Inlaws

[Brooksy]

Hi there,

I need to vent about my inlaws. I do like them and get along with them but they come down to see us too much. Its neally everyweek for the past two months that they have come down to see us. They live 45minutes away .

Rhiannon is 6weeks old this week and i know they are excited about having another grandchild, the first month they were down everysecond day, I didn't mind as i was still getting over a c/section and then i got an infection so MIL helped a little bit around the house which i appreciate so much.

But now that I am over everything, and can drive i don't need any help as bub is really good and im getting everything done around the house. How do i say that enough is enough and we need sometime as a family just the three of us. Dh doesn't say anything he goes along with everything his dad says. It worrse when they come down during the week as dh is at work and they tell me the same thing and ask the same questions.

Do i say nothing and just put up with it? At least i don't have this problem with my mum & dad they always ring first and mum asks if she is interfering or coming around too much.

thanks for listening.

[the_queen]

Hi Brooksy!
You poor thing, what a tricky situation to be in. My first thought was "you need to talk to them, ask them to give you some space, give them some 'visiting hours' when they can visit, but outside that they need to leave you alone" but hey, that's easier said than done...!! It's hard to address this kind of issue without upsetting the grandparents, who will probably try some kind of emotional argument like "we just want to see our grandchild" etc.

So, here is what I would do (I'm a bit of a wimp when it comes to confrontation;) ) I would have the pram/sling and baby bag all set up ready to go by the front door at all times. When you hear them pull up in the driveway, or when they knock at the front door, just make it seem like you're just about to head out the door yourself. If they offer to drive you somewhere, tell them you're just going for a nice walk with bubby, to get some fresh air and exercise. Or say you've got an appointment to get to, or you're meeting an old friend for coffee, or you're trying out a new mummy's group. If they say "oh but we've come all this way just to see you both!" just shrug and say "perhaps if you call first, then I can make sure we're going to be home!" of course with a big smile on your face.


And perhaps if you have a heart-to-heart with your partner, to let him know you're feeling smothered by them, then he can have a quiet word with them. He should really be the one to be setting boundaries with his own parents.


Good luck matey!! :)

[Stretchmark Diva]

So are they just rocking up to your house without ringing you first to see if it is convenient? If they are, then I'd do as the PP suggested, and have "plans" and say "I'm sorry that you drove here for nothing. Next time call me first to arrange a time, as we are very busy." Do not let them in. They will soon get the message!

As I understand it, you really like your IL's, it is just that they are coming over too frequently and if something isn't said to them soon (by you or DH) then you are going to start getting so cranky with them that you are likely to blow up and say something you'll regret.

If DH isn't going to say it, you will have to. Let them nicely know that weekly visits aren't working for you now that you are back on your feet and busy. Let them know you enjoy their company and love seeing them, but the weekly visit is too much. Give them a time frame you feel comfortable with.

They won't know unless someone tells them, and hopefully you can tell them in a nice way that doesn't offend them.

Good luck!:D

[JATS]

Since you can drive you could try getting out of the house! Just a month or so of finding you're out every day would put a stop to them arriving un-announced everyday!!!

Dosen't matter where, visit friends/family, go to the park when they'd normaly visit you.

I mean you could even keep a nappy bag on standby and when they arrive "sorry we're just rushing out, can't stay"!!!

Good Luck!

Amy

[our little treasures]

Tell them, you and DH need quality time gettin to know the baby!:)

[Mumma_al]

I had the same Problem with my parents. They live two hours away and would come down every weekend for the whole weekend. But wouldnt help with the baby they'd just sit there and expect me to run around after them and the baby. I'd ring them durring the week and quietly mention that we were going out over the weekend and had a lot of rushing around to do. the eventually got the hint.