can step over them if you have to but they can't climb over then. and if you put it on the inside of the door frame it definately won't come loose (but you can't close the door either)

[jaydensmum]

Those gates unfortunately dont work with him. He knows how to undo them and climb over it!!! :thumbsdown: We had one for the kitchen and then we just gave up cause he kept undoing it!

[jaydensmum]

Well tonight ive tried a new method. Ive basically locked him into his room. It sounds horrible to write but its worked. :yes: It took 2hrs to get him to sleep but thats cause he was talking to his sister. Once i took her out of there he went to sleep within 15 mins!!:D The only thing im concerned about is having to take my DD out of her own bed cause of it. Im worried that she will get used to sleeping in our room and i dont want that!:no:

[jaydensmum]

Well an update!! Jayden has slept in his bed for the last 3 days!!!! :smiliedance: Ive had to lock him into his room and the first day it took a while for him to settle. Tonight though he took 5mins to go to sleep without fighting. :yelclap: I still had to lock the door but he settled pretty much straight away. I so hope it stays this way. Im thinking of locking his door for a wk and then take it off and see if he stays in there. I know it sounds horrible but it was something i had to do for our family. None of us were getting any sleep and it was really affecting us all during the day. He seems much better during the day with having proper sleep. Also hes wanting a day sleep too, which is fantastic. :yes: He didnt have one today but he got up a bit later than the other two days. We still have his appointment with the nurse on mon. I still have some issues with him that we need to fix. Im so happy that we made a start!! :D