Do you feel too much pressure to be the Perfect Parent? [Archive]

Freya

27-08-2007, 10:22

javalava

27-08-2007, 10:23

Absolutely!!! Everybody feels the need to make it their buisness what we do with our children and our lives. Thats my personal opinion anyway. Im always putting myself down about not doing a good enough job.

Id like to know who is 100% completely happy with the way they parent their kids??

biscotti

27-08-2007, 10:26

ooooh, this is interesting.

I put a lot of pressure on myself, not so much to be the perfect parent but to be the best parent I can be.

I know I do it to myself but I can't stop it, so I think it is just the way I am.

Our children are turning out to be bright, interesting, high achieving, considerate, caring, gorgeous human beings who best of all are good people, so I must be doing something right :D

Would they have these characteristics if I didn't put so much pressure on myself hmmmmmm:detective:

BubbaNoogie

27-08-2007, 10:35

~mia&ryan~

27-08-2007, 10:58

No.
I don't pressure myself or let other people pressure me to be the perfect parent.
Nobody is perfect.
I just go with the flow and do the best I can do. My girls are happy and healthy, so I must be doing something right.
That is exactly what I was going to say.. I feel no pressure, I feel completely happy in every single thing I do and have done for my family.. No one can ever make me feel any different..

Mummaof2

27-08-2007, 11:27

I dont feel pressured to be the Perfect mum. Nobody is perfect. I do everything I can to make sure my children are happy and healthy which they are.

Sometimes my parents make me feel like I am pressured well not so much pressured but made to feel like I need to put my life on hold to be a perfect mum and but now I just tell them that if Im not happy then my children wont be happy, I'm a grown women and no the right choices to make in my life and my childrens lives to make sure they stay happy and healthy.

Mahjong

27-08-2007, 11:33

Yes, I do feel the pressure at times.

But, I try to take a step back and put things into perspective.

People may look like they are the perfect parent and have the perfect life etc... you dont know what goes on behind closed doors.

mum_inlove

27-08-2007, 11:45

Hmm..sometimes, but only from close families..Especially in the first few months, as I was still learning, too. I used to get so nervous whenever i was around my mom coz i felt like i was being watch by her, i still do. But im gaining confidence as everyone tell me that Lloyd is one happy boy, so me and dh decide on the things that we think will be the best for him. So when people does say something to me, I just say that I appreciate their opinion and store the information somewhere in my head..But now im so much more at ease..:thumbsup:

Hollywood

27-08-2007, 12:09

No, I don't. I just do the best I know how, and have fun with DS. I follow my instincts and couldn't give a monkeys uncle what anyone thinks. Life is too short to compare my life to anyone else's.

sunnyflower

27-08-2007, 12:12

Yes sometime i get stressed and wonder whether i am a good enough mother.However i get compliments all the time about what a beautiful little boy he is so i must be:p doing something right!!

pookiesossige

27-08-2007, 12:24

Yeah... kinda. At times, I definetly do. But I am getting better of 'letting go' and I tend to do things my way - whatever that way is- most of the time.

So I voted yes, but needed a middle option :D

Nan

27-08-2007, 15:46

I don't actually! So long as I'm doing the best I can with what I've got, that's good enough for me.

anscje

27-08-2007, 16:07

I do feel alot of pressure but it doesn't really come from anyone in particular, just my own general feelings.

The only thing I have had said to me was from friends who have more than one child and they always say "man you are so lucky to have all that time on your hands with just the one".

The kinda makes me feel a bit pressured that I should be supermum just because I only have one child to take care of.

Supermum I ain't and never will be :D

Everyone does the best they can in their own situation and there is no such thing as perfect and there never should be any pressure to be one :yelclap:

:hugs:

Seekrit

27-08-2007, 16:49

I don't feel pressure, perse, but when I mention I do something with cobes and other mothers quickly tell me what would be better, or how they do it (in that pushy "omg you do what" kinda tone) I feel a bit clumsy.. I guess that's the best way to put it

Aquamarine

27-08-2007, 16:51

Yes, but only sometimes.

jaydensmum

27-08-2007, 17:04

Yes definetly!!!:yes: Im a young mum and theres a lot of expectations i feel for young mums to uphold to. I feel that im doing the best that i can do as a mum and i dont feel that my age influences on that. Theres a lot of pressure these days on parenthood but we need to try and forget about them and do the best we can do! :yes:

Faithie

27-08-2007, 17:54

Everyone is so opinionated when it comes to parenting, I used to feel that i had to make sure my children were always dressed well, always polite and that i was involved with them every second of the day.

I felt the pressure to be that so called "super mum" I even convinced myself that i had to be. It drove me crazy.

Than we had our second son and i felt horrible because i couldn't be the same "super mum" that i had worked so hard at being with Zachary.

I thought everyone was judging me as everyone had their own opinion's on everything i did and constantly voiced them.

A lot of the time i was getting told how proud they were of me and how good my boys were but i think i was still trying so hard to be that person.

Now I feel comfortable, I do my best at being a mum and give my lil ones everything i have to offer and if thats not good enougth for someone else i don't really care. I'll listen and appriciate what they to say. As long as i know that how we do things is what works well for and is the right way for our family.

k2ma

27-08-2007, 20:19

The pressure comes from within!!
Don't really think anyone else has the time or the inclination to sit in judgement of me all day...I hope not anyway!

moonblossom

27-08-2007, 20:36

hayleysmummy

27-08-2007, 20:43

Yep sure do but I'm at the point now where I dont give 2 hoots anymore I'm just a good a mum as any other

Duchessa

27-08-2007, 20:48

No - I don't feel too much pressure. I do feel a certain amount of pressure (that I place upon myself) to parent well, but I think it is a positive and constructive thing. It helps me keep trying to do better which has to be a good thing for anything we apply ourselves to in our life!

melfunction

27-08-2007, 20:48

I put a lot of pressure on myself because for more than half my life, I haven't had a mother and I feel I have a lot to prove to myself.

Areca

27-08-2007, 20:53

No I don't. I put pressure on myself sometimes to be the best parent I can be, but I don't feel pressured by others. I'm confident with what I'm doing for my child.

Veritas

27-08-2007, 21:40

No absolutely not. I've always done things my way. I am human, and make mistakes and my children knows this.

I am far from perfect, but I do my best, and they know that and love me for it.

:thumbsup:

Agree totally... the mistakes I have made and daresay will continue to make are what make me who I am.... the way I learn from and use any mistakes in a positive manner is the example I want to set for my DD....

So no I do not feel pressure to be some "idealistic" perfect parent.... I don't fit anyones mould, never will and don't expect my DD to either....

I haven't, don't and never will respect the opinion of anyone who feels they have the right to judge another.... so the only pressure I will ever feel on my ability to parent will come from me....

I do however feel that some people feel the need to make parenting into a competition... but from observation it tends to be those that think there is some idealistic parenting norm that they should aspire to.... JMO....

busymummyof4

27-08-2007, 22:55

YES = in one word

I'm very much trying to change that feeling though :cool: .

There was a segment on the Morning Show today about children's birthday parties and the money being spent on them. Its frightening.
One of the reasons people have such elaborate celebrations is because they don't like to say NO to their kids. The other reason is to keep up with what every one else is doing and some!!

I am pretty tough on my kids at times, but no is no and I think I learnt the hard and fast way and it did me no harm. I'm back to the basics.

I think if you love them and show them that love, your 90% of the way there

Be kind to yourselves everyone!!

KapowSchazam

27-08-2007, 23:55

YES self-inflicted

bipster

28-08-2007, 07:33

I think I put pressure on myself to be a 'good' parent, I gave up trying to be perfect early on, but I also put pressure on myself to be a good wife and to be true to myself and my potential. For example I put pressure on myself to do something useful every day rather than watching daytime television YKWIM but I don't think I feel that pressure from anyone else at all, its more just pride in myself.

But at the same time I think society has definitely changed and its opinion of mothers, especially SAHM, has changed. We are looked down on to some extent now and perhaps some of my drive comes from a personal need to justify my choice to be at home both to myself and to others. As a result I spend a lot of time doing voluntary work - for playgroup, for Kindy, for my non profit org. etc as well as the time I spend on being a good mother, good wife, etc.

Is the Supermum syndrome to blame for the pressure mothers feel to do this?? Probably. but also the upbringing and education of girls which promises you can have a career and be anything you want to, contributes to this need to be more & to do more. I'm not saying this is a negative because its not, its great but finding where motherhood fits in with that is a bigger challenge for women than it is for men. I'm sure working mums will know what I mean.

canberramomma

28-08-2007, 10:08

Heel, no!! I used to feel huge pressure to please everyone and 'get it right' but now I just look at my childrens happy faces and count how many times they kiss me and tell me they love me and I know I'm a good parent.

twitch

28-08-2007, 11:12

I think the only pressure I feel is from myself. I feel like I need to be perfect for DD, no one else says anything or makes me feel that way, it's just something I want to do for her.

MomsWINner

28-08-2007, 12:07

When my ds was a newborn I felt immense pressure to be the perfect parent.... now - almost two years on I realise that you can only do what you can and that if my ds is happy, healthy, having fun and developing as he all the books and websites say he should then I believe that my parenting, if not perfect is at least perfectly adequate. I initially placed so much pressure on myself at the birth of ds I wound up with mild pnd....my advise is to just accept the fact that 1st time parenting is scary and we all do the best we can. Then only be concerned with your parenting skills if they are detrimental to your child- the most important thing in your life

Lollie

28-08-2007, 14:24

I feel too much pressure in general, it's so much harder being a mum of twins than a singleton. Everyone watches every little thing we do, it's intimidating. I can feel everyone's beady eyes on me waiting for me to show even just a small crack. They'll be waiting a long time for that day. :D but just between you and I, I do feel the pressure, I silently weave in and out of ignorant crowds of people feeling the pressure building up.

And I lurve my MIL, she never puts any pressure on me at all. :laughing: It's no problem looking after 1 smart alec school aged child, 3 kidlings, keeping a house, doing errands (with them), keeping appointments, shopping, bathing, feeding, playing, etc, etc. My husband gets home once and dinner isn't cooking because I'm caught up breastfeeding. My bad!

So to answer the question yes I do feel the pressure from myself, my family, DH's family & the public. I'd be lying if I said I didn't...

lilpearl

29-08-2007, 11:46

I don't feel pressure from others. I don't care about "keeping up with the Jones's". However, I definately feel pressure to get the balance right. I feel pressure (from myself) to get my own life in gear, and to stay true to myself, and to be a brilliant mother at the same time, and sometimes it's easy to lose yourself while putting all energy into your children - and then your unhappy and that vibe comes back to the children. So yes, it's a choice I make daily to stay positive and put energy into the balance, but sometimes it is stressful, with guilt going either way.

kymmy

03-09-2007, 16:36

I don't feel much pressure from others. More from myself. I have felt this way in various ways since my first child was born. I always worry that my actions are affecting my kids and will have long term effects.
I am stressed because of it. I wish I could believe I was a good Mum. I think I do okay but I know I could do better and that upsets me. I want more time and energy. I want more balance in my life. It upsets me a lot.

Threadkiller

03-09-2007, 19:04

:no: i dont feel presured by self inflicted or by family or friends. i do the best i can and thats good for me.:thumbsup: and if someone was to say i wasnt doing a good enough job then poo on them. :laughing:

tyler's mum

03-09-2007, 20:14

I don't feel pressure from others. I feel pressure from myself. I feel like i need to be a better mum. I offen dont believe im a good enuff. It does'nt help or make me believe its ture. When my mum, dad & friends tell me i'm doin a good job.:D

melannh

05-09-2007, 12:44

I go through waves of feeling pressured, and then at times I feel comfortable with everything. At first, it was really hard - as everyone did things with their baby's one way - and they believe that was the BEST way.. I felt that I was being judged negatively at times - and this came from close family and friends moreso than generally in society as such.

SassyMummy

05-09-2007, 16:09

I feel pressure for sure... but it doesn't always make me do things that I worry I SHOULD be doing...

Like, sometimes I think about all the toys other kids have and want to go nuts and spoil DD... but then I just think, "Well those poor kids have a greater chance of being spoilt little brats... DD will thank me when she's older," and then feel fine about not crumbling under the pressure.

Hokey Pokey

05-09-2007, 18:02

I don't think so..... so voted no.

EskimoMumma

05-09-2007, 18:10

Yes there is that constant pressure out there. We have to be the best in view of society, one tiny mistake and we can be scummy bums.

Of course I dont let it affect me and do not act perfect nor let it worry me

SweetAngels

10-09-2007, 10:31

YES bc i was 17 when i had my 1st. Then when I had my 3rd (at 22) DD's nana came to me and said she'll take my daughter and i can see her every other week, bc she didn't think I could cope with 3 (yes she said it to my face) and my DD would grow up messed up.

Well she txt me a couple of weeks ago telling me i'm doing a really good job raising my children.

I try not to feel pressured but its hard when your a young mum, so sadly yes I do feel pressured. But I do know that I am a great mum and its not to prove anything to any1, its bc I have great kids who make me happy and enjoy motherhood!

jbie

10-09-2007, 10:54

i def feel alot of pressure to do everything to maximise my child's wellbeing... from myself as well as other mums i guess.

every mum has an aspect that she focuses on; but it's not possible to dedicate maximum effort to every aspect; so when you talk to another mum, there'll always be areas where you're trying harder than she is, and areas where she's trying harder than you are.

for instance, my focus is on breastfeeding and reducing chances of ds developing allergies, and on attachment parenting things to boost his confidence and security, and singing to him.
but it gives me less energy to focus on teaching him to crawl.
my girlfriend is the opposite, went to formula and controlled crying pretty early on, but devotes alot of time to physical exercises.
so my son's behind physically, but her son turned out to develop lots of allergies and sleep issues.

i feel pretty **** about my boy not crawling (or maybe he just wants to be a walker/jumper, which he does alot, but he's not interested even in rolling yet). but i figure.... i make up for it in the areas i do focus on, you can't do everything. i used myself and my girlfriend as examples to show that.

so, basically, as mums... because you can only do so much, and you're focusing on other areas, there's always going to be areas that you feel bad about not giving 100% to.

perfection is impossible, so either we can continue feeling ****, or we can accept that it's good enough.

Blessed Mum

10-09-2007, 11:05

No I personally don't feel that way but can see how others may. I am very happy & confident in my parenting & skills & how I am raising my children :)

Queen

11-09-2007, 15:05

Yes, because people seem to be so judgemental of each other and the choices we have made for our children.

fletchersmummy

11-09-2007, 18:39

Yes I do feel pressure, but I think I am starting to come to terms with things a bit more now!
I am single and feel as though people think I am a dole bludging single mum yadayada!

mum2derekandmia

11-09-2007, 22:01

I did especially after my first was born. Now I just try to do what I feel is the best for us all. I do still have days where I think "what sort of parent are you?" but they are not very often and are usually sparked by a very very trying day with my 4 year old boy. But at the end of the day if my kids are happy & laughing I think I'm at least on the right path even if I do make mistakes.

cnk4740

12-09-2007, 10:01

I think that you are right. There is no magic formula. Like everything in life, the longer you go on the more you realise that you don't know and can't control. I think the best that you can do is to be observant and deal with the things that come up. No point in stressing about things that don't happen!!!!

I have two very different children. Different sexes, different mielstones, different natures and different strengths and weaknesses. So far it is working with less is more. They'll get to it when they are ready. Less pressure on the kids and me.

Throw that together with the Theory "No, just because I said so!" and hopefully things won't be too bad...

cnk4740

12-09-2007, 10:04

Fletcher's Mum - My hubby away literally half the time - So glad to get him home. Don't know how you do it. You deserve all the support you can get. One lloving parent is as a lot more than some kids get!

mummy2lara

13-09-2007, 11:23

i must admit i feel ALOT of pressure not just from myself but from my mother in law that i'm just not good enough
to the point where dh and i have had plenty of fights about it
he thinks the sun shines from his mum and she is the worst culprit for my feeling this way

neeny

15-09-2007, 20:48

I quite agree that MIL's can often make you feel inferior - mine has made comments to my mum that because she had 4 kids she knows better! (not in so many words) REally!

We all do the best we can and unfortunately there's plenty of people out there who think they know better.. tell them to go jump is what i say!

broncochik

15-09-2007, 20:56

No i dont feel any pressure, i just try and be the best possible mum i can to my bub. I understand everyone is different, but all i care about is mee, so i dont mind if bub is not doing things like other bubs like starting milestones early.

RainbowStars

16-09-2007, 12:15

There is no such thing as a perfect parent. We all make mistakes and we learn as we go.

Little_Toad

16-09-2007, 12:22

no pressure at all.

Toadlet is fed occasionally, kept happy and clean.

Mum&bubs

16-09-2007, 12:27

No, not really because really there is no such thing as the perfect parent.

Who invented something as the perfect parent anyways? Like, could someone explain what exactly 'the perfect parent' is?

Because in my eyes the perfect parent is someone who supplies a safe, loving home, clothes on their kids, food in their tummy and a whole lot of love!

littlejoy

18-09-2007, 09:51

Yes I feel lots of pressure!!!! Most of it is self inflicted!!!!
Being a parent is the most important "job" in the world there is a lot at stake!!!!
My Mum is a selfish self centred person so I think that sometimes I over compensate so that I am not like her!!! I definately have to watch that or that will cause its own set of problems!!! ha ha ha see I am doing it just in this post!!! Stress stress stress worry worry worry!!!!:laughing:
My son is a very happy and smily little boy so I think so far so good!!!:fingerscrossed:

sockstealingpoltergeist

28-10-2007, 14:24

No I don't, I feel that some one will judge you no matter what you do or choose for your children, becuase it's not what they would do, so I ignore unwarranted advice (mostly from MIL). I am happy being a mum and happy with the way I am- Definately not perfect.

bambi79

28-10-2007, 18:35

No pressure here!
There is definately no such thing as a perfect parent. EVER!
I totally agree with a previous comment, as long as the kids are in a safe enviro. clean, fed, loved....what more is there?
You do what you can, and thats that.

I give my kids soft drink, and in some ppls eyes thats a BIG no no, but oh well, thats my choice! :thumbsup:

madjedjjlill

29-10-2007, 10:02

yes but i think it's self inflicted i want my kids to be happy an the best they can be

kristy_lily

30-10-2007, 21:26

I get pressured a lot from my MIL who thinks she knows best because she raised 5 kids on her own (FIL worked away), never put them in day care and her house was always spotless. When they come to visit she does nothing but complain (goes in one ear and out the other)!

If they want something at the shop and I've got the money they get it but they also know that if I say NO I mean NO. If they trash the house or bedrooms with their toys they know pack them away or they will get thrown out. I also give them chocolate as a treat once a week and they both have fizzy cordial although DD doesn't like the bubbles :laughing:

My house isn't spotless but it isn't dirty either, there is always toys on the floor but you get that with kids...well you do with mine anyway :D

She thinks that because I don't work DD should NOT go to day care, children should stay with you all the time - that's why all her kids are mummy's boys! I need my break twice a week, it's the only thing that keeps me sane at the moment...LOL

Well, that's my 2 cents and my vent for the night :D hope you all don't mind...

brookeme

06-11-2007, 20:29

For sure. But it is all self inflicted and it comes guilt free.(It hasnt always been this way though.)
I feel pressure to get it right for my childrens sake, I do my best and follow what I think is right.
If I dont get it right, or its not working, I change my approach and take it all in as experience. I love learning about my kids and their challenging little ways, every problem that we overcome makes us closer and more capable next time we have a problem. We have rules and I am fair but very consistent. I love it. Challenging isnt it! Im confident that what Im doing is right for my children, and Im not judgemental of others with different opinions with parenting.
Dont worry about what others are doing or saying to their children, worry about your own! You are the only one who will know whats best for your kids.
:thumbsup:

loriemae

15-11-2007, 12:03

Definitely, I feel pressured trying to be the best parent. Though no one is perfect but we parents would really make sure we raise our children's in the right way and we hope that as they grow they will always be walking in the right paths we wished them to be and we always want to protect them.

But I'm having fun being a parent. I can see nothing more rewarding than seeing my baby's sweet smile and calling me mama and loving me. :hugs:

missmoody

17-12-2007, 16:24

I don't feel too much pressure to get everything perfect for my child. I don't really pay attention to the pressures others try and place on me, and I know that nothing can be 'perfect'

forbetoel

17-12-2007, 17:01

I dont feel under pressure to be the perfect parent, because I know there is no such thing. I think the people who like to judge other mothers are the ones who like to pretend they are the perfect parent with the perfect children and perfect home.....they are living an unhappy lie and enjoy making others feel cr@ppy.

I sometimes put pressure on myself to be a better parent, but I think that is a good thing, if I don't challenge myself to do better, then I won't ever do better, and there is always room for improvement, no matter what type of a parent you are.

jessbee

13-01-2008, 16:19

Yes, because as a young mother I am constantly being judged therefore I feel extra pressure to not be classed as a stereotypical teen mother. But I am at a point now where I know that I am a fantastic mother and what other people think is there own insecurity and I shouldn't let it effect how I feel.

I know how you feel. i'm a young first time mum too, and even though im pregnant still, not having a baby yet, i feel like there is so much pressure to do everything right, to eat right, and have everything perfect. i feel as though ppl expect u to know everything straight away, as though it all comes naturally. but its all so confusing. already i feel the pressure to pick the right hospital, ob, even the right school! is this just me? i'm already thinking about when my child is old enough to have children of their own and will i have raised them properly!!:rolleyes:

2sweetgirls

14-01-2008, 08:10

ThomasMum

14-01-2008, 09:43

Perfect parents? I don't think I have ever met one lol. Because everyone has a different opinion about parenting.

Your definition of perfect parent might be different than mine. You might say that perfect parent is a daddy who works and a full time mum. But I might say differently besides its more than just that.
If you know what I mean...

Don't focus on to be a perfect parent, as long as you love your child/ren and your family and do your very best for them, thats all the matter...

:thumbsup:

Benji

14-01-2008, 09:48

I'm starting to feel the pressure from others now that DS is beginning the 'terrible twos' :crying:

I can no longer leave the house because I am too worried about what others will say / do.

On the last 3 occassions of grocery shopping / trying to organize my wedding, he has decided that he will either turn really stiff to not get in the pram or go limp so I can't pick him up. If I try to get stern with him, everyone stares at me. If I try to wait for him to get up or pick my battles, I get comments like "oh don't let him control you" etc.

No matter what I do I can't win so I figure I'll just have to be a bad parent at home where no one else can make judgements.

:hissy:

ThomasMum

14-01-2008, 10:09

I can no longer leave the house because I am too worried about what others will say / do.

Hey don't worry about that my friend. If you did, you will never enjoy the joy of parenthood!

We just ignore those "unwanted" advices. Our family is our business! :bee:

SimplyMum

15-01-2008, 11:53

Definately.

I feel that I have to have the same standard as a coupled family. So I have to reach twice as high as I'm a single parent to reach that bench mark.
I feel like I am being judged because I'm a single parent. I'm probably not and it's probably all my thinking but my own insecurities make me feel pressured!
I don't know if I'm explaining myself real well. I hope you can gather from that what I mean!

forbetoel

15-01-2008, 12:08

No matter what I do I can't win so I figure I'll just have to be a bad parent at home where no one else can make judgements.

:hissy:

Oh sweety don't worry, if there is one thing I know, it is that only the bad parents bother judging people, to help make themselves not feel so bad. Go out with your misbehaving toddler and feel proud knowing that the only people that are judging you are the ones that do it to provide a bit of comfort for their own insecurities. You sweety are doing a great job. :thumbsup:

Natsmummy

15-01-2008, 20:12

I don't feel that I pressure myself to be the perfect parent - I simply want my son to be happy and well adjusted - but I have experienced pressure from other parents at times. This "competitive parenting" that some mothers engage in caused me to give up playgroup last year after I received comments about the fact that he often had cheese with his lunch ("don't you know how high in salt cheese is?"), raised my voice to him on one ocassion ("I never shout at my child"), about the type of sippy cup he was using ("my son has moved on to something far more advanced") and many more similar comments. The final straw was when he was throwing a tantrum and one of the other mothers said right in front of me "thank god that's not my child".

Benji

15-01-2008, 20:14

Hey don't worry about that my friend. If you did, you will never enjoy the joy of parenthood!

We just ignore those "unwanted" advices. Our family is our business! :bee:

Thanks vrede :) very kind of you.

Benji

15-01-2008, 20:15

Oh sweety don't worry, if there is one thing I know, it is that only the bad parents bother judging people, to help make themselves not feel so bad. Go out with your misbehaving toddler and feel proud knowing that the only people that are judging you are the ones that do it to provide a bit of comfort for their own insecurities. You sweety are doing a great job. :thumbsup:

Ahh good advice! I never thought of it like that.

Thanks :)

mischief79

16-01-2008, 16:59

melissanjosh07

07-02-2008, 09:32

I feel way to much pressure to be the perfect parent, as a young mum (17 when i had him) i have always felt people look down on me, especially with all the hype about plasma tvs and the baby bonus (no i dont have one!! :p)

I pushed myself too hard last year to try and prove that i was a perfect parent, i provided everything that my son needed, studied at uni all at the risk of my health and me and my sons bonding. '

He is now 16 months and over my holiday break i have bonded with him now more then ever before and im hoping it will stay like this once i start uni.

The pressures are huge been a parent especially when you feel like people and critising you, i didnt realise i cared what these people thought until a couple of breakdowns later.

WizzFizz

07-02-2008, 09:43

Definetly. I'm also a young mum, and sometimes get treated like I dont know what I am doing.

But I was talking to my girlfriend the other day, and we both agree that we are so over feeling guilty about how we parent, and trying to justify everything. I just do my best, and that's all I can do. As a result, I have 2 happy little vegemites so I must be doing something right!

mastermum12345

17-02-2008, 12:06

No ! :)

mummy2james

21-03-2008, 13:15

Benji

21-03-2008, 13:37

Jaileth

21-03-2008, 14:03

I absolutely feel like I need to be the perfect parent. I always imagined that I'd be one of those 'magazine mums' with the perfect house, gourmet dinners every night, coffee with the girls all the time and a baby who is perfect and always dressed immaculately and me looking like I stepped out of a salon. Boy, was I ever living in a fantasy land!! When I leave the house I barely brush my hair, it's just chuck it back in a pony tail.
:iagree: That was me.

It didn't help that I thought that I would be bringing home this wonderful, quiet cuddly bundle who you could put down and leave to sleep for 4 hours at a minimum. :laughing:

By the time I figured out that I had it all wrong, I couldn't really tell you my name cause I was so tired.

Now, I don't feel quite as pressured. But when we're out, I get worried about what people are thinking despite the fact that he's usually really good when we're out. I also am a bit paranoid about what the neighbours think cause to get ds's attention, I clap twice. It's just something that gets his attention (which is hard to do :P), but I worry that it sounds like I'm smacking him.

The way I think about most things now though is that some one, some where will disagree with what you are doing - weather you are doing the right thing (for you and your child) or not.

lukaelmo

22-03-2008, 18:54

Nah... I have a great family and the boys' dad who constantly tell me what a good job I am doing. I am happy with myself as a mum, I know of course I am not perfect and am learning all the time, but I have lovely happy boys, so I can't be doing too badly :D.

tootsy

02-04-2008, 21:06

i have thought i wonder what others think of me at times, its normal. but to be perfectly outright honest, i wonder more on what my own son thinks of me, everyday i do right by him and teach him, love him, accept him and care for him everyday and that is all that matters to me. when i see my young 2yo boy show me love and do small things for me, i know that i have been the perfect parent for him....... and in my world thats all that matters. :D

i dont like competative, judgemental mothers i think acting like that is a pure waste of time... and its sad to see this world brainwash parents to be 'picture pefect'.

forbetoel

02-04-2008, 22:47

:crying: Yes. Lately I do.

To be honest, this is going to sound sooooooo arrogant, I used to feel like I was the best mother Brayden could have - the 2 of us were inseparable, I fed him healthy organic food, breastfed him, cuddled him all the time, played with him all day, we just had a really good bond.

Now, I feel like I am constantly frustrated and run down. I guess that's what happens after 2 yrs without even 5 minutes alone. ExDP has never looked after him on his own, nor anyone else :(

I feel like everyone looks at me weirdly and I feel as if they know how I feel and that they know that in the back of my mind I just want a few alone days, which is typically frowned upon for a mother.

Your post made me sad.:hugs:

I don't think that it is frowned apon to want a few days rest at all. You have done pretty mcuh all the work for the last couple of years, I would think it normal to want a little bit of break. Don't be so hard on yourself, you still do have a great relationship with Ds, you just need to freshen up a bit, have a small break.

:hugs::hugs::hugs:

boysandme

03-04-2008, 13:12

Not really pressure to be the Perfect Parent. More like pressure (self-inflicted) to get the right balance between being a great wife, great mother, great daughter, great friend and being good to myself along the way. It such a cycle with one thing impacting the next and it seems to be an ongoing rollercoaster of ups and downs trying to get it right.

mum2bubba

22-06-2008, 11:42

I think in general we are judged as mothers and as humans but for me I try to just be a good mother to my kids and know that I am not perfect, I have made mistakes and probably will make more but my girls are loved and cared for and they have all the basics they need.

Mamalicious

22-06-2008, 11:56

I put pressure on myself to be better than my own parents.

I put pressure on myself to get us to a certain place in life, because I always had a dream of the white picket fence and the 4x4 and the big house and the kids going to school and getting good grades...

Now it would be a Prius instead of a 4x4 though :p and the house would be bigger and flasher and have a big high wall instead of a little fence..but ya know.

Because I wont have any of that if I don't put pressure on myself to get an education, why would my kids bother with school when their Mum hardly ever went, and was taken off the roll in year 10??

So there is the pressure I put on myself...but it's a good pressure, it has a purpose, to keep my children safe and ensure our futures. :)

milla

23-06-2008, 14:15

I think we all tend to take the job a bit too seriously these days. It's an important job but relax a bit with it. I have a two year old son and I'm not perfect. I let him outside to play and he gets filthy, he messes the house, he has temper tantrums but 'oh well'! I'm raising him the way I was raised. A few lollies don't hurt, a bit of dirt is good for him, he plays a bit rough and I'll give him a small smack occassionally. Overall though, we laugh alot, we play alot, he has good manners and is healthy.
as for the house, and 4x4, we rent and we own a 1996 commodore. They are just material- he will most appreciate looking back on a happy childhood.

Ralli

23-06-2008, 15:11

Pressure....yes yes Pressure....i know the feeling.
My son has spent the last year living with his father, and now has moved back in with me. When he was younger and his father and i were together, It was DS and me, that was it, his father was never around, then there was a year of not being together and now it is back in the thick of it. Sounds bad I konw :no::( but i am under pressure, with the behaviour he is experiencing, I feel embarressed and pressured to be better for him. I try everything with nothing working.....aaaaaaaaaahhhhhh~~~ :crying::crying::dizzy:

sockpuppette

23-06-2008, 17:50

The pressure is overbearing. In a time and age when everything should be much easier - it has proven to be much harder.

Simply because everyone has an expectation of what they think others should be doing with their children because of the way they were taught and what seems most appropriate.

I didn't think it would be so hard... but regretfully it is :(

Cupcake

23-06-2008, 17:55

I can honestly say I feel no pressure :no: ignorance is bliss I guess :D
I do the job I do, she is happy & the love in this house is HUGE :goodvibes: she seems well adjusted & thriving the way a little girl should SO all is good here :)

bettyzealous

05-07-2008, 20:41

I think we feel a huge amount of pressure either way we go. As mothers, as wives, as workers... the whole gambit... and being a young mother is not going to be much different I imagine, pressure from both family sides, conflicts of interest with in laws... The way I see it, you can't past the old adage "You can't please everyone all the time". As long as my child and I are healthy and happy, whose business is it how we get there?

Chunkydunks

05-07-2008, 21:04

Everyone has their own apoinion on what is right and wrong. When in reality nothing is right or wrong just different. It puts a lot of pressure on everyone.

Wilhelmina

16-07-2008, 14:25

Society places a huge burden on mothers of today. Always something to do and places we should be 'seen' at. Playgroups, swimming lessons, gym classes - all this and our children still play in the dirt and would rather climb trees. Time to slow down I say, and be happy with what we have in the home. Our kids will thanks us for it. Sure, it may take awhile - like 30 years. Why work? if we are only paying petrol, childcare, brought lunches, girl night out, gifts for every birthday in the work place and the all important - work clothes. Stay home and save money - It would be interesting to have a survey on the costs of working and the savings by staying home?

Bluemist

26-07-2008, 08:04

I do feel pressure- but it's all self inflicted :laughing: I'm not concerned about what other people think, but I do have high expectations of myself generally.
I'm not really sure what the "perfect parent" actually is to be honest.
I just try and do MY best, iykwim??

Iammum

12-08-2008, 13:54

I think that the pressure we feel is actually be be the same sort of mother as our friends/others. i.e. you are judged on whether you bottle/breast feed, cloth/disposable. If we all just stopped judging one another everyone would be much happier!

jennigurl

09-10-2008, 17:23

No, I don't. I just do the best I know how, and have fun with DS. I follow my instincts and couldn't give a monkeys uncle what anyone thinks. Life is too short to compare my life to anyone else's.

I have never compared myself to anyone else where parenting is concerned, but i find i put pressure on myself to be the best parent i can be. I guess i have been like this my whole life with every task i have undertaken, and considering this is the most important thing i will ever do i dont think i could be any different.

In one respect though, it has put alot of other things in my life into context. I used to beat myself up about not being perfect at work and study, now at least this is worth striving for perfection, or at least being the best i can be. I love being a mum and cant imagine how people could ever take that for granted.

That being said though, i believe all loving, caring, considerate mums deserve a medal!!

Jen :flowerz:

bronnie1211

10-10-2008, 11:58

I feel a bit of pressure but that is mostly because i want my kids to have the best chance possible. I do get alot of help from DP. he works nights so he is home during the day.

Emmz

26-11-2008, 10:25

Shmeegle

27-11-2008, 11:27

Right from the day I conceived I have compared myself to my DP's ex wife. She only put on 3 kg when pregnant, is now slim after child, had a quick, drug free birth and BF with no problems for 2 years.

I put on 13 kg, had an epi then a c-section and cannot make enough milk (I think partially due to pressure I am placing on myself and bub to BF) so I feel like a failure often, although DP assures me I am not, I can't help doing it
:hugs: for you. Who says that giving birth a certain way or feeding your baby a certain way makes you a better person or mother? We have to stop thinking about things in such a black and white way. We just end up hurting ourselves!
For me I struggle with perfectionism and because I see raising my daughter as a huge responsibility, yeah, I do feel pressure. But I try not to beat myself up too much about things that don't work out (ie: bf-ing)
If I am miserable or stressed then what kind of environment is that for her??

krystallxx

27-11-2008, 16:54

i said yes, because im 17 and this was very unexpected and everybody said having twins this young was a bad idea blah blah blah. And now its like im constantly under survalance (SP?), and people are just waiting for me to slip up and make bad mistakes just so they can all say 'told ya soo!!'

haha rant over !!

xx krystal:wave:

Pax

27-11-2008, 17:33

Nope no pressure put on me by me...

I know i am not perfect.. everyone else needs to live with that.. :p

NibbleCurlynBub

27-11-2008, 17:39

No, I actually feel a bit of pressure to be a 'mainstream' parent though.

guilty8spirit

19-01-2009, 23:40

Yes - I feel pressure to get everything perfect for my child and my life.

Happy2be3

20-01-2009, 10:19

No i dont feel pressure to be a perfect parent.... i agree with what someone else said about having to "fit in" with mainstream parenting.. but thank goodness :goodvibes: :hugs:Attachment/natural parenting seems to be making a HUGE comeback and most mothers i know are also attachment parents, rather than the old style strict way of parenting:)

mum1986

20-01-2009, 10:49

l didn't until i became a single mum and started working. now i'm working 30 hours a week just trying to keep things going and i keep getting told i have to do more and be more for my kids now because i'm not around 24/7.

cookiemoster

20-01-2009, 21:27

There is pressure there but do I feel? Nope im wearing a suit of amor and as much as they try they can not get to me. It dosent affect me for I know that Im not the perfect parent. I'v accpted it and in a way inbraced it and I know that im feeling zero pressure from those who count.

Ffrenchknickers

20-01-2009, 21:30

No, I actually feel a bit of pressure to be a 'mainstream' parent though.

:yes: Me too!

Actually I put pressure on myself to be the perfect parent and am constantly letting myself down...:rolleyes:

yummymummyto3

22-01-2009, 18:05

i agree, i feel more pressure to make sure im parenting, teaching and disciplining like everyone else.:hair:

Lisa0011

24-01-2009, 20:29

Every Parents have that pressure but we should know how to overcome that pressure.

Lisa0011

sprite

26-01-2009, 21:06

Zana

10-03-2009, 17:52

I think I put pressure on myself.

Being a parent is the most rewarding job in the world but its not easy and there are no for sure guidelines, just lots of different theories and opinions. I often wonder if I am doing enough or taking the right approach and sometimes it seems like I am the only one who feels unsure. Everyone else is an expert.

MrsD77

13-03-2009, 07:58

YES!!! :yes: :yes:

I constantly second guess everything I do and compare myself to others.

lovelymummy

04-04-2009, 14:45

I don't feel pressure to be a perfect parent, but I certainly feel pressure to be an income earner!

Missbella

22-04-2009, 16:33

I do feel pressures to be a perfect parent, I didn't have the best parents and I strive to be everything they weren't. I also feel the pressure to work to support my DS, also at the same time, I want to be home to look after him. >.<

A Party of Five

28-04-2009, 11:02

No not any more :)

love2190

19-04-2010, 02:44

Ofcourse i feel the pressure to be the Perfect Parent. It is sometimes external presure also and many time it is moral/ self pressure to be ideal parents. It is very tough task.

erinrose

19-04-2010, 05:25

DEFINITELY!!! I am a qaulified child care worker, & not only do i feel pressure from everyone else, but I think I put alot of preesure on myslef too asI know what is right & best for my child., & I feel guilty when I do something not so right!! I got to work & all the children listen & cooperate (most of the time) yet how come my daughter is the full on one who doesnt want to listen to me??!! I have brought her uop to be independant & confident, but OMG! I often wonder what Ive done wrong!! She is now 9 yrs old & no 2 is on the way at last, I wonder if things will be any different this time round?? The sill y things is, deep down I know Im a good mum & there are many not so good mums ou there, yet their children are perfect! I too dream of being a stay at home mum, but on my husbands wage, we could only afford the mortgage, plus bills OR food etc, not everything! So I am forced to go work... I often think it would be easier if was a SAHM, so my daughter had 100% consistency form having the one carer (me) all the time... but I wonder...

cuddlepot

10-05-2010, 12:28

I voted no. I don't feel the pressure to be the perfect parent as such but I do get made to feel guilty/stupid if my parenting skills/ideas differ with those of another mum. I cop most of that from my own mother who was less than perfect when I was growing up. Makes me really angry sometimes but most of the time I try not to let it get to me.

QueenFire

11-07-2010, 02:15

I do as I have my inlaws on my back all the time and if the house or boys are not perfect then I cop it my oldest has only just started seriously toilet training and he is 3.5 yr's old and in my MIL's mind is my fault that he would hit kick and scream if I put him on the toilet before. I also find I get weird looks when he chucks a tantrum in the shops from other parents but I soon learnt how to deal with em simply, but yes there is that pressure in my life as my inlaws are perfectionists and expects everyone to be like them

motheroffour

23-08-2010, 13:40

i dont feel pressured to be the perfect parent-as has already been said there is no such thing.
Someone has posted earlier that we should stay at home and see how much money we save by doing that. I would love to be a SAHM but i dont know if anyone has noticed the cost of housing it is ridiculous-no one on an average wage can make those repayments on just 1 wage. DP and i were told point blank that I have to go back to work or the bank would not loan the amount needed to buy a house. We are not looking for housed in fancy area either just logan and anyone from qld would know this is a low socio/economic area. Dreading it but reality is both parents generally have to work nowadays and this is just to make mortgage repayment and put food on table and petrol in car not to have a fancy lifestyle.:(
dp and I are so lucky to have our house and we payed so little for it but I was working and we still only just got the loan, now that I am not at work and dp had a not so good year financialy when I do the mortgage calculators we would get nothing from the bank.
sorry off topic
I voted no my kids are perfect lol. no seriously if we give into pressure we would be so unhappy so I just do what I can physically and emotionaly, having said that I have said things about a certain person in my family so I strive to be better than her in all ways so as not to be a hypocrit but that is not so hard :D

~CupCakes~

02-10-2010, 20:42

Tweak

02-10-2010, 23:39

No, I really don't

I guess in not the type that takes things too seriously

We have fun together, they are fed good food, sleep well, have a loving family
and when they wake up they always have a smile on their faces and that's all I could ask for
I don't know what perfect is
I know what I don't want to be
and I know I want my babies to be happy

Pinkzy

02-10-2010, 23:43

Yes I feel it...but I often ignore it :)

bumMum

02-10-2010, 23:57

yeah, because I had a baby at the "wrong" time I feel a lot of pressure to prove myself and not make any mistakes. I second guess my own opinion on just about everything, and mostly the hub has been good for support but I think it makes it harder at times to know if you are doing the right thing when you are faced with sooo many options and opinions on just about everything.

AndrewTheEmu

01-11-2010, 20:17

this thread needs more options!

sometimes i feel presure to be a beter mum. (spending more time teaching DD things/trying to turn her into a 'super baby') at the end of the day i put more pressure on myself then anyone else imposes.

I just want the bets for my DD and i think many other parentsd feel the same, (i could always be doing more, etc)

heeeeerekittykitty

01-11-2010, 20:40

I agree more poll options would be great, my answer isn't so clearcut.

Do I feel pressure to be a perfect mum , no I don't . I know in my heart I am doing the absolute best I'm capable of and Its not too bad a job . Ds is loved, nurtured and tended to 24/7 . He's needs always come first , ALWAYS.

However , do I feel pressure to have to LOVE being a mother 24/7 and be the perfect " oh motherhood is wonderful my baby never drives me nuts" mummy ? Hell yes !! I feel immense guilt if I have days that I am really NOT enjoying being a mum . Days where ds is wearing my patience so thin I could cry ( and sometimes do!) , immense guilt when I feel frustrated or god forbid angry at my baby when he won't sleep after hours of me rocking/ patting / pram pushing etc ..... Terrible guilt at that :-(

So That's my pressure , that I feel I have
to always pretend that motherhood Is
always wonderful ( and more often than not
it is) and when I perhaps say oh gee what a horrible day I just couldn't wait for the day to end I always feel the need to justify right after that how much I really do love my precious ds to death .

So that pressure comes from myself and only me, but I feel it is also magnified by alot of mums feeling we must all act like supermums that love our job 24/7 so the bad stuff and shi*y days are never discussed COMPLETELY honestly for fear we are all going to come across as horrible mums .

Oh , and the pressure from others to "make" ds stop night feeding and sleep through , That a whole another rant!!!!

klb65

07-11-2010, 12:11

I certainly have over the years, but find it extra so in the last 3 years trying to fit into that step parent role. If I treat them more as my own as DH and I parent them together (when they are with us), I am judged as evil by their mother (who is abusive to them by the way and e have them 50/50). If I treat them differently I am asked why are you being like that?
The balance line is so fine - I know I am not their mother, nor will I ever be, I am their father's wife, but how to be fair to them without treading on toes is very hard at times and leads to me just keeping my mouth shut on many occasions! How do others manage this?

Mischief

07-11-2010, 13:20

Yes, the pressure is there all the time.

Its all self inflicted though, really! Because I only feel the pressure from others, from the media, from family, and from friends, because I allow it to be felt.

But yes... sometimes my head and heart feel ready to explode from it all!

Leisa21

07-11-2010, 13:26

I feel pressure from myself. Everyone else tells me to relax I'm doing great but I feel like I should be better all the time.

Every day I challenge and pressure myself to do better. It can be overwhelming but it's my job so it wouldn't matter where I was working I would be pressuring myself to do better. It's just more pressure because my son is a person not just a job.

gonin

09-11-2010, 13:46

Yes, I feel the pressure to be the prefect parent, perfect wife and to be a career woman as well. I guess most of us do, thanks to all our options these days, but I also think I'm like previous posters in that the worst pressure I feel is what I put on myself.

smog

09-11-2010, 14:08

well i am perfect already :cool::p:D

seriously though i feel pressure to be the perfect woman moreso. which includes being the perfect parent i guess. i feel like im expected to be the perfect mother , have a perfect career, be the perfect wife, and family member and friend, have the perfect body, keep a perfect house and cook perfect meals. so so many things

meh im not perfect at any of them:cool:

BabelFish

09-11-2010, 14:17

Nope. I'm a great Mum, and I am constantly learning and growing but that is fun for me, so no pressure here.

That's not to say it doesn't exist in spades though. It's just that I don't feel it because I am confident in my parenting and I'm lucky enough to have the support around me to reinforce that.

I'm fully aware of how fortunate I am to feel this way.