View Full Version : young mummy feeling older than her years
mayzie82
25-08-2007, 01:52
...
I am another young-ish mum - 25 - with a bubba and working part-time.
I do struggle at times to relate to the SAHM's - as it's just not my thing...different pressures, different priorities....
And the majority of my friends are older than me (early - mid 30's) - which is great as we do all get along great, but they are at times, in different places with their lives (e.g. ready to buy property or whatever - whereas DH and I are happy to just rent and 'live' for a while).
Happy to chat - we also live quite close to each other... I am in Ringwood East.
erinjacob
26-08-2007, 23:03
im nearly 21 i have 3 kids under 3 an pregnant again an i feel like im 40. im the oppesite though i struggle to see y people would want to work i wouldnt hav it any other way i chose to be a mum an thats what im doin other wise i would hav stayed at work. but latly i can see y people work i think im goin crazy haha
different stages like buying the house etc ill do it one day but i too am happy renting and the ones around my age are still out partying which i was over when i was 18 hehe
This is exactly the same! So many of the girls I went to school with and stuff are still out partying every weekend - they don't understand why I am not interested! I would rather open a bottle of wine after DD has gone to bed and surf foxtel!
I can definitely relate although I am slightly different. I am a SAHM but I don't really relate to other SAHM because I am only 24 and yes they are all doing the mortgage, investments, school aged kids type things.
I go to a playgroup where I am the youngest Mum. I love the womens company and I have a blast. The other day one of the other Mums jokingly said, "Oh you look bored, must be used to young people conversations!" The truth is I don't actually know any "young" people. I lost contact with most of my school friends as I don't party anymore. I have been out maybe 5 times in the last 4 years.
It definitely is a bit confusing this world of Mums, some working, some not, some young, some old.
Where do any of us fit in?
Who bloody knows!! lmao
haydens#1mum
05-11-2007, 08:31
Hi :wave: I am 26 and until march this year a working mum and loved it, then i was fired, and havent worked since, i dont think i am any happier now than when i was working maybe less so, because i miss that social interaction with other adults having only a 3 year old and 3 month old for conversation. I hardly see any of my firends ffom my work any more and havent seen people i went to school with since i finished.
it gets abit lonely sometimes, when people you thought were your friends, just sort of stop calling or talking to you though! :)
amandariley
12-11-2007, 20:39
Hello all,
I sympathise. I am also a SAHM, I took maternity leave, then when i asked to begin working, they gave me a job totally different from what I was doing, and said that in the agreement, they have to provide me with A job, but not THE job i left, so now i'm unemployed, but loving being with bubby.
I too feel old, but young. I'm 24, have 2 uni degrees under my belt, + I have been in the work force full time and have financial pressures, which a lot of young mums don't have. I feel awful going to groups where the 24 year olds have 2-3 kids, never finished high school and have nothing but their children to worry about. It's like we're on 2 planets, them on one and me on another.
The older women treat you like a doll bludger, and the young women treat you like an alien. What are you meant to do, just hide away from it all?
I still don't know where i am going in life, but
i know i have lived and my son is going to benefit from having a mother who has done something with her life and can pass on her experiences to him. I also feel being educated, that will encourage him to keep at his school work (in about 4-5 years!!)
Feel good just giving my two cents worth!
Amanda and baby Riley
SimplyMum
20-11-2007, 11:59
Hello all.
I can definately relate to the op. I am only in contact with 2 people my age. My bestie who has 2 kids and a friend from school who has 1 child.
I don't get along with people my own age either. It's weird. I have actually always felt like this. In school I thought there was something wrong with me because I just wasn't interested in the same things that everyone else was interested in. I tried to fit in but didn't.
Than, in an attempt to be liked and accepted by my peers I did something that I regret every day in my last years of high school. This caused me to lose all the people that I went to school with. But in reality, they probably weren't nice people anyway- they excluded me from their group and made me feel like there was something wrong with me.
Now, I don't get along with people my own age either. I more so get along with people older than me but more oftern than not I'm disregarded by older Mum's because I'm young. I understand where there coming from but it still hurts.
I study, work and am a single parent so I have to try and be Mum and Dad. The pressures sometimes are unbearable with each and every aspect of being a student, an employee and a parent. I find it's really hard. I can never solely think about just me.
Trying to advance my career and go for jobs in my feild. But it's not just a matter of finding the best accoutning firm- I've got to take into consideration taking the full brunt of the bills, are the hours ok, the location.
It's just never-ending.
But we get through it, don't we- we always do.
3princes
20-11-2007, 12:51
I totally get you.... was in the spot for quite a few years being a young single mum, working, studying etc
I wish bubhub was around when i was a teenage mum, as most people just think the worst... they didn't know i was at Uni trying to do the best for my little man... i guess thats their loss! Much easier now when my friends are having children :)
Now a married SAHM.. due to relocating interstate... i love my boys and i love working... it gets me out of the house, adult conversations etc... going a bit crazy atm.
My boys helped me to be the person i am today
2Bmumof2
22-11-2007, 11:14
Hey girls,
I understand where heaps of you are coming from... I've just turned 20... still young but i had my DD at 16. Took a year off from school and went back the next year. At the time I was a single mum living on my own going to school had to do the daycare drop off thing everyday... the school thing itself wasnt hard but putting up with the attitudes and should i say 'lack' of maturity was frustrating... I felt like telling them to grow up but then you think that If i hadnt had a baby to look after then i'd be just like them.. its funny what you have to become when you have kids... i'm currently a SAHM and due to have #2 in march... my mum's boss is selling her his company so in a few weeks i'll be going to work with her... up until and after the baby. she said that i can take the kids to work with me. So i'll be looking after our house, our two kids,a part time job and part time study... so no breaks for me... I really want to get a degree and having it all this way saves money on childcare and allows me to have the kids close. DD#1 will be starting prep in '09' so that will be something to add into the routine but gives me more time during the day.
I dont ever get the chance to go 'out out' but when i do i get there and want to go home... sounds weird but i never got the chance to go out and now that i can i'm not used to it... so i dont like it...
I have one friend who has no kids, she just finished her degree in nursing so when i'm feeling down or tired or anxious she thinks she knows it all and tried to give me advice and stuff... i feel like saying just give it a rest because no matter what the books tell you, you'll have no idea what its actually about until you experience it.. but i dont say anything cause i know that she means well...
So i either relate fairly well with older mums and others just look down on me and think that i know nothing even if my DD is quite older then their only child.
Anyhoo sorry for babbling... i get a bit carried away and a bit frustrated... it might just be those pregnancy hormones racing around...
Hope your all having a good day..
Tamika
nayasmum
22-11-2007, 11:31
im nearly 21 i have 3 kids under 3 an pregnant again an i feel like im 40. im the oppesite though i struggle to see y people would want to work i wouldnt hav it any other way i chose to be a mum an thats what im doin other wise i would hav stayed at work. but latly i can see y people work i think im goin crazy haha
I totally agree with u :thumbsup: why have kids if your going to ship them off to daycare while you work? i honestly think its a bit selfish (my own opinion) of course its hard raising a child, its not meant to be easy thats why its such a huge responsibility!
2Bmumof2
22-11-2007, 16:02
I totally agree with u :thumbsup: why have kids if your going to ship them off to daycare while you work? i honestly think its a bit selfish (my own opinion) of course its hard raising a child, its not meant to be easy thats why its such a huge responsibility!
(THIS IS MY OPINION) I'm sorry but i honestly dont agree... I have been on both sides. Working/Studying Full Time and being a SAHM and just because you decide to become a mum doesnt mean that, thats all you can do to be a great parent. Nothing about being a parent and working is selfish. IF being a SAHM is what you like to do and its something that your lucky enough to do (financially) thats great but nothing is selfish. (unless of course what your doing isnt putting your kids first eg: putting your own needs first) I honestly dont think that as a parent you should be their sole source of entertainment. Children need kids their own age and the equipment available to allow them to build physical and emotional skills that cant be taught through their parents. (imagination through solitary play/role playing, socially ect..) Daycare is a fantastic way for your child to grow as a person, building relationships, between themselves and other children ( having consistency between a group or single friends or even be able to approach children they have never met and still develop a kind of friendship) as well as between carers. (Trust, security, ect ) and i wont forget the building of their immune system. :) kids have an absolute ball and parents can feel comfortable that their children are in the best hands while they are away.
As for parents working, kids dont turn around and say 'thanks for putting your life on hold for me, i'm going to go have my own life now.' in most cases parents work because they have to! just because you have to doesnt mean you should miss out on the joys that being a parent brings. And others enjoy working.. purely to keep their sanity and/or simply for a feeling of accomplishment and fullfilment.
having children in such an environment the parent teaches the child, trust, security, consistency and when the child is a little older to understand it can build on the childs attitudes, values and pure life skills and can show the child that when they become independant they are able to accomplish anything and have a slice of everything. If that is something that they want.
Long story short... If you enjoy being a SAHM thats great, if you enjoy working thats great too. there are great benifits to both sides. you choose whats right for you but you should never put it down to working parents are being selfish. It may offend some people.
I'm not trying to cause any tension here but there are reasons for doing everything and 'selfish' should never come into anything.
SimplyMum
23-11-2007, 07:55
(THIS IS MY OPINION) I'm sorry but i honestly dont agree... I have been on both sides. Working/Studying Full Time and being a SAHM and just because you decide to become a mum doesnt mean that, thats all you can do to be a great parent. Nothing about being a parent and working is selfish. IF being a SAHM is what you like to do and its something that your lucky enough to do (financially) thats great but nothing is selfish. (unless of course what your doing isnt putting your kids first eg: putting your own needs first) I honestly dont think that as a parent you should be their sole source of entertainment. Children need kids their own age and the equipment available to allow them to build physical and emotional skills that cant be taught through their parents. (imagination through solitary play/role playing, socially ect..) Daycare is a fantastic way for your child to grow as a person, building relationships, between themselves and other children ( having consistency between a group or single friends or even be able to approach children they have never met and still develop a kind of friendship) as well as between carers. (Trust, security, ect ) and i wont forget the building of their immune system. :) kids have an absolute ball and parents can feel comfortable that their children are in the best hands while they are away.
As for parents working, kids dont turn around and say 'thanks for putting your life on hold for me, i'm going to go have my own life now.' in most cases parents work because they have to! just because you have to doesnt mean you should miss out on the joys that being a parent brings. And others enjoy working.. purely to keep their sanity and/or simply for a feeling of accomplishment and fullfilment.
having children in such an environment the parent teaches the child, trust, security, consistency and when the child is a little older to understand it can build on the childs attitudes, values and pure life skills and can show the child that when they become independant they are able to accomplish anything and have a slice of everything. If that is something that they want.
Long story short... If you enjoy being a SAHM thats great, if you enjoy working thats great too. there are great benifits to both sides. you choose whats right for you but you should never put it down to working parents are being selfish. It may offend some people.
I'm not trying to cause any tension here but there are reasons for doing everything and 'selfish' should never come into anything.
:iagree:
And I was a little offended. I don't class my self as selfish. Hell, I would LOVE to be at home cooking cookies with DS and playing with Do-do (play-doh) but I can't. If I want my son to be able to grow up outside of a community where drugs passing hands is common than I have to work. If I want my son to be able to enojoy a 'sane' mummy, than I have to have time apart otherwise I'd be yelling constantly, screaming 'don't touch that...put that down etc'.
Working/studying/being a single parent is extreamly difficult but doesn't come without it's advantages.
And as far as I'm concerned, seeing as I have been a SAHM- same goes. It's extreamly difficult to be stuck at home with a toddler that likes to excercise his right to independance 24/7 but it doesn't come without it's advantages.
IMO both are admirable ways of being up a child and one SHOULD NOT be made to feel they are not doing the best by their child/ren.
:yelclap:
I'm putting my hand up as a 20 something mum!!
I am actually 25, married and have two mostly adorable children who are 7 and 18mths(big age gap I know-& wanting atleast one more in the next year or so)
I have the starting of grey hair-(anyone gonna join me for that?)
I find it hard because I dont work or study at the moment to get out and meet people so have only one good friend who lives near by.
So i would like to join in more here. I tend to read the boards but not so much chat.
:ecomcity:
mitty
2Bmumof2
18-12-2007, 18:27
hey there mitty, good to hear from you, i'm abit the same... waiting for #2 to arrive in 12 weeks and the only friend i really have is travelling overseas atm and wont be back for another month... so i feel like i'm going out of my mind with bordem... :|
so i'm always up for a chat... :)
Im 21 just had my second dd 5weeks ago. i have always been mature for my age and hang out with older people. People in their 30's with kids not much younger than me. I have nearly been married for a year( next week) to my husband who is 32!!! But lately i have been wanting to act like a 21 yr old. I'm a tad sick of being susie home maker staring at 4 walls all day and wanna go out for the night, that and sometimes like today my dh acts like someone my age. The things that hold me back are my 2 dd and i dont wanna go off the rails i just want a release every now and then.
me 21
dh 32
dd1 18months
dd2 5 weeks
I totally agree with u :thumbsup: why have kids if your going to ship them off to daycare while you work? i honestly think its a bit selfish (my own opinion) of course its hard raising a child, its not meant to be easy thats why its such a huge responsibility!
You know what, I feel guilty every day that my children are in child care. It is the hardest thing that I have had to do as a parent.
I love my children to death and that is the reason why I work full time. In one year, I will have a qualification, which is something I wouldn't have been able to have done if I stayed at home with my kids.
I had my first baby at 18. Life didn't turn out the way I had planned. After I had my second child, my now ex became physically violent towards me and we struggled because he wouldn't work to stop me from leaving the house.
Now I am with a wonderful man that I am getting married to in 5 days, and I have taken on his daughter and had a baby together. with the cost of living these days we can't afford for me to not get back into the work force.
My job is the first REAL job I have ever had. And while my wages are currently all going to child care fees, once I finish the traineeship, I will be qualified to go on and get a decent paying job and have the opportunity to go to Uni, which before, wasn't possible for me.
So yes, I do feel terrible that I am not at home with my kids, but this job opportunity is for them! So that we don't have to stress financially to bring up 4 kids.
And in response to the OP, I have mates at work and with SAHM, and I think it might help that I have been friends with those for years before I started working. I don't have too much trouble relating because I have been there myself not that long ago.
Hello all.
I can definately relate to the op. I am only in contact with 2 people my age. My bestie who has 2 kids and a friend from school who has 1 child.
I don't get along with people my own age either. It's weird. I have actually always felt like this. In school I thought there was something wrong with me because I just wasn't interested in the same things that everyone else was interested in. I tried to fit in but didn't.
Than, in an attempt to be liked and accepted by my peers I did something that I regret every day in my last years of high school. This caused me to lose all the people that I went to school with. But in reality, they probably weren't nice people anyway- they excluded me from their group and made me feel like there was something wrong with me.
Now, I don't get along with people my own age either. I more so get along with people older than me but more oftern than not I'm disregarded by older Mum's because I'm young. I understand where there coming from but it still hurts.
I study, work and am a single parent so I have to try and be Mum and Dad. The pressures sometimes are unbearable with each and every aspect of being a student, an employee and a parent. I find it's really hard. I can never solely think about just me.
Trying to advance my career and go for jobs in my feild. But it's not just a matter of finding the best accoutning firm- I've got to take into consideration taking the full brunt of the bills, are the hours ok, the location.
It's just never-ending.
But we get through it, don't we- we always do.
Hey I am in the same boat too! I'm a single Mum (25) who is working 2.5 days per week and studying full time the other 2.5 days per week. I know no other people my age who have young children and I don't socialise with anyone either! I feel alienated by the older Mums and a bit of an outsider with people my age because no-one has kids. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place lol!
blissfullybonkers
11-03-2008, 17:38
im 23 turning 24 had dd when i was 22.5.
sometimes i feel a bit out of the loop.... none of my friends have kids, except my step sister.
Most of my friends are usually too busy with their lives, work, partying to make much time for us to catch up. its not like im an old bore im still 'me' just a more responsible version i guess.
its quite funny when they do come over cos she is like a novelty and when they get sick of they just plonk her in the high chair :laughing:
i just cant wait til they have kids and mine will be in school etc, they might realise then how i feel now and il be out doing my thing!!:yes: but knowing me il be over there with them nearly everyday!!
My gorgeous boy is 3 months today and I have just recently turned 21. My DH is also 21. We love our little boy to bits and for me the decision to not work again was pretty easy. I enjoyed working but for me I have always felt my soul purpose in life was to have children. I love every second of it. I think its great being a SAHM. That is what keeps me sane. Being able to watch him grow every second is amazing.
I dont think it is fair to ridicule mothers who go to work. Im my honest opinion I dont know how they do. I dont think its wrong, I just couldn't do it myself because a. I couldnt leave my boy and b. how the heck do you guys do it, I commend your energy. Everyones situation is different. We should understand that and not call them selfish. You're damned if you do and dont. As a SAHM your picked on for not having ambition. Puhlease, my ambition is my baby. Also you get told, when do u get a break. I dont see raising a child as a job. Our baby is not the easiest baby but its great. Not a job.
As I said before going to work full time is huge, I was shagged at the end of the day and had a pretty stressful job. Even if I didnt when I came home from work all I wanted was shower, dinner and a cuddle with DH. IF i worked all day and then had a child/children to come home to ahhhh. That is what I call wonderwoman material and hats off to you ladies. I'm a SAHM coz i love it and I personally think its easier that way. So call me selfish if you like because I'm doing it for me!!!!!!! So leave the working mums alone, if they can juggle and keep a happy home great. And if you're a SAHM great, I hope you get as much joy as I do.
Hi there,
I am 25 and i have a 2 month old son. My partner and I have a house, but got ourselves into a fair bit of financial strife before we found out we were pregnant. Just before and during my pregnancy I was working two jobs to keep the bills at bay. My partner was unemployed when we found out about the pregnancy, but then was able to find something, to which he has worked his way up the chain a little to enable us to have some security.
I am currently on Maternity leave, and because i was so reckless with my holidays over the past few years, i had to purchase leave to allow me to stay off work for longer than 12 weeks. We really had not planned to have a child for at least another few years.. but the best things in life tend to work out that way.
I am really lucky, i have a massive support from my family and friends. My closest friends are all quite younger than me, and are all very mature for their ages, they have supported me more than i would have thought, but it was definately hard not being able to do some things with them.
In a month i have to go back to work, i have already started back at my second job for some extra cash. Because of feeding issues, my little boy has been bottle fed for the past month, which makes it easier for his dad to take over, and for my parents to help out where we need them to. We still have no idea what we will do when i go back to my main job. I would do anything not to have to go back, but short of living on my parents couch, it is a necesity.
I'm 24, a SAHM, but I just don't fit the mould very well. I lost a large majority of my friends when I became pregnant, and noone, no friends or family approx my age, has any experience at even holding a new born.
I have been so so alone ever since getting pregnant. I LOVE LOVE LOVE my little man, and would trade in every friend I ever had, just for him.
When attending Antenatal classes, I was the youngest by at least 5 years. I am the youngest in my mothers group, and really the only one looking to have more than one child. I have recently joined a play group, where again, I am one of the youngest. I find it VERY hard to talk to older mums, as they tend to look down on me when they find out my age. I have found, that I am alot more knowledgeable (thanks to sites like this one) when it comes to baby related things, but most of the other mum's don't like the idea of asking.
I am stoked that at this point in time, I dont HAVE to work. I have always been in full time employment, so going from that to SAHM has been a HUGE change, but I am enjoying it. If things change in the future, and I haev to go back to work, then so be it. As long as I am providing my child with everything he needs, including all the love in the world, then I am happy. I really admire you working mum's. I think you should be commended on what you have to do day in, day out. Not saying that SAHM is not a hard job, goodness knows I have found that out the hard way.
ANyway, I am blabbering on. So, HI. Nice to meet you all, and even though I am SAH, I hope I can get to know you all:)
xxoo
I personally think SAHM's have the harder job! When our little man wasnt feeding properly, and was constantly in pain I would have done anything to swap with my partner who was at work most days. At least he got a break away from the screaming, and a full nights sleep.
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